Beauty From Pain
by InfinityStar
Summary: He couldn't let her go through it alone, and he never regretted that decision. The moment they placed the newborn baby in his arms, he lost his heart.
1. Welcome, Maggie

**A/N: I actually wrote this last year and have been waiting to post it, which is often a good thing because it gives me time to think about it. It was initially going to be a oneshot, but I got to thinking that I have never really explored the start of Bobby's relationship with Maggie. And since this one shot was growing to epic proportions, I decided it deserved more. So for everyone who loves Maggie and her relationship with her daddy--this is for you.  
**

* * *

He never looked them in the eye. To do that would be to make a connection, and there was only one woman in the world he wanted to connect with. But she was inaccessible to him and he was doomed to live an unfulfilled life. His body, however, still had its needs and its urges, and he couldn't help his desire to fulfill them. 

The dates he had who pushed for more than he had to give never lasted. The last thing he wanted...the last thing he needed...was pressure to 'fix' his life. They didn't understand that it was broken beyond repair or that he had no real desire to put effort into the impossible. For him, they were a means to an end. They satisfied his body, for a little while. There was nothing they could do for his heart or his soul.

There were a select few women, just a handful, who understood him and never tried to move him past his pain. They knew why he called, knew what he needed, and they willingly met his needs. When he left them, his body was satisfied for a little while, until the next time he gave one of them a call.

He didn't bring them home with him. His apartment was his refuge from the world and no one violated its sanctity. Over time, there were two people, and only two, who came to frequent his inner sanctum. Eames would certainly be welcome but she didn't come by very often. Her marriage had taken her beyond his grasp and her pregnancy had secured that loss. Mike Logan was there frequently, and he was fine with that. He knew what Logan was trying to do, and he appreciated his efforts, futile though they were. He was on a collision course with his own demons, and he lived side by side with a misery of his own making. He'd had a chance to be happy, once. But he'd let that chance slip by and another had swooped in to claim the prize. If she knew he had ever considered her a prize, she would throttle him. So he withdrew from the world at large, turning an outward face that never revealed his pain to others. But Logan knew...and he allowed that. Logan had slowed his downward spiral, but no one could stop it.

The only other person who crossed his threshold on a regular basis was Denise. She was his favorite among his dates and the only one he ever brought to his apartment. Denise understood him about as well as he allowed anyone to. She knew his body, knew what he liked and how to get him to respond to her with physical passion. And she never asked for more than he could give. She was content to accept what passion he had to offer, knowing it was superficial and could never be more. His only regret with her was that he _couldn't_ give her more. But she soothed away his guilt and when he was with her, he exhausted himself, and he slept. She was the only one who ever saw morning in his bed.

* * *

He dozed lightly, as close to content as he ever got these days. Beside him, Denise ran her fingers across the light sheen of sweat on his chest, waiting for his cue that he was ready for her again. After a short while, he stirred and turned toward her. With soft kisses and a gentle touch, he slowly coaxed her back toward arousal...until the phone rang. 

Involved in what he was doing, he was tempted to ignore it, but a niggling voice at the back of his mind refused to let him get away with it. Reluctantly, he rolled away from her and fumbled for the phone as she swallowed a soft groan and let him go. With a heavy sigh, he dropped back against the pillow. Denise knew enough to leave him alone, in case it was a call-out, or his mother. He couldn't quite manage to keep the annoyance from his tone. "Goren."

There was silence on the other end and he frowned. "Hello?"

A small sound almost like a whimper carried across the earpiece, followed by a quiet voice. "I am so sorry...I...Bobby...I hate to bother you..."

He slowly sat up on the edge of the bed, his frown deepening. "Eames?"

"I...Ricky is on a stakeout...and I can't reach Dad or one of my brothers...Jake is sick...and...and...I don't think I can drive to the hospital myself..."

"Hospital?" Panic sent his already overloaded mind into a spiral. "What's wrong?"

Another moment of silence was followed by a tone he knew very well. "Wrong? I'm in labor, Einstein."

"L-Labor?"

"It's the only way this baby is going to find his way out, Bobby."

His brain tripped over itself for a moment as he processed everything she'd just said...she was in labor...the baby was coming...and she...was stranded..._oh, shit...stupid..._ "I, um, I'll be right there, Eames. Just...take it easy...okay?"

She hesitated. "You know...I can call a cab...I shouldn't have bothered you..."

"It's not a bother. You...you should have someone with you. I'm on my way."

He could hear the relief in her voice. "I have time, Bobby. So don't break the sound barrier..."

"I'll be there shortly."

"Okay...and Bobby?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

He hung up the phone and turned to look at the woman in his bed. "Denise...I, uh, I'm sorry..."

She smiled at him and trailed her hand down his arm to his hand. She understood about partners, and she didn't question him. "It's all right, Bobby. Alex needs you. Go on."

She watched him dress in a soft gray shirt and jeans. He returned to the bed, leaning down to give her a soft kiss. "I'll make it up to you."

She laid her hand on the side of his face. "I know you will, baby."

He grinned sadly. He really wished he could give her the love she deserved from him. "You...don't have to go. Just lock up when you leave in the morning."

She gave him another soft smile and a kiss. "Good night, Bobby," she whispered.

He touched her cheek and strolled from the room. His head was swimming as he made his way to his car. Sliding behind the wheel, he started the car, pulled out of the space and floored it.

* * *

When he pulled up in front of her house, she was waiting for him. He got out of the car and trotted around to help her down the stairs, not caring if she could do it herself. She shouldn't have to. He was relieved when she didn't shake off his assistance. 

He helped her into the passenger seat and returned to the driver's side. She was breathing hard, panting, when he slid behind the wheel. "Eames?" he asked, concerned.

"Hospital, Bobby."

When he didn't react, continuing to watch her with worried eyes, she reached her hand out and grasped the front of his shirt in a tight fist. Struggling not to make her voice sound threatening, she repeated, "Hospital!"

"Okay...okay..." He slammed the car into gear and pulled out of the driveway, driving carefully, but fast. She was too preoccupied to object.

* * *

He was pacing the room restlessly as they strapped the baby monitor to her stomach and examined her. No one paid attention to him, thinking he was the baby's father. He knew that was the assumption that was being made, and it was a reasonable assumption, one he thought to correct. But then he thought twice and decided that, since she obviously wanted him there, he would let it slide so he could stay...unless she chose to correct them. 

Once everyone left the room, while they waited for her doctor to arrive, he sat down beside her bed. Leaning over, he caught her eyes. "H-how do you feel?"

"All right. Bobby, thank you so much for bringing me in."

"You're welcome."

"You have to work tomorrow. You don't have to stay."

"You shouldn't go through this alone, Eames. I...can stay. I-I'd like to stay. If Ricky shows up, I'll go."

Eames studied him, unable to explain her reluctance to let him go. She nodded although she knew deep inside Ricky was not going to show up at all. And not for the first time, she found herself thankful for a partner, and a friend, like Goren. Beyond any doubt, she knew she could depend on him.

Eames' obstetrician, Steven Burke, arrived not long after they did. "Hello, Alex. How are you feeling?"

She gave him a brief smile. "I've been better."

He smiled and looked at her partner, not hiding his surprise at seeing him. He had met him the few times he had brought her in for an appointment, and he was impressed by the big man's quiet intelligence. The few questions he had asked were well-thought-out. He held out his hand. "Hello, Detective Goren. I'm surprised to see you here."

Goren shook his hand. "Ricky is on a stakeout, and I didn't think she needed to go through this alone."

"That's very thoughtful." He smiled at Eames. "Let me have a look and see what's going on."

Eames was amused, but touched, when Goren excused himself from the room for the examination. When he returned, Burke was saying. "Looks like we're going to have a baby sometime tonight or early in the morning. I suggest you rest every chance you get tonight." He looked over his shoulder at Goren. "Do you plan to stay for the duration?"

"Yes," he answered without hesitation, further impressing the doctor. The thought of sitting all night at his partner's bedside did not give him a moment's pause.

Burke smiled and nodded. "I'm going to have a busy night, but I'll be around. I won't miss this."

Eames smiled at him. "We'll be ready."

The doctor left and she glanced at Goren, half expecting him to look worried about her use of the pronoun 'we.' But she knew by the look on his face that he hadn't even noticed. He was lost in thought, concerned about the unexpected. She knew there was nothing she could say that would calm his nerves. Experience alone would settle him. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

As morning approached and Eames' labor progressed, Goren got more distressed. He fought to keep it under control, but he hated seeing her in pain. Dawn was breaking and her contractions were getting closer and closer. As the pain escalated, she grabbed onto his hand and leaned into his shoulder, unable to fully suppress the moans and cries that accompanied the pain. 

Ever since Eames had told him she was pregnant, Goren had suffered mixed feelings about the entire ordeal. He hated that she would be on maternity leave again. Even more than that, he struggled with feelings of resentment that this baby would secure her marriage once and for all. Any hope he had once harbored of someday earning her love was gone. And yet, he had been unable to hide his fascination with the entire process, especially after the first trip he'd made with her to the doctor. He still found himself captivated by the sound of the baby's heartbeat over the Doppler instrumentation. And the slurry of emotion that had assaulted him the several times she had suddenly grabbed his hand to place it on her stomach had been eclipsed by a powerful sense of wonder at the movement beneath his hand. Resentment and fascination had battled for dominance within him for months...until that day in the park ten days earlier when she had expressed hope that he would be involved in her baby's life, something that had seriously not occurred to him before. Now, he was uncertain about how he felt, but her pain was swinging him back toward resentment.

Burke perched himself on a stool at the edge of the birthing bed, watching and waiting for the baby's arrival. Eames' was in pain and, by extension, so was her partner, watching her and being unable to do anything to help her. "Okay, Alex, push!" Burke encouraged.

She pushed as hard and as long as she could before falling back toward the bed, only to be overwhelmed by another contraction. Goren's only source of reassurance was the doctor's calm, unconcerned demeanor. When Burke suddenly got busy, his worry escalated until the doctor said, "Keep pushing...you're doing great. Let's get these shoulders out..."

Two more pushes, and Burke was holding a messy little person in his hands who quickly began squealing a loud protest at the loss of the warmth and comfort of life inside Mommy. Eames collapsed against Goren's chest, which he would definitely have noticed except for the fact that he was enchanted by the baby Burke passed over to a nurse right after he said, "Congratulations, Alex. You have a little girl."

Goren's eyes never left the baby as he watched two nurses and another doctor fuss over her in the warming bed by the far wall. He unconsciously held Eames against him as Burke finished up with her, watching as they cleaned up the baby and wrapped her in a pink blanket.

When the nurse brought the baby over, Eames reluctantly pulled away from his broad chest while the nurse settled the newborn bundle in his arms. All he could do was stare at the baby's little face topped with dark hair that curled out from under a pink hat. Eames watched her daughter settle against her partner's chest as she struggled to control her emotions. And when she looked at Goren, she could clearly see all of her own intense emotions reflected in his face. She wasn't sure what to make of him, but she felt reassured as she watched him settle in the chair. And she smiled at him, even if he was paying no attention to her. Almost instantly, it seemed, her big partner had fallen in love with her tiny little daughter. She leaned against his arm to watch the sleeping baby who was nestled against his shirt. He whispered, "Do you...want to hold her?"

She noticed a hesitancy, almost a reluctance in his offer, though he was sincere. He knew his place, or thought he did. "She seems happy," she said softly. "You hold her."

Comfortable and content, as well as being several stages past tired, she fell asleep resting against his arm. He watched the baby sleep for awhile before he realized her mother was also sleeping. Knowing she would never know, he gently kissed her forehead, then turned his full attention back to the newborn girl. His previous unsettled agitation was gone. Eames was right there, safe and well, and she had the baby she had always wanted. He knew he was not this baby's father and he had no claim to her, and yet, somehow, that just did not matter to him. She had stolen his heart.

A short while later, a nurse came in to take the baby to the nursery for a little while, to weigh and measure her and give her a bath. He couldn't understand his reluctance to let her go, but he knew he had to. Placing a gentle kiss on the baby's forehead, he let the nurse take her. 

Leaning back in the chair, with his partner still sleeping against him, he tried to figure out what he felt, and why, but the night's events caught up with him quickly. Before he got very far with his introspection, he drifted off. For the first time in a very long time, there was no trauma associated with his sleep, only rest. Unhaunted by nightmares and regrets, he simply slept.


	2. Something Changed

Saturday dawned crisp and clear. Logan rolled over toward the phone and groaned. He knew who it was and he was tempted to ignore it, but he also knew the damn phone would just keep ringing until he picked it up. Goren was stubborn that way. He lifted the receiver. "What the hell do you want?"

"Get up. I'll be there in a half hour."

"What did I ever do to you?"

"Come on. I'll buy lunch."

"Lunch? What time is it?"

"Quarter to twelve."

"Ah. You let me sleep in. Thanks."

"Thirty minutes."

"You expect me to get up, shower and be ready to go in a half hour...after..." He did a mental calculation. "Less than six hours of sleep and, uh, well, too much damn beer..."

"So don't shower. We're going to play ball anyway. You can shower later."

"Are you human? How can you drink that much and be so rarin' to go the next morning?"

"I handle it better than you do. You know that."

"Yes, and I hate it. Give me forty-five."

"Right. See you then."

Forty-five minutes later, he let Goren into his apartment. He pointed a finger at him. "What makes you think I'm ready to play ball?"

"Once you get moving and eat, you'll be fine."

"I hate it when you do this. You know that. What's bothering you?"

Goren shook his head. "I'm fine."

Logan studied him. He was definitely agitated about something. "I don't believe you."

Goren began to pace. "She...she's three days old," he muttered.

"Who is?"

"M-Maggie...uh, Eames' daughter."

Logan frowned. "And?"

"I-I have no idea...how to..." He sighed. "I'd like to see her again...soon."

"Why?"

He shrugged. "I just...want to. She...God, Mike, she's beautiful. So...tiny...and perfect...I...don't know how to describe it."

"You sure you're not using her as an excuse to see her mother?"

He gave that some thought, and he shook his head. "I'm not. But how do I tell Eames...and then there's Ricky..." He groaned. "How am I supposed to deal with this?"

"I've got no idea what you're dealing with, and all I can say is just call her. What's the worst she can say? Bobby, you sat with her all night, and you were there with her when she gave birth. Why do you think she would tell you that you can't see the baby if you want to?"

"She's not mine...I have no reason, no claim...All I have...is what I feel."

"And you think that won't be enough for her?"

"She's Ricky's daughter, Mike. He's not going to like me having anything to do with her."

"Let Alex deal with him."

"You don't get it. I don't want to be the cause of her having to deal with anything more."

Logan shook his head. "How do you dig yourself in to these situations?"

Attempting to steer away from an encroaching despair he'd been fighting over the last few days, a pain he couldn't explain that only got worse whenever he thought about the baby girl he was desperate to see, Goren changed the subject. "Come on, Mike. Let's eat. I want to play ball."

Logan picked up his keys, not sure what to make of him. "Fine...you're gonna run me into the ground today, aren't you?"

As they stepped out of the apartment, Goren answered, "Why do you say that?"

"Because you're all worked up and that's never good for me."

"I'll try to go easy on you."

"Just cut me some slack until I warm up, okay?"

"I'll try."

They headed out of the building.

* * *

Logan wasn't wrong. Agitation fueled an already boundless supply of energy and he was having a hard time keeping pace. He was relieved when Goren's phone rang and he called for a time out. 

Expecting a call-out, Goren was surprised to see Eames' home number on the display. He flipped it open. "Hello," he said quietly.

"What are you up to?"

"Just playing ball. How's Maggie?"

His first question was always about the baby. He could hear the smile in her voice. "Maggie?" she asked, amused.

He had called her every day to ask how she was feeling and how the baby was doing, but he had not asked to come to visit, which surprised Eames. This was also the first time he'd ever called the baby by name. He was securing what she saw as an already deep connection to the little girl.

"It...suits her," he explained.

"Yes, I guess it does. She's fine. Still fussy, but I'm doing my best to settle her."

"How is Ricky with her?"

"Why do you ask?"

He frowned at her sudden defensiveness. "Never mind. I was just curious. Uh, did you want something, Eames?"

"I'm sorry, Bobby. Ricky...hasn't been home much. He's working an extra shift this week."

The news made him feel oddly reassured and he mentally chastised himself for it. Ricky was her husband and the baby's father. He had no right to feel what he was feeling. Eames interrupted his racing thoughts. "What would it take me to convince you to have dinner with us?"

He looked at the ground as Logan approached. "Um, not much...maybe. Where?"

"At my house. I'll make dinner for you."

Logan frowned as he watched Goren's entire demeanor change. "I...I'm sorry, Eames. I...I just can't..."

"Why not?"

"You know why," he softly hissed, not meaning to sound annoyed.

"Ricky is working tonight."

Now he was annoyed. "Eames, I'm not going to sneak around behind his back like I'm doing something wrong. And I'm not going to come around when he's there because of the way he feels. I will not be the cause of any more trouble for you than I already have been, especially now."

"Bobby..."

"I'm sorry. I really am. Please...give the baby a kiss for me. Maybe I'll call you later."

He snapped the phone shut with more force than he intended and slid it back into his pocket. Logan watched him. "I thought you wanted to see the kid."

"I do, but not at the cost of causing her mother any grief."

"You're not doing anything wrong," he said.

"I know that."

"So where's the harm in going to see her?"

"It's all in appearances, Mike. If I only ever show up when her husband's out, it can make things seem...well, you know...and her neighbors...if Ricky gets the wrong impression..."

"Ricky already has the wrong impression."

"Look, I just can't do it, all right?"

"What about having her come over to your place?"

"Mike..."

"Hey, I'm trying to help. You said you want to see the baby. Isn't that what it's about anyway?" When Goren didn't answer, he gave his shoulder a gentle shove. "Call her and see if she'd be willing to come over to your place."

"That's not really any better."

"So invite her over to my place. I'll chaperone if you don't think you can trust yourself."

"I can trust myself, dammit."

"So what's the problem? Your neighbors don't give a shit."

Before he could reply, his phone rang again. He wasn't surprised this time by the caller ID. He flipped it open. "I...I'm sorry," he apologized.

"It's all right. I understand. Would it make you feel better to have dinner with us at my parents' house?"

He didn't know what to say, and he wondered why she was pushing this. "Eames..."

"Do you want to see Maggie, or don't you?"

"Of course I do."

"Then you're going to be stuck seeing me, too, because she's only three days old."

"That's not it and you know it."

"Then what's the problem?"

He sighed and gave in. "There is no problem. What time?"

"Six?"

"I'll see you then."

"Good."

A great deal less agitated, he slid the phone back into his pocket. Logan shoved the football at him. "You make things a lot more complicated than they need to be. I'll go long."

He took off running. Goren watched him, then threw the ball at a point beyond him. Logan had to jump to catch it and when he landed, his momentum knocked him off balance. He continued to roll until he recovered his feet, and then he ran toward Goren, feinting to the left when he got closer to go around him. But Goren could read him too well and, after a brief feint of his own, he slammed his body into Logan's. They both went down hard , but they came up laughing, and Goren recovered the ball. Logan hit him in a flying tackle and they went back down. Goren hit the ground head first and didn't recover as quickly, but didn't fumble the ball. "You okay, Bobby?" Logan huffed, catching his breath.

"Uh...yeah. I'm okay."

He touched his temple and his fingers came away bloody. "I must have hit a rock or something."

"Lemme have a look at it." He studied the injury. "It's not bad, but it's gonna bruise. You'll look pretty for your dinner tonight."

"Great."

"It's just Alex and the baby..."

"And her parents. I don't get why, but her mother worries about me."

"The curse of mothers everywhere."

"Except for mine." He shoved the ball at Logan and stood. "Your turn."

Logan shook his head as he watched him trot across the field. He didn't get the guy at all, but that didn't stop him from liking him. He did notice, though, that something was very different about him. In the past couple of days, something had changed. Goren denied that anything at all was different. But _something _was, and Logan would bet money it had to do with the new baby girl who seemed to have made such a deep impression on Goren. He threw the ball and headed on a collision course with his friend. Different wasn't always bad, and this time, Logan was certain, it was a good thing, if it was indeed the baby who was responsible.

* * *

Eames opened the door at her parents' house to let her partner in, immediately concerned about the bruising that extended from the side of his eye back into his hairline. Reaching out, she touched his cheekbone. "What happened to you?" 

He withdrew enough to avoid contact. "Nothing. I got tackled."

"That game you play with Logan?"

He grunted softly, wishing she wouldn't make a big deal out of it. He frowned when he heard the baby crying. "What's wrong with her?"

"I'm not sure. I told you she's been fussy. I just set her down so I can help Mom in the kitchen. She fusses whether she's held or not."

He crossed the living room to the bassinet and looked down at the crying baby. She was wearing a yellow sleeper and her face was red from the effort she was putting into giving her lungs a workout. Bending down, he gently lifted her from her bed and cradled her in his arms. "Little girl sure makes a big noise," he said to her.

She continued to cry, but not as loud, so he kept talking. "What's the matter? Did Mommy put you down? She does have other things she needs to get done, you know?"

Calming to soft sobs, Maggie stared up at him with big dark eyes. He ran a finger along her jaw to her chin. Eames watched him gently and effectively calm the baby and she was amazed. Then, she smiled, not just at his effort, but at the expression on his face and the baby's response to him. She headed for the kitchen, where her parents had witnessed the entire thing. "They seem captivated by one another," her mother observed with a warm smile.

Eames nodded. "It was like that the minute she was born," she said with a quiet laugh. "I have never seen him like that."

"The baby settled right down, too."

"I noticed that. For whatever reason, she seems just as enamored of him as he is of her."

Mary Eames stirred the gravy on the stove as John went into the living room to greet Goren. She looked at her daughter. "It's a good thing, honey."

"I know, Mom. I don't know why, but I really want him to spend time with her, to get to know her."

"Nothing bad can come of it, Alex...for either of them."

"Maybe it's because Ricky refuses to even acknowledge that she exists, except for when she's crying. She has a father, but no dad."

Mary looked into the living room, where her husband was talking to her daughter's partner. The baby was still in his arms, and she noticed the confidence with which he held her. Then she watched as he smiled and looked down at the little girl in his arms. The two men sat down, and Mary smiled. "I don't think that's true any more, Alex."

* * *

Dinner was almost ready. Eames left her parents in the kitchen and sat beside her partner on the couch. He was leaning into the corner of the couch and the baby was settled on his chest, snuggled under his chin. He braced one hand under her butt and patted her back gently with the other. She had never seen him look so content, ever. Laying a hand on his arm, she smiled, "She hasn't been this settled since she was born." 

"Don't exaggerate," he said softly.

"I'm not. It's almost like she was looking for you."

He snorted. "That's ridiculous."

"Maybe it is. I guess some babies just have a harder time adjusting than others. But she sure seems happy now." She met his eyes. "And so do you."

"I...like holding her."

"Dinner's about ready. Do you want me to take her?"

"I can manage...unless you'd rather..."

She shook her head. "Hold her, if you want to."

She started to get up, but he grabbed her arm. "Thank you, Eames."

"For what?"

"For...letting me see her."

She smiled, and her heart went out to him. She didn't understand him, but she appreciated him. She wasn't certain what had happened to him in that hospital room, but when her little girl arrived in the world, something changed. She didn't know what it was, but it was profound...and it had turned his life inside out.

* * *

When he got home from work Monday night, he entered his apartment and stopped dead in his tracks. Eames was pacing the floor, gently bouncing the baby. She smiled at him. "I used my key. I hope you don't mind. I thought you would have been home sooner." 

"I had dinner with Mike. What are you doing here? Is something wrong?"

"No. I just wanted to bring the baby to see you."

"You could have called."

"I wanted to surprise you."

"You did."

She crossed the room and offered the baby to him. He slipped off his jacket and draped it over the back of the easy chair, then he pulled off his tie and took the baby. She stretched and made a series of soft noises before settling against his chest with a sigh. He smiled, then looked at Eames. "I, uh..thank you...but I'm not sure it's a good idea for you to just show up here, alone."

"I'm an adult..."

He sighed, frustrated. "You know what I mean."

"Bobby, do you want to see her or don't you?"

"Yes, of course I do."

"And she seems to want to be around you. I can't put her in a cab and send her over."

He frowned. "I..."

"Please, don't argue. If you make this difficult, I'll stop coming over and you'll see her even less."

"If Ricky..."

"If Ricky gave a damn, maybe it would be different," she snapped.

Her tone gave him a moment's pause. "He cares..."

"About me, yes. About where I am and who I'm with, yes. About the baby, no. You do care about her, though, and I want her around you as much as I can manage it. All right?"

He was quiet for a moment, and Maggie moved against his shirt. "All right," he finally consented. "Just...call first, please?"

"I will. Sorry to surprise you like that."

"If you want something to eat or drink..."

"I'm good for now."

He sat down on the couch with the baby and she sat beside him. "Bobby, do you mind if I lay down for a little while? I didn't sleep last night."

"No, go ahead. Down the hall...you can't miss it."

"If she gets hungry, there's a bottle and formula in the diaper bag over there on the table. One scoop for every two ounces of warm water. There's diapers..can you change a diaper?"

"Can I or will I?"

"Both?"

He finally smiled. "We'll be fine. I'm not afraid to change a baby's diaper. Go lay down."

"Thank you."

He watched her walk down the hall, and he wondered what the hell Ricky's problem was. He had everything, and he appreciated none of it. If he had what Ricky seemed to take for granted... he groaned softly and chased away the pointless longing. It wasn't for him to have a life like that. He was stuck with what he had. But now, it seemed, Eames was willing to let Maggie be part of his life, and that did something to him. He brushed his lips over the soft curls on the baby's head, and he felt better.

She moved against him, and made a little noise. Tipping her slowly back away from him, laying her on his arms in front of him, he looked at her little face. She looked back at him and he smiled. "Mommy's laying down because you kept her up last night. Not even a week old and you're causing trouble." He kissed her forehead. "You are your mother's child. I wouldn't know about your father...but I know what it's like to have a father who...has other more important things to be concerned with than his child. So I'm going to make you a promise. Whatever happens, if he never comes around to be the father you need him to be, you will always have me. No matter what, Maggie, I will always be your...uh, well, whatever you need me to be. Okay?"

She continued to look at him, as though she understood what he was saying. He wasn't sure that she didn't.


	3. You Trust Me

Goren came to expect a call from his partner every two or three days, asking if he was up to a visit with Maggie. He never turned down an opportunity to spend time with the little girl. Eames welcomed the opportunity for a couple of hours of good sleep while he spent time with her daughter. It did not pass her notice, either, that the books on his coffee table had been replaced by titles like _Goodnight, Moon_, _Green Eggs and Ham_ and _Where the Wild Things Are_. She also noticed a small box near the couch that contained an assortment of baby toys and the wicker basket in his bedroom with little clothes in it. In the kitchen, a cupboard near the sink now contained a can of formula, several baby bottles, a little bowl and sippy cup adorned with scenes from Beatrix Potter and a silver baby spoon. Each of those little things, which he had probably never given a second thought to, warmed her heart and reinforced her decision to continue allowing them to bond. Her mother was right. Nothing bad could come of it...for either of them.

* * *

Eames had not hesitated to call Goren from outside the emergency room at Bellevue Hospital when they brought her mother in by ambulance after suffering a bad stroke. She knew he would come right over and take care of Maggie, and she had no reservations about entrusting her daughter to his care. She placed the baby in his arms as soon as he arrived. "Thank you, Bobby. I didn't want to take her into the hospital. I don't want her getting sick." 

He nodded. "That was smart thinking." He leaned over so he could see her face. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know. I…I'll call you when I know anything, okay?"

"Okay. If you need me, let me know. I can get Carolyn or Mike to watch Maggie."

"Thank you, Bobby." She kissed his cheek and hurried in to the hospital.

He turned and walked back to the car, gently placing the baby in the car seat that was now always in his back seat. He sat there for a minute, worried about his partner. Well, she'd call him. He started the engine and headed for home.

On the way to his apartment, he realized that she had forgotten to give him Maggie's diaper bag. She had been really rattled by her mother's sudden illness. He also remembered that he had a date that night. First he called Denise. "I, uh, I'm going to have to cancel tonight, Denise."

_Did you get called out?_

"No. Alex's mother had a stroke and I have Maggie."

_Do you think I would have a problem with her? Or that Alex would have a problem with me?_

"Well, no. I just wasn't sure..."

_So you ask. I really would like to meet this baby that has you so enamored_.

He blushed at her teasing. "All right. Uh, I have to stop at the store for a couple of things. Do you want to meet me at my place at..." He glanced at the time. "...six-thirty?"

_I'll see you then._

He closed the phone and dropped it into his jacket pocket. Stopping at the store, he carried Maggie in his arms as he got the things he needed. Not certain he had enough diapers, he grabbed another package, along with a can of formula and a couple of things he needed for dinner. He'd gotten a cradle last weekend and he'd assembled it Sunday night; Alex hadn't seen it yet. He never stopped to consider that this little girl, still a newborn, was quickly taking over his apartment the way she had his heart.

* * *

He was in the middle of preparing dinner when Denise arrived. He let her in and she leaned up to kiss him. "All right, Bobby," she said with a smile. "Where is she?" 

He nodded into the living room. "In the cradle."

He returned to the kitchen, smiling as he listened to Denise talk to Maggie. She appeared in the doorway, holding the baby. "Oh, Bobby...she's adorable."

"Isn't she?"

"I can see why you're so taken with her."

He wished it was that simple. He couldn't explain why he felt the way he did. He only knew that it had nothing to do with her appearance...or her mother. He simply...loved Maggie.

After dinner, he let Denise give her a bottle, but Maggie wouldn't take it and she began to fuss. So Denise handed her back over to him and the baby quickly calmed down, taking the bottle without a problem. Denise smiled. "It seems she is just as taken with you, dear."

She didn't miss the small smile that touched his mouth as he looked down at the baby, and she was pleased to see it. To love someone like that, and have that love returned, was a wonderful thing that he had not really known before in his life. Even with her...for complicated reasons she only partially understood, he was unable to love her. But he was always kind and gentle, always considerate, and she enjoyed being with him enough that it had come to not matter.

Some of her girlfriends did not understand why she harbored no resentment toward his partner, and she didn't understand it herself, but she had no animosity toward Eames. Maybe that was why he continued calling her. ..or at least part of the reason. Denise knew cops, and she understood partners. Bobby was particularly close to his partner, and she accepted that. Perhaps it was her generous nature, or the fact that she was not a jealous person. Or maybe it was simply that she didn't love him in a possessive way. She knew she had no claim to his heart, and she found herself perfectly content to lay claim to his body whenever one of them had the need. But she knew they were not exclusive. She dated other men, hoping to find one she loved enough to marry. And he dated other women, searching for whatever it was that was missing in his life. She couldn't help him with that. But she was not a person who ever exploited his weaknesses. She always worked toward his strengths. She saw his devotion to Eames as a strength every bit as much as his skill as a lover. And she didn't have it in her to begrudge him for one while she enjoyed the other. She accepted him as he was, and she knew he appreciated that.

Once the baby was asleep and settled in her cradle, he turned his attention to Denise. Twenty minutes later, they were in his bedroom, where they satisfied one another's needs. When Maggie started fussing, he dressed and took care of her, returning to Denise once the baby was again sleeping. He was surprised and a little concerned to find her getting dressed. "Is something wrong?" he asked.

"Not at all. But you have Maggie to take care of and you're worried about Alex. I really should be going."

She gave him a soft but lingering kiss and headed out of the bedroom. She was a smart woman. She knew where she stood, and she accepted it. He walked her to the door. "You really don't have to leave."

"And what will your partner think when she comes by to get the baby and I'm here?"

He frowned. "She won't think anything. I'm entitled to my life."

"I know you are, and I am happy to be part of it. But I don't want to cause any trouble for you. I was a diversion, Bobby, but I have no desire to become a distraction. I'll see you soon. Call me."

She leaned up for another kiss and then she left. He stood there for a moment, confused. What kind of trouble did she think she could possibly cause? Eames had no right dictating who he could see and when. Denise had no bearing on his ability to care for Maggie or his devotion to her. He didn't see a problem, but he acknowledged that he also didn't view the world through the same eyes that women did. Why tempt fate? He trusted Denise and he appreciated her. Making a mental note to show her his appreciation next time he saw her, he turned away from the door and picked the baby up from her cradle. Settling on the couch, he flipped through the channels, but he couldn't concentrate, concerned that he had not heard from Eames. He alternated between The History Channel and Discovery until Maggie was hungry again, then, after she ate, she settled comfortably on his chest and they both went to sleep.

* * *

The phone rang, jarring him from a fairly comfortable sleep. He leaned over and grabbed it, answering on the third ring. "Goren." 

_Where the fuck is my wife, Goren?_

He sat up, settling the sleeping baby into the crook of his arm and trying to chase the sleep from his brain. "What? Ricky?"

_How many other wives are you sleeping with?_

"I'm not sleeping with anyone's wife. Your wife is at the hospital because her mother had a stroke this afternoon."

There was silence on the other end for a minute before Ricky asked, _Why didn't she call me?_

"You'll have to ask her that."

_She's not there?_

"No, and she hasn't been." He hesitated for a moment before he added, "I am not sleeping with your wife."

Silence again, then, _Whatever_.

The line went dead. He'd tried. He wished there was a way he could make things easier for Eames. He closed the phone, more than just a little irritated that Ricky hadn't even asked about the baby. He lay back down on the couch, readjusting Maggie on his chest. He gently stroked her soft hair, kissing her forehead. She sighed and, searching in her sleep for something to suck on, found her fist and settled back down. He wished sleep came that easy for him.

Watching Maggie sleep helped to settle him, but he was unable to settle back into the comfortable sleep he'd been in before. He slept because his body needed it, but his mind would not calm down again, and it fueled troubling dreams. But he was not restless. Folding an arm over Maggie in his sleep, he softly sighed and slept a little better because she was there.

* * *

He didn't hear the door open, but the gentle hand that touched his arm woke him. He looked up into his partner's face. The first thing he noticed was that she had been crying. She gently rubbed the baby's back, smiling sadly when she sighed in her sleep. "Eames…" 

She laid her fingers on his lips, silencing him. Softly, she said, "She died about an hour ago."

He sat up, shifting the baby into his right arm and pulling his partner into his embrace with the other. She settled against his chest and cried.

She slept on the couch, nestled against him. He did not return to sleep. Maggie wanted to eat at about four, and he managed to get up without waking Eames. With the baby tucked in the crook of his right arm, contently watching, he prepared her bottle, then returned to his place on the couch to feed her.

Maggie was almost done eating when Eames woke. She looked at him and smiled. "You really don't have any trouble taking care of her, do you?"

"Of course not. Thank you...for letting me."

She watched as he returned his attention to Maggie. He talked softly to her, telling her what a beautiful baby she was, and she watched him with attentive eyes. She was totally content and by the time her bottle was empty, she was sleeping. He set the bottle on the coffee table and settled the baby against his shoulder. When she burped and spit up on his shirt, he grabbed the kitchen towel from beside him and cleaned her face before he cleaned his shirt. Eames rested a hand on his arm and gently caressed it. He shuddered a little, then said, "Do you mind if I make a suggestion?"

"Of course not."

"You have a lot to do, don't you? I mean arrangements and helping your dad and things like that."

"Yes."

"Why don't you just leave Maggie with me? I'll take the day off and take care of her so you won't have to worry about her."

"Oh, Bobby...that's a lot to ask."

He settled Maggie into the crook of his right arm. She sighed and snuggled into him. Tipping his head, he met his partner's eyes. "I want to," he murmured.

She studied his eyes and she knew he was being sincere. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely."

"How can I..."

"Thank me?" He shook his head. "There is no need, Eames. Letting me take care of Maggie is enough. You trust me."

"Of course I do. Bobby, look around. You have infant toys, children's books...a cradle. I forgot to give you the diaper bag, and when I realized it...I just knew that you would deal with it. I didn't give it a second thought. Yes, I trust you."

It was about as good as he was going to get from her. "I don't need anything else, Eames."

She nodded. "I'll be at Dad's, and I'll have my phone."

"We'll be fine."

Leaning over, she kissed her daughter. "I know. I'll see you tonight."

He studied the sleeping baby's face, and then remember the phone call. "Oh...by the way, Ricky called."

"He called you?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because he couldn't get in touch with you and he thought you were here." When she closed her eyes and shook her head, he added, "He thinks I'm sleeping with you."

She looked at him. "Bobby, I..."

He raised a hand. "Do not apologize for him, Eames. If he wants to start something with me, fine. I'll deal with him. I don't want you involved."

She gave him an incredulous look. "You don't want me involved? It concerns me..."

He frowned. "Am I sleeping with you?"

"No."

"Does he get on you about it?"

"Not usually."

"Then it's something between him and me. Let it go."

"You can't protect me from everything."

"Maybe not, but I do what I can."

Shaking her head in frustration, she got up and headed for the door. Stopping there, she looked at him. He had returned his attention to the baby, but she could tell he was still uptight, and so could Maggie. She had begun to shift in her sleep and he was talking softly to her, settling her...and himself. "Bobby?"

He looked at her with a frown. "What is it, Eames?"

"You have another girl to worry about. You can stop worrying about me."

He studied her for a moment. "What makes you think that will ever happen?"

She didn't move. He cared, and protecting her was the only way he knew to express that. "Thank you."

He frowned, confused at her sudden change in attitude. "For what?"

"For caring. Just don't let it take you down, okay?"

"Don't worry. I can take care of myself."

"I know you can. I'll see you tonight."

"Eames?" She turned in the doorway. "I am sorry about your mom. She was always nice to me."

"She always liked you. Thanks. I'll tell the family."

He nodded, and she was gone. He settled back on the couch, gently rubbed the baby's back and calmed down until he was able to return to sleep for a little while.

He called Deakins when he woke to feed the baby again, and at lunchtime, there was a knock at the door. Pulling the door open, he was surprised to find Logan standing there. "What are you doing here?"

"That was my question...but..." He nodded his head at the baby in the crook of Goren's arm.

"Eames' mother died last night and I told her I would take care of Maggie so she could take care of business."

"And that's why you didn't come in today?"

Goren nodded and turned away from the door. Logan followed him. "What do you have for lunch?"

"I don't know. Take a look."

He sat down on the couch, shifting the little girl to his shoulder to burp her while Logan rummaged around in the kitchen. He came out with a sandwich and dropped down on the couch beside Goren. "Okay, pal. Let's see her."

Goren eased her back into his arm so Logan could see her face. "She's cute. Alex makes nice babies. What's with all the hair?"

He shrugged. "Some babies are born with hair."

"Does the captain know why you stayed home?"

"Yes. Do you want to hold her?"

"Um, no, thanks. Not right now. Let me get used to being around her first."

Goren shrugged. He was content to hold her. He propped his feet up on the coffee table and leaned his head back. Logan studied him. "Long night?"

"Not really. I've had a lot worse. I...uh, I like...being around the baby."

"Why? She's not yours."

Goren frowned and looked away. Logan bit his tongue. "Hey, man...I'm sorry...I didn't mean anything by it."

"You'd better go back to work, Mike. I...have to give Maggie a bath."

"You're totally into her, aren't you?"

Without answering, Goren got up from the couch and headed down the hall, returning with a couple of towels and a small stack of baby clothes. He went into the kitchen. Logan followed him and watched as he spread a towel on the counter and filled the sink with warm water, talking to the baby the entire time. Leaning against the refrigerator, he watched as Goren undressed the baby and set her in the warm water. He kicked himself for his insensitivity. He really did not realize how much this baby had come to mean to Goren. He'd fallen hard and fast for the baby girl. "I'm sorry, Bobby."

"Forget it. It's something I remind myself of all the time. But you know what?"

"What?"

"It doesn't matter because it doesn't change how I feel. Not one bit."

Logan grinned. "You're a better man than I am. Is it all right if I come by tonight?"

"If you don't mind being around the baby."

"You gonna be spending a lot of time with her?"

"As much as Eames will let me."

Logan smiled. "If she's smart, she won't let you get far. See you later."

"Okay, Mike."

He heard the door close as he rinsed off the baby's hair. Once she was clean, he lifted her out of the bath and set her on a clean towel, wrapping her up and settling her against his chest. "It doesn't matter, Maggie. Not to me, and not to you." He kissed her forehead under the soft towel. "I love you, and you'll never question that I do."

He got her dressed and she snuggled into his chest, making small, content sounds. And Goren smiled. He had finally lost his heart, to a baby girl with soft brown curls and a six-foot-four cop wrapped snugly around her little finger.

* * *

**A/N: _Goodnight, Moon_ is by Margaret Wise Brown, _Green Eggs and Ham_ is by Dr. Seuss and _Where the Wild Things Are_ is by Maurice Sendak.**


	4. Weekend Plans

Goren was glad to get home from work. It had been a very long day and he was feeling on edge. He took a long, hot shower, dressed in a pair of sweat pants and headed into the kitchen. After grabbing a beer from the refrigerator, he dropped onto the couch and picked up the remote. Not ten minutes later, there was a knock at the door. He swore softly to himself and got up to answer it.

When he pulled the door open, he was surprised to find his partner standing in the hall with the baby. He searched her face for any sign of upset, but found none. "Is something wrong?"

Quickly drawing her attention from his bare chest, she shook her head. "Uh, no. Do you mind if we come in?"

"What? Oh, yeah, sure...come on."

He backed out of the doorway and reached out to take Maggie from her arms, holding her over his head and smiling. "Hey, there, Maggie. How's my girl?"

Maggie gurgled at him and smiled. He pulled her against his chest and looked at Eames, who set the diaper bag on the couch and turned to watch him with the baby girl as he asked, "When did she start smiling?"

"Smiling? She smiled?"

"Yes."

He met her at the end of the couch, easing the baby back to lay on his arms. She looked at Eames, then back at Goren, who said, "How's my baby?"

Again, she broke out into a wide grin and Eames looked at him. "Her first smile," she said softly. "She gave you her first smile, Bobby."

He watched the baby kick and wave her arms, her eyes locked on his face, and he smiled back at her. Drawing her closer, he kissed her little nose and she smiled again. There were no words in his vocabulary to describe what he felt at that moment.

As Eames watched him, there was no doubt in her mind that her gentle partner loved her daughter. Maggie drew out the best in him and she was the one person in the world who was able to touch his wounded heart and soothe his pain. And she was only two months old. Eames laid a hand on his arm, noting the reluctance with which he looked away from the baby. "Are you busy this weekend?"

"What do you have in mind?"

"Ricky wants to take me upstate for the weekend, so we can talk and hash out some things. He assumed Dad would be able to take care of her, but he's busy." She smiled. "He's going on a fishing trip with some old buddies from the force."

"Good for him." He knew what she wanted but he waited for her to ask.

She shifted uncomfortably. "I told him I would see what I could do. You were my first choice."

"So you drove all the way back to Manhattan with her, instead of calling to ask...?"

She shrugged. "My back up is here anyway, so I'd have to come into the city with her regardless. Look, if it's an imposition..."

He raised his eyebrows. "An imposition? Give me a break." All this time, and she still didn't know him. A brief impulse to say no flash into his mind, quickly chased away by his deep desire to spend as much time as he could with the little girl in his arms. "Go on, Eames. I'll take care of her."

"Thank you, Bobby."

"It's about her," he muttered, not concealing his annoyance, even if he wasn't quite sure what he was annoyed at. He was starting a laundry list. And yet...when had he ever been able to tell her no? His was a cursed existence, and this baby brought the only joy he was able to find into it.

Eames touched his chin, guiding his face up so she could see his eyes. "If it's a problem..."

"It's not."

"Did you have plans?"

"None that can't be changed. Go on. Maggie and I will be fine."

She'd never heard a more true statement. Leaning down to kiss her daughter, she paused as she stood back up to give him a brief hug. "I appreciate this."

"Not as much as I do."

She smiled and started for the door. "Eames?" She turned and he asked, "Who was your back-up?"

"Carolyn."

"Does Ricky know..."

"That I planned to leave her with you? No."

"He thinks she's staying with Carolyn?"

"Actually, he has no idea who she's with. When I told him I would find someone to watch her, he didn't ask for details."

His eyes narrowed. "What did he say?"

"Bobby..."

"Tell me."

She sighed. "All he did was tell me to make sure I did."

She watched his back stiffen as a surge of anger hit him, but it didn't last. "Does he ever...spend time with her?"

"No, Bobby, he doesn't."

He turned dark eyes back to the baby, studying her round face. Her dark hair had thinned since birth, but it still curled around her ears and on her forehead. Maggie frowned, sensing his tension, and waved her arms more. Slowly he relaxed, settling her on one arm against his chest so he could stroke her cheek with a light finger. Her motions once more fueled by happiness, she smiled and gurgled at him. He shifted his eyes back toward Eames. "I know it's not the way you wanted it, but she'll never question the fact that she's loved."

"As long as she has you, no, she won't. Call me if there's a problem."

"There won't be. Enjoy your weekend."

She gave him another smile and left. As she headed for her car, she found herself wishing the events in her life had followed a different timeline. If she'd only gotten pregnant a few months later, then she wouldn't be struggling to save a troubled marriage. She would have a failed one behind her...and her baby would have a real father as well as a devoted dad. Bobby wasn't her father, but he willingly stepped into the role of dad, even if he didn't realize that was what he was doing. She found herself harboring no concerns as she drove away from his apartment, leaving her only child, and her heart, behind her.

* * *

Goren picked up the phone and dialed, cradling the baby in his right arm. He paced restlessly as the phone rang on the other end. Finally... _Hey, what's up? I was in the shower._

"I, uh, I'm not going out tonight, Mike."

_Why not? Something better come along?_

"As a matter of fact, yes."

A moment of quiet followed by a soft chuckle. _Denise?_

"No."

_Okay, then, what's her name?_

"Maggie."

_You're ditching me for a baby?_

"Not completely. I'm just not going out. You can still come over."

_How much beer do you have?_

"Two six-packs, I think."

_Tell me it's not that German stuff you like._

"Okay, but you'll be disappointed when you get here."

_Fine, I'll bring my own. You won't be drinking with me, will you?_

"Not while Maggie's here, no."

_Fine. We can drink milk and watch _Sesame Street.

"If that's what you really want..."

_Bite your tongue, asshole. I'll bring _Commando_. See if you can't get the kid to sleep._

"I don't want her to sleep. Try getting to know her, dumb ass. You might actually like her."

_She's only two months old. When she starts to do something interesting, then we'll talk._

"She started smiling today."

_Really? With you?_

"Yes."

_Now there's a shocker. I'll be there in an hour. You got popcorn?_

"I don't think so."

_An hour and a half then. See ya._

Goren closed the phone. "Don't mind him," he told the baby. "He's harmless. You'll be laughing more at him than you do at me before too long."

She gurgled and waved excited hands. He laughed. "I wish all the girls got as excited with me. Which reminds me, I have one more call to make."

This number he had to look up. Her soft voice came over the line when she answered. _Hey, there, lover. Tell me you're ready for me tonight._

Her tone was seductive and inviting, and he found himself ready for her any damn time. "Uh, n-not exactly, Kristin. I, uh, I need to cancel tomorrow."

He could hear the pout in her voice. _Aww, come on. It's been almost a month, Bobby. What's her name?_

Why did they always assume it was another woman? He didn't play those games. God, he wished he could rely on a few more of his dates, besides Denise, to care enough to get to know him and seek more than just sex from him. "Sorry. Something came up at the last minute."

_Her name, Bobby._

"Maggie."

_Wait, isn't that your partner's baby?_

"Yes."

_If she was your kid, I could understand, but dumping me for someone else's brat..._

Anger flared white-hot in his gut and he struggled to contain it before he responded. Reluctantly, he said, "Maybe we just don't see things in the same light any more."

_When was the last time we needed any light?_

The seductive purr of her voice got to him, but he knew it was over with her. Too bad, too. She was wild in bed. _Oh, damn..._"I'm sorry, Kristin. Really, I am."

_Wait one minute. Are you _dumping_ me?_

"I guess so."

_Because of a _baby_? Are you out of your mind?_

"Apparently. If you can't understand the appeal of a baby..."

_Babies are very appealing, but to give up a night with me for one...that's not normal._

He had never pretended to be normal, and it was a lot to give up...but for Maggie, he would give up breathing. Kristin was very self-centered, but she made up for it in spades in bed... "I will miss you," he said truthfully.

_You have no idea,_ she purred. _I got some really good stuff, and I was going to..._

"I'm still a cop, you know."

_Don't be a hypocrite. How about you tell me where you live and I'll..._

"No. Get over yourself. I'm done. Good-bye, Kristin."

She had few inhibitions when she was sober, but get a few drinks or a joint into her and...wow. The first time he'd gone to her place and discovered the lingering odor of pot, the narcotics cop in him had gone nuts. But she'd quickly gotten him past that. He stared at the phone and absently kissed the baby he held. No, Kristin wasn't the type of woman he'd want around if Maggie was going to be spending any amount of time with him. But Denise...she was a different story...and she liked Maggie.

He dialed again, this time from memory. Damn Kristin. _Well, hello,_ she answered lightly.

He smiled, pacing and bouncing the baby gently. "Hi," he replied, smiling. "Am I bothering you?"

_You never bother me. I'm glad to hear from you._

"I was wondering if you're busy tomorrow night."

_As a matter of fact, no._

"Can I talk you into joining us for dinner?"

_Us? Do you have Maggie?_

The hopeful tone of her voice warmed his heart. "Yes, I do."

_Then count me in._

Again he was struck by a deep sense of remorse that he was unable to give more of himself to her. Under different circumstances, he would have loved her. "Do you want me to come to pick you up?"

_What are your plans?_

"Nothing specific."

_Suppose I come over and make us dinner?_

"If that's what you want to do."

_Yes, it is._

He smiled and pressed his lips against the baby's soft head. "How does six sound?"

_Perfect. I'll bring what I need._

"Uh..."

_Don't even start,_ she teased. _I want to surprise you and I need more than beer, cold cuts and baby food._

"Okay, I can take a hint."

_Sometimes. Good night, Bobby._

"Good night, Denise."

Sliding the phone into his pocket, he shifted the baby around so he could see her face. "Uncle Mike tonight, and Denise tomorrow. It's gonna be a good weekend, princess."

Another smile for him melted his heart. Pulling her against his chest, he gave her another kiss as he hugged her. "I love you," he whispered, and for the first time in recent memory, he really meant it.


	5. Smiles and A Lullaby

Goren was leaning back against the arm of the couch, with Maggie sitting back against his thighs, looking at him intently. The knock at the door made him smile...a cop's knock. He called, "It's open, Mike."

Maggie turned her head to look when she heard the door open. Goren smiled at her curiosity. Logan came into the apartment with a bag in each hand. He looked at his friend, sitting there, content, with the little girl in his lap. "How old is she?"

"Two months."

As he passed the couch on his way to the kitchen, he said, "I noticed you didn't have to think about that."

"Why would I think about it? I know how old she is."

"That's the point. I couldn't tell you the ages of any of my partners' kids off the top of my head, even when they were my partners."

Goren studied him for a moment. "I'm not you. I could always tell you about my partner's family."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?"

Logan grabbed a beer. "What do you want to drink?"

"I have water here."

"Live it up there, buddy."

With a smile, Goren lifted Maggie above his head, slowly lowering her toward his face. She kicked her feet, waved her arms and smiled. Logan laughed as he came in from the kitchen. "She keeps that up and she'll take off soon."

"She's happy."

"So are you," Logan observed. In fact, it had been a long time since he had seen Goren relaxed and happy like that.

Goren gave it some thought, bringing the baby down to rest on his chest. "Right now," he mused. "Yes. I am."

"Because of that kid," Logan added.

Goren nodded. "She...she's honest, Mike. She just...loves me...because she does. I don't have to prove anything to her. All I have to do is...just be myself. I smile at her because she makes me happy, and she seems to realize that, so she smiles back...for the same reason. It's...easy...for me to love her."

"Because she's Alex's."

"No." Goren frowned at him. "That has nothing to do with it. When I look at her, I see Maggie. When I think about her, I think about Maggie. It's about Maggie, not Eames."

Logan studied him. "You know...I believe you."

"Good, because I mean it."

Goren got up from the couch and deposited the baby gently in Logan's lap. "Here. Hold her. I have to fix her a bottle."

"Hey...aw, come on, man. I'm not you; I don't do kids."

"Get used to her. If you want to keep hanging with me, you have to get used to being around Maggie."

Logan set his beer on the table and turned the baby around so he could see her face. "I guess I can get used to you," he told her. "Any kid that can turn him around from where he was heading can't be so bad. You're pretty lucky there, squirt. My dad died when I was little, and I didn't have someone like him to take his place."

Maggie watched him with wide, intent eyes. He stuck his tongue out and watched her study him. Then her own tongue slipped out. He laughed. "What are you doing to her?" Goren asked.

"Nothing. We're bonding."

Goren came out of the kitchen carrying a bottle. "Why does that scare me?"

"Watch." He stuck his tongue out again and Maggie imitated him. Goren laughed softly and shook his head. "Great. Eames is going to take my head off."

"Give credit where credit is due. Tell her I did it. I'm not afraid of her."

"Say that to her face."

"Do you think I'm nuts?"

"I suppose that's a matter of perspective."

He lifted the baby from Logan's lap and sat down on the other end of the couch. Logan got up and walked to the television, slipping his DVD into the player. "Maggie, we're going to introduce you to the joys of action movies. If you're gonna hang with the guys, you've gotta get used to doing guy stuff. We'll play football and tag and catch. Mommy can play tea party and house with you."

"You're an idiot," Goren said with a shake of his head.

"You're gonna let her have tea parties right here at this table, aren't you?"

"If she wants to."

"At least promise me you'll have a ballgame on. Or an Eastwood or John Wayne movie."

"If it'll make you happy, sure."

"Please don't tell me I'm going to get stuck playing, too."

Goren grinned. "Sure, Mike."

"Aw, man...I swear...if it gets around the squad room, I'll kick your ass all over the frigggin Tri-State area."

Goren laughed. Maggie continued to watch him as she drank her bottle, and when he laughed at Logan, she smiled.

* * *

Goren was laying on the couch, supporting Maggie as she sat on his stomach. His head rested against Denise's thigh and she laid her hand on his chest as she told Maggie what a pretty baby she was. Maggie smiled at her and kicked her feet against his shirt. Then she stuck her tongue out and watched his face to see if he would do the same. He couldn't resist and he mimicked her. She smiled and grabbed his tongue. 

"You taught her to stick out her tongue?"

"No. Mike did."

"That'll make Alex happy. Why are you encouraging her?"

"I'm not. But she's waiting for me to do what she does and I don't want to disappoint her."

"She's two months old. She doesn't understand disappointment yet."

"I wish that was something she never had to learn."

"It's an important lesson. You know life's not all clowns and balloons."

He sighed softly. "I know. But I'm going to keep her life as close to perfect as I can, at least when she's with me."

She leaned down and kissed his forehead. "She's a lucky little girl to have someone like you to love her."

He shifted his eyes upward until he saw her face. "You think so?"

"Absolutely."

He turned his face back toward the baby, who again stuck out her tongue, watching expectantly for his. Sticking his tongue out, he smiled at her excitement. "I hope she's always this happy," he murmured.

"With you to play with and teach her all the things she's not supposed to know? That's a guarantee."

He laughed. "It's Logan's job to teach her that stuff. I'll be happy just to keep her smiling."

"I don't think that will ever be a problem," she answered.

* * *

Deep in the night, the baby cried. Struggling from the depths of his own slumber, Goren pulled away from the warm body beside him, gently kissing the side of her head, and got up. He walked through the darkness to the crib and gently lifted Maggie into his arms. "Shhh..." he soothed. "It's okay." 

Her cries settled and she snuggled into his bare chest. "Let's get a dry diaper on you and give you a warm bottle. Then you can go back to sleep."

She pushed her little fist into her mouth and sucked noisily on it. He laughed quietly and left the room with the baby. After changing her diaper and fixing her a bottle he sat on the couch and fed her. She sucked down the bottle and then watched him. Setting the empty bottle on the coffee table he looked into wide, alert eyes. "You little monkey," he laughed. "You're wide awake."

She smiled and gurgled at him. Glancing at the time, he returned his gaze to the baby. "Well, you let me sleep for an hour and a half."

She waved her arms and cooed happily. "I know, I know...but you need to sleep tonight so we can play tomorrow when the sun is out."

Her waving hand hit his and her fist closed around his finger. "Yeah, I know. But it's time to sleep, Maggie."

As if on cue, she yawned and he laughed. "That's a start."

He shifted her to his shoulder and carried the bottle to the sink in the kitchen, where he rinsed it and set it in there to be washed in the morning when he got up. He burped her as he walked back to the bedroom, then he rubbed her back and talked softly to her, hoping to soothe her back to sleep.

Soft noises eased Denise from a sound sleep. She turned toward Goren, but he wasn't in the bed beside her. The warm glow from the streetlight was barely enough to see shadows in the room, but she heard him moving around, the quiet timber of his gentle voice carrying through the stillness. Focusing on his words, and the soft cadence of his voice, she realized he was softly singing to the baby in his arms. Listening more closely she had no trouble identifying the song, and warm affection for him filled her heart. A big tough cop brought down by a sweet, eleven pound infant.

_Goodnight, my angel  
Time to close your eyes  
And save these questions for another day  
I think I know what you've been asking me  
I think you know what I've been trying to say  
I promised I would never leave you  
And you should always know  
Wherever you may go  
No matter where you are  
I never will be far away_

_Goodnight, my angel  
Now it's time to sleep  
And still so many things I want to say  
Remember all the songs you sang for me  
When we went sailing on an emerald bay  
And like a boat out on the ocean  
I'm rocking you to sleep  
The water's dark and deep  
Inside this ancient heart  
You'll always be a part of me_

_Goodnight, my angel  
Now it's time to dream  
And dream how wonderful your life will be  
Someday your child may cry  
And if you sing this lullaby  
Then in your heart  
There will always be a part of me_

_Someday we'll all be gone  
But lullabies go on and on...  
They never die  
That's how you  
And I  
Will be _

When he was certain she was sleeping, he laid her in the crib, covered her, and returned to the bed. He sighed softly as he relaxed against the pillows, surprised when Denise snuggled against him, softly kissing him. "I tried not to wake you," he whispered apologetically.

"You can wake me anytime to be witness to that."

"What do you mean?"

"You and Maggie are heartwarming."

He snorted softly. "She just needed a little encouragement to go back to sleep, that's all."

"And you?"

"Hmmm...I supposed a little encouragement wouldn't hurt."

"Then let me encourage you," she whispered.

With a soft laugh, he rolled onto his side toward her, pulling her close and, with a quickly deepening kiss, he tried to forget just how unsettled his life was beyond that room and the baby that slept in the crib ten feet away.

* * *

A/N: Goodnight, My Angel (Lullaby) is by Billy Joel. 


	6. Drawing Fire

Goren approached the weekends with mixed emotions. On one hand, he hated seeing Eames go home, knowing her home life was less than satisfying. On the other hand, many weekends brought Maggie to him, and that more than made up for his unsettled feelings regarding her mother. The weekends that he was alone, he usually spent part of with Logan. Sometimes he found a date to fill the emptiness, with varying degrees of success. Mostly, though, he found himself looking forward to seeing his partner's little girl.

* * *

_Beyond the ken of mortal men, beneath the wind and waves,  
There lies a land of shells and sand, of chasms, crags and caves,  
Where coral castles climb and soar, where swaying seaweeds grow,  
And all around without a sound the ocean currents flow..._

_The Disappearance of the Seahorses..._

Maggie sat in his lap, studying the colorful picture that splashed across the pages of the book in front of her. She listened to the quiet cadence of his voice and felt the rumble of that voice within his chest. At four months old, she didn't care what the words meant, just that they were spoken for her, and he always had a lot of words that were spoken just for her.

As the story progressed, he shifted positions and finally ended up reclining against the arm of the sofa. She turned onto her stomach and snuggled herself against his shoulder, shifting to find the right place to be. After a few moments, she reached up and slipped a little hand into his hair. With a sigh, she settled right down to listen to more of the words he read to her, and she went to sleep.

He quietly read the entire story to her, even though he knew she was sleeping. He hated leaving anything unfinished.

Closing the book, he set it on the coffee table and switched on the TV. The sleeping baby on his chest was familiar and comfortable. The little hand buried in his hair was something new, and he found it oddly calming. As unsettled as his life was, that small part of it, having Maggie with him, made the rest of it bearable. That tiny person, sleeping on his chest, somehow made his life worthwhile.

* * *

Eames had already gone for the day. Ricky was working nights and she was excited about getting to spend the entire weekend with her daughter at her dad's. Goren understood how she felt and although he was happy for her, he resented the fact that he would be facing a long weekend alone. He finished what paperwork they had for their current case and ran out of reasons to stay in the squad room. Sitting at his desk, lost in thought, he turned at the sound of a familiar voice. "What are you still doing here?" 

Logan approached from the elevators. He shrugged. "Just finishing some paperwork."

He rummaged through some papers at his desk and wrote down a few things before he looked up. "Got plans for the weekend?"

"No."

"No babysitting?"

"No."

Logan walked over to him and leaned his hip against Eames' desk and studied his friend. "A lot of guys would be happy about that."

"Well, I'm not, all right?"

"Hey, I didn't mean anything by it. She's a cute kid and I know you're attached. But take a break. You've spent most of the last three weekends with her. Hang with me for a change. Let's go shoot some pool." When Goren looked at his desk, Logan reached over and nudged his shoulder. "Come on. I'm gonna get rusty."

The corner of Goren's mouth quirked. "Rusty? Does that mean you'll play worse? Let's go, then. It's hard enough for me to throw games as it is."

"Ha ha. You're funny," Logan quipped as he followed his friend to the elevator.

As they headed for their cars, they paid no attention to the patrol car heading toward the exit. Not even Goren made note of marked police cars at Police Headquarters. When the car stopped, again, they paid no attention as they stopped near the bumper of Logan's car. When two officers got out of the car and one called Goren's name, the big detective seemed to recognize the voice. Logan noticed a change in his entire demeanor and he didn't like the stormy look that settled on Goren's face as he turned. "What do you want, Ricky?"

"Where's my wife?"

"She already left."

"She's not at home."

"And what does that mean to me? She's my partner. I don't keep her in my pocket."

"Wouldn't that be convenient?" Waters sneered.

"No one owns Eames," he replied. "That wedding band is supposed to be a symbol of love, not a mark of ownership."

"What would you know about it?"

Logan stood leaning against his car, arms crossed. At the subtle stiffening of Goren's back at the jibe, he uncrossed his arms and took half a step forward. Waters had no business knowing he'd hit a mark, in Logan's opinion. "Aren't you a little far out of your patrol area, Waters?" Logan growled.

Waters studied him. "You don't want trouble with me, Logan. Another fuck up and you'll think Staten Island was a picnic."

"Don't threaten him," Goren interjected, his voice low and dangerous.

Logan recognized the tone, and he swore to himself. Waters either had no idea what it meant or he didn't care. He had yet to figure out the guy's motive for being here. "I don't need your help to get into trouble," Logan answered. "And you'd be worth another trip to the outer rim."

Goren moved his hand, and Logan knew the gesture. He wasn't happy about it, either. Goren was asking him to step down. Goren's head tilted to the left, a questioning gesture. "How's your daughter, Ricky?"

Caught off guard by the sudden change of topic, Waters looked suspicious. "Fine."

"When was the last time you spent time with her?"

Another sneer. "You know nothing about being a father, and you never will. I don't have to spend time with her; that's not my job. Her mother has that covered."

"Doesn't she though," Logan muttered under his breath.

Goren heard him and shot him a momentary glare before stepping away from the car. Logan knew that Goren was smart enough not to throw his time with Maggie into her father's face. He would never take the chance of losing his visits with the happy little girl. Of course, Logan realized, he was guessing at her demeanor based on how she acted when she was with Goren. Just four months old, she was always happy when she was with him. Logan hoped she was that happy the rest of the time, because it was a good thing to see, a happy baby.

When Goren stopped his advance a foot and a half in front of Ricky, Logan stepped up behind him. He noted that Ricky's partner, did the same, but he didn't look happy about it. The guy didn't seem to approve of being there.

"How old is she?" Goren asked.

"How the hell should I know? Her mother keeps track of all that stuff. How'd we end up talking about that kid? I wanted to discuss my wife."

"There's nothing to discuss. She's my partner. I have no place in her off-duty life, and you have no place when she's here. So head back over the bridge and do your job. If you want to know about your wife, call her, not me."

"I did call her, asshole, and she's not answering. That's why I came after you."

"I'm not her keeper. You lost her; you find her."

It happened so fast, Logan was never certain just what went down, but Goren ended up on the ground, bleeding from his mouth and warning him to stay out of it. Logan stepped back in the hope he'd be able to watch Goren pound the crap out of Waters at last. But Goren made no move toward his partner's husband after he got to his feet. "Your jealousy," Goren growled at the cop in front of him. "...is unfounded. Eames does not spend any more time with me than the job requires. Next time, try calling her father before coming after me."

Turning, he headed away from the patrol car toward his own vehicle. Logan gave Waters a final glare then took off after his friend. He caught up with him in a few long strides. He could hear Waters' partner speaking angrily as they got into their car, but the only part of the conversation he heard was Waters' reply. "Nah. He'll never risk upsetting my wife..."

The doors closed, the engine started and he heard the car pull away. "Hey, man, slow it down a couple of notches. This isn't a race."

Goren had pulled out his handkerchief and wiped the blood off his chin before it dripped onto the front of his powder blue shirt. He kept his pace until they got to his car. Then he stopped and leaned against the back of it. He offered no argument when Logan leaned in to look at his rapidly bruising eye and bloody lip. "Hit you twice, huh? Why didn't you mop the floor with him?"

"Where are we, Mike? I'm not stupid. Besides, I'm not taking any chances of upsetting my partner. I don't like the bastard, but he's still her husband."

"Did it occur to you she's going to notice the pretty colors when she sees your face?"

"I'll just tell her you and I were playing ball, like I always do."

"Is that why she keeps giving me those looks? I thought...whoa, hold on, back up the meat wagon. Like you always do? This has happened before?"

"Yes."

Looking back, Logan recalled the occasional bruised eye, cheekbone, mouth or chin. "How long has he been harassing you?"

"Uh, since just after Maggie was born."

"And you let it go?"

"If he's taking it out on me, he's not taking it out on Eames or the baby. I can handle it."

"And when he flips out for good and shoots your stupid ass? The only witness you've got is me."

"He's not going to shoot me, Mike. He doesn't want to upset her, and he knows by now I'm not going to tell her anything. I would much rather suffer a few bruises and keep her and Maggie off the radar than to have him turn that anger onto one of them. For now, they're both safe from him."

Logan tipped his head to get a better look at Goren's mouth. "And you bleed."

"To keep Maggie safe? Yes, Mike, I'll bleed."

Logan shook his head. "Get in the car, pretty boy. We'll get you cleaned up and I'll buy the drinks tonight. Do you think Eames will ever fully appreciate you?"

Goren shrugged as he slid into the passenger seat of the car and Logan started the engine. "It really doesn't matter to me. I'm just...doing my job. I'm watching out for my partner."

"And the kid?"

"Who else do I have, Mike? I have to take care of her."

Logan snorted. "You know, I wish there had been just one person in my life who loved me that way."

Goren looked out the window for a moment before he quietly replied, "So do I."

* * *

A/N: The book Bobby is reading to Maggie is The Sign of the Seahorse by Graham Base. It is a wonderfully written and illustrated book. I gave it to my older son when he was two and even now, fifteen years later, it remains his favorite. 


	7. His Christmas Date

_Another Christmas alone_, Goren mused as he fixed a sandwich for lunch. Denise had gone upstate to be with her family and Logan had a date. Eames, of course, had her family. What did he have? Well, he would spend Christmas Day at Carmel Ridge and Christmas night with Mr. Dewar. Same old routine, every year. Same old tiresome routine.

When the phone rang, the only thing that came to mind was a callout. Someone had the misfortune of being killed the day before Christmas. Someone had worse luck than his, but their streak was over. Two Christmases ago he'd spent the day investigating the death of a man who'd been killed with an icicle. That had been a fun day at trial, explaining to the jury where the murder weapon had gone. He picked up the phone. "Goren."

_Hi, Bobby._

"We have a case." He couldn't think of any other reason for his partner to call him on a day off.

_We do?_

"Why else would you be calling me?"

A moment of silence was followed by _Are you busy tonight?_

"Maybe."

_Look, if you're interested, I have a date for you. If you're busy, that's fine._

"A date?" Was she trying to set him up with another woman? If so, he really had no interest. She had tried that once, with an old classmate, and it had been an unmitigated disaster. Her matchmaking skills left a great deal to be desired. "I, uh, I don't think so..."

She uttered a frustrated huff. _I think you'll like this one. She's a brunette. About 25 inches tall and 18-1/2 pounds...and she adores you._

He was silent for a long moment. "M-Maggie?"

_Your best girl. Ricky's working tonight and Maggie and I are going to spend the evening with Dad. What do you say?_

Christmas Eve...with Maggie... Her first Christmas... "I...I'd love to."

_What about your plans?_

He looked around the empty apartment. "It's nothing I can't change."

_See you around four?_

"That's kind of early."

_Would you prefer to come out after her bedtime?_

"Oh, uh, no...Four works."

_Good. We'll see you then._

"Eames?"

_Yes?_

"Thank you."

_Just drive carefully. See you later._

He hung up the phone and walked back to the bedroom. From the closet, he pulled a small pile of brightly wrapped gifts: a soft baby doll, a brightly colored patchwork ball and two books. Setting them on the bed, he walked to the dresser and opened the top drawer, setting two small boxes on top of the dresser. One held a sterling silver frame decorated in the upper left corner with a small heart of pink gold. Maggie's chubby baby face smiled up out of the frame. The other one he opened and looked at. It was a heart-shaped pendant on a gold chain. In elegant script on the front were the words "Baby Love" and a small emerald. On the back he'd had engraved, in the same script, 'May 10, 2007.' He studied the necklace for a long moment before closing the box and setting it back in the drawer. Closing the box with the picture, he wrapped it and, taking the small pile from the bed, he left the room.

* * *

Eames sat in a recliner in her father's living room, watching the big man who was laying on the floor, playing happily with her little daughter. Maggie had just figured out she could move about on her hands and knees, but more often than not she moved in the opposite direction than she wanted to go. So she would sit and think about it. Eames was amazed that she never got frustrated or angry. She just kept trying until she figured it out. In the corner near the fireplace, her father was sitting in his chair, reading the paper and covertly watching the game on the floor.

Goren was on his stomach, and Maggie was on her hands and knees. He growled at her, and she growled back at him and giggled. So he inched closer to her, and she pushed herself backwards, away from him, laughing. She dropped to her stomach, reaching out toward him, growling, and he backed away, and they would both laugh. Eames loved listening to the baby laugh. She never laughed at home, and no one in her life made her laugh the way he did. Eames never got tired of watching the baby play with him. Maggie was the one person who always brought joy and never pain to her partner's heart.

When Eames took the baby to get ready for bed, her father and her partner sat in the living room. John set his newspaper aside. "Tell me something, Bobby." Goren looked at him and he continued, "You are closer to Alex than anyone is. You understand her and you know what's going on in her life. Why do you put up with it?"

"What else can I do?"

"If anyone could convince her to leave Ricky…"

Goren shook his head. "No, sir. I'm not playing that game. I hate that she's unhappy, and I hate the way he treats her and ignores Maggie. But if I interfere, she'll end up resenting me. You know how stubborn she is. She's set it in her mind that she made this commitment and she's going to follow through with it. As much as I hate how things are, it would be much worse for me to lose her entirely."

"I don't think that would happen. Do you honestly have no idea how important you are to her?"

"I know. But this has to be her decision. No one else can make it for her."

John picked up the paper and folded it over and then over again. "I do know how stubborn she can be." He was thoughtful for a moment. "How much are you going to let her put up with?"

"What do you mean?"

"There has to be a point at which you'll finally react."

"He's an ass, and he has no idea how to treat her. He has driven a wedge between them that will never go away. But he's never hit her, and he's never hurt Maggie. I would rather he ignore her than take out his anger on her. That would be something I could never forgive. But that's why she never leaves the baby with him, never gives him a chance to hurt her."

"Do you know that she's protecting you, too?"

Goren nodded. "Whether I like it or not, he's a fellow officer. I _would_ go to prison for her, but that wouldn't do her or Maggie any good." He shifted in his chair. "She made me promise I would never go after him."

John finally nodded. That was the explanation he had been seeking. "I thought as much. Have you ever thought that maybe you love my daughter too much?"

"No." That thought had never even crossed his mind.

Eames returned with the baby as her father went into the kitchen. "Can I get you a drink, Bobby?"

"No, thank you, sir. I'm driving tonight."

"Driving where?"

"Uh...home..."

"Why don't you stay? You are welcome here, and I know Maggie would be thrilled to find you here when she gets up in the morning."

Goren gave it some thought as Eames gently set the pajama-clad baby in his lap. Maggie's face lit up as she reached a hand out to touch his chin. He smiled at her. "Thank you, Mr. Eames."

"It's settled then. What's your poison, boy? I have beer, wine, or an assortment of hard stuff."

"Scotch, please," Goren replied.

"You've got it."

"Ba!" Maggie called, and he gave her his undivided attention. When he reached toward the coffee table to recover one of the books he'd given her, she leaned forward and pressed her open mouth to his cheek, her sloppy version of a kiss. He smiled at her and sat back with the book. She patted the cover and nestled back against him as he opened the book and began to read.

A_t the far end of town  
Where the Grickle-grass grows  
And the wind smells slow-and-sour when it blows  
And no birds ever sing excepting old crows...  
Is the Street of the Lifted Lorax.  
And deep in the Grickle-grass, some people say,  
If you look deep enough you can still see, today,  
Where the Lorax once stood  
Just as long as it could  
Before somebody lifted the Lorax away.  
What _was _the Lorax?  
And why was it there?  
And why was it lifted and taken somewhere  
From the far end of town where the Grickle-grass grows?  
The old Once-ler still lives here  
Ask him. _He _knows._

Eames watched them as he read to Maggie. The little girl, a little bundle of eternal energy, sat settled in his lap, watching the pictures as he turned the pages and listening to the gentle timber of his soft voice. Halfway through the story, she yawned. He shifted his position into the corner of the sofa, reclining a little, and the baby crawled up onto his chest. He continued reading, not missing a beat, as she snuggled down under his chin and slipped a small, chubby hand up into his hair. She drifted off to sleep, but he continued reading, his voice softer. Eames knew he realized the baby on his chest was sleeping. But he continued until the story was complete. Then he closed the book and set it beside him on the couch.

It was obvious to Eames that this was something he did often. She watched him rest a hand on the baby's back and place a gentle kiss on her head. Studying his face, she was able to see beyond the weariness that always clouded his eyes. For once, his face was not guarded and she could see a contentment there she had never seen before. She smiled at him. "I'll take her to bed..."

His expression changed swiftly. The guarded look was back, along with the weariness. "Uh...do you...mind...if I just hold her for a little while?"

Something made its way past the defensive wall he hid behind, and she thought she saw panic in his eyes. But she had to be mistaken. It was just so hard to read the man. "Not at all. You can hold her for as long as you want to."

He relaxed. If he had his way, he'd never let her go. This baby had become the center of his world, which had become increasingly lonely over the past few years. She gave him a focus beyond his own misery, and she had kept him from crashing hard. His arm tightened around the sleeping baby and he kissed her head. She sighed and snuggled against him. His heart melted all over again.

Eames enjoyed any opportunity to watch him with her daughter. He was different when Maggie was around, and she was glad to see it. She hated his brooding silence, and it was nice to see him relaxed and happy. She wished she had the ability to do that to him, but he only seemed to tense up around her. Once she thought she was getting close to understanding him better, but now, she realized she didn't understand him at all. He had withdrawn someplace beyond her ability to reach him. But Maggie...Maggie seemed to have a direct line right into his heart.

It was almost midnight when Eames decided to go to bed. Her father had turned in a few hours earlier and she had enjoyed quiet conversation with her partner. Mostly, they talked about Maggie. He never tired of hearing about the baby who slept on his chest. With a yawn and a stretch, she said, "I'll take her and head to bed now."

"Uh...I..." he trailed off, swallowing his request. He had no idea how to ask her to let him keep her there.

Eames noticed his hesitation and read his reluctance to relinquish the little girl. "What are you going to do when she wakes up in the middle of the night?"

"Feed her, like I always do. I know my way around a kitchen and I know how to take care of Maggie, Eames."

That was something she had never doubted. She never thought twice about leaving her baby with him, never worried, never questioned his ability or desire to take care of her. "I know you do." She crossed the room and leaned down to kiss the sleeping baby. Then she met her partner's eyes. "If you need me, my room is down the hall on the right. Good night, Bobby."

"Good night, Eames."

He turned his head to watch her until she disappeared into the dark hall. Maggie shifted her position and sighed. The small noise returned a calm to him that her mother's closeness had disrupted. Gently rubbing the baby's back, he let out a slow breath and gradually drifted toward sleep.


	8. The Wrong Thing to Say

Eames stepped from the elevators onto the eleventh floor and pulled off her scarf, suppressing a residual shiver. It was cold outside. Okay, so it was supposed to be cold in mid-February, she mused. But not this cold. Hanging up her coat, she said, "So tell me why we don't live in Florida."

"Hurricanes," Goren muttered, not looking up from the file in front of him.

She weighed the options of north versus south. "Hurricanes...blizzards...hmm..."

"Alligators," he offered as another option.

"What about _warmth_, Bobby?"

He looked up, poised to say something, but then he thought the better of it and shook his head. "If you want to go to Florida, Eames, I can't stop you."

"Where would you go if you were going to live someplace warm?"

He gave it some thought. "Texas."

Her mouth twitched into a smile as she sat at her desk, drawing the cup of coffee he'd gotten for her close and wrapping her hands around it. "Tornadoes," she said.

He cocked an eyebrow at her. "Lots of space," he threw back at her, amused.

"Scorpions," she shot back.

He met her eyes, but finally shrugged. "I think I'll stay in New York."

"And what does New York have that Texas doesn't?"

He did not take his eyes from hers as he answered, "Maggie."

As she watched him turn his attention back to his file when she had no reply for that, her heart swelled with warm affection for him. An idea popped into her head that she thought would make him happy. "Speaking of Maggie," she said. "Would you be interested in watching her tonight?"

He looked surprised. "Tonight?"

"I know it's Valentine's Day and this is short notice; feel free to say no. Ricky managed to get reservations at a really nice place out on Long Island, and I thought it might be nice to give Dad a break. He's had her for the past few nights."

Goren frowned, wondering why the baby had been with her grandfather and not her parents. His gut clenched and he looked back down at his desk, fighting against an urge to ask her why. It was not his place. Maggie was not his. The thought caused a wave of regret to wash over him and his grip on his pen tightened.

Eames noticed the sudden tension in him, and she did not have to guess the source. "It's been so cold out, and she's been sick," she offered.

His head snapped up and concern filled his eyes. "Sick?"

"She has a cold and she's been a little cranky. Dad insisted it would be better to leave her there with him rather than tote her back and forth in this weather."

It had been cold and snowy, so it made sense that John would be watching out for his little granddaughter. But he read into her subconscious shifting that it was not the whole truth and a combination of anger and sorrow washed over him.

Eames knew better than to tell her partner that the other reason Maggie had been with her father had to do with Ricky. He barely tolerated the baby when she was well and happy. Being sick and cranky, she was more than he could take, and he'd been off for the past two days. So she'd gone to her father's for dinner each night and then, once Maggie had gone to bed, she went home, convincing herself it was better for the baby to stay with Grandpa and not get taken back and forth in the cold, snowy weather.

Additionally, Goren had been very moody lately, and she wasn't sure why. She could tell he wasn't sleeping but he only shrugged off her concern, as he always did. Telling him anything about Ricky would only serve to darken his mood and she had only just managed to lighten it. Spending time with Maggie, she knew, would be good for the both of them. Maggie always brightened his outlook on life, and he always made her happy simply by being with her. Maggie adored Goren, and the feeling, she knew, was mutual.

When he didn't answer right away, it occurred to Eames that maybe he had a date. She knew he wasn't likely to tell her, but she also knew that he would alter his plans if he had to in order to accommodate her. "You know, if you're busy, it's okay," she said, giving him an out. "Dad really doesn't mind, and he'll be watching my nephew anyway. Forget I said anything."

"Why? Suppose I want to see her?"

"You have no plans? On Valentine's Day?"

"Do you find that surprising?"

Was he confirming that he did not have a date, or was he just being difficult? It could very well be either. She met his eyes, trying to read him and feeling unsettled when she couldn't. "Quit playing games," she snapped, suddenly irritated. "Just tell me yes or no."

He felt bad that he'd irritated her, but he was annoyed himself. She should know better by now than to make any assumptions about him. "Do you think I'd pass up the opportunity to spend at least part of the day with my favorite valentine?" he asked, his tone lighter and tinged with a hint of apology. "I'll watch her, Eames."

"Then you're not busy?"

"I didn't say that. My date won't mind."

She studied him. She didn't want to pry into his private life, which he kept very private, but she also felt she had a right to know who was around her daughter, especially after what had happened fifteen months ago with Nicole Wallace. "Do I know her?"

"Yes. You know her. She works upstairs."

The only one she knew upstairs that he'd ever dated was the chief's assistant. "Denise?"

He nodded. Eames relaxed a little, glad to know he was seeing a woman like Denise. She was very fond of the quiet, soft-spoken woman and she liked the idea that Goren was interested in her. When a sudden jealous twinge hit her, she was surprised and chased it off. He had every right to be happy. Accepting his unspoken apology, she said, "I'll drop her off around six-thirty."

He really wasn't inclined to make anything convenient for Ricky. His jaw was still sore from the last encounter he'd had with the bastard late Monday afternoon. But he did not want to make anything difficult for her, and the less time Maggie had to spend around her father, the better he felt, though he would never say that to Eames. "I'll run out and pick her up. There's no reason for you to come back into the city."

"That won't interfere with your plans?"

"No. I'll just tell Denise I'll pick her up a little late. It's not a big deal."

"If you're sure..." When he nodded, she said. "I'll let Dad know. He'll be happy to see you; he's been asking about you."

"He has?"

She frowned at the genuine puzzlement in his tone. "Yes, Bobby. You haven't come by since Christmas."

She wondered at the thoughtful look on his face as he turned back to the file in front of him. In her opinion, he didn't think well enough of himself, but she had always thought that. She flipped over the top page in the folder open on her desk and went back to work.

* * *

At the end of the day, he stopped her before she got to the elevator. Hand on her arm, he said, "Thank you, Eames." 

"For what?"

"For letting me take care of your daughter."

She smiled at him. "Sometimes I think it's the other way around, Bobby, and she takes care of you. Enjoy your date tonight."

"Thanks," he answered, shifting uncomfortably. "Uh...have a nice dinner."

She gave him a smile and he watched her leave, convinced she was right. Maggie did take care of him in ways he had never imagined, just by being part of his life. He had called Denise at lunchtime to let her know he'd pick her up around eight and, as he had predicted, she was happy to learn that the baby would be joining them. After clearing his desk, he headed out of the office to drive to John Eames' home to pick up Maggie.

* * *

John Eames answered the door and broke into a smile for the man who stood on the porch. "Bobby, come in. It's good to see you, son." 

"Thank you, Mr. Eames. You look good."

John studied Goren and wished he could say the same. The man looked exhausted. "Rough time at work?" he asked, unable to hide his concern.

Goren shook his head. "Not really."

"You look tired."

"I haven't slept well the last few nights. I have a lot of things to think about."

Wisely, John did not mention his daughter. But he did know a certain little girl who never failed to cheer up Alex's partner. "Maggie's in the living room. I told her you were coming and I'd swear she understood me. Her little face just lit right up."

Goren didn't reply, thinking John was exaggerating. As they stepped away from the foyer into the living room, John called to his little granddaughter. "Maggie, look who came to see you."

Sitting in the middle of the floor with an assortment of toys arranged around her, Maggie looked up. With one happy squeal, she began crawling as fast as her chubby limbs could carry her toward the two men. Grabbing Goren's pant leg, she pulled herself up to stand and held her arms up toward him. "Ba!"

Leaning down, he lifted her into his arms where she let out another happy squeal and threw her little arms around his neck. He returned her hug and gently rubbed her back. "How's my baby?"

In reply, her arms tightened around his neck. John laughed. "She'll love you to death if you let her."

"I can think of worse things in life than to be loved to death by a little girl," Goren answered.

John squeezed his shoulder and said, "Come on in. Jake will be here in about an hour."

"As much as I'd love to stay, sir, I can't. I have to pick someone up at eight."

"A date?"

"Yes."

"Alex didn't mention you had a date."

"I don't know why. She knows."

John didn't comment on that. "Let me get her stuff for you then, so you can get going." When he returned with Maggie's diaper bag and her coat, he asked, "Bobby, why are you here?"

"Excuse me?"

"Why did you agree to watch Maggie if you had plans? It's not a problem for me to watch her. She's a joy."

"Yes, sir, she is, and that's why I'm here. Maggie always comes first with me. My date knows that, and she always welcomes a chance for Maggie to join us."

"That's generous of her."

He nodded as he gently wrestled a giggling Maggie into her coat and bundled a blanket around her. "I left the car running so it would be warm. Enjoy your evening with Jake, Mr. Eames."

"Thank you. Are you bringing Maggie back tonight?"

"If her mother will let me keep her overnight, I can drop her off in the morning."

The offer did not surprise John. Bobby usually kept her overnight. "I'll tell Alex and I'll see you and Maggie in the morning."

Bobby turned when he got to the front door. "You understand," he said softly, stating a fact rather than asking a question.

"I have two daughters and Maggie is my fifth granddaughter. I do understand the joy a little girl can bring to a man, yes." He met Bobby's eyes. "And I do understand that you believe she's all you have. You underestimate my daughter, son, but I understand that as well." He kissed Maggie. "Be a good girl for Uncle Bobby, princess. Good night, Bobby."

"Good night, Mr. Eames."

He carried Maggie to the car and secured her in the car seat that never left his back seat. When he kissed her head, she reached toward him and touched his face. He hesitated. "I love you, Maggie," he whispered.

She smiled widely and replied, "My Ba!"

"You have that right." He got behind the wheel and backed out of the driveway for the return trip to Manhattan.

* * *

When Denise opened the door to her apartment, she was delighted to see the huge smile Maggie had for her. "Hello, precious," she cooed as she gently grasped the baby's hand. 

Leaning up, she kissed Goren. "And hello to you." A concerned frown creased her brow. "Do you feel all right?"

"I'm fine. Just tired."

"So why don't we stay in? I can make us dinner and we can just take it easy."

"You don't want to go out?"

"I don't care about that. I'm just happy to spend time with you." She poked Maggie's tummy through her jacket and the baby giggled. "Both of you."

"Why don't you get your coat and we'll go over to my place? I have all Maggie's, uh, paraphernalia there."

"Paraphernalia?"

"What do you call it? Bottles, toys, furniture...She has more stuff there than I do."

"I don't doubt that," she agreed with a laugh. She knew divorced fathers who were surrounded by less baby stuff. "Give me five minutes."

"Take your time."

Ten minutes later they were in his car on the way to his apartment. Denise turned around in her seat and was making Maggie giggle. Bobby smiled. He loved hearing the baby laugh. It was a sound that always warmed his heart and put him in a good mood. It was a rare thing these days for him to be in a good mood, and it seemed that Maggie was always the one responsible for it. Stopped for a red light, he looked into the back seat, at the happy face of the bright little girl who owned his heart. Sighing softly, he turned left at the intersection when the light changed.

* * *

By the time they got to his apartment, his melancholy was gone. Carrying Maggie into the building, he could hear her congestion, but she didn't seem cranky to him. As they got to his apartment door, she patted his cheek and happily exclaimed, "Ba! My Ba!" 

He tapped her nose and replied, "My Maggie."

She laughed and clapped her hands. Denise smiled at them and ran her fingers along the back of his neck. Leaning closer, he kissed her as he turned the key in the lock and opened the door.

Once in the apartment, he took off Maggie's coat and set her on the floor while Denise shrugged out of her own coat. He hung his coat and Maggie's on the coat rack beside Denise's while she sat on the floor to play with the baby. Watching them, he could not help smiling. He was very fond of Denise, and under different circumstances in his life, he would have loved her. He tried to force himself out of his self-imposed emotional exile, but, except for Maggie, he had not been successful. He knew there was no chance for him with Eames, but he could not let go of his love for her, and he cursed himself for that failure every day.

He went into the kitchen, returning with two jars of baby food and a little spoon. Sitting on the floor beside Denise, he watched Maggie scramble to him and climb into his lap. Denise kissed his cheek. "Enjoy yourself. I'll start dinner."

"Denise..."

"It's fine, Bobby. I know you don't get to spend enough time with her. I want to do this."

He watched her get lightly to her feet and walk into the kitchen. Turning to Maggie, he nodded his head toward the kitchen. "We got pretty lucky with her, didn't we, baby?"

Maggie giggled and said, "Nees!"

He smiled as he opened the jar of carrots. "That's right," he answered.

"My Ba."

He nodded, convinced she was the only one he would ever completely belong to. "All yours, sweetheart."

By the time dinner was ready, Maggie was done eating. Bobby had cleaned her up, changed her and put a pink blanket sleeper on her. He gave her a warm bottle and she readily went to sleep in his arms. After he tucked her into her crib in the bedroom, he went into the kitchen, helped Denise dish out the meal and they sat down to eat.

Once dinner was finished and the dishes were done, she sorted through the movies in an oak cabinet beside the television. Choosing one, she set it in the tray of the DVD player and dropped onto the couch beside him as it booted up. He paid no attention to what movie she'd chosen as she snuggled into his side with the remote in her right hand. Leaning forward to look into her eyes, he asked, "Are you sure you don't mind Maggie?"

"Of course I don't mind Maggie. Are you sure you don't mind me being here?"

He frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm intruding on your time with Maggie..."

"No, you're not. I...like spending time with you, and with her. Having you both together with me is...good for me."

She unbuttoned his shirt and replied, "I'm glad to hear you say that. I enjoy being with you, too."

He closed his eyes and enjoyed the course of her hand over his skin. Turning into her, he sought her mouth with his and she relaxed in his arms. Barely even started, the movie was forgotten and the remote slipped from her hand onto the floor.

* * *

He had no memory of bringing her into the bedroom, but that didn't matter. Breathing hard beneath his body, she arched into him, groaning deeply as he brought her to the edge. "Oh...my god...Bobby," she moaned. And as she gave herself over to the pleasure he brought to her, she whispered, "I love you."

He was too far into it to stop or he would have, and she knew it, as soon as the words left her mouth. With a groan, he reached his own climax and then he rolled over, onto his back, arm across his forehead as he fought to catch his breath and regain his senses. As his body calmed, he struggled with himself. Reaching a decision, he sat up and ran a hand over his head. Getting to his feet, he went to the dresser and pulled out a pair of sweatpants, which he pulled on. "Bobby? What are you doing?"

"I, uh, I'm just going to take the baby and go out into the living room."

He had never before left her alone in bed, unless he was called away by unforeseen circumstances. "Bobby, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I know better."

He braced his arms on the side of the crib and looked down at the sleeping baby. Once more, he was overcome with a feeling of deep remorse that he could not reciprocate what Denise felt for him. He was only hurting her. Slowly he shook his head. "I'm the one who's sorry, Denise."

He heard her move and was relieved when she did not approach him. She knew him better than he realized she did. Quietly, not even trying to hide her pain, she said, "You're not going to call me any more, are you?"

Reluctantly, he shook his head. "No," he answered.

He listened to her moving around behind him. Softly, she said, "Leave her where she is, Bobby. You don't have to leave the room. I'll just...go home."

"Let me drive you," he offered.

"And take her out in this weather? Don't be ridiculous."

"Then take my car. Give the keys to Eames tomorrow. I'll just call in."

"Bobby..."

"Please. It's fine. I don't mind spending extra time with Maggie."

She wanted desperately to hug him, and even more, she wanted to take back her confession. It was the last thing he'd needed to hear from her, whether it was true or not. But she'd said it, and it was true...and now he was forever lost to her. She swallowed her grief and grabbed his keys from the dresser. "If it helps...I didn't mean to fall in love with you."

He shook his head. It didn't help at all. "I'm sorry, Denise."

"So am I. More than you'll ever know. Good-bye, Bobby."

When he heard the apartment door close, his body trembled with guilt and rage. Why was it so hard for him to love a woman...to love_ that_ woman? She had always been so patient and so understanding, demanding nothing and giving everything. He walked back to the bed, dropping down on his stomach. With a muffled curse, he buried his head in the pillow and mourned the loss of something he had never wanted to begin with.


	9. Resolution

Mike Logan sat alone at the bar, waiting. He didn't have too long to wait. He didn't look at his friend when he eased his large frame onto the bar stool beside him and ordered a scotch. Logan continued to look into his beer, still waiting. But the man beside him remained silent. "You look like shit. Rough week?" Logan finally asked.

"You could say that."

"I heard you have the flu."

"Whatever. I don't give a damn what they say."

He took a drink of his beer and sighed. "Yeah, I know. That's why I let 'em think whatever they want to. They just tell me to shut up anyway. I never know what I'm talking about."

"Has...Denise been in?"

"Do you care?"

Logan felt the tension without even looking at Goren. Finally, Goren answered, "I don't suppose I have any right to care. But, yes, I do."

"What the hell happened anyway?"

"She...fell in love."

That made Logan look at him, finally. "And that's a capital crime, huh?"

Goren sighed impatiently. "She needs to find herself a good man who can love her the way she deserves to be loved, and stop wasting her time and affection on me."

"Does she think that?"

He shrugged. "I didn't ask."

"Please don't tell me we're going back to one night stands. I don't think I can take that."

"Then don't."

"Come on, man. That's not your style and you know it. What the hell's wrong with Denise? She's a good woman."

"That's what's wrong."

"What? She's too good for you?"

"She deserves to be loved, and I don't have it in me to love her."

"Eames ruined you for other women?"

He had no idea what happened, but Logan found himself on the floor, bleeding from his lower lip. Above him, two men restrained Goren, but he wasn't struggling. Logan got to his feet and waved them off. "Let him go, guys. We're all right."

Logan got back on his barstool and wiped the blood from his chin with a cocktail napkin. "Asshole." He looked at the reticent man sitting beside him. "I have no idea what she sees in you. You're moody and difficult. Are you really that damn good in bed?"

Goren looked at him, eyebrows raised, and Logan cut him off. "If you offer to show me, I'll deck you. Look, man, I think you're an idiot. She can make you happy."

"No, she can't, and that's what's not fair."

"Are you afraid that Eames will keep Maggie away if you find someone else?"

A look of sudden panic touched Goren's face. "Do you think she would?"

"No, dumbass, I don't. No one makes that kid's face light up like you do. I thought you said Denise and Maggie like each other."

"They do."

"So...what? You don't like Denise?"

"I like her very much."

"Too much?"

He shook his head. "No. Not enough."

"In whose estimation? Did you even discuss it with her? Or do you just plan on making everyone miserable because you are? Seems to me she was content with the way things were."

"What do you know about it?"

"Only what she told me, pal."

"What she...? When did she talk to you?"

"Last night. She cares about you, man. She wants to be with you, even if you can't love her the way you think you should. You can't rape the willing, stupid. But you can hurt the hell out of 'em by being an ass."

"You have no idea what you're talking about."

"I know all about being an ass, Goren. And I know I'm getting tired of being a sounding board for the women you fucking walk all over."

Goren stood up, dropped a five on the bar and said, "Fuck you, Logan."

He left the bar and Logan let him go, hoping he'd gotten through to him. Sometimes it took a gentle shove; other times it took a sledgehammer touch. He was getting pretty good at knowing which to use. He finished his drink, dropped a bill on the bar and, with a wave to the bartender, left the pub.

* * *

Logan wasn't surprised not to hear from Goren over the remainder of the weekend. And since Eames usually didn't make contact with her partner on the weekend, she didn't call him in a panic when she couldn't find him either. Sometimes, the guy needed time alone to get his head on straight, and that was what Logan surmised he was doing. If he didn't turn up Monday morning, then he'd worry, but he fully expected to see him at his desk when he got there Monday morning, looking like something the cat dragged in. 

He really did enjoy hanging out with Goren, but he hated it when he got into a funk, which was where he was right now. Sometimes it took a hard line to shake him out of it, and Logan hoped that the line he'd used was hard enough. Come Monday morning, he'd know for certain.

* * *

Denise sat on her couch late Sunday night, her robe pulled tight around her, both hands wrapped around a cup of chamomile tea. It had not been a good weekend for her. After talking with Mike Logan Friday night, she'd felt no better. Bobby wasn't in a good place emotionally, and she wanted to help him, but he didn't seem to want help. She didn't know what to do, and Logan had no idea what to tell her. She knew that Mike and Bobby were close, and if Mike had no idea what she could do, how was she supposed to know how to reach him? The only thing she knew for certain was that she didn't want to give up on him. 

_He drowns in his dreams  
An exquisite extreme I know  
He's as damned as he seems  
More heaven than a heart could hold.  
And if I tried to save him  
My whole world could cave in  
Just ain't right  
It just ain't right_

_Oh, and I don't know  
I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautiful  
Such a beautiful disaster_

_And if I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
Would it be beautiful?  
Or just a beautiful disaster?_

When the doorbell rang, she was surprised. It was late, and she wasn't expecting any visitors. Setting her tea down, she muted the television and looked out the peephole. Surprised, she pulled the door open. "What are you doing here, Bobby?"

He had the decency to look ashamed. "I know it's late...but... Can we talk, Denise? Please?"

She nodded and stepped out of the doorway. "Come in. You look awful. Are you okay?"

"I, um, I haven't been sleeping."

Turning off the television, she watched him shift nervously in the center of the room. "Sit down. I'm not going to chase you around the room."

When he sat on the couch, she sat beside him, tucking her legs beneath her and pulling her robe around her. She waited patiently while he organized his thoughts and sought a way to put them into words.

_He's magic and myth  
As strong as what I believe  
A tragedy with  
More damage than a soul should see  
And do I try to change him?  
So hard not to blame him  
Hold on tight  
Hold on tight_

Finally, he looked at her. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I...The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you. I should have talked to you about this before I decided what was best for you."

She nodded in agreement. "That would probably have been a better way to approach this, yes."

"Denise, you...you deserve a good man who can love you in return. I...I can't do that."

"I know. And it doesn't matter to me. Maybe there is someone out there for me, but I haven't found him yet. I know we aren't exclusive, and I know...I know you are in love with someone else. I do love you, Bobby, but I shouldn't have said it. I am sorry for that, but I'm not sorry for how I feel."

He studied his hands. "I'm sorry that I can't be the man you're looking for. My emotions are all screwed up, and I don't have it in me right now...to love anyone else. I know how messed up I am, and I know you deserve better. I don't want you to stop looking because of me."

She gave him a sad smile. "I haven't stopped looking. But I won't settle for someone just because he's available. I want to find the right man. I realize that's not you, but I do enjoy spending time with you. I don't put any expectations on you regarding my feelings. And if the right man does come along, I'll let you know. You are just as free to be with the woman you love, if she ever becomes available. I told you a long time ago there are no strings attached, and I didn't change the rules on you."

He closed his eyes and rubbed his temple. "I...panicked, I guess."

"And I am sorry. It kind of slipped out. I knew better."

"How long...have you felt that way?"

"How long have we been dating?"

He turned his head to look at her, eyes pained. "No..."

She nodded. "It's easier than you want to believe to love you, Bobby."

That wasn't what he wanted to hear, and he shifted restlessly. "Denise..."

Reaching out, she rested her hand on his arm. "You don't have to protect my feelings. You have never been dishonest with me. I know what to expect and what not to expect. I'm a big girl, and I make up my own mind about things. I _want_ to keep seeing you, if you're willing."

He was more than willing, but his conscience still held him back. "I don't want to use you..."

"You're not. If there was any duplicity at all on your part, then yes. But there's not. You have always been up front with me, as I have been with you. We both know where we stand with each other, and that makes it okay, at least as far as I'm concerned."

He scrubbed his hand over the two days' growth of whiskers on his face and sighed. "Can I take you to dinner, uh, Tuesday?"

She nodded. "Tuesday is fine."

"I should have talked to you," he muttered.

"I know. But we'll work it out."

_I'm longing for love and the logical  
But he's only happy hysterical  
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle  
Waiting so long  
So long_

_He's soft to the touch  
But frayed at the ends he breaks  
He's never enough  
And still he's more than I can take_

Oh, 'cause I don't know  
I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautiful  
Such a beautiful disaster  
And if I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
Would it be beautiful?  
Or just a beautiful disaster?

Getting to his feet, he offered another quiet apology and said good night. She got up and walked to the door with him. "Do you want to stay?" she asked softly, knowing if he did, he would sleep.

Hand on the doorknob, he answered, "Yes. But I'd better not."

As he pulled the door open, she reached out and touched his arm. He stopped. Her hand moved to touch a scruffy cheek, caressing the side of his face. His eyes slid closed. He shoved the door shut and turned into her arms.

_He's beautiful  
Such a beautiful disaster..._

* * *

**A/N: _Beautiful Disaster_ is by Kelly Clarkson. Ever since I first heard that song, I thought it applied perfectly to Bobby. I've been looking for a place to use it, and I though it fit in nicely right here :-)**


	10. Her First Steps

**A/N: Elmo belongs to Sesame Street Workshop and Barbie is Mattel's. Maggie is mine :-). I am looking for suggestions, guys. What Maggie/Bobby scenes does anyone want to see? I am wide open to ideas from anyone, so let's have 'em! Of course, that goes for scenes with Mike and Alex, too. Just remember that Bobby and Alex don't finally get together until Maggie is almost 3.  
**

* * *

Logan let himself into Goren's apartment, shaking the rain out of his hair. He was met by a happy squeal and he smiled at the baby crawling across the carpet to greet him. "Hey, there's my best girl!" He lifted her from the floor. "Did you get bigger since I saw you last week?"

"Bee durl!" she announced, giggling as she hugged him. Leaning back, she reached out to pat his hair. "Wet!"

He laughed. "Big girl...yes, I'm wet."

"Wain."

"Yes, it's still raining."

He set her down as Goren came out of the kitchen. Grabbing Logan's pant leg, she turned around to face him. "Ba!"

She took a few unsteady steps in his direction. Dropping to one knee, he watched her little legs scramble to keep up with the rest of her as she hurtled herself across the living room into his arms. He laughed. "Look at you!"

"When'd she start walking?" Logan asked.

"Uhm, I'm not sure...I'll have to ask Eames."

"She didn't say anything about it?"

"I, uh, I didn't see her. I picked the baby up at John's. I suppose she's been walking long enough that it's old news and he assumed Eames said something."

"Now there'll really be no rest for the weary."

"I don't mind chasing after her," Goren replied.

"Of course you don't."

Goren gave him an odd look, then bounced the baby in his arms. "Come on. Dinner's ready."

"Do I have to ask what we're having?"

Maggie turned in Goren's arms to look at him. "Budetti!"

"Of course. That would have been my first guess."

Goren smiled. "And your second?"

"Macaroni and cheese."

"There's kind of no point if I fix something Maggie doesn't like. You'll eat anything."

"True. What's for dessert—pudding, jello or ice cream?"

"Pudding."

"Please tell me we're not gonna watch Elmo again?"

"E'mo!" Maggie squeaked, clapping her hands.

"We are now."

"Great...When she goes to sleep, can we watch _Commando_ or _Lethal_ _Weapon_?"

"Not _Barbie_?"

"Not unless you want me to draw blood."

Goren laughed as he set Maggie in her high chair. Then he set a bowl of cut spaghetti in front of her with a spoon he knew she would only use to bang on her tray. Logan grinned. "Can I teach her about catapults?"

"Only if you want to deal with her mother again. She didn't appreciate the last trick you taught her."

"Oh, come on. What's wrong with mashed potato mustaches?"

"Nothing, until she tried to wash her hair with them."

Logan laughed as he grabbed a beer from the refrigerator. "That's my little explorer. Always gotta try new things. She learned that from you."

"At least that's not something that irritates her mother."

"Yet. Give it time. When she's two and starts taking the toaster apart to see what makes it work, you might start singing a different tune."

Goren looked at him. "I'll have to start unplugging everything."

"That'll be fun. I'd draw the line when she starts heading for the TV with a screwdriver."

"Not if I lock up the tools."

"You've been doing that for six months."

"Problem solved."

They sat down at the table to eat, laughing at the spaghetti covered little girl when she inverted her bowl on top of her head and announced, "Hat!"

"She did that with her oatmeal the other morning."

"Is that why Alex was late?"

"Yes. And you owe me. I didn't tell her that was all you, too."

"Thanks. What are you doing for Maggie's birthday?"

"Eames invited me to her dad's for the day, and she said I can take her home with me so Denise and I can do something with her on Sunday. I thought we'd take her to the zoo. Want to come along?"

"I'll think about it. I don't want to cramp your style."

Goren snorted. "That'll be the day. Denise is used to you."

"And she still likes me. What's up with that?"

"Maggie still likes you."

"Maggie doesn't know any better." Logan shook his head. "Denise should. Then again look who she chooses to hang out with." He stirred Parmesan cheese into his spaghetti. "I'll go with you, since your date is so accommodating."

"She likes little kids."

"Ha. You're funny."

"Ba!" Goren looked toward the baby. "Mi'k, pees."

Logan laughed. "She'll be using complete sentences soon."

"Don't rush her. It's half a step from complete sentences to kindergarten."

"Oh, yeah...and then she'll be dating."

"Not if I can help it."

Logan gave him a sympathetic smile. "You can't keep her from growing up, man."

Setting a sippy cup on the tray in front of her, Goren sighed. "Does it have to happen so fast?"

"You can't stop time."

Gently pulling short strands of spaghetti from a soft curl, Goren didn't answer. "Ba," she said happily.

Leaning closer, he gave her a kiss as he sat back down and finished his dinner.

* * *

After spending the entire day Sunday chasing Maggie around the Bronx Zoo, Logan went home, making no promises about showing up for work on time the next morning. Denise went home as well, not wanting to interfere too much with the time Goren had to spend with Maggie, in spite of his protests. She promised to have dinner with him Tuesday night.

He set Maggie on the floor and she toddled across the room to her toybox. Sitting on the floor near the coffee table, he accepted the assortment of blocks she brought to him, one at a time. Then she sat on the floor and patted the space beside her. "'Mon, Ba."

He slid closer to her and they played with the blocks until she crawled into his lap and yawned. Wrapping his arms around her, he held her for a little while. "All right, missy. Let's put your pajamas on and we'll read a story."

She helped him put the blocks away and then led the way down the hall to the bedroom. After washing her face and hands, he put a clean diaper and pajamas on her. She pointed to the picture on her top. "Draff!"

"That's a giraffe. Very good." He picked her up and set her on the floor. "Go pick out a book."

"'Kay."

He watched her scurry down the hallway and smiled. According to Logan, the little girl had two speeds: fast and faster. The phone rang as he entered the living room and he walked over to the counter and grabbed it. "Hello."

_How was your day?_

He smiled. "It was fine, Eames. How was yours?"

_Nothing special. We went to Nate's for a barbecue, that's all. He's about the only one of Ricky's friends I don't mind. I just called to say good night._

"Hold on." He called to Maggie. "Come over and tell Mommy good night, Maggie."

She dropped her book and hurried over to him. He knelt on one knee and sat her on his leg as he held the phone for her. "Mama!" Then she launched into a happy accounting of her day, including a list of just about every animal they'd seen. When she was done she kissed the phone. "Night, Mama!"

He set her down and returned the receiver to his ear. "Does that answer your question about how our day was?"

_I take it you took her to the zoo._

"Unless they have giraffes in the harbor, that's a pretty safe bet."

She laughed. _You're so good to her._

His smile faded a little. "I love her. It's not hard to figure out. I'll see you tomorrow, Eames."

_Bobby?  
_  
"Yes?"

_Thank you...for her and for me._

He was quiet for a moment. "Good night, Eames."

_Good night, Bobby._

He rose and set the phone in its cradle. He stood there, looking at it, until Maggie tugged on his pants leg. "Ba?"

She held up her chosen book when he looked down at her. Smiling again, he picked her up and settled on the couch with her. She snuggled against him and listened as he read. She was asleep by the time he finished the book.

He held her for a little while as he watched television, then he settled her in her crib and returned to the living room. It was just after midnight when he turned in for another restless night of poor sleep, plagued by dreams of what his life could have been and haunted by images of what it was.

* * *

The next morning Eames arrived about a half hour late. She could tell by the look on Goren's face that he was concerned. She offered an apologetic smile. "I overslept. Sorry."

He just nodded and returned his attention to the file in front of him, unwilling to question her further. The less he knew about her home life, the better. When she called his name, he looked up. "Where's Logan this morning?"

"Running late. Maggie ran him ragged yesterday."

She smiled. "How was she this morning?"

"Fine. She chatted all the way to your dad's."

"That's my girl."

"Yes, she is." He played with his pen for a moment. "I was meaning to ask you...when did she start walking?"

"Oh, I didn't tell you?"

"No."

"Tuesday when I got home from work, she pulled herself up and walked right to me. Then she was off and running, and she never looked back."

"Tuesday? Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. Why? Did she walk for you before that?"

He nodded. "I just thought you didn't say anything because you thought your dad did. I kept forgetting to ask."

"When did she walk for you?"

"Last Saturday."

Her face became thoughtful before she gave him a warm smile. "Her first smile, her first steps...you're pretty special, you know."

"To Maggie? Yes, I know."

She watched him turn his attention back to his work. _Not just to Maggie,_ she said to herself. Pulling out a stack of forms, she started in on her share of the day's paperwork.

* * *

That afternoon, Eames took her lunch with Barek while Goren and Logan headed out of the building to visit the hot dog vendor down the street. On their way back, they were joking with each other, until Logan walked into a man who stepped into his way and stopped. "Hey, man, watch where you're going," he said.

The man shoved him. "Watch yourself, Logan."

Goren grabbed Logan around the chest before he could react to the taunt. "No," he hissed into his ear.

Reluctantly, Logan settled and Goren released him, turning to the three uniformed officers who faced them. "Aren't you a little out of you patrol zone, Waters?" he asked evenly.

"We're on lunch, and I stopped by to say hello to my wife. What a surprise that she wasn't in the office."

"It's lunchtime," Goren shot back.

"So where'd she go?"

"I don't know. She didn't tell me."

Waters' eyes narrowed. "I don't believe you."

Goren returned his glare. "I don't give a damn."

As the men faced off, a new voice came from behind Goren and Logan. "Is there a problem here, gentlemen?"

Logan turned to face his captain. "No, captain. No problem."

"Goren?"

"I don't have a problem, sir."

Deakins looked at the three officers standing opposite his men. "Well, gentlemen?"

Finally, Waters shook his head. "No, captain. There's not a problem."

He motioned to the two men with him and they walked off. Quietly, Deakins said, "I'll see you both in my office as soon as you get upstairs."

They watched Deakins walk away and Logan let out a sigh. "Okay, that's not quite fair. We're in trouble and we didn't even do anything."

"Aren't you used to that by now?" Goren asked bitterly as he continued toward the headquarters building.

Logan huffed. "Sure, but that doesn't mean I have to like it."

* * *

Eames was back from lunch for forty-five minutes when her partner and Logan finally came out of the captain's office. "Hey. What's the problem?"

Goren shook his head. "No problem. We had a personal matter to discuss with Deakins, that's all."

She waited for a further explanation, but when none was forthcoming, she pressed the issue. "What kind of personal matter?"

"Nothing concerning you, so don't worry about it."

He turned to his computer and got busy. She hated being shut out of his life, but there wasn't anything she could do about it. Reluctantly, she turned to her work and she wondered if he would ever let her in. Unless it had to do directly with work, or her daughter, the answer was no, and she mourned the loss of something she never had to start with.


	11. Discord

It was rare for Jimmy Deakins to be undecided. He prided himself on being a decisive man, but leave it to Goren and Logan to knock him for another loop. Damn them. When he came across his two detectives facing off with Ricky Waters and his friends, he was concerned. Waters' posture was aggressive, and Logan and Goren were tense. They were expecting something. He was glad he'd intervened, but he wanted an explanation. He got more than he bargained for.

After spending the better part of a half hour hemming and hawing, Logan finally came through and told him what had been going on. The captain had been most surprised, though, by the quiet fury of Goren's reaction. Logan had immediately apologized, explaining that he was afraid Waters was going to take it too far. Goren dismissed his concern, then turned on Deakins, letting him know in no uncertain terms that if Waters didn't have him for a target, that only left Eames and the baby. He swore that Eames had no idea and asked that Deakins say nothing. For emphasis, he set his badge on the desk. "Don't say a word to her, or take it now."

It wasn't a threat, and Deakins saw from the look on Logan's face that they were both thinking the same thing. One thing Deakins had always been grateful for was that Goren was on their side. Pitted against him, he was afraid they would not stand a chance. He was standing on the edge right now. If Deakins went to Eames with what was going on, Goren was going to resign, take matters into his own hands, and then vanish. His partner meant that much to him. Finally, Deakins picked up the badge and handed it back to him. "I hope she appreciates you, Goren."

"That doesn't matter."

Logan said, "If she knew, she'd rip him a new one."

Goren glared at him again, his face stormy. His look didn't change when he turned to the captain. "Your word," he demanded.

Deakins nodded. "You have my word, Bobby. I won't say anything to her."

Goren held his look for a moment longer, then left the office. Logan looked at the captain. "My mouth gets me in more trouble..."

"You did the right thing."

"He thinks he's doing the right thing."

"And you just back him up?"

Logan bit his lip and looked out where Goren was busy withdrawing from his partner. "What else am I gonna do? That's what he needs from me. Believe me, captain, Ricky's not gonna do anything. He won't risk Alex finding out. Just...leave Goren alone. This is all he can do for her. Let him do it."

"If Waters crosses the line, I won't stand back and do nothing."

Logan looked at him. "What line is that, sir?"

"I'll know it when he crosses it. Watch his back, Mike."

"That's what I've been doing. But don't be surprised if I show up with a black eye or a fat lip tomorrow. If I can't talk my way out of it, he's gonna deck me for opening my big mouth."

Deakins watched him leave the office, avoiding Goren and Eames. He wondered if it would help matters, or make them worse, if he talked to Waters' CO. He pondered that for the rest of the afternoon before finally making up his mind. For now, he was going to let Goren handle it his way. When the time came for him to step in, he was going to step hard, and Waters was not going to like it one bit.

* * *

Logan found Goren in a dark little bar in Brooklyn, well off the beaten path and nowhere close to home for either of them. He was already well into his bottle when Logan found him. He slid onto the stool beside him and ordered a Jack and coke. "I fucked up...again," he said. 

Goren was quiet, and Logan waited. As much as the guy thought, in the middle stages of intoxication, he thought even more. "No. No, you didn't," he finally said.

"How do you figure?"

"I haven't had many people in my life who care about me like that, Mike. You knew what you were doing, and you knew it would piss me off. But you did it anyway because you felt it was the right thing to do, for me."

Logan took a drink. "You mean I spent all afternoon trying to formulate that argument and we're not even going to have it out?"

"Nope. We're not having anything out. Once I calmed down, I realized what you did. Thanks, Mike."

Logan was surprised. "Yeah, sure. You know this isn't the way I saw this going down. My version involved blood."

Goren finished his drink and signaled for another. "I like my version better."

"Me, too. It was my blood I saw being spilled."

"So...how'd you find me here? My car's still back at headquarters."

Logan looked around the smoky little bar. There was a back room from which he could hear raucous laughter. A poker game that was under way, its participants well intoxicated by now. "It wasn't easy. I've been looking since you left the office. This place was a long shot. You grew up in this neighborhood, so I figured I'd give it a shot. I was heading to the Bronx next."

"Why the Bronx?"

"If you're looking for a fight, that's a good place to find one."

Goren snorted. "If I was looking for a fight, I wouldn't have ditched you."

Logan kept his voice low. "This place isn't much to look at. How'd you find it?"

"I didn't. My father used to come here when he was home, play cards all night, find a woman to mess around with." He nodded to the back room. "Those guys back there will remember him, but they don't know me. I haven't been here since I was eighteen."

"You came here as a kid?" Logan was surprised.

"Not on my own. He brought me here, when Mom was sick and he got stuck with me...him and Frank This place is where Frank got hooked on gambling. He used to get trashed here and then he'd get laid and hide it all from Mom when he got home. But I knew what was going on. I was about twelve the first time they brought me here." His eyes took on a faraway look. "They got me falling down drunk that night and thought it was pretty damn funny. I missed two days of school because of it. Dad told them I had the flu. I still don't know why I tried so hard to get his approval."

"Because he was your dad and you were a kid. You didn't know any better." He watched Goren stare into his glass. "Come on, buddy. I'll drive you home. You don't need to be here."

Goren agree with that assessment. He finished his drink, paid his tab and left the bar with Logan. Settled into the passenger seat of the car, he pulled out his phone. "Who you gonna call?" Logan asked.

"Ghostbusters?" he replied with a laugh.

Logan laughed, too. "Ass. Come on, answer me."

"Why? It's my business."

"You're not calling Alex, are you?"

Goren's mouth set in a grim line. "No. I'm calling someone I _can_ call."

Falling silent, Logan listened in on Goren's side of the conversation. It took no real powers of deduction to know who was on the other end. He waited until Goren closed the phone and slipped it into his pocket before he asked, "She coming over?"

"Yes. You don't have to babysit."

"What makes you think I was going to babysit? I was just gonna hang around til you passed out."

"I'm not that drunk."

"Yet."

Goren fell silent, and Logan left him alone for the rest of the ride. When he pulled up in front of Goren's building, he recognized Denise's car, relieved that she was there. "Good night, buddy."

"See you in the morning." He shut the door and started away from the car, stopping after half a dozen steps. Returning to the vehicle, he opened the door. "Thanks, Mike."

"For what?"

"For finding me. Not many people would do that for me."

Logan nodded. "Yeah, well, I don't have that many good friends. I take care of the few I have."

Goren let that sink in. "Same here." He looked at Logan. "I'm sorry I got so mad at you."

"Forget it. I'd have been mad, too. Go on—don't keep the lady waiting."

Goren looked over his shoulder, then grinned at Logan and closed the door. Logan watched him walk away, and when he went into the building, he drove off.

* * *

The next morning, Logan was surprised. He expected Goren to look worse than he did. In fact, he looked pretty good. "Have a good night?" he asked, leaning in behind Goren as he passed his desk on his way to the coffee pot. 

Goren turned his head to look at him, a brief grin on his face. "Yes."

Logan smiled and playfully smacked his shoulder. "Good."

Eames watched them, and she felt a deep gratitude toward Logan. She had never anticipated that her marriage would draw her so far outside her partner's circle, and she was glad Logan had stepped in to try to fill the void. However short Logan fell of meeting the mark, Maggie made up the difference. She hated that her little girl was Ricky's child, but since the moment she watched Goren holding that baby in his arms after she was born, she had not regretted a moment of her life. She adored her daughter, and she loved the attachment she had developed for Goren, pleased that the love existed on a free-flowing two-way street.

As the day wound down, she made up her mind about something she had been considering all week. Ricky had to work all weekend, which was fine with her, but the spring weather was too beautiful to waste. She'd planned to take Maggie to Central Park, to get her out in the sun and fresh air, but decided mid-week to take her to the Bronx Zoo instead. She knew Goren had taken her several times, and Maggie loved the Zoo. She loved it even more when he took her. He made everything in Maggie's little life fun and interesting. Fortunately, Ricky had no clue who 'Ba' was. She had no idea how she was going to try to get the child to not discuss her favorite person in the world in front of Ricky, but it was not an issue, yet.

"Bobby, are you busy this weekend?"

She hated the tension that inevitably cropped up every time she asked him if he was busy. "Why?" he asked.

He never told her when he had plans. He always wanted to know why, and if it involved Maggie in any way, she had a feeling he changed his plans accordingly to accommodate time with Maggie. She gave up trying to convince him to share his plans with her. He refused to share any part of his private life with her, except where that life intersected with her daughter. "Ricky has to work all weekend and I was going to take Maggie to the Bronx Zoo. Do you want to come along?"

He looked thoughtful. "You'll be staying at your dad's."

"Yes."

"How set are you on the Bronx Zoo?"

She frowned, confused. "Why? Do you have a better idea?"

"National Zoo."

She arched her eyebrows. "In Washington?"

"Why not? I was thinking about taking her down there anyway. She'd love to see the pandas."

When she hesitated, he knew she was concerned about Ricky finding out she'd gone anyplace with him for the weekend, even if they stayed in separate rooms and nothing happened. They could stay in separate cities and he'd have a problem. It was bad enough that they shared a damn planet. He shook his head slowly. "Forget it, Eames. It was just a suggestion. Logan and I can take her another time."

He got up and walked away. She bit her lip and watched him go, knowing it would only make matters worse if she went after him. She sighed. She would take Maggie to the Zoo tomorrow and call him afterwards, offering to drop her off for the night. He enjoyed taking Maggie to Central Park on Sundays. She finished what she was doing, packed up and left for the weekend. Goren didn't return before she left.

When he returned, he looked around for her. Logan approached him. "The coast is clear. She left."

"What the hell is wrong with me?"

"Is that a rhetorical question?"

He sat on the edge of his desk. "I suggested taking Maggie to National Zoo."

"What's wrong with that? She'd love it."

"With Eames?"

Logan's eyes widened in realization. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"If you figure that out, let me know. I'm going to skip tonight, Mike. I'm just going home."

"Oh, no...not by yourself. I'll hang with you at your place. You really don't want to be alone in that mood."

Goren arched an eyebrow. "_Now_ you're babysitting."

"Nope. I'm running interference, that's all. We can go to the Mets game tomorrow. I can get tickets."

Goren studied the floor. "I don't know..."

"Come on. Don't make me scramble at the last minute to find a date who'd like a ballgame."

"Fine, Logan. I'll be your date."

Logan laughed. "You buy the beer."

Goren grinned at him before he moved around to sit at his desk and finish up his work before leaving for the weekend.

* * *

Eames became concerned when she couldn't reach Goren late the next afternoon. His cell phone was off and he didn't answer at home. So after she and Maggie left the Zoo, she drove to his apartment. When they got to his neighborhood, Maggie perked up in her carseat. Eames was surprised she wasn't sleeping after running around the Zoo all day. When they turned onto his street, the little girl got excited. "Ba, Mama!"

She found his car and saw Logan's down the street. "That's right, baby."

She parked the car and pulled the excited baby and her diaper bag from the back seat. A few minutes later, she was knocking on his door. Logan was the one who answered. "Alex," he said, surprised to see her.

"Mick!"

He smiled and took the reaching baby into his arms. "Hey, sweetheart." He looked back at Eames and shook a finger at her. "No one calls me that but her."

She smiled. "If you say so."

He gave her a suspicious look and stepped away from the door. "Come on in."

"Where's Bobby?"

Maggie patted his cheek, a gesture of familiarity and affection she used for only four people: her mother and grandfather, Goren and him. "He'll be right back. He went down the street for a minute."

Eames could smell the beer on Logan's breath. "Busy day?"

"We went to a ballgame."

That explained the beer breath. She wondered what condition Goren was in, though if he was the one to leave, she felt comfortable assuming he was at least no worse than Logan was. She watched Logan talk excitedly with Maggie, pretending he understood every word she said. She was surprised at how much he actually did understand, and that made her wonder how often he spent time with Goren and Maggie. She smiled as she realized it must be often.

When the front door opened ten minutes later, Logan knew enough to set Maggie on the floor before she had a chance to bungee jump without a bungee. "Ba!" she squealed as she ran across the living room as fast as her little legs could carry her.

Eames watched him set down the paper bag he was carrying and gather the little girl in a huge hug. His eyes sought hers as he hugged her daughter and she gave him a small smile which he returned, but only barely. "What are you doing here?" he asked, closing the apartment door and lifting the bag from the floor with one hand. Logan took it from him and went into the kitchen.

"I tried calling."

"Oh. I guess I forgot to turn my phone back on. Sorry." Then the realization of what she said sank in and he frowned. "You couldn't get in touch with me, so you came over?"

"We, I mean...Maggie wanted to see you. Do you want us to leave?"

He looked at Maggie, who smiled and patted his cheek, saying his name softly. "N-No...don't leave."

Eames got the impression he was talking to Maggie. He looked back at her. "Have you eaten?"

"We had hot dogs and cotton candy at the Zoo."

"So...what can I do for you? As you can see, I'm in one piece."

She hesitated, but he seemed to be sober. "I was wondering if you wanted to spend the day with Maggie tomorrow."

When he hesitated, she sensed he had plans. "If you're busy, that's all right."

"I'm not."

"You don't usually hesitate...unless you have a date or something."

He sighed, annoyed. "You don't know me as well as you think you do, Eames."

"And whose fault is that?" she snapped back.

He bit his lip and closed his eyes, turning his face away from her. Maggie looked from one to the other with a frown. She patted his cheek again. "Ba?" She smiled when he looked at her. "Pa'k, Ba. Pees."

Eames got to her feet and shouldered the diaper bag. "I'm sorry we bothered you," she said angrily. She took Maggie from him. "I'll see you Monday morning."

He rubbed his forehead, struggling to control his breathing. "Eames!"

She stopped with her hand on the doorknob. Maggie looked confused. She turned to look at him over her mother's shoulder, her little mouth in a pout. Logan stood in the kitchen doorway, watching in silent apprehension. Quietly, Goren said, "Don't. Please."

She finally asked, "Are you drunk?"

"No."

She remained uncertain until she saw the look on Maggie's face. With a sigh of resignation, she returned to his side. Gently, she placed the baby back in his arms and watched the little girl hug him. She wished she was free to do the same. "Drop her off at Dad's. I'll be there tomorrow night, and Ricky probably will, too, at least for a little while."

The last thing he wanted was to run into her husband while bringing the baby home. "I'll drop her off Monday morning."

"Fine. I'll see you in the squadroom." She kissed Maggie. "Be a good girl, Maggie."

Maggie touched her cheek. "Bye-bye, Mama."

She had the door open when he called her name again, this time much softer. She hesitated and he said, "I'm sorry."

She let out a sigh of deep frustration. "So am I."

She left and Logan stepped into the living room. "You apologize too damn much."

"It makes my life easier."

"Does it really?"

Goren gave it some thought as he sat on the floor to play with Maggie. "No. Not really."

"I didn't think so."

Logan retrieved a ball from the baby's toybox and dropped onto the floor as well. Maggie crawled to him and took the ball with a giggle. It didn't take long before she had them both laughing. Logan saw real happiness on his friend's face, and he knew that Maggie was the only one who ever made him feel that way. But he was relieved that she could. He tossed the ball to her and it bounced off her head. She giggled again.


	12. All He Can Do

**A/N: For those of you who have not read _The Long Wait_, I included this excerpt from the end of it. It takes place during Alex's pregnancy with Maggie. Wallace torments Bobby with the murders of women he'd gone home with, killing them in their homes just after he leaves them in the early hours of the morning after. These last paragraphs set up the events in _No Stone Unturned_, when Nicole kidnaps Maggie and baby Tom.**

**I put some thought into the main theme of the chapter, the advent of Maggie's first trip out of New York. I debated whether to send Mike or Denise with them, and I decided on Denise for a couple of reasons. First, many of you seem to really like her. She is one of the few good things in his life and, while he truly appreciates her, he also feels deep guilt over his inability to love her and commit himself to a life with her. For those of you who resent her, remember that he will be with Alex, finally, in two years, marrying her in two-and-a-half. Second, I wanted to show Maggie's growing attachment to Denise and the beginnings of a bond of affection between them. I'll have a Bobby-Mike-Maggie outing coming soon. I love the friendship Bobby and Mike share, and Mike is just a lot of fun to portray. Thanks, rindy713. This chapter is for you.**

* * *

_She sat on a bench and watched the big man out on the grass, playing with a little girl not much more than a year old. She watched his interactions with her and the way she responded to him. She didn't miss the smiles or the adoring looks. She had never seen him happy and content before. It seemed out of place with him. And she felt herself once more in the grip of a familiar raging jealousy, although she wasn't quite sure who to direct it at. She had no idea who the child's mother was, but there was no doubt in her mind that Bobby had a daughter._

_**Don't count me out yet.** He had been right. She had always gotten a sense that he wanted to be a father, but she never thought for a moment it would ever come to pass, especially after Eames got married. Somehow, sometime around their last encounter, he had fathered that little girl._

_An evil smile touched her face, twisting her features as she narrowed her eyes. **Daddy's little girl.** She watched the child toddle at him as quickly as her unsteady little legs could carry her. When she pitched forward off her feet, he caught her, and they both laughed. There were many forms of weapons, many forms of pain, and more than one way to defeat a hated enemy. In that little girl with the smiling eyes and the dark curls she saw something that had been eluding her for many years. She saw a sure way to once and for all strike a mortal blow at Bobby Goren._

* * *

Maggie stood on the grass in Central Park, facing Goren with a big grin on her face. Kneeling about ten feet in front of her, he waited for her. She ran at him and he caught her in his arms, both of them laughing. He nuzzled her neck and she squealed happily. Gently setting her down again on the grass, he backed away from her, watching her climb to her feet. "Ba!" she giggled, running at him again. This time, he let her tackle him, delighting in her laughter. The sweetest sound in the world to his ears was Maggie's laughter. 

He didn't see the woman who watched him from the path. He paid no attention to anything around him but the little girl who monopolized his attention. He had no idea that Nicole Wallace watched him from across the park, convinced that the little girl he played with was his own daughter. He had no idea that the encounter he never knew happened started her scheming to strike out at him through the little girl he so obviously adored. Nicole was plotting his worst nightmare, unaware that it would lead to her own downfall.

Scooping Maggie up into his arms, he tickled her and said, "How about we go and get some dinner?"

She clapped her hands. "Hun'gy!"

He kissed her and she settled herself against him, happy and content. He thrived on contact with her, and he patted her back, placing a gentle kiss on her head. She reached out and patted his face. "My Ba," she said with conviction.

"All yours, precious," he agreed. "Only yours."

It was the truth. In his life, he belonged to no one as completely as he belonged to the little girl who had him so securely wrapped around her little finger. She wasn't letting him go, and he wasn't planning on leaving. They were meant for each other, and they both knew it.

* * *

Eames looked up again as her partner shifted in his seat. Something was up. Finally, she got to her feet, walked around the desks and lightly tapped him on the back of the head. "Come with me." 

He did as she asked, following her into an empty conference room. "What?" he asked as he closed the door.

"My question exactly. What's going on with you? Why are you so nervous?"

He paced back and forth, shoving one hand into his pocket and clamping the other on the back of his neck. His thoughts churned through his head as he sought to find the words he needed to voice the request he had for her. "You do trust me, don't you, Eames? With Maggie, I mean."

"Of course I do. I trust you more than anyone; you're devoted to her."

"Would you let me take her out of town for the weekend?"

"Out of town? How far out of town?"

He scrubbed a hand over his hair. "Washington. I mentioned taking her to National Zoo a few weeks ago, and you weren't game for it. I figured I would ask if I could take her. I think she'll like it. Maybe I'll take her to the Air and Space Museum and the Natural History Museum while I'm at it. She'll love the planes and the animals. She gets excited whenever I take her to the Museum of Natural History here."

"You could take her anywhere and she'd be excited, because you make life exciting for her."

He dropped into a chair. "So what do you say? I can take Friday off and drop her back with your dad Sunday night or first thing Monday morning."

"Are you driving?"

He shook his head. "I thought we'd take the train. Then I can spend more time with her rather than driving. It's easy to get around Washington on the rail."

"Call me every night so I can say good night to her?"

He looked a little wounded. "Why would I change our routine? Don't I always call so you can say good night?"

"Who's going with you?"

He frowned. "Maggie..."

She looked annoyed. "Who else?"

"I haven't thought about that. I don't know if anyone is. I just wanted to take Maggie." He gave it some thought. "I can ask Mike if he wants to go."

"Mike is not the museum type."

"But he is the Zoo type. And he'll put up with anything for Maggie."

She sighed. "All right, Bobby. You can take her. If you want, I can bring her over Thursday night."

He perked up and a smile formed on his face. "Thank you."

She nodded. "I'll go over to my sister's and visit with her and Jake." Her face lit up. "Maybe a night out with the girls. Ricky never complains about that."

Well, almost never. When he suspected she might be using it as a cover to rendezvous with Goren, it always led to another fight. She looked at her partner, pleased to have made him so happy. She spent the rest of the week bouncing back and forth from apprehension at being away from Maggie for a few days and looking forward to having a weekend to herself because Ricky was planning to go somewhere with Nate. The fact that she did not seem curious about where he was going led to another argument. The guy was never happy. He spent the last two days of the week telling her to keep away from Goren while he was gone, which only made her wish she_ was_ going with him and Maggie. She wished she'd told him 'yes' the other week when he'd wanted the three of them to go. There were no second chances with him.

* * *

Logan threw a small, vinyl Mickey Mouse ball against the wall, catching it with one hand and tossing it back. "You want me to go to Washington with you, to visit the Smithsonian?" 

Goren came out of the kitchen and handed him a beer. "I'm asking if you want to go with us. If you don't, that's fine. I'll just take her by myself."

"You know how much I love spending time with Maggie, but a museum...a friggin' huge museum..." He shook his head. "Why don't you invite Denise to go along?"

Goren grabbed the ball when Logan threw it at the wall again. "Denise?"

"Yeah. She seems the museum type."

Goren frowned. "She does?"

"When she's with you she does. She's interested in the things you like. Haven't you noticed that?"

"Not really, no." He tossed the ball back at Logan. "It's a little late for her to ask for Friday off."

Logan leaned forward and grabbed Goren's cell phone off the coffee table, tossing it to him. "Call her now. I think she'll jump at the chance to spend the weekend with you and Maggie. The museums would just be a bonus for her."

Goren hesitated for a moment before flipping the phone open and dialing Denise's number. When she answered, her voice was soft and affectionate. _Hi, Bobby._

"Hey. I was wondering...are you busy this weekend?"

_No, not particularly. Why? What did you have in mind?_

"Do you think you could possibly get Friday off?"

_I suppose I can, but you have to tell me why first._

He smiled. "What's the matter? Don't like surprises?"

Her gentle laughter thrilled him. She let out a soft sigh._ All right. I'll trust you. Do I need anything in particular?_

"Just pack a bag for the weekend. Nothing fancy. It'll just be you, me and Maggie."

_Maggie? For the entire weekend?_

"Yes. Starting Thursday night."

He could hear the smile in her voice._I'll be ready by six._

"See you then."

Logan tossed the ball at him, bouncing it off his head. Goren looked at him with an annoyed frown, and Logan laughed. "Do I take it from the grin she said yes?"

"She said yes, but Maggie was the real selling point."

"Yeah, okay, you keep telling yourself that."

Goren picked up the ball and threw it at him. "You want to get a pizza?"

"That sounds good...with everything but the kitchen sink."

Goren raised an eyebrow. "Why skimp?"

Logan laughed. "Fine. You want the kitchen sink, get it."

Goren grinned and went into the kitchen for the phone book.

* * *

Goren had just finished packing his bag for the weekend when the doorbell rang...and rang...and rang... He trotted into the living room and pulled the door open. Maggie was pressing the doorbell and giggling. He leaned his shoulder against the door frame and watched her for the second it took for her attention to be drawn from the button. "Ba!" she squealed, diving for him. 

He caught her and she wrapped her arms around his neck, laughing. He motioned for Eames to come in, taking the small suitcase from her hand. "What did you pack? I have everything..."

He could tell by the look on her face she had forgotten that he had more than enough Maggie things for a weekend stay. However, this was a little more than a weekend with him or with family. It was the baby's first trip out of town without her. He had tried to include her, and her refusal had led to hurt feelings."Sit down, Eames."

"I really should be going. Ricky is expecting..."

His tone became hard. "I really don't give a damn what he's expecting. Sit down."

She looked surprised, but she sat down as he placed the baby on the floor next to her toybox. He sat beside her and turned to face her. "We're doing this your way, Eames."

"Do you really think this is the way I want it to be?"

His eyes became soft. "No one can change it but you."

"You don't understand."

"This time...no, I don't."

She hesitated before pushing on. "He is her father. I have to do everything I can to make it work, give him every chance I have to give."

"You're not happy."

"About some things, no. But I'm trying. Maggie changed a lot of things."

That was a bitter pill for him to swallow, until he looked over at the toybox and watched Maggie reach into it for a toy. She pulled out a stuffed dog a little too fast, losing her balance and falling backward onto her diapered butt. She chattered at the dog in a scolding tone, then tipped her head to the side as if listening to its reply. Then she giggled and got to her feet again.

Eames saw the change in his expression as he watched Maggie play. She reached toward him and touched his hand, drawing his attention back to her. The tenderness left his face, replaced by an unsettled pain she knew she was responsible for. She did not withdraw her hand.

He knew that if she had been happy, things would be different. Eventually, he could have gotten past his shortcomings and even moved on. But try as he might, he found himself unable to let her go. He could never let her know that, though. She was determined to do everything she could to make her marriage work and he refused to be a pawn in its failure. Fail or succeed, it was all on her. He withdrew his hand.

Eames sighed and changed the subject. "Is Mike going with you?"

"No. He wasn't up for a weekend of museums."

She smiled fondly. "Does he do a lot with you and Maggie?"

He raised an eyebrow at her, then smiled. "Yes."

"I figured he did."

He looked amused. "How did you figure that?"

Her eyes sparkled at him. "I'm a detective, remember?"

"How could I forget?"

She laughed. "Maggie is comfortable around him, and she's almost as happy to see him as she is to see you."

He nodded. "She loves Mike."

She touched his hand again, and he didn't withdraw. "She loves you," she said softly. _And so do I,_ added a voice in the back of her mind. She withdrew her hand and reluctantly got to her feet. "I really should be going. Are you leaving tonight?"

"Yes. The train leaves at 8:15."

"You and Maggie have fun."

He walked her to the door. "We will. Denise is coming along, too. Maggie always has fun with her."

Eames couldn't escape the moment of jealousy that struck her at the thought of someone else spending time with him and Maggie. She fought it down quickly, realizing she had no right to feel that way. Bobby had a right to live his life, and she liked Denise. She was good for him. She had no problem with Denise being around Maggie, though a small part of her wished it was Logan going along instead. "Eames?"

She focused on him again. "What? Oh...I'm sorry...I was thinking."

His face wore a look of concern. "Is there a problem with Denise coming along?"

"No. Of course not. I trust you, Bobby. You guys have a good weekend."

He touched her elbow. "Eames...?"

She turned her face toward his and caught his eyes. They remained still, looking at each other, until Maggie pulled herself up on his pant leg and patted his thigh just above his knee. "Ba!"

Eames stepped away as he turned his attention to Maggie, who said, "D'ink, pees, Ba!"

He lifted her up and settled her on his arm. "Apple juice?"

She nodded and patted his face. "Jooose!"

As he carried her into the kitchen, the doorbell rang. "Eames, do you mind...?"

"Sure." She knew who it was. Mike never rang the bell. Determined to prove to her partner that she really was fine with his choice of dates, she opened the door and smiled at the woman who stood there. "Hi, Denise."

Denise returned her smile, casually setting her bag just inside the door. "Hi, Alex. It's good to see you."

"How have you been?"

"Busy. And you?"

She nodded. "Never a dull moment. Bobby keeps me busy at work and Maggie keeps me going at home."

"She certainly is active," Denise agreed with a smile. "I give you credit. She's a happy little girl."

"Thank you. I try."

Goren came out of the kitchen carrying Maggie. He caught the sippy cup she dropped when she saw Denise. "'Nees!"

With a smile, he set her down so she could run to greet Denise, who dropped to a knee to gather the happy baby in a hug. Eames stepped up to her partner's side. "I really have to get going, Bobby."

He studied her. "He thinks you're dropping her off at your dad's."

It wasn't a question. She looked away and nodded. He reached his hand out, touching her chin and guiding her face back toward him. "I don't like you sneaking around to bring Maggie to see me."

"Would you rather not see her?"

His stomach turned at the thought. "Eames, he doesn't care where she is."

"No, he doesn't. But he _would_ care that she's with you."

"Do you really think so?"

"I know he would. He would claim I'm using her as an excuse to see you."

He frowned. "Even if you took yourself out of the equation? I would be glad to pick her up and drop her off at your dad's."

She gave a short, amused laugh. "Dad would like that, too. He likes seeing you. But it wouldn't matter to Ricky. He'd start thinking you were there every time I went over to Dad's. Forget it, Bobby. Just let me handle it my way."

He didn't like that she had to handle anything. "He...still treats you okay...doesn't he?"

"Yes. He treats me fine. He just likes to argue from time to time."

"Over me."

She touched his arm. "Forget it, Bobby. Believe me, I can handle Ricky. You guys have a good weekend and I'll see you Monday."

He nodded. There was nothing more to say. As long as he kept Ricky's aggression focused away from Eames and the baby, he was fine, and so were they. "Enjoy your girls' night out."

She looked at him, then smiled. He never forgot anything. "Thank you, Bobby."

He followed her across the room. She stopped to say good-bye to Maggie, who gave her a hug. "Bye-bye, Mama."

She watched with sad eyes as her mother walked toward the door, until Denise distracted her and refocused her attention on a book sitting on the coffee table. "Shish!" Maggie exclaimed, pointing to the colorful fish on the cover of the book.

Goren walked his partner to the door. "I'll call you when we get down there."

She nodded. "Have fun. Good-bye, Denise."

"Bye, Alex."

Goren closed the door behind her, then turned to face a concerned Denise. She examined his face for a moment before asking. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything is...what it is." He shrugged. "Are you about ready?"

"Whenever you are."

He walked over and squatted beside her where she sat with Maggie on the floor. Leaning closer, he gave her a soft kiss. Maggie popped up between them. "Me, too!" she said, pursing her lips at him.

With a laugh, he kissed her. She turned to collect one from Denise, too. He ran a hand gently over Maggie's dark curls and kissed her head. Standing, he went to the bedroom, zipped his overnight bag closed and grabbed the small bag he'd packed for Maggie. In the living room, he stopped and looked at the bag Eames had brought. He didn't move for a minute. Setting down the bag in his hand, he picked up the one she had packed. Denise helped Maggie with her jacket, grabbed the diaper bag and started for her bag. Goren grabbed it before she got there and smiled at her. She smiled back and lifted Maggie. "Let's go."

* * *

Eames looked at the wine in her glass as she swirled it around. Ricky came up behind her, leaning over to kiss her cheek. "I'm leaving in the morning, and the kid's at your dad's. Come on to bed, honey." 

Thirteen months and she was still 'the kid.' She gave him a smile and let out a soft sigh of resignation. She didn't want to fight tonight, and her thoughts led her body toward a wanting she could only satisfy with him, a substitute for her real desire. "I'll be right there."

Ten minutes later, as she set her empty wineglass in the sink, the phone rang. She grabbed it on the second ring. "Hello?"

The almost imperceptible echo she heard told her Ricky had picked up the bedroom extension. She felt relieved when a little voice said, "Mama! Ba 'rain!"

She smiled. Bobby was very smart. "Hi, baby," she answered, relieved once again that Ricky didn't care to understand what Logan fondly called 'Maggiespeak.'

She chattered on for a few minutes. Ricky hung up early in the conversation, making no attempt to hide the click of the line. Maggie finally said, "Nite, Mama. 'Uv-oo."

"Good night, Maggie. I love you, too."

She heard the sloppy kiss the baby gave the phone and then her partner's voice came over the line. "We're here, safe and sound."

"Thank you for calling...and for being smart about it."

"I don't want to cause any more fights for you."

She looked at the far wall, where a picture of Maggie's smiling face hung. "Thank you," she answered. "Have fun."

"We'll call you tomorrow night."

She could hear Denise's gentle voice in the background, punctuated by Maggie's giggles. "Good night, Bobby."

"Good night, Eames."

She was glad Denise was with him. If she had gone, it would have been a very tense weekend, and he deserved a chance to relax and to be happy, if he could be. She set the phone in its cradle and went upstairs to the bedroom, where Ricky was waiting for her.

Ricky watched her change into sleep pants and a shirt. "What's she doing up so late?"

Eames picked up a brush and ran it through her hair. "Sometimes she has trouble going to sleep when I'm not there. She feels better after talking to me."

He nodded. "Well, you are her mother."

She looked at him. "Yes, Ricky. I am. And you are her father."

"Alex, please. Let's not."

With a sigh, she turned back to the mirror and finished brushing her hair. He was right. It was an old and tired argument, and she didn't want to argue tonight. She slid into the bed beside him and let him turn to her. But it wasn't his face she saw in her mind's eye, or his voice that she hear with her mind's ear. Closing her eyes, she responded to him, but in her mind and her heart, it was not Ricky she was responding to. It was Goren, and there wasn't a damn thing either man could do about it.

* * *

Goren gently laid Maggie in the crib the hotel had sent up for her. She was finally sleeping. Denise came up behind him and snaked her arm around his waist as he watched the sleeping baby. She trailed a finger down the side of his face. "Have you ever noticed how much like you this baby is?" 

He shrugged. The truth was he _had_ noticed, and he couldn't explain it. "It's..coincidental, Denise. There's no way Maggie can be mine."

She gently rubbed his back. "When I look at her face, I see your eyes. Her energy, her intelligence...I can't explain how, but she just seems to be a part of _you_."

"She _is _a part of me, but not physically. I swear, Denise...I have never slept with my partner."

She leaned up to kiss his cheek. "I believe you. It was just an observation."

"Do you know what I would do if I could make her mine? I'd give anything for that."

She reached a gentle hand to cup his cheek. "I'm sure Alex would, too," she whispered.

He looked at her, and in her eyes, he could see she knew what that would mean. Alex would no longer have a reason to stay with Ricky. She could be his...if that was what she wanted. Denise knew he loved another, and he had a feeling she knew that the 'other' was his partner. Eames was the reason he could not love her, and yet...here she was...

He kissed her. Her arms slipped around his neck and he guided her to the bed. This was one way, the only way, he could belong to her, and her alone. He was glad to have at least that much he could do for her. She deserved more, but she was willing to take what he could give, and so he gave it.


	13. Love on Many Levels

Denise pushed the stroller, watching Bobby chase Maggie around the zoo. Once again, she found herself wondering about Maggie's paternity, but Bobby was adamant that he had never slept with Eames, and she believed him. There was no reason for him to lie to her, and she didn't think he ever had. He truly believed there was no possible way Maggie could be his. Otherwise, she knew, he would be the first one to ask for a paternity test. He would give everything he had to actually be that baby's father.

She had to admit, Mike Logan had a valid point when he told her that whether he chose to admit it or not, Bobby was a daddy. Maybe he wasn't Maggie's biological father, but she could not think of a single way in which he was not a daddy to her. Everyone saw it, it seemed, except him. For some reason, the matter of biology got in the way, clouding the way he saw his relationship with Maggie, and neither she nor Logan understood that. Then Logan told her that Bobby was a complicated man and he didn't try too hard to figure him out. It hurt his head too much. With a laugh, she'd conceded that he had a point in that, too.

Now she watched the complicated man in all his simplicity, chasing his baby girl around the zoo. Maybe she wasn't his daughter, but in every way, Maggie was his little girl. Her thoughts turned to Maggie's mother, and she wondered if Alex realized how lucky she was. Denise knew how his mind worked, and she knew his greatest irrational fear was that Alex might someday take Maggie away from him. No amount of reassurance could chase that fear away, and she wondered how much it played into his relationship with his partner. She liked to pretend it played a big part, but she knew better. The most fundamental element of his relationship with his partner was that he loved her. Denise had known that for a long time and she had come to accept it as part of who he was. There was no sense making a fuss about it or trying to get him to change how his heart felt. His love for Alex was as much a part of him as his arm, his leg or his brilliant mind. Denise had no choice but to accept it, and she loved him enough to do just that. But it still hurt her, even if she never let him see that. He had enough pain in his life to deal with; she was not going to add to it.

Most of her friends thought her a fool. There were a number of other guys she knew who would be glad for the chance to win her heart, willing to give her theirs in exchange. But for some reason, she couldn't let go of Bobby...not right now. Maybe someday she would be able to. But today was not that day, and neither would tomorrow be. Someday, she had a feeling, was a long way off.

Lost in her thoughts, she was surprised when he appeared beside her, leaning in to kiss her. "What's wrong?" he asked.

She smiled. In his own way, on some level he did not seem to have access to, he did love her, and she thrived on his gentle affection. "Nothing's wrong. I was enjoying watching you chase Maggie, that's all."

He tilted his head and met her eyes. She laughed when Maggie, sitting in his arms, imitated him, and she impulsively kissed the baby. Then she met his eyes, and her smile softened. She knew better than to tell him she loved him again...but he knew. She could see that in his eyes. She kissed him gently then looked at Maggie. "Where are we going next, Maggie?"

They had read her a list of the animals she liked when they arrived. Denise wondered how much she remembered. They had already seen the pandas, giraffes, zebras and bears. Maggie clapped her hands. "Kitties!"

"Kitties?" Goren repeated with an arch of his brows. "They are mighty big kitties, sweetheart."

Maggie's smile widened. "Kitties!" she repeated.

"Okay, kitties." He looked at Denise. "We're going to see the lions and tigers, I guess."

Denise slipped her hand into his and pushed the stroller with one hand. He held her hand snugly, supporting Maggie against his chest with his other arm. He felt interminably guilty for his need for contact with her—and eternally grateful for her willingness to allow it. The affection he gave her was genuine, and she responded so well to it. He was glad to give her something that made her happy. He wished, again, that it was in him to give more. Settled into the crook of his arm, Maggie babbled happily as she pointed to familiar animals and announced them as they passed their enclosures. Denise looked up at Goren and said, "Tell me again why we got a stroller."

He shrugged. "She rode in it for a little while."

"Just until the novelty wore off. Right now she is exactly where she always wants to be."

"I have no problem with that."

With a smile, she rested her head on his arm. "I know," she answered.

Leaning forward so he could see her face, he asked, "That's not a problem, is it?"

"No, baby," she replied. "It's not a problem." She paused before adding, "It's the only time you're truly happy, when Maggie is close. I would never deny you that."

She didn't miss the change in his expression, and she felt a little guilty for putting it there. "Bobby," she said gently. "I didn't mean anything by that beyond the truth of it. Maggie does make you happy, and that's something no one else can do. It's just the way it is."

"It's the way I am," he amended quietly. "I'm sorry."

Stopping, she reached toward him and touched his lips with her fingers. "We've been through this. Don't rehash it. If we've worked it out, which we have, then let it go."

He kissed her fingers and nodded. "I'm trying."

Maggie watched the interaction, then she placed her hand on his mouth. She giggled when his mouth turned into a smile beneath her hand and he kissed her palm. Denise returned her hand to the stroller's handle and smiled. Maggie's happiness was infectious, and she was glad for that. They continued down the path that led to the lions.

* * *

Goren spent the best part of the day happily chasing Maggie around the zoo. She wanted to go everywhere and see everything, and she had no intention of slowing down. Denise was delighted. Nothing made her happier than watching Bobby with the little girl who'd stolen his heart.

They ate overpriced food for lunch and dinner, and Maggie toddled out of the gift shop with her arms wrapped around a lion and a stuffed monkey around her neck. Goren had a bag tucked in one hand, filled with books to read to Maggie, along with a couple of coloring books highlighting the zoo's animals and a box of crayons for her. His other hand was closed around Denise's, and his eyes were focused on Maggie, who kept glancing over her shoulder to locate him.

When she tripped over the monkey's tail and landed on the lion, Goren handed off the bag to Denise and knelt beside Maggie, who looked up at him, smiling. "Fall, Ba!"

"Are you all right?"

She nodded and scrambled to her feet. "Good!"

He smiled. "Why don't you let me carry your lion and your monkey?"

She looked thoughtful, and Denise was once more struck by the resemblance between the little girl and the big man who leaned over her. She smiled warmly as Maggie walked up to her and handed her lion up to her. "Hol' kitty, Nees, pees."

"I'd be glad to, sweetheart."

She scurried back to Bobby and took her monkey from around her neck. She climbed onto his lap and stood with one little foot braced on each thigh. She tried to loop her monkey around him without success, so he lifted her up so she could reach. With a happy giggle, she got her monkey around his neck, then hugged him. He set her down in front of him with a kiss, and she began to scurry around him, squeaking like a mouse. Laughing, he caught her and drew her into a hug, nuzzling her neck. "Where to now, little mouse?"

"See bats!"

"Bats? Okay, we'll go to see the bats."

He stood and held a hand out to Denise. "She wants to see the bats."

Denise smiled as he took the bag back and closed his hand over hers. "Then let's go see the bats," she replied with a smile, squeezing his hand. Thirty seconds later, she released his hand so he could chase the running, giggling toddler down the path.

* * *

Denise unlocked and opened the hotel room door, holding it open as Bobby entered the room and gently laid a sleeping Maggie in her crib. She set down the bag of books, dropped the lion on the foot of the bed and sat down, letting out a slow breath. "Wow," she said softly. "How are you still walking?"

He laughed softly, extricating himself from Maggie's monkey and sitting beside her on the bed. "I have no trouble keeping up with her."

"So I see." She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I'm going to take a bath. Why don't you call Alex and let her know Maggie had a good day?"

He watched her gather her things and walk into the bathroom before pulling out his phone and calling his partner.

_Hey, there,_ she answered, an odd tone to her voice.

He frowned. "Is everything all right?"

_Everything is fine,_ she assured.

He listened to the background noise for a moment. "I'm interrupting."

_No. It's just Reggie, Carolyn and me. Girls' night out, remember?_

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to let you know the baby had a good day."

_She always does when she's with you. Did she enjoy the zoo?_

"Yes, she did. Go back to what you were doing, Eames. I'm sorry I bothered you."

_It was no bother, Bobby. I'm glad you called. Can I talk to her?_

"She's asleep."

Eames laughed. _Already? You're the only one I know who can wear her out, do you know that?_

"I do now."

Her tone changed suddenly and her voice became soft. _Never leave,_ she whispered. _We need you. Good night, Bobby._

The line went dead and he closed his phone, wondering what she could have meant. _We need you..._

In the quiet of the room, he heard gentle splashing as Denise moved in the bathtub. Looking at the phone, then at the bathroom door, he tossed the phone on the bed and went to the door. After gently knocking, he pushed the door open. "Hey...are you up for a little company?"

Reassured by her smile and a gesture of welcome, he slipped into the bathroom and softly closed the door.

* * *

The weekend worked out perfectly. They woke to a stormy Sunday morning, glad they had decided to spend the day indoors. After breakfast, they spent the morning at the Air and Space Museum. Denise was amused to discover that Bobby was as excited about the planes and rockets as Maggie was. After lunch, they explored the Museum of Natural History, and Maggie decided she wanted a 'furry lellafan.' Before they left, Bobby made sure to stop by the gift shop and get her a stuffed mammoth, which made her squeal happily. Denise didn't miss the bag of books he carried tucked under his left arm. She had never known him to leave a gift shop without purchasing at least one book, and since Maggie had come along, most of the books he bought were for her.

On the train ride home, Denise snuggled into his side as he read to Maggie. The soft cadence of his voice capitalized on her exhaustion and she slept against him. When the train arrived at Penn Station, he woke her with a gentle kiss. "We're home," he whispered.

She looked around and stretched. "Already?"

He smiled. "Already."

They got off the train and she took the sleeping baby as he retrieved the bags. Forty-five minutes later, they were home. He opened the apartment door and set the bags down as she carried Maggie to the bedroom. A little while later, she returned to the living room with a wide awake little girl. "What is your secret?" she demanded.

He gave her an innocent look. "What secret?"

"I've seen you do it. You can carry her into the bedroom, get her changed and into her pajamas and lay her in her crib without waking her. How do you do it?"

He smiled. "It's a gift."

He held his arms out to the baby who jumped at him. She snuggled against him and softly sighed. "Ba," she said as she buried her little hand in his hair.

Denise never saw him relax the way he did when Maggie was in his arms. The baby brought peace to a life in turmoil. She sat on the couch as he walked around the room, gently rocking her and singing softly. Denise didn't understand the words but she liked the sound and cadence of them.

When Maggie was sleeping, he carried her to the bedroom and laid her in her crib. Then he stood above her, watching her sleep and reflecting on how much joy she had brought to his life. He heard the knock at the door in the other room, but he stayed where he was for a while longer, until his partner's shadow fell across the doorway. He looked up. "Why are you here?" he asked softly.

She joined him at the side of the crib. "I missed her," she said simply.

He understood that better than she knew. "How was your girls' night out?"

"It was...refreshing. I needed it. The hangover I could have done without, but we had fun." She turned her head to look at him in the dim light. "You called me last night."

"I always call you when I have Maggie."

She nodded slowly. "Thank you. I appreciate it."

"You came to take her home?"

Although that had been her intent, she found herself unable to follow through with it. "No. I just wanted to see her. I don't want to wake her up."

"Eames..."

She sighed. "I was going to take her home, but...I didn't expect her to be asleep."

He glanced over his shoulder at the alarm clock. "It's eleven-thirty. Do you think I keep her awake..."

She interrupted him with a hand on his arm, distracting him. "I know how she sleeps," she said simply. "Or how she doesn't sometimes."

He shrugged and looked back into the crib. "I never have trouble getting her to sleep," he said simply.

"As excited as she always is to be with you? I find that hard to believe."

He indicated the sleeping baby. "She's asleep."

Gently, she rubbed his arm, then stepped away from the crib and left the bedroom. He followed her. Denise looked up from the pop-up book she was leafing through. Eames gave her a smile. "Did you have a good weekend?" she asked casually.

Denise nodded. "We had a great weekend. How was yours?"

"Relaxing. My husband's out of town and since you and Bobby had Maggie, I had some time to myself. That doesn't happen very often." She shifted a little. "I'd better get going. It's late."

From behind her, Goren asked, "Do you plan to drive all the way home?"

"No. I'll go over to Carolyn's. She won't mind."

He nodded and walked her to the door. "Thank you, Eames."

"For what?"

"For letting her stay."

She smiled at him. "You'll save me a trip in the morning. Maybe I'll get into work first for a change."

"Maybe. Good night."

"Good night, Bobby."

She waved at Denise and pulled the door closed behind her. At the last moment, she pushed the door open a little and looked back into the living room. Her gut sank when she watched him sit on the couch beside Denise and lightly feather her hair through his fingers. The knot in her gut tightened when he leaned in and kissed her, and her arms went around his neck. She pulled the door silently closed and swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. At the elevator, she hesitated and looked back down the hall. She didn't like the way she was feeling at that moment. She had a husband and she had no right to want another man, no right to want that man. She'd made a mistake, and now she was trapped by it. Her sister told her to leave Ricky, but Reggie had never seen the way he looked at Maggie, the hate in his eyes when he talked about Bobby. If she ever left Ricky and went to Bobby, he would demand visitation, and he would get even with her, and Bobby, through Maggie. That was a rare side of Ricky, the vindictive anger, that no one else ever saw, except maybe Nate Bedford, and she didn't like it, but she was trapped by it.

As she got into the elevator, her thoughts continued to dwell on her partner and her daughter. Ricky wasn't a father to Maggie, but she did not want for the love of a father. Whether he chose to admit it or not, Bobby was more father to her than Ricky had ever been. He was there when she was born, the first to hold her, the first to kiss her. He had always been special to her. She reserved her first smile for him, walked her first steps to him. Her first word had been "Ba," and it had not surprised Eames one bit that it was her word for Bobby. She got into her car and called Carolyn. "Do you mind if I come over? I really need to talk..."


	14. Never 'Theirs'

During the drive to Barek's apartment, Eames could not get the image of Goren and Denise out of her head. She knew she had no right to be jealous, but she couldn't help how she felt. Her mind would not dispel the thoughts of her partner and Denise which began to merge with her memories of the one night he had spent with her nearly two years ago. Now she was in a state of agitation that would give Goren a run for his money. She knocked on Barek's apartment door.

Barek pulled open the door, letting Eames into the apartment. "Hey, what's up?"

"Thanks for letting me come over so late, Carolyn."

"Sure. You sounded upset. Is Maggie okay?"

Eames nodded. "Maggie is with Bobby. She's fine."

"So what happened?"

Eames sat on the couch, twisting her hands together as she looked at the floor. "I stopped by to get Maggie, but she was sleeping, so I left her at Bobby's. " She sighed. "I should have left well enough alone."

Barek studied her. "You went by to see him," she said softly. When Eames nodded, she added, "And he had someone there with him."

Again Eames nodded. "I don't know why I was surprised to find her there. She went away with him for the weekend. Maybe I thought she'd go home when they got back, but I don't know why I thought that." She took a deep breath and went on, "When I was leaving, I made the mistake of pushing the door open a little and looking back. He has every right to live his life, Carolyn. I have no business begrudging him that."

"But you do." She closed her eyes and nodded. Barek went on. "What did you expect, Alex? Did you think he'd do something if she wasn't there?"

Drawing in a deep breath, she brought up a subject she had been avoiding for almost two years, a memory she treasured, but one that he seemed to have forgotten. "I know better. But something has been bothering me." She paused before pushing on. "Carolyn, he has never once mentioned that night we spent together two years ago. Not once. But...after that, things between us...changed."

Barek struggled with her conscience, weighing her friend's distress against things she had discussed with her partner since Eames married Ricky. Finally, she said, "It wasn't that night that changed things, Alex. It happened a couple of months later, when you found out you were pregnant with Maggie."

Eames frowned. "Are you sure? I just assumed he felt so guilty it was inevitable things between us would change."

"You're seeing what you wanted to see then, not what was actually there." She drew in a deep breath. "There's a good reason he has never mentioned that night, Alex. He doesn't remember it."

Eames stared at her for a long moment, her brow knitted in confusion. "He doesn't...How can he not remember it?"

"He drank a lot that night...a lot more than you realize he did. And guilt probably plays a role in blocking it out as well. But he honestly doesn't remember that night."

That explained a lot, but she was still confused. "Then...what changed between us?"

Barek smiled warmly. "He's not so easy to figure out, is he?"

"No. Not at all," Eames replied, annoyed.

"Maybe you should take the time to talk to Mike. No one knows Bobby better these days than he does."

"I used to be able to say that, but he's removed himself from a large portion of my life."

Barek wanted to point out that it was really Eames' own doing that led to her partner's withdrawal from her, but she didn't. If she had not married Waters, things between her and Goren would be different, very different. Eames wouldn't be living such a miserable existence, and neither would Goren. But she had cast her lot when she said 'I do' and set them both on a path neither could turn back from.

Eames was quiet for a long time, staring at her hands. Finally, she said, "I messed things up royally, Carolyn. I thought marrying Ricky was the right thing for me. I thought I loved him. How could I have been so wrong?"

"Wrong how?"

"I ignored the fact that what I wanted was right in front of me. I..." She drew in a deep breath and fell silent. Saying it would only draw more attention to something she could not change. Never once had she cheated on Joe, but with Ricky, that was one of her fondest dreams. Knowing Goren, though, it would never become reality. She was damned to live a life of regret and longing, and it was all her own fault.

* * *

It was a soft noise, barely audible, like the shifting of a breathing pattern, but it woke him. He looked into the darkness of the room and he listened. There it was again, softly floating on the room air, a single syllable. "Ba."

With a smile, he gently move Denise's arm from around him and slid out of the bed. Pulling on a pair of sweatpants, he walked to the crib, where Maggie was standing, holding onto the railing. "Good morning, little mouse."

"Uppy, Ba. Pees."

He lifted her into a hug and she wrapped her arms around his neck, then kissed his cheek. He carried her from the room. Once they were in the living room, she raised her voice to a normal speaking volume. "Hun'ny, Ba."

He smiled and brushed a stray curl from her face. "Okay, I'll get you some breakfast. What do you want?"

"Waffly!"

He laughed quietly. "All right. Then we'll get you dressed _after_ you eat."

He changed her diaper and set her in her high chair. After fixing her a waffle, he cut it into small pieces and added a little syrup. As soon as he set it on her tray, she dug into it while he filled a sippy cup with milk and gave it to her. Then he started the coffee pot.

By the time he finished a cup of coffee, Maggie was done. He gave her a quick bath and dressed her. Setting her on the floor beside her toybox, he said, "Play for a few minutes while I get dressed and then I'll take you to Grandpa's."

"'Kay, Ba."

He returned to the bedroom and pulled a suit from the closet. He heard Denise stir. "You're up early," she said sleepily.

"Maggie's an early riser."

"I didn't hear her crying."

He sat on the edge of the bed. "She doesn't cry. She just whispers at me."

Denise laughed and rubbed his back. "Where is she?"

"Playing with her toys."

Reaching past him to the bedside table, she switched on the lamp. "I'll get up and watch her so you can shower."

He played with her hair. "Are you sure you don't want another hour or so of sleep? I'll be out of here in about twenty minutes."

She leaned up and kissed him. "No. I'm up now. Go shower."

He studied her face for a moment and caressed her cheek. Closing his eyes, he gave her a warm, lingering kiss. Then he stood up and went into the bathroom. Denise got up, pulled on her robe and went into the living room to play with Maggie while he got ready for the day.

* * *

When Eames walked into the squad room, she was only mildly surprised to find her partner already at his desk. He looked up as she sat down, and his brow furrowed. "You look tired."

"I had a long night. How was Maggie this morning?"

"Fine. I told her you'd see her tonight."

She looked like she was going to say something, but she changed her mind at the last minute and pulled a stack of papers in front of her. He thought to ask what was wrong, but a small voice at the back of his mind told him she wouldn't tell him. Of course, he did the same thing. There was a wall between them that neither would breach, and he had to accept that because it wasn't going to change. Reluctantly, he returned to his work and left her to hers. Everything had become 'his' and 'hers' and he had to come to terms with the fact that, aside from the cases they worked, 'theirs' would never exist.


	15. Negative Attention

In the middle of the week, Goren and Eames caught a case involving the kidnapping of a diplomat's son. Right off the bat the child's father took a dislike to Goren and he made no bones about making that point to the press.

By Friday, Goren was so frustrated and agitated he could not calm himself. He really needed a break away from the squad room. After making a phone call just before lunch, he got up from his desk. "I, uh, I'm going out for lunch. I'll be back."

Eames nodded, then turned her head to watch him leave. She felt for him. The child's father was giving him hell and so were the papers. The sooner they found the missing boy, the better for everyone involved. Their theory that the boy was not really missing, that the father knew where his son was, met with great resistance from the brass. She was grateful to Deakins for intercepting some of the flack from the father, but there was only so much he could do. The rest fell on her partner's broad shoulders, and he was careful to insulate her from it as best he could. As a result, she was not a target for Mr. Tompkins' ire. Goren caught it all.

Leaning against the back of his car, Goren smoked a cigarette as he waited. He only smoked when he was extremely agitated or deeply disturbed, but even the tobacco was not helping him to settle. When he saw her get off the elevator, he put out the cigarette and flicked it away. Stepping away from the car, he pulled the keys from his pocket and gave her a tired smile.

Denise returned his smile but could not hide her concern. "You look tired."

"It's been a bad week. I thought maybe lunch with you would be nice, maybe make things a little better."

She nodded. "I've seen the papers."

"Nice, huh?"

She smiled sympathetically and moved toward the passenger side of the car, determined not to discuss the chief's latest tirade, even if he asked. He followed her, unlocking the door for her and opening it. Glancing around and seeing no one, he leaned toward her as she moved to get into the car and gave her a quick kiss. She touched his cheek lightly and slipped into the passenger seat. Closing the door, he walked around the car, unlocked the driver's door and slid in. "Where would you like to go?"

She thought for a moment. "Why don't we go to my place? I made a nice lasagna last night and there's plenty left over."

"If that's what you'd like."

"Yes. It is."

Nodding, he started the car and backed it out of its place.

* * *

Denise went into the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee. Taking the pan of lasagna from the refrigerator, she slid it into the oven, which she set to 300 degrees. Returning to the living room, she watched him pace restlessly. "Having trouble settling down?"

He shrugged. "A little."

She hadn't missed the cigarette he had when she got off the elevator. That was a telling clue. She approached him and gently grasped his suit coat in both hands. "It's going to be awhile before the lasagna heats up," she said as she unbuttoned it. "Let's see what we can do about calming you down."

She slid his coat off his shoulders and tossed it onto a chair. When he reached for his tie, she intercepted his hands and smiled. Returning her smile, he surrendered to her completely.

* * *

After Goren left for lunch, Eames got up from her desk and walked over to Logan and Barek, who were arguing over a form. Logan grinned at her when she approached. "Where'd Bobby go?"

"He didn't say. Do you guys have plans for lunch?"

Barek looked at her partner. "Unfortunately, I do," she said. "But Logan will be glad to have lunch with you, Alex."

She got up, gave Logan another look, then smiled at Eames and walked away. "That was subtle," Logan commented.

"Thanks, Mike, but you don't have to..."

He waved off her objection. "Nonsense. Come on. I'll treat."

Once they were seated in the diner a few blocks from headquarters, they ordered their lunch. After the waitress set their coffee on the table, Logan spoke. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

"About what?"

"Come on, Alex. I know I'm not the most observant guy in the world, but I can tell something's not right."

"It's just the case," she said. "It's been a very difficult week."

"I've noticed, but that's not what I mean."

She looked puzzled. "Then I don't..."

"Things between you and Bobby...they're tense."

"No, not really. Not tense."

"Then what?"

She sighed. "It's not him. I'm the one with the problem this time."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She hesitated. This was her partner's best friend, a position in his life she had once held. Logan sensed her hesitation and guessed at the reason. "I promise, whatever you say will go no further."

He had no desire to add to Goren's issues. If this was about him, and he sensed it was, there was no way anything she had to say could possibly not cause his friend more pain. He was not going to have a hand in that. Still, she hesitated, spooning sugar into her coffee and stirring it. He made a conciliatory gesture. "It's up to you, sweetheart. I know you resent how close I am to Bobby..."

"No, Mike. I...I appreciate your friendship with him. He needs a friend like you."

"It's a two-way street, Alex. Don't think I get nothing from being friends with him."

She smiled. "Isn't that what friendships are supposed to be?"

"Well, there you go. So what's up?"

She stirred her coffee. "Do you remember his birthday, two years ago?"

"Uh, what about it?"

"We went back to your place..."

He wasn't sure he liked where this was going. "And?"

"Do you remember that night?"

"Yeah, I do. Why?"

She remained silent as the waitress set their plates in front of them. Stirring the dressing into her salad, she answered, "Just how drunk was he that night?"

He hesitated. "Alex, I don't know what..."

"Please. This is important to me, something that has been bothering me for two years."

He mixed the gravy into his potatoes. "Bobby rarely appears to be as drunk as he really is. It's a...survival mechanism, left over from his teen years. It's a useful skill when you have to deal with the kind of upbringing we did. He never lost that ability, and it doesn't erode until he's had, well, more than I can handle. He was pretty well plowed that night."

"Enough that he wouldn't remember what happened?"

He raised his eyes to look at her. "Yeah," he answered simply.

"Be honest with me, Mike."

"I am, because he doesn't remember. He asked me how he ended up in the bed, and I didn't have it in me to tell him the truth. I told him that was where he passed out, and he accepted it. He doesn't remember, Alex. And I'm glad he doesn't."

She thought about that. "It would eat at him," she said finally.

"You're not kidding. It's better this way, sweetheart. Trust me."

She took a bite of salad. "So, why did things change between us after that?"

Logan found himself wishing he were someplace else. The conversation had him very uncomfortable. But she was deeply troubled, and he didn't want to leave her that way. "I suppose it all kind of blends together, doesn't it?"

"Please, Mike...you know. I don't."

He sighed heavily and pushed his plate aside. "It wasn't that night, Alex. It was a couple of months later...when you found out you were carrying Maggie. Sweetheart, that...that secured your marriage irreparably. Up until then, he had some small hope in the back of his mind that you might leave Ricky, and then he'd have a chance to fix the biggest mistake of his life. That chance slipped away when you got pregnant. He didn't recover from that...until Maggie was born."

She nodded slowly. "I saw a big change in him after that."

He was in it this far, might as well go all the way. "That little girl saved his life, and I am not being figurative. You have no idea how important she is to him."

He was not telling her anything she did not suspect. "I see how much he loves her, and she adores him."

He smiled softly. "Yeah. She's gonna be a heart breaker, like her mother."

She bit her lip. "I never meant to break his heart, Mike. I never knew. I should have, but I didn't...not until that night. It was the first time he told me he loved me and I knew exactly what he meant by it. I was ready to act on that, to leave Ricky because I came to realize that I loved him, too...the same way he loved me. Then...then I got pregnant. It didn't change how I feel about him, but it had to change my plans, to give Ricky a chance to be a father because Maggie is his daughter. I'm trapped, Mike. It would be more bearable if he..."

She trailed off and Logan gave her an understanding smile. "But he won't. I agree, it would make everyone's life, uh, better. But he will not let you cheat on your husband, not with him. He lives on a moral high ground that damn near killed him."

She chewed listlessly on a piece of lettuce. "I would leave Ricky for him in a second, but...never tell him any of this, please..."

He raised a hand and said, "Sweetheart, if I told him that..." He shook his head. "I would never do that to him. Anything about your personal relationship has to come from you. It's not my place to tell him anything you confide in me...just like I keep his confidence."

"So you've discussed this with him?"

He didn't answer, looking at his mostly untouched lunch. She reached across the table and laid her hand on his arm. "Never mind." She sighed, leaving her hand on his arm. "Mike, if I left Ricky, he would have every right to visitation with Maggie. There is no reason for any court to order even supervised visitation."

He gave a bitter laugh. "Alex, he doesn't have anything to do with her now. Don't you think he'd be glad to get rid of her?"

Everyone said that, but she knew better. Her voice took on a more desperate tone. "Think about it, Mike. He would be ordered to pay child support for a child he resents, one he never wanted to begin with. And there would be no hiding my personal life. Ricky would know I was with Bobby. And the only way he would have to strike at me, at us, would be through Maggie."

A look of alarm crossed his face and Eames realized for the first time that Logan, too, adored her little girl. His expression became hard. "He wouldn't. She's a baby..."

Frustrated, she met his eyes. "I keep hearing that, but I live with him. I see the way he looks at her, the way he tells her to go away when she asks for a story, the resentment in his face when she calls him Daddy. Thank God he has no desire to understand what she says, and he has no clue what 'Ba' means. She's learning to avoid him, and it breaks my heart. She doesn't have a father because he will not be one."

Logan snorted. "Maggie doesn't want for the love of a father, honey. Believe me. Bobby's a daddy to her in every way. He's just hung up on the biology of it, and I'm not sure why. I gave up trying to figure him out a long time ago. But there's one thing no one can deny. He loves Maggie with all his heart."

Eames smiled. "I know. And so do I."

"Yeah. She has that effect on people, except for that bastard...sorry, Alex."

She shook her head. "Forget it. Are you done? I need to get back to the squad."

"Go on back. Tell Barek I'll be there in twenty."

She smiled fondly. "Do you ever skip a meal?"

"Not if I can help it."

With a laugh, she slid out of the booth, stepped toward him and leaned over to kiss his cheek. "Thank you, Mike."

He gave her a smile and grasped her hand. His face became serious. "If you ever choose to discuss that night with him, please, act surprised to find out he doesn't remember. If he knew it was a topic of conversation, it wouldn't sit well with him at all."

She nodded. "Don't worry. And I don't have any plans to discuss it with him. You're right. It's a good thing he doesn't remember, for his own sake. Enjoy your lunch."

He watched her leave. God, this sucked. Neither of them was happy, and they never would be, forced to be apart like they were. But Eames was married, and as long as she was, they were fated to the circumstance they lived with. Damn Waters...and there was nothing he could do about it. It was all on Eames and that wasn't fair. She was trapped by the well-being of the baby they all adored, and he couldn't blame her for that. No one could. Sighing heavily, he finished his lunch and returned to work.

* * *

Eames knew as soon as he got off the elevator that something had happened. His entire demeanor was more relaxed. For a moment, she wondered if he'd gone to the closest pub, but he knew better than that. "Good lunch?" she asked.

He nodded. "Lasagna."

"What was in it? You look a lot better."

He gave her a sad smile that she didn't understand and directed his attention to the documents in his binder. He wasn't going to answer her and perhaps that was just as well. She opened her laptop and dove into the database for information on the missing boy's father. There was something about him that just did not sit right with her, beyond his apparent dislike of Goren. Something told her that his outspoken criticism was a diversionary tactic designed to knock Goren off balance, and it had succeeded, to an extent. Her partner, she knew, had been suspicious of the father since the beginning, but it seemed that the more Goren dove into his work, the more Tompkins fussed about the man. That only served to drive him deeper into his files, but it also put him more on edge and it pissed off Eames. Neither of them could devote their full attention to the case at hand with Tompkins screaming at them, and the captain, and the chief, and the commissioner, and the mayor...and that all in turn put more heat on them. Deakins did his best to protect them, but he could not shield them entirely.

A record flashed up onto her screen and she frowned, studying it. "Bobby, come and take a look at this."

Goren got up and walked around their desks. When he leaned over to look at the screen, she caught a whiff of perfume underlying his aftershave. A knot formed in her gut and tightened. No wonder he was so much more relaxed. She tried to shrug it off but the resentment, driven by a jealousy she could not suppress, remained.

He studied the screen. It was a file on Tompkins, arrested fifteen years earlier on drug charges, while an exchange student in New York from his native England. "Is that what he wanted to keep us from finding?"

"A fifteen-year-old drug charge that was dismissed? That doesn't make sense."

"I'll keep looking."

He stood up and leaned back, a thoughtful look on his face. "Try Interpol when you're done with our files, Eames."

She glanced up as he returned to his desk and picked up the phone.

* * *

Eames did not get to the Interpol files that afternoon. She was nearly done with the NYPD database when the captain called them into his office and tied them up in a meeting with the chief of d's for the rest of the afternoon. Eames found herself feeling almost grateful for her partner's afternoon tryst. She saw him struggle to hold his temper more than once, and if he'd still been as keyed up as he'd been that morning he would not have been as successful maintaining his control. As it was, the worst he did was tell the chief that he was the reason they were not doing the job he claimed they were falling down on. Deakins cast him a warning glare and Eames covertly poked him in the ribs.

Near the end of his patience, Goren pulled away from her side and left the office. She remained behind with Deakins to assist with damage control, finally returning to her desk when he was packing up for the day. "I'm sorry," he muttered, not looking up from his binder.

"It's all right. We mitigated the damage."

"Damage?" he growled as he looked up at her, but the look on her face made him fall silent with a shake of his head. He grumbled under his breath for a moment before taking a few deep, steadying breaths. "Am I in too much trouble to ask a favor?"

"Of course not. You aren't in trouble with me, unless you keep going the way you are."

"I'm sorry, Eames. I know it's not your fault. I'm just...frustrated."

She nodded. "I understand that. What's the favor?"

He rubbed the back of his neck and trailed his finger around the edge of his binder. "Uh, do you mind, I mean, can I...can I pick up Maggie for a few hours Sunday afternoon?"

"I don't see why not. What's Sunday?"

He moistened his lips. "It's Denise's birthday. Maggie likes Denise a lot and she likes cake. I thought it would be nice...if you don't mind."

Did she mind? She studied him for a moment. "You're getting serious about her, aren't you?"

"I guess it depends on what you mean by serious."

"When was the last time you saw someone else?"

He frowned. "Why does it matter?"

Feeling a sudden surge of irritation, she snapped, "I have the right to know who my daughter is around, Goren."

He looked hurt. "Do you think I would bring her around anyone questionable?" He raised a hand before she could reply. He made no attempt to mask his tone. "Don't answer that. You know every woman I've had a date with whenever I've had Maggie: most often, Denise, but also Christine in Payroll, Tammy from the typing pool, Marsha with CSU and Sally from the lab. That's it. Anyone else was never around Maggie. But it's been six months since I've seen anyone but Denise, because she's Maggie's favorite, and mine. Satisfied?"

"Bobby..." she started, contrite for being testy.

"No. Forget it. Have a good weekend, Eames. I'll call you if I come up with anything."

He grabbed his binder and headed out of the squad room. She knew he was deeply hurt and serious about being left alone when he took the stairs instead of the elevator.

She packed up her things and went to her car, not surprised to find his seven spaces away. He'd gone wandering, so she couldn't track him down. _Damn_.

Pulling out a piece of paper, she wrote: _I'm sorry, Bobby. I never meant to infer that I questioned your judgment. My only motive in asking you anything personal is concern and a desire to convey to you the fact that I care. You can pick Maggie up at Dad's Sunday, whenever you're ready for her. Tell Denise I said happy birthday._

She left it unsigned and tucked it under the windshield wiper of his car. Then she got into her own car and drove away.

Twenty minutes later, Goren came into the parking garage. As he started toward his car, relieved to see that his partner was gone, the elevator doors opened and Denise stepped out. "Bobby?"

He turned and gave her a small, guilty smile. "Hi, Denise. You're leaving kind of late."

"Want to guess why?"

He didn't have to guess. "No. Not really."

She ran her hand along his arm. "It'll be all right."

"Once we find the boy it will be."

"What are you doing tonight?"

He shoved his hands into his pockets. "Logan and I are going out. Are we still on for tomorrow night?"

"Of course."

He fell into step beside her, escorting her to her car. They were several spaces away from it when a familiar voice called to him above the sound of a running engine. "Hey, Goren!"

He turned to face Ricky Waters as he stepped past the patrol car his partner was driving. He heard the transmission shift into park and Bedford stepped out of the car, but he did not approach. He looked apprehensive. Goren instinctively stepped between Waters and Denise, tossing his binder lightly onto the trunk of the closest car. "Don't start anything in front of the lady, Waters."

"Start something? This was started a long time ago. I was out of town this weekend, and Alex wasn't home. Did you have a good time with her?"

Goren frowned. "I didn't spend the weekend with her. She did her own thing and I did mine. I was in Washington all weekend; Eames wasn't."

"Don't lie to me," Waters accused.

Denise stepped out from behind the shelter of Goren's body. "He's not. He was with me. Alex wasn't around us at all. We were at the Smithsonian all weekend."

Waters glared at her as he stopped a foot and a half in front of them. "Don't lie for him, lady. He's not worth it."

"I don't lie, sergeant, and how would you know what he's worth? He is your wife's partner, nothing more."

Goren gripped her arm firmly to prevent her from moving any closer to Waters, whose mouth turned up into a sneer as he ignored Denise. "I've been reading the papers, Goren. That's why I'm here. I don't like you bringing negative attention to my wife."

Goren's eyes narrowed. "Show me one clipping where she is mentioned at all. They're focusing on me, Waters. Eames is safe from their scrutiny as long as I'm around."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Just what I said. I will protect my partner from any negative attention. So get lost."

Glaring at him, Waters began to turn away. Without any warning, he spun back, the inertia of his movement lending more power to the unexpected punch he landed on Goren's jaw, knocking the bigger man down. With a laugh, he walked away as Bedford shook his head and got back behind the wheel. He drove by as Denise dropped to her knees beside Goren, who was shaking his head at her. "Stupid move, Rick," he complained.

"Shut up and drive, Nate."

Goren pulled out his handkerchief when he felt blood trickle from a cut below his eye. Denise took the cloth from him and gently dabbed at the wound. "Bobby..."

"Please, Denise. Let me deal with this in my own way."

"But..."

He closed his hand around her forearm and met her eyes. "Please, baby. Just let it go. I have my reasons and I need you to trust me."

She was torn between her outrage at Waters' attack and the intensity behind his request. He got to his feet and helped her up, pulling her gently to his chest. "Please," he insisted.

Finally, she nodded. "All right. For now, but only because you asked. "

"Thank you."

He retrieved his binder and walked her to her car. She turned to him, smoothing her hand over his tie. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Around six?"

"I'll be ready." She leaned up to kiss him. "Good night, sweetheart."

His thumb caressed her jaw. "Good night, Denise."

She got into the car, started it and backed out of the parking space. Once she was gone, he walked to his car. Pulling the paper from his windshield, the frown slipped away from his face when he read the message. His personal life was off limits to his partner, by her own doing, and it was a loss he would mourn for the rest of his life. Folding the paper, he slid it into his pocket and got into the car. Restlessly agitated once again, he took the long way home, knowing Logan would be there when he arrived. Maybe tonight he'd sleep, one way or another. It had eluded him all week, and he needed the rest.


	16. Rage and Regret

Nate Bedford looked down the dark street as he took another bite of his hamburger. "That was not smart, Rick, nailing him like that in front of a witness other than Logan."

"I'm not worried. Goren'll keep her quiet. He doesn't want Alex to know about our encounters."

Bedford shook his head. "One of these days, you're going to go too far." He sighed heavily. "Is it worth it, Rick? Why don't you just let her go? You're going to be leaving her anyway. Let Goren have her. He's the one she wants, anyway."

"Shut up, Nate. She's my wife until I say she's not."

"You're too deep into this cover, man. It was never meant to be this way."

Waters glared at him. "Well, it is. I never meant to fuckin' fall in love with her. But she is my damn wife, and I'm not giving her up...to anyone."

"You'll have to sooner or later. Face it, Rick. She's in love with her partner. You were just an infatuation."

Waters pulled his gun and aimed it at his best friend. Nate had been in this position before. Being the voice of reason for Waters was a dangerous proposition. "Put the damn gun away, jackass."

"Shut the hell up about my wife and her goddam partner. He can't have her because she's mine, and that's all there is to it."

"She's a person, not some damn prize to be won, and this isn't an adolescent game. Besides, what do you get out of it? A kid you never wanted and a fight you sure don't need. This power struggle with Goren isn't getting you anywhere."

"If I have to tell you to shut up again, it'll be with my gun."

"Fuck you, Rick."

"Take me the hell home."

"Glad to."

Neither man said another word during the ride to the home Ricky shared with Alex.

* * *

Ricky let himself in the front door, glancing into the living room at the baby sitting on the floor playing with a stack of blocks. Maggie looked up, studying him with that intense look he hated, but she said nothing and went back to her blocks. She'd given up greeting him weeks ago, to his relief. He just couldn't pretend to like his wife's biggest mistake.

He proceeded into the kitchen to greet the one person he did care about, stepping up behind her and hugging her waist. He kissed her cheek as she said, "Hi. Do you want something to eat?"

"No, thanks. Nate and I grabbed a burger when we went off duty." He looked over her shoulder. "What are you fixing?"

"Macaroni and cheese for the baby. She's in the living room if you want to say hi."

"Yeah, we already had our greeting. It's creepy the way that kid looks at me. I'll go get changed while you eat."

He kissed the side of her head and left the room. She finished the macaroni and cheese, and while it cooled, she put together a salad. Carrying the food to the table, she called to Maggie. "Are you ready to eat, angel?"

Maggie scrambled to her feet and toddled to her mother. Her face lit up when she saw her bowl. "Roni!" she squealed happily, launching into an explanation of some sort that included the word 'Ba' three times.

Eames gathered that macaroni and cheese was something Bobby made for her often, which didn't surprise her since Maggie loved it. She made a mental note not to fix it when Ricky would be home. She sat down and asked, "What else does he make for you, baby?"

"Getti!"

"Of course. And hot dogs and french fries, too, huh?"

Maggie nodded as Eames cleaned her face and hands with a face cloth. As she began to dig into her dinner, she looked at her mother with an expression of deep intelligence. "My Ba," she said quietly. "My Mama. My Mick. My Gampa. My Ba."

Done with her inventory, she happily settled into her dinner. It had not escaped Eames' notice that she'd listed Bobby twice, and Daddy not at all, and she knew it was intentional. She was surprised that Maggie included Logan, and it upset her that she had to wonder just how close Bobby and Mike were. She felt so disconnected from her partner's life, and that depressed her. She watched Maggie eat, and reflected about how this beautiful little girl was her closest connection to the most important man in her life. Without Maggie, she would have lost touch entirely with him. She hated how far he had withdrawn from her, and she knew it was another one of his survival tactics. Carolyn had once referred to him as an unattainable dream, and she could not have been more right. She heard Ricky moving about in the living room, and she recalled the ease with which he'd swept her off her feet. Bobby had warned her to be careful, but she'd dismissed his concern. Had it been jealousy speaking? The thought had never occurred to her. She never expressed any concern about his dates. Maybe she should have. If she had taken the time to look past the face he turned to the world, she would have seen so much...if he'd let her which was not something he was inclined to do. She saw the man every day and never took the time to notice him...until it was too late, for both of them.

"Done, Mama!"

Eames removed the dishes and set them in the sink, rinsing the facecloth with warm water. She cleaned the baby and they went into the living room where Ricky sat on the couch reading the paper. Maggie toddled over to her toys as her mother sat near Ricky. She watched the baby for a few minutes, then picked up the book she'd been reading.

After a long interval of companionable silence, Maggie approached Eames with a book. Opening the book to a picture of a family, she pointed to each member of the small family and identified them. "Mama...Madie...Ba!"

Eames raised her eyebrows in surprise and glanced at Ricky, relieved but not surprised he was not paying attention to their daughter. It was not going to be easy to convince her not to talk about her favorite person when Ricky was around. She gave Maggie a smile and closed the book. The baby took the book and walked to the bookcase, where she set it on the shelf with care. Bobby had successfully instilled in the little girl a love and respect for books, and that made her smile.

"What are you smiling at?" Ricky asked.

He was done with the paper. "It's a mother thing," Alex replied. "You wouldn't understand."

Ignoring the child, as was his tendency, he reached out and touched his wife's chin, turning her face toward his as Maggie returned to the couch. He gently kissed her, laying the flat of his palm against her face. Maggie watched them and a frown furrowed her brow. She climbed onto the couch and crawled into her mother's lap, firmly inserting herself between the two adults. She pushed against Ricky and said, "No, no, Dada! My mama!"

Ricky pulled back, his face growing purple with rage. Only barely containing his fury, he growled at his wife, "If she was a boy, I'd backhand her fucking ass across the damn room. Get her to bed, Alex. I'll be waiting for you."

"I can take her to dad's."

"No. Then you'll stay there and I want you here tonight. Just put the damn kid to bed."

He lurched off the couch and angrily mounted the stairs. Maggie watched him with interest. "Dada mad?"

"Oh, yes, honey. He's very mad."

"Madie do't?"

"I'm afraid you did, sweetheart."

She gave it some more thought. "Madie wan' Ba."

The simple statement of want dug at Alex's heart. "I know you do, Maggie. So do I. Come on. Let's tuck you in. We'll go see Grandpa tomorrow."

"See Ba?"

"Sunday. He'll see you on Sunday."

"Nees, too?"

"Yes. Denise, too."

She got up, lifted her daughter from the couch and went up the stairs to the bedroom. She tucked Maggie into her crib and kissed her good night, lingering for a little while to make sure she went to sleep.

In the bedroom, true to his word, Ricky was waiting for her, still agitated by the actions of a child. Eames shook her head. "She's a baby, Ricky. She doesn't know."

"The hell she doesn't."

"Well, maybe if you gave her a reason to love you..."

He snorted. "I don't want a reason to care about her. I never wanted her in the first place. She was all your idea."

"I didn't make her by myself, asshole."

He got up from the bed and approached her. "We were never supposed to have children."

She stared him down defiantly. "I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world, and I'm glad I have her."

Something about her anger and her stubborn defiance ignited him, and before either of them knew what was happening, they were on the bed. He loved her passion and knew how to ignite a response in her, angry or not. It was a skill he enjoyed putting to use, and he did so now. He would definitely have his way.

* * *

Eames was laying in the dark, reflecting on her life as her husband slept beside her. She remembered the whirlwind romance that led to his first proposal, three weeks after they began to date, one she rejected. Talking about it to Barek a few days later, Goren had inadvertently overheard. He'd expressed concern but seemed satisfied by her assurance that it was far too soon for her to be thinking of marriage. But she was thinking about it. She missed being married, and she found herself missing Joe more and more. It took a little more than a year of persistence on his part before she had finally accepted his proposal.

Now, telling Goren was another issue entirely, knowing he did not approve of Ricky. It took her a month to gather the courage to let him know she'd finally agreed to marry her boyfriend. She'd promised him things would not change between them, assuring him that Ricky did not have a problem with their partnership. She found out differently a few hours after the wedding, on the plane to Bermuda, when he broached the subject and asked her to request a new partner. It had been a topic of dissension ever since, along with the issue of whether or not to have children. And the fact that things between them _had _changed grieved her deeply.

She wasn't certain what drove Goren's objection to Ricky. Looking back, she should have listened to him. She forgot about the brilliant profiler and his profound understanding of people, reading his objection as personal, even if she couldn't explain why. Now she wondered how much jealousy had to do with it, knowing that he loved her, something she had failed to notice back then. Taking it a step further, if he had been honest with her about his feelings, he would have given her something to think about. Things might have turned out differently for both of them.

The day she got married, he told her he was all right and she believed him, because she wanted him to be all right, not because he was. Distracted and wrapped up in the man she thought she wanted, she had failed to see that he was anything but all right. Or maybe she did see it but chose to dismiss it for whatever reason. Well after the fact, she heard second-hand what happened after she and Ricky were gone. That was the day Mike Logan stepped in and began to fill the role her marriage had forced her out of. Today it was Logan who was her partner's best friend, and she was no longer sure just where she fit in. All she knew was that she felt something vital slipping away from her, hanging on by the thinnest of threads. Beyond the job, the only real connection she had to him anymore was through Maggie.

She looked at the sleeping man beside her. While they were dating, many things about him had reminded her of Joe. After the wedding, those similarities began slipping away, one by one. He still had his moments, the ones that reminded her that she loved him, but so much had changed between them when Maggie arrived. As much as the baby kept her connected to Goren, she drove a wedge between her and Ricky. Yet the one thing her husband would never do was make her choose between him and Maggie. She would never choose anyone above her little girl.

When Maggie got between them and pushed him away, she'd been amused. She had expected Ricky to be annoyed, but the fury in his face disturbed her. She got out of the bed and quietly dressed, leaving him sleeping. Without waking Maggie, she carried her to the car and drove to her father's.

Letting herself in the front door, she carried the sleeping baby to the bedroom she shared with her in her father's house and settled her in her crib. Then she laid on the bed and slept peacefully for the rest of the night.

* * *

Her phone rang early the next morning, and she did not have to look at the caller ID to know who it was. She could almost feel the anger emanating from the phone. "Hello?"

_Don't 'hello' me. Where the hell are you?_

"Where do you think I am, Ricky?"

_I'm not in the mood for games, Alex. I have to get to work._

"Then go. You don't own me. I can go where I want. I'll see you tonight."

She knew that her answer infuriated him and she didn't care. She wasn't afraid of Ricky. He sputtered in anger and again demanded, _Where are you?_

Threats and demands got him nowhere with her. He should know that by now. "Have a good day, Ricky. I'll see you tonight."

She closed the phone and returned to her breakfast. Maggie was almost done with her cereal. "Mama?"

"Yes, honey?"

"See Ba?"

She smiled at the little girl. "Tomorrow. Today I'm going to take you to the park."

Disappointment flickered across her face, but it was quickly replaced with resignation and then a smile. "'Kay, Mama."

Maggie brought her such delight, and she was glad to have a nice, quiet day with her daughter. After breakfast, she got Maggie dressed and they played with Grandpa in the yard for the rest of the morning.

* * *

Goren woke late, mildly hungover but better rested than he'd been all week. He made a pot of coffee and opened the refrigerator, interrupted by a knock at the door. He wasn't expecting anyone. Pulling the door open, he was entirely caught offguard by a punch to the mouth, followed in quick succession by a right hook to the already bruised side of his face. He staggered backwards and Waters came into the apartment, looking around. "Where is she?"

Fists clenched, Goren wiped at the blood running from the reopened wound under his eye and answered, "Where is who?"

"Where is my wife?"

"How the hell should I know? I haven't seen her since I left the squad room yesterday."

Nate Bradshaw came into the apartment, casting an apologetic glance toward Goren. "Her car's not out there anywhere, Rick. She's not here."

Waters glared at Goren. "Stay away from my wife."

"She's my partner. I can't do that. But I don't see her off-duty, Waters. She's not in that part of my life, and I don't know why you think she is."

"Just remember she married me."

"I never forget that," Goren retorted. "Now get the hell out of my apartment."

Waters glared at him for a minute before following his partner from the apartment, slamming the door behind him. Goren sat heavily on the coffee table. Now his head was really pounding. He stayed where he was for a few minutes, then he got up and went into the bathroom to clean up. He shook his head. "Damn."

When he was done cleaning the blood from his cheek and chin and examining the wound under his eye and his split lip, he picked up the phone and dialed. He could hear the smile in her voice as she said, _Hi, Bobby._

"Hi, Denise. I, uh, I need to cancel tonight, babe. I'm sorry. Something came up. But I'll pick you up for lunch tomorrow, after I get Maggie."

_Are you all right?_

"Yes. I am sorry, but I'll see you tomorrow."

_If you change your mind, call me._

"I will."

He hung up the phone and laid down on the couch, pressing a hand to his temple to try to still the pounding in his head. What would make Waters think Eames was there? He was tempted to call her but thought the better of it. It was best to just leave well enough alone. If she knew about the encounters between him and Waters...that would be a disaster for both of them. Even though he would love to see Waters finally get what was coming to him, he had no desire to upset Eames and he worried what her reaction to him would be. He was certain he didn't want to go there, so he kept it quiet and let Waters focus his anger on him, instead of Eames and Maggie.

It occurred to him that Eames would not accept the bruises on his face without an explanation. After watching him and Mike play ball, she never questioned that explanation, thankfully. Propping himself on his elbow, he picked up his cell phone and called Logan. _Do you know what time it is? _Logan growled into the phone._  
_

"It's time to get up."

_The hell it is. What do you want?_

"Mike, if Alex asks, we played ball today."

Logan was silent for a minute. _Why?_

"Because I need you to tell her that."

_When did you run into Waters?_

"He, uh, he left about a half hour ago. For some reason he thought Eames was here."

He could see the frown on Logan's face from the tone in his voice. _Why would he think that?_

"I have no idea, and I really don't think I want to know."

_How bad did he hurt you?_

"Not bad, but I'll have some bruises to explain."

_And you never hit him back, did you?_

Goren sighed. "Eames is smart, Mike. She'd put two and two together. She has enough to deal with, and I can handle this. I don't need her interfering and I've already caused enough trouble in her marriage. Just let it go."

_You're an idiot. I'd have leveled the guy by now._

"Well, you're not me. I'll handle this my own way."

_What are you going to tell Denise?_

He felt a pang of guilt. "I'm not going to see her until tomorrow. I'll think of something, depending on how she reacts."

_I thought you had a date tonight._

"I canceled. I'll talk to you later."

Cutting the conversation short, he closed the phone, turned down the ringer and laid back on the couch. Closing his eyes, he tried to will the pounding to stop until finally it slipped away as the room around him faded away to complete blackness.


	17. I Don't Need Backup

Goren slept straight through the rest of Saturday into Sunday morning. When he woke early Sunday morning, he felt disoriented, his head still throbbing. Sitting up slowly, he pressed his fingers against his temples and rubbed. Picking up his phone, he scanned his missed calls: two from his mother and two from Logan. He listened to his voicemail, trying to swallow the guilt his mother's message fired in his gut.

He took a shower, hoping it would help relieve his headache, which it did. Eating a light meal helped a little more. By the time he left the apartment, his headache was reduced to a dull ache, easily ignored. He called John Eames to let him know he was on the way to pick up Maggie, so Eames would have plenty of forewarning, if she was there. He wasn't sure what he felt when he saw her car in the driveway.

He parked behind her and climbed out of the car. Mounting the steps onto the porch, he rang the doorbell. He knew Eames was there, but he still wasn't prepared when she opened the door. His head began to throb again. "Eames..."

She looked alarmed. Instinctively, she reached out and lightly touched the bruise below his eye, trailing her fingers down to the one on his jaw. "What happened to you?"

Her touch distracted him and he stammered for a moment. Stepping back half a step, away from her hand, he finally replied, "A ballgame. That's all. It's nothing."

Studying the bruises on his face, she asked, "Why do you let Logan beat you up? Where are his bruises?"

His head spun for a moment at the unexpected question. Great. Now he was going to have to bruise his best friend to continue covering his encounters with Waters and not raise her suspicions. He moistened his lips and said, "He tends to take more body hits," he explained, hoping to sound convincing. He did not lie well to her.

She accepted his explanation with a caution. "Just be careful. I don't want either of you to get seriously injured."

"We're fine, Eames. Don't worry. Um, is Maggie ready?"

She'd almost forgotten there was a reason for his visit. He always had a reason for any interaction with her. His side of their conversations was always calculated. He was certainly not the most spontaneous man she knew, except for his interactions with Maggie, but he never did or said anything that was not carefully thought out. She somehow doubted he was as cautious with Mike, or Denise, or anyone else in his life. It was only with her he used extreme caution, and that unsettled her. "She was ready when she opened her eyes at five this morning. She's been asking for you ever since. By six-thirty I was ready to call you."

She smiled and stepped back to let him into the house. Neither of them was surprised by the happy squeal. "Ba!"

He caught the little girl who hurtled across the room at him and tossed her in the air, catching her in a big hug. She laughed with delight and hugged him. "Ba! My Ba! Mama! My Ba!"

Eames couldn't help laughing with her. "I see him, sweetheart."

John Eames came into the room from the back of the house. "Now how did I know you were here, Bobby?"

Goren smiled at him. "Hello, Mr. Eames. Maggie doesn't hold anything back, does she?"

"Not when it comes to you, she doesn't. How have you been, son?"

"Getting by, sir."

John felt for the man, knowing how he felt about Alex, and he also felt helpless, wishing there was something he could do for them. "What are your plans for the day?"

Bobby shrugged. "Nothing specific. It's Denise's birthday and she wants to spend it with Maggie and me."

Maggie bounced in his arms. "See Nees?"

He smiled at her. "Yes, we're going to see Denise."

She clapped her chubby little hands and turned to her mother. "Mama, Madie see Nees!"

Eames could not help smiling in spite of her mixed feelings about the entire situation. It was almost like Bobby was an ex, taking Maggie for his weekend and spending it with a new love. Her stomach felt queasy and she tried to chase the feeling away. The last thing she wanted was for either Bobby or Maggie to sense any unrest from her. She caressed Maggie's head, unintentionally leaning against Bobby's arm. Focused on Maggie as she reinforced her excitement, she didn't notice, but he did. Casually, he stepped away from her. "We should be going."

John waved. "Have a good day. Bye, princess."

Maggie waved. "Bye-bye, Gampa."

As John went into the kitchen, Alex followed Bobby into the living room, grabbing the baby's diaper bag from the couch. She walked them to the door. "If you want to keep her for the night, just give me a call. Otherwise, you can drop her off here. I'm not sure where I'll be later."

He frowned. "Trouble?"

"Nothing I can't handle. Have a nice time today."

He studied her for a moment, on the verge of saying something but uncertain about whether he should. Maggie patting his chest. "'Mon, Ba! Go bye-bye an' see Nees!"

He turned away without saying what was on his mind. "Good-bye, Eames. I'll call you later and let you know what's going on."

"Should I plan on Maggie being with you until morning?"

He looked at the happy little girl in his arms and he smiled softly. "Yes," he answered simply.

She nodded, and her heart swelled a little with love for the gentle man who could love a child so much. Maggie leaned toward her with her lips puckered. "Bye-bye, Mama."

She leaned in and gave Maggie a kiss. "Be a good girl, sweetheart. Say happy birthday to Denise for me."

Maggie started singing 'Happy Birthday' as Bobby carried her down the porch steps to the car. Alex watched from the porch until his car disappeared down the street.

* * *

Late that night, Maggie slept in her crib, worn out from a full day of playing with two of her favorite adults. She never had to vie for their attention; it was always focused on her when she wanted it. They'd had birthday cake after lunch and then she had plenty of opportunity to run off the sugar. No one had the energy to match hers, except for Goren, and he was the only one who could completely exhaust her and convince her to sleep. She loved to cuddle on his chest, her hand buried in his hair, and she rarely woke when he laid her in her crib and covered her with the soft blanket he'd gotten her when she was only a few days old.

Beside him in the bed, Denise curled against him, also sound asleep. He was tired, but sleep eluded him. He'd called Eames like he'd promised, so she could tell Maggie good night, but the tone of her voice troubled him. She said she was home and Ricky was at work, but she sounded like she had either been crying or drinking, and he wondered what was wrong. Whether or not he had any right to ask was one of those gray areas he often struggled with. It wasn't that he didn't care about her; he cared too much. The issue was her answer. He was afraid to know what troubled her these days. The less he knew of the problems in her marriage, the better off he was. And as long as he was the one who bore the bruises of Ricky's anger, he was satisfied. He never saw a mark on Eames, and he was always aware of her. When she removed her jacket or sweater, he noted her arms and the dip of her neckline. When she twisted, stretched or bent over and her shirt rode up from her pants, he noted the smooth skin of her waist. When she wore a skirt, he never missed the chance to catch sight of her legs. There were no marks on her. He longed to check more, but for reasons other than a search for bruises. That was where the gray area faded to one entirely off limits to him.

He shifted in the bed and sighed softly. Denise moved closer to him and he ran his fingers lightly up and down her back. She turned in her sleep and draped her leg over his. He wished love came without a price for him, but his hell was of his own making and he was trapped by it.

* * *

Beginning Monday, the search for the missing child intensified. Goren continued to focus his attention on the boy's father while Eames followed up other leads. Goren kept tabs on Tompkins in spite of his partner's objections, following the diplomat late Tuesday evening to a warehouse near the waterfront. He called Eames, to let her know where he was headed, but the thought that he could be in danger never crossed his mind. Eames tried to get him to give up the tail, or at the very least, call for backup, but he chose to disregard her advice, telling her outright that he didn't need backup to tail a suspect. Besides, if he was right, he didn't want to put the little boy at further risk. He waited for Tompkins to enter the warehouse and, five minutes later, he followed.

Eames was worried. She tried to call Goren several times, but his phone went directly to voicemail, indicating that he was either out of range or he turned his phone off. Her gut told her it was the latter. She did not like the fact that he did not believe he needed backup. Why couldn't he have the sense a normal cop did? Because he wasn't a normal cop, that's why. Making up her mind that he was not going into this with no back-up, she called Mike Logan and they headed for the waterfront.

Goren entered the warehouse, gun in hand, vest in place. He followed the sound of voices to a spacious room constructed in the depths of the warehouse. Keeping to the shadows, he looked into the room. It had all the comforts of home. In a corner opposite the door, he saw a boy of about six, dressed in his pajamas, sitting against the wall on a twin bed as he watched his father argue with a woman on the other side of the room. Goren did not misinterpret the fear on the child's face.

Moving a little closer while still remaining hidden in the shadows, Goren listened to the argument. "George, you really need to tell Clara that Nicky is safe."

"Watch yourself, Norla. I'm paying you to take care of my son, not give me stupid suggestions. The details of his disappearance are not your concern. As soon as I finish discrediting that damn detective, we'll be home free."

"You're out of your mind," she snapped back angrily.

Goren wasn't certain what to do. Tompkins was unpredictable at best. He decided to wait until Tompkins left and talk to Norla.

After a few more angry words, Tompkins stormed out of the room, slamming the door and disappearing into the darkness of the warehouse. He waited until he heard the front door of the warehouse slam and he stepped from the shadows. Crossing to the door of the constructed room, he knocked.

Slowly, the door opened. Norla gasped and stepped back as Goren held up his badge. "Don't be afraid," he assured her.

A look that was a cross between panic and relief crossed her face. "You...you are that detective George is trying to discredit."

He nodded. "Yes. I'd like to talk to you. May I come in?"

She stepped back from the door and Goren entered the room. He looked toward the bed and smiled at the child still seated on it. He approached him and squatted beside the bed. "Hi. You're Nicholas." The boy nodded. "My name is Bobby. I'm a police officer."

"You gotta badge?"

He pulled out his badge and handed it to Nicholas. The boy smiled and ran his fingers over the contours of the gold badge. Goren ruffled his hair. "Hold onto that for me."

Nicholas looked up at him. "Will you take me home to Mommy?"

"Is that where you want to be?"

He nodded. "It was fun here, but I want Mommy."

Goren smiled. "I'll take you home."

Standing, he turned to face Norla. "Do you want to talk to me?"

She shook her head. "I don't think I have anything to say."

Goren was distracted from the woman by voices outside the room. As he turned toward the closed door, it was kicked open. Nicholas screamed, Norla backed into the table and Goren drew his gun, finger snug on the trigger as he expected trouble. He found himself face to face with Mike Logan, his friend's gun leveled at his chest. He felt the color drain from his face and immediately lowered his gun. Logan did the same. Eames was right behind him, sliding her gun back into its holster. Goren held out his arms in a questioning gesture. Eames couldn't keep the anger from her tone. "We are your backup, detective."

With a sigh, Goren put his gun away and turned away from her, approaching the frightened boy who still clutched his badge in both hands. He sat on the bed. "It's all right, Nicholas. They are police officers, too. They thought I was in trouble."

"What kind of trouble?" Nicholas asked. "Did you freget to clean your room?"

Goren laughed quietly. "No. A different kind of trouble." He stood, casting an annoyed glance toward Logan and Eames, and addressed Norla as he took out his handcuffs. "I'm afraid you're under arrest as an accessory to kidnapping."

She looked panicked. "Kidnapping? Nicholas is his son!"

"You can discuss the matter with the DA. I think he'll be very interested in hearing what you have to say."

He closed the cuffs on her wrists and looked at Logan. "Do you mind booking her while Eames and I take Nicholas home?"

"Glad to," Logan replied, not wanting to be anywhere near the partners when they discussed the issue of the backup Goren obviously had neither wanted nor needed.

He took the woman firmly by the arm and led her out of the room into the dark warehouse as she protested her arrest. Goren lifted Nicholas from the bed and said, "Let's take you home to your mommy."

Nicholas wrapped his arms around his neck, looking over the big cop's shoulder at the badge he was still holding in his little hands. Eames followed him out of the room. "This will be interesting," she muttered.

* * *

George Tompkins lived in an upscale townhouse in the Turtle Bay neighborhood of midtown Manhattan. Eames rang the doorbell while Goren stood off to the side and out of sight, holding Nicholas in his arms. The door swung open and Tompkins glared at Eames. "Detective, do you have any idea what time it is?"

"It's time to face the music, Mr. Tompkins," Goren said, his voice distinctly unfriendly.

The diplomat leaned out the door to look at him, his face dark with anger, mouth open to speak. When he saw the boy nestled into Goren's arms, he made no sound, and all the color drained from his face. As he struggled to recover and attempt to appear relieved, Goren said, "We'd like to see your wife, sir."

"My wife..." Tompkins began, voice dripping with anger.

A voice from within the townhouse interrupted him. "George? Who's there?"

Ellen Tompkins, a diminutive woman with a sad, careworn face, came to the door. "Oh, Detective Eames. Would you please come in..."

She caught sight of Goren when he stepped away from the porch siderail and into the light cast by the open door. She gasped. "Oh, my God! Nicky!"

Shoving past her husband, she ran onto the porch and Goren gently placed the sleeping boy in her arms. She hurried back into the house, weeping with joy. Goren leaned down to speak into his partner's ear. Placing a hand on her waist, he slipped her cuffs from her belt as he said, "Make sure she's all right, Eames, and get my badge for me. Mr. Tompkins and I are going to have a little discussion."

Eames looked at him, sensing he was not in the mood for a debate. She went into the house and Goren spoke to Tompkins. "We have Norla in custody. She's talking to the DA right now, getting herself out of a prison sentence and you into one. I know what you did." He held up the cuffs on one finger and leaned closer. "You are under arrest, Mr. Tompkins. Diplomatic immunity does not extend to felonies."

"Under what charges?" Tompkins demanded.

"Kidnapping, misrepresenting yourself to officials, harassment, terroristic threats...Is that enough for a start?"

With a growl, Tompkins tried to fight, but Goren was ready. Being bigger and stronger, he easily subdued the diplomat, handing him over to the two officers who waited to take him in.

He watched them lead Tompkins away, squirming and protesting loudly, spewing empty threats left and right. Eames appeared at his side, holding his badge out to him. "Nice man," she commented.

He looked at her and raised an eyebrow. "We need to talk, Eames."

She started down the steps and he followed. "What part of 'I don't need backup' did you not get?"

"The 'don't' part," she snapped. "You know damn well you should never go into any questionable situation without proper backup."

"I wasn't technically on the job. I was using my own time. No backup was authorized and none was needed."

"Don't be obtuse, Goren."

He looked at her as they continued walking toward the car. "I could have shot you or Mike. I didn't know you were there! Eames..."

He trailed off. He had come close to pulling the trigger and that terrified him. He stopped at the car, braced his arms on the roof and laid his head against them. He couldn't stop the tremor that shook his muscles and he struggled to regain control of himself. Eames touched his back, running a light hand up to his shoulder and down his arm. "Bobby..." she began, her voice soft and concerned.

He turned toward her suddenly and kissed her, hard. His action was one of desperation and he broke the embrace just as suddenly, stepping away from her and walking off. Too stunned to respond immediately, she watched him walk away until he turned the corner and was gone from her sight.


	18. Encounters

**A/N: This chapter is for those of you who begged for more between Goren and Eames, a follow up on the last scene of chapter 17. Enjoy :-)**

* * *

Eames drove around for a little while, confused and concerned. She finally parked outside Goren's apartment building and waited. There were no lights on in his apartment, so she was certain he was not home, and she waited for him to show up. While she waited, it began to rain.

Several hours passed and Eames dozed lightly on and off. She was woken by the sound of a motor. Sitting up and stretching, she saw a cab stopped a few yards away and she watched her partner get out. As he walked toward the building, she realized what he'd been doing over the past few hours, but she still had to talk to him. Getting out of the car, she called to him. He turned toward her, stumbling backwards two steps. "Eames...what are you doing here?"

"I...was worried, and I had to talk to you."

He shook his head. "Don't waste your energy, Eames."

She stepped up to him. "Bobby," she said softly, her voice barely carrying over the sound of the rain.

He studied her face. "I could have...killed you," he said.

"You never fire without knowing your target. Don't kid yourself. You should never have gone in there with no backup. Bobby, you really need to stop being so reckless. What would I..." She caught herself and changed the subject of her question. "...Maggie do without you?"

He had no answer for that question. It had never occurred to him. For him, the question had always been what would he do without Maggie. Eames reached out and rested her hand on his chest and he tipped his head to the side, watching the rain run down her face. He raised a hand, pausing short of touching her face. He struggled for a moment before surrendering to his desire. He slid his hand along her face, into her hair, pulling her closer for another kiss. Deep and lingering, he slid an arm around her waist, drawing her against him.

She tensed when his lips touched hers, relaxing quickly as she gave herself over to the kiss and slid her arms around him. She could taste scotch as his tongue explored her mouth, a smoky, erotic flavor. When he broke the kiss and stepped back, he touched her lips with his fingertips. "I'll regret the hell out of that tomorrow. Go home, Eames, and hug your daughter. Let her know how much you love her, and give her a kiss for me." He gave her another soft kiss. "Good night."

Stepping away from her, he walked away, his gait unsteady. She waited until he made it into the building, then she returned to her car. Once the lights went on in his apartment, she drove away. She didn't notice the man in a nearby car who had watched the entire encounter.

* * *

Goren called off the next morning, arriving at the squad room after lunch. He got right to the paperwork in his inbox, not saying anything to his partner that was not related to the case, relieved when she did not bring up the night before. He had been way out of line and he owed her an apology, but he wasn't sure just how to go about offering it.

The afternoon dragged on, and as she got ready to leave, he gathered his courage to talk to her. "Eames, can I have a word with you?"

"Of course."

She followed him to an empty conference room where she leaned back against the table and watched him shift restlessly. "How's Maggie?" he asked.

_Maggie...a safe topic,_ she mused. "She's fine, asking for you like she always does." She smiled. "Just the way you ask for her. Why don't you meet me at Dad's Saturday afternoon? We can spend the afternoon with her."

"We'll see," he said vaguely, as much as he desperately wanted to say yes. It would probably be best if he took Maggie out and didn't spend time with her mother, but he wanted very much to see them both. He loved watching them together, and he got to see so little of that. "Eames, I need to apologize for last night. I was way out of line, and being drunk is no excuse. I have to learn to control myself."

She stared at him, incredulous. "Control yourself? Bobby, you are the most rigidly controlled person I know. So, you slipped last night. I don't regret it. Not one bit. Bobby, I..."

"Don't," he interrupted before she could say it. His tone changed to one she could not identify. "Please, don't say it."

She bit her lip and looked at the floor. He moved closer, his voice low and intense. "I'm sorry, Eames. I'm sorry for a lot of things, but most of all, I hate that you are unhappy."

"You can change that," she snapped.

"No, I can't. Not that way. I'm your partner and your friend, and that's all I can ever be. I should never have kissed you last night, and I regret that. You don't need that kind of impropriety in your life."

She looked up sharply and retorted, "Maybe it's exactly what I need in my life."

A pained look crossed his face. "Not from me. I have enough guilt. Kiss Maggie for me. Good night, Eames."

He turned and left the room. She sat at the table and buried her head in her arms.

* * *

As Goren unlocked his car, someone called to him. Turning, he tensed, clenching his fists at his side as Nate Bedford approached him. He looked around for Waters.

Bedford raised his hands. "I'm alone. It's our day off. Listen to me, Goren. Ricky is having you watched pretty often, so be careful what you do. I saw you last night. If you're going to fucking kiss your partner, don't do it out on the street. If Ricky sees you, man, he'll kill you, and I'm not talking figuratively."

"If you saw..."

"I'm not gonna say a word to Ricky. I really believe that what goes on between you and Alex should be between the two of you. I know shit you have no clue about, and I am uneasy with my partner's obsession. Just watch your step."

"Why are you telling me this, Bedford?"

Bedford hesitated, leaning his hip against the car. "I have a lot of respect for you, Goren. You take a lot from Ricky, and you never strike back, never report him. I think I get it. He has a wicked mean temper, and you think if he directs it at you, Alex and the little girl are safe. Am I right?" When Goren nodded, he continued, "You're a smart guy. Rick's never laid a hand on either of them. I try to stop him from going after you, but he never listens to me. Just...keep protecting your partner, and don't blow it by doing what you did last night."

Goren's hands relaxed. "Don't worry. That...was a mistake. It won't happen again."

"Ricky knows you're in love with her, and he doesn't need much to act on his jealousy. I'm giving you a free ride today. Ricky will never do that."

"I said it wouldn't happen again."

Bedford nodded. "I know Ricky can be an ass, and he loves his wife obsessively, but things are gonna get rocky for him. Just...wait and watch. Be patient and be smart. I like Alex a lot, and I think her little girl is sweet. They both deserve better than Ricky can give 'em. Just...bide your time."

Goren watched Bedford walk away, wondering what he meant. His head hurt too much to ponder the encounter for long, though, and he got into his car and drove home.


	19. High Tea

**A/N: The tea party is for guitar73girl, who asked for it, and for anyone else who wanted to see that scene :-) The Starlight Foundation is an organization that does special things for chronically ill kids. They grant wishes for children who aren't quite sick enough to qualify for Make-A Wish wishes as well as providing sick kids with tickets to sporting events and shows like Disney on Ice and donating video game systems, toys, and other fun things to pediatric wards and children's hospitals. They sponsor Christmas parties and other holiday events and generally do tons of things for chronically sick kids and their siblings. It's a wonderful organization.  
**

* * *

Eames climbed into the shower and closed her eyes as the hot water streamed over her skin. She tried to chase away the memory of her partner in the rain, his mouth, moist and hot, on hers. The memory heated her body from its core and she cursed herself for her weakness, but she could not help the way she felt. She touched her cheek where his hand had cupped her face and slid into her hair. She shuddered at the memory of the warm, open-mouthed kiss, a memory that would not stay away. Ricky had never effected her as deeply. Ricky never made her body vibrate with desire the way Bobby could. Why had she not seen it before it was too late?

Her rebellious mind shifted to another memory, to the night of his birthday almost two years ago. She truly had mixed feelings about the vacant space in his memory that night had left, but sometimes she wished for the same ignorance. She could never remember than night without a powerful mixture of arousal and melancholy. Her entire body trembled under the stream of water that added to her body's tension as it also washed away her tears.

Forcing her thoughts away from her partner, she thought about her little daughter and the way Maggie had pushed herself between her and Ricky. She could not forget Ricky's reaction, the fury in his face. Maggie's possessiveness surprised her. She had never seen Maggie act like that before and she began to wonder if she was like that with Bobby when he was with a woman. Maybe he never gave Maggie an opportunity to be exposed to that situation. She took some comfort from that thought even as she realized he would never hide his affection from Maggie, not even his affection for someone else, other than her. She recalled the women he'd admitted to dating when Maggie was around, reminding herself that nowadays, Denise was the only woman he'd been seeing. If Maggie did show the same possessiveness for him around Denise, she wondered how he dealt with it, knowing without a doubt that his response would never be anger. She made up her mind to discuss it with him the next day, as soon as the opportunity presented itself.

She got out of the shower and toweled off. She'd been hoping to relax in the hot stream, but just the opposite had happened. Now her skin glowed from the heat of the water and her body thrummed with a very different heat. Unfortunately, the man responsible for it was out of bounds to her, and the man who was available to her was currently in the doghouse with her.

She went into the bedroom, glad that Ricky was working nights right now. She sat on the edge of the bed and began applying lotion to her legs. She didn't stop with her legs, treating her entire body to a rubdown. Her mind wandered, and as she rubbed her sensitive skin, nerves raw from heat both physical and emotional, her thoughts meandered down a dangerous path. She let it go as she slid beneath the covers. Twenty minutes later, she drifted to sleep.

* * *

The chance to talk to Goren never came about. Their day was busy, chasing down fresh leads of a new case. She watched him interact with Logan, but she saw no tension between them at all, so she knew the bruising on Goren's face hadn't been the result of a fight between the two men. Maybe he actually had gotten the injury while playing tackle with Logan.

The need to discuss her concerns about Maggie escalated over the course of the day, and by quitting time, she found herself reluctant to go home without the answers she needed. She decided to take the time to have dinner with Goren, since they'd barely had time to grab a quick sandwich for lunch.

It had taken considerably more effort than it should have to convince her partner to have dinner with her. She didn't think she would have to twist his arm, but it had nearly come to that. What ultimately swayed him was her admission that she wanted to discuss a concern she had about Maggie. He never hesitated where Maggie was concerned.

She waited until they had their drinks before she began to talk. He hadn't said a word and seemed on edge, but she didn't particularly blame him. It was best, she decided, to ease into the conversation. She slid her tequila sunrise in front of her and stirred it slowly, watching the colors swirl together. She could feel his eyes on her and sensed his curiosity. Slowly, she looked up; he raised his eyebrows expectantly.

"Why are we here, Eames? What's wrong with Maggie?"

She swirled her drink again and took a sip. "Nothing is _wrong_ with her. I just...something came up the other day that involved her and I needed to..." She trailed off, unable to find the words she needed to ask a question she really did not want him to answer. "Can I ask you something...personal?"

He tensed, uncertain. "Personal?"

"I know you hate it when I do that, but this is something I need to know."

He took a drink of his scotch and said, "Go on and ask. I can't guarantee I will answer until I know what it is."

"Fair enough." She continued to search her mind for the right words to ask her question, deciding it best to just dive right in. Either he would answer her, or he would not. "Maggie..." she began. "She spends time with you...and Denise, doesn't she?"

His edginess increased. "You know she does."

Her mind searched again, and she went on. "She sees you..." This was much harder than she anticipated. She swallowed. "She sees you...kiss Denise, doesn't she?"

One hand balled into a fist and he took a deep swallow of his drink. "Eames, if you don't trust me..."

She waved her hand. "No, Bobby. That's not it at all. I do trust you, more than anyone, especially with Maggie. I know she really likes Denise, and I do, too. What I want to know is...how does Maggie react when she sees it?"

"Does that matter?"

"Yes, it does. To me. I...need to know."

He shifted uncomfortably, tempted to excuse himself and go home. But the pleading look on her face made him stay---and answer her. "She...she comes over and asks for a kiss, too."

Eames looked surprised. "Really?"

He frowned. "Why do you think I would lie to you about your daughter?"

She took a drink, more to settle her nerves than for any other reason. She sighed. "Has she ever gotten between you..." She hesitated, trying to chase away the image her question conjured in her head. "...and pushed you apart?"

"Why would she do that?" Then it dawned on him why she was asking. "She did that...to you and Ricky?"

She nodded. "Last week. She laid claim to me, and the way she is about you, I wondered if she'd done the same thing to you."

He shook his head slowly. "She seems content to share me with Denise." His brow furrowed in concern. "How did Ricky react?"

This was a turn in the conversation she had not anticipated, although she should have. She wasn't sure she wanted him to know, but she'd backed herself into a corner. Maybe she could get away with downplaying his reaction. "He was angry," she said, intending to leave it at that.

She should have known better. Bobby was never one to leave well enough alone. He leaned in closer. "Angry? At Maggie? What did he do?"

"He didn't do anything. He left the room."

"Eames..."

She raised her hand. "Don't say it. Just don't. She's at Dad's and she's fine. She will always be fine. I am not going to let anything happen to my baby. I have wanted her for too long and I love her too much. Don't worry about Maggie."

He scratched the back of his neck and looked at his drink. "I...I always worry about Maggie..." He glanced up at her and added, "And you."

"Me? Why would you worry about me?"

"It's a curse, Eames. Don't let it concern you."

She sensed that they were approaching an area he preferred to avoid, but she felt a need to push just a little. "Would you answer one more question for me?"

"I don't know. Ask."

Part of her hoped he would refuse to answer, but her curiosity was burning. She needed to know, so she asked, "How do you really feel about Denise?"

That caught him off guard and he nearly dropped his drink, which he was in the process of raising to his mouth. "That..." he began, stopping himself before telling her it wasn't any of her concern. He could not blame her for his own failings. "It's...complicated," he finally answered.

The truth was that he remained uncertain of his heart where Denise was concerned. His emotional involvement with her was stunted by his inability to love more than one woman, and that deeply frustrated him. The more he tried to make it up to her, the more muddied the water became. The well of his guilt ran deep, and this was just once more source that fed it.

He wondered why Eames was asking him about Denise. She certainly had a right to know about anyone who had contact with Maggie, and he did not begrudge her the knowledge that lately Denise was the only woman he dated, but seeking a deeper understanding of the relationship...that bordered on intrusion, and he preferred to keep his private life to himself. Besides, how could he explain something he didn't fully understand himself. Eames was beginning to pry into his personal life, a part of his life to which she had no right, and he could not help resenting her for it. He looked into his drink and said no more.

Eames sensed that was all the answer he was going to give. She wanted to be closer to him, but he resisted her efforts and that frustrated her. Just when she thought she had a chance to slide past the walls he'd erected around himself, he threw her a curve ball. It was dizzying. She sipped her drink and waited for him to steer the conversation in a direction he was comfortable taking.

He finished off his drink, fighting down an irrational surge of anger. Maggie gave his life a stability it had been lacking while her mother continued to spin him in circles. He cursed his heart for being unable to let her go, even though he tried. It was beyond his control.

The waitress returned to refresh their drinks. Watching Goren take a drink, Eames remembered the rain, the pressure of his lips against hers, the smell and taste of the scotch on his breath...her mind continued into the past, to the pool hall on his birthday, the walk to Logan's apartment, the night in Logan's bed. An involuntary tremor coursed through her. _Oh, God,_ she thought with remorse. _Married to one man, in love with another...in love..._

She lowered her eyes to the table, folding her hands around her glass. She had no idea exactly when she lost her grip on her life. Silently, she pulled her purse to her side and opened it, pulling out a cardboard folder and sliding it across the table toward him. "This is for you," she said quietly.

He looked at the gray folder, then raised his eyes back to Eames. She smiled, but her eyes were sad. "It's not going to bite you," she assured him. "Open it."

He hesitated for a moment before doing as she asked. Opening the folder, he looked at the five by seven portrait inside it. Maggie was sitting in a white chair, wearing a red jumper over a white turtleneck and hugging a stuffed bear. She wore white tights and black shoes, and her dark curls framed her face. She was smiling a bright, happy smile. Quietly, Eames said, "All I did was mention your name, and she smiled like that."

He ran his finger over the picture. "She...she's beautiful."

"Yes, she is."

Eames watched the tension melt away from her partner as he studied the picture in front of him. He looked up at her. "Thank you, Eames."

"For?"

"For letting me be part of her life."

His devotion to her little girl was a double-edged sword for her. One edge was the joy she got from seeing them together, the happiness they brought to each other. The other edge, the one that cut deeper, was the realization that, outside of their partnership, Maggie was the only real link between them.

By the end of dinner, she felt trapped and depressed. She knew he sensed it, but he said nothing. When they were done eating, he tucked the precious picture into his binder and paid for the meal, refusing to allow her to contribute. As they walked to the front of the restaurant, she reached toward him and touched his hand. When he withdrew, she let him go.

Opening her bag, she reached in and took out a wallet-sized copy of the picture she'd given him. She tucked it into his hand. "Good night, Bobby."

He looked at the picture and his face softened. "Good night, Eames."

After watching her leave, Goren stood silently near the bay window at the front of the restaurant. Turning away, he crossed the entry into the next room and stepped up to the bar. He never saw the patrol car that drove slowly down the street.

* * *

Goren left the restaurant a few hours later. He stopped at his car and leaned against the front of it, setting his binder on the hood beside him. He wasn't going to drive home tonight. The car would be fine where it was parked until tomorrow. He lit a cigarette and watched the traffic drive by. From the shadows behind him came a familiar voice, setting him on edge.

"Dinner with my wife, huh?"

Goren didn't move. "Dinner with my _partner_," he corrected.

"I thought I made myself clear, Goren. I told you to stay away from Alex."

"I thought I made it clear that I'm not going to do that. She is my partner. Why are you so insecure, Waters? Marriage is supposed to be based on trust. Why don't you trust your wife?"

"I do trust Alex. _You're_ the one I don't trust."

Goren looked at the lit end of the cigarette. "I have never tried to interfere with your marriage. Go home to your wife."

The last word almost got caught in his throat. He put out his cigarette and pushed off the car. Grabbing his binder, he walked away. Waters watched him go, debating whether or not he wanted to chase him down. Would he be more restrained drunk, or less so? Considering Goren's size, he decided it wasn't a risk he wanted to take.

He walked down the block to the patrol car and got in, speaking sharply to Bedford. They drove off down the street.

* * *

Eames asked Goren if he would mind taking Maggie for the night on Saturday, knowing he would never say no. Ricky had tickets to some squad fundraiser he insisted she accompany him to, and her father had plans with some buddies. Before asking her sister, she always gave Goren the chance to see her daughter, and he almost never turned down the opportunity.

Punctual as always, he picked her up at her father's house at eleven o'clock Saturday morning. She made certain she wasn't there when he arrived, unable to handle his nervous tension when he was around her off the job. It simply wasn't something she wanted to deal with that morning.

He took Maggie home with him, and Logan joined them later that afternoon, unaware, apparently, that four p.m. was high tea. He entered the apartment as Maggie was setting the coffee table with little cups and saucers. Bobby came out of the kitchen with a plate of cookies and a small teapot. The little girl ran to him and he handed them to her. Logan watched her carry them to the table, then she looked up. Her face lit up. "Mick! 'Mon. Maddie dots tea."

Logan gave her a smile, then looked at Bobby, his eyebrow arched. "A tea party?"

Goren grinned as he sat on the couch. "You're just in time."

Maggie motioned toward the couch. "Sit, Mick! Tea!"

Logan shook his head as he sat beside Goren, who turned on the television, flipping through the channels until he found a war movie for his friend. "I have a reputation, you know," Logan complained.

"Oh?" Goren replied. "Is it really one you especially want to keep?"

Smiling at Maggie as she handed him a cookie, Logan answered, "Dammit, Bobby, if anyone ever saw me like this I would never hear the end of it."

"Who's gonna see you, Mike?"

Logan gave the little girl another smile as she poured water from the little teapot into four teacups, careful not to leave out her favorite teddy bear, who was sitting in a little chair at the far end of the coffee table. Logan shook a finger at Goren. "If anyone in the squad room knew I was part of a tea party..." A sudden thought occurred to him. "Oh, man....if you tell my partner, I swear, I'll shoot you."

Goren laughed. "Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me."

"It better be. A tea party. I knew I should have just gone to the bar."

With a smile, Goren asked, "Doesn't the fact that we're watching _Hellfighters_ count for anything?"

Logan took a bite of a cookie. "Buddy, not even John Wayne has enough testosterone to counteract a friggin' tea party."

As if on cue, Maggie toddled over to him and crawled up into his lap, standing on his legs to give him a hug. "'Uv-oo, Mick."

He hugged her. "I love you, too, little sweetheart." He looked at Goren. "I swear she understands what we're saying sometimes."

"I'm sure she does, so be happy about having tea with her."

She slid from his lap as he picked up the diminutive teacup with a smile. He watched her hold a cup to her teddy bear's mouth before she looked back at him. He smiled and sipped the water in his cup. "This is the best tea I've ever had. Yum..."

She giggled and looked at Goren, who also smiled at her. She walked around the table to him and crawled into his lap, taking a cookie from his plate. "See E'mo, Ba?"

"Sure. Why don't you go get Elmo and I'll clean up your tea set."

"'Kay."

He watched her scurry off to the bedroom to find her stuffed Elmo before returning to rummage through the stack of DVDs he kept on the bottom shelf of the entertainment center for her. He carried the porcelain tea set into the kitchen, rinsed off the pieces and set them in the drain. "Can I ask you something?" Logan asked from the doorway.

"When have I ever been able to stop you?"

"Eames has her own life. It was her choice to marry Ricky. Why can't you let her go? This stubborn obsession of yours is ruining any chance you have at happiness."

Goren turned from the sink, drying his hands on a dish towel. "I have Maggie," he said by way of an answer.

"You'll always have Maggie, but you need more and you know it. So when Denise finds someone else, you'll move on to someone else, too? Where does it end? You know, you could have a life, a damn good one, with Denise, if you would let yourself. Are you gonna live the rest of your life chasing a cloud?"

A cloud...unattainable...untouchable...eternally beyond his grasp... Goren dropped the towel on the counter and moved past Logan without answering, not that Logan expected any sort of answer to begin with.

Turning, Logan watched him put a DVD in, and there went John Wayne in favor of Elmo. He watched Maggie dance in the middle of the floor, her mini-gyrations propelling her in circles until she collapsed in a heap of giggling baby girl.

He shifted his gaze toward Goren, who was engrossed in the little girl's actions. It was so much easier to deal with his life when the baby was the center of it. Logan watched Maggie scramble to her feet and run at the big man, disappearing in a bear hug, and he smiled. Maggie was Goren's savior, and he shuddered to think where any of them would be if she had not come along.

* * *

Goren never forced Maggie to go to bed, but he kept her so busy all day long that she was usually out for the night by nine. After tucking her into her crib in his bedroom and turning on the nightlight in the outlet near the crib, he left the bedroom. Detouring to the kitchen, he walked into the living room and handed Logan a beer.

With a muttered thanks, Logan flipped through a couple more channels. "Six hundred friggin' channels and not a damn thing's on," he complained.

"So pop in a DVD. I've got movies you like."

"I know. I gave them to you. I got tired of having to choose between _The Notebook_ and _Driving Miss Daisy_. I don't speak German or Chinese, and that intellectual crap you like makes my head hurt. The good stuff you have I've seen so many times I can recite the dialogue. Of course, when you did finally update your collection, you added Barbie, Elmo and Kermit the Frog."

Goren smiled. "Don't you get enough blood and guts in your daily life?"

"I don't want the real thing. I want a movie I can sink my teeth into and not get cavities. I want suspense, heart-pounding suspense. I don't want the biggest question of the movie to be 'Is he going to kiss her?' I know you have those movies for Denise and Eames, but give me a break. I spend more time with you than either of them. You haven't updated _your_ movies since _The Guns of Navarone_. I don't want to watch _Das Boot_ in the original German when you won't turn the subtitles on...not to mention that I don't like having to _read _the movies I watch."

He flipped through a few more channels, finally hitting on a movie he liked. He smiled. "_Pearl Harbor_...and it just started! The programming gods heard me."

Goren laughed and took a drink. "Six hundred channels and one movie. Your odds are getting better."

"Just watch the movie."

* * *

It was just past eleven when the movie was interrupted by a knock at the door. Logan looked at Goren. "Expecting company?"

"Not tonight. Denise is visiting her parents upstate."

He set his beer on the table and went to the door. He was more than surprised to find his partner in the hallway. "Eames...? What are you doing here?"

She was visibly angry and wet from the rain. He stepped back from the doorway and let her enter the apartment. Before she could answer his question, he went to the bathroom and returned with a towel, handing it to her and waiting for an explanation, hoping she wasn't there for Maggie.

"Can I have something to drink, please?" she asked.

Goren nodded. "Coffee?"

"That's fine."

Logan got up from the couch and followed Goren into the kitchen, grabbing another beer from the refrigerator. "What's up?"

Goren set a fresh pot of coffee brewing. "I have no idea. Hopefully, she'll tell us."

"Do you want me to cut out?"

"No. Please, stay."

Logan studied him. "It's safer that way? Do you feel like you need a chaperone?"

Goren's mind strayed back to the week before, to the kiss in the rain, and he swallowed. "I...would feel better if you stayed."

Leaning back against the counter, Logan watched him spoon sugar into a cup and add a little milk before filling the cup with hot coffee. He could read the tension in Goren's every move. "I'll stay," he consented.

"Thanks, Mike."

They returned to the living room, where Eames was pacing. Goren handed her the coffee. "I thought you had plans tonight."

"I did." She took a drink, aware of his scrutiny and his curiosity. "How is Maggie?"

"Fine. She's asleep." He studied her, from her wet hair to her wetter clothes. "Let me get you something to change into. You're soaked."

She nodded, taking another drink. "Thanks...I wasn't in the rain long, but...it's really coming down."

He nodded and went to the bedroom. She looked at Logan. "Did you spend the afternoon with Bobby and Maggie?"

"I did. I love that little girl...and I like seeing him when he's around her."

She looked into the coffee. "He...relaxes."

"He's as close to happy as I've ever seen him when he's with her."

She nodded agreement as Goren returned with a small overnight bag and one of his t-shirts. "This...uh, you left it here..."

She recognized the bag, though she couldn't remember when she'd left it there. Taking it from him, she thanked him and went down the hall to change. Logan opened his mouth to say something but Goren pointed a finger at him. "Don't. Don't say it."

"Fine. As long as you realize..."

"I do."

Logan kept quiet for another thirty seconds. "But just so you know, as a point of reference, I don't keep a change of clothes at my partner's place, and she sure as hell wouldn't leave her...unmentionables...at my place."

"That's because you're a pig and she knows it. I put that bag in the back of my closet and that's where it stayed."

"So Denise wouldn't see it?"

Goren snorted. "Denise found it. Eames left it here when she and Maggie spent the night about six months ago."

"And you just 'forgot' to mention it."

He shrugged. "I guess."

Eames came back down the hall, dressed in the dark blue t-shirt Goren had given her. She picked up her coffee cup and sat in the easy chair, folding her legs underneath her. She folded her hands around the cup and sighed, now dry and comfortable.

"What happened, Eames?" Goren asked, his voice quiet.

She didn't answer right away, and he didn't push her. Finally, Logan said, "Do you want me to make myself scarce?"

Eames shook her head. "No, Mike. Stay right there. I...I'm still trying to figure out exactly what happened."

Silently, the men waited for her explanation. She stared into her coffee and said, "Every year, Ricky's squad has a benefit banquet at a VFW hall in Queens to raise money for the Starlight Foundation. That's where we went tonight. I thought everything was fine, and it was, until after dinner. Ricky can be a jerk, but when he's drunk...he can really get obnoxious. After dinner, he hit the bar. Not even Nate knows what's going on with him, but something is eating him. He got into an argument with one of the wives which nearly led to blows between him and her husband. He stormed out of the hall, and Nate went after him. That wasn't something I wanted to get involved in, so I left him to Nate. About a half hour later, I got a call from Nate, very apologetic. It was all he could do to keep Ricky from getting behind the wheel, so he drove, and that left me stranded. Nate's wife had already gone home in their car, and none of the guys who were left at the hall live even close to us. I would have called Carolyn, but she's up in Buffalo for the weekend, so I took a cab here. Do you think one of you guys can give me a ride home?"

Mike looked at the beer bottle in his hand and the several that were scattered on the coffee table since the last trip to the recycling bin in the kitchen. Although neither of them was drunk, driving was out of the question.

Goren shook his head. "Uh, not a good idea, but you can take my car."

"Thanks, Bobby, but the last thing I need is for Ricky to come home and find your car in our driveway. Maybe I can have Kevin..."

"Just stay here, Eames. You can sleep in the bed; Maggie's in there anyway."

She began to shake her head. "No, I couldn't..."

Mike waved a hand at her. "Of course you can. I'm staying the night so you're not going to be alone together, and Bobby's got this wonderfully uncomfortable cot in the closet that I just love to crash on."

Eames laughed, and Goren realized it had been too long since he'd heard that sound from her. She took another drink of her coffee and asked, "So what did you guys do with Maggie today?"

"The usual," Goren answered. "We stopped at the park for a little while on the way home and then we played here."

"What did she have for dinner?"

"Chicken, potatoes and green beans."

"Any plans for tomorrow?"

He shrugged. "Nothing specific. Uh...when I take you home..."

When he trailed off, she understood. He wasn't sure how to ask her to let Maggie stay with him. She gave him a warm smile. "You don't have to take me home, Bobby. I have some shopping I want to get done, and then I'll have Dad come to pick me up. Don't worry. Just...thank you for letting me stay tonight."

"It's not a problem."

Logan grabbed the remote from the coffee table along with his half-empty bottle of beer. He propped his feet on the coffee table and began flipping through the channels. Eames turned her attention to the television, to avoid focusing on her partner. Goren leaned into the corner of the couch with his beer and split his attention between the switching channels and the woman in his t-shirt.

Before too long, Eames began to relax as the tension of the evening faded away. She felt herself drifting to sleep, then jerking awake. A hand touched her shoulder and she looked up into Goren's dark eyes. "Why don't you go to bed, Eames?"

She nodded slowly; she was very tired. Standing, she smiled. "Good night, Bobby, Mike."

She went down the hall to the bedroom and Logan got up. Going to the closet, he pulled out the cot Goren kept there. Goren got up and helped him set it up. Accepting a pillow and blanket from Goren, Logan said, "You do know how much I hate this thing."

Goren nodded. "I know."

He grabbed another blanket and shut the closet door. Stretching out on the couch, he rolled onto his side. "Good night, Mike."

"Yeah. Good night, Bobby."

* * *

A small hand patted his cheek. Goren opened his eyes and Maggie smiled at him. "Ba," she smiled.

He pulled her up onto his chest as he rolled onto his back and yawned. Mimicking him, Maggie yawned, too, then dropped onto her stomach to hug him.

Eames came out of the kitchen. "Did she wake you up?" she asked. "I told her not to."

He shifted his eyes toward her, rubbing his hand up and down the baby's back. "She's fine. How long has she been up?"

"A half hour, maybe." She approached the couch and held out her hands to Maggie. "Breakfast is ready, sweetheart."

Maggie kissed Goren before scrambling up and reaching for her mother. Eames picked her up and cuddled her as she carried her to her high chair. Goren sat up and stretched. He threw his pillow at the cot. Logan snorted in mid-snore. "Hey..."

"Time to get up."

Goren went into the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee while Eames added pancakes to a plate by the stove. She set one on a plate and turned off the stove. Cutting the pancake into small pieces, she poured syrup on it and brought it to Maggie. Goren filled a sippy cup with milk and followed Eames. He set it on the tray. Maggie picked it up and took a drink before she stuffed a piece of pancake in her mouth. "Maddie doe zoo, Ba?"

"Sure, we can go to the zoo."

"Maddie see lellifint an' draff an' kitties!"

"Elephants, giraffes, kitties..." He smiled and leaned close to her. "And...?"

She looked into his face and smiled. Together, they said, "Bats!"

He laughed and kissed her as she giggled and hugged his neck. Eames felt a warm glow deep inside as she watched them. She also felt a sharp stab of sorrow because she could not be part of their day, of their relationship...

Walking away from them into the living room, she said, "I really should get dressed and get going."

Goren ran a gentle hand over Maggie's hair and followed Eames. "What's wrong?" he asked, stepping up behind her before she reached the hallway.

She turned and looked into his face. "It's nothing."

She stepped away and continued down the hall, and he watched her go. Logan moved past him to stow the cot in the closet. "What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know."

"What did you say to her?"

"Nothing. Go eat your breakfast. There are pancakes in the kitchen."

Logan rubbed his hands together. "Pancakes, oh boy."

Goren smiled, then walked down the hall to the bedroom. He knocked. "Come in," she said.

Fully dressed, she was looking out the window. When the door opened, she stepped away from the window. "Thank you for taking care of Maggie."

He tipped his head to the left. "You never have to thank me for that," he replied.

She sat on the bed and pulled on her shoes. "She...loves you. Very much."

He nodded. "I know."

_And so do I_, she thought. But she would never say it. He would never hear it, not from her lips. "I'll see you tomorrow."

He nodded. "I'll drop the baby off at your dad's."

She rose and started past him, stopping beside him. "Have fun at the zoo," she said, her voice quiet.

"Do you..." He stopped himself before completing the question.

She looked down at the floor. "Yes," she answered honestly. "But I can't."

She continued out of the room. When he returned to the living room, she had already kissed Maggie good-bye and she was gone. Logan looked at him. "What did you say to her?"

"Nothing," he said as he went into the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee.

When he came out, Maggie looked at him. "Mama sad," she said. She tilted her head to the right, watching him with dark, intelligent eyes. "Ba, too?"

He touched her syrup coated chin. "I'm fine. Finish your pancake and I'll give you a bath. Then we'll go to the zoo."

Her face brightened. "Zoo! Mick, too?"

Goren looked at him, questioning. Logan shrugged. "I've got nothing better to do. At least it's not a museum or a tea party."

Goren gave him a half-hearted grin. He crossed the room with his coffee cup to stand by the window and look out into the street. Of course, she couldn't. He closed his eyes. Wouldn't. Can't. He let out a deep sigh and turned from the window. He had a date for the zoo with his girl.


	20. Never Yours

Eames was sitting at the dining table, sorting through pictures, when she heard Ricky get up and stumble around upstairs. It served him right to go to work with a damn hangover. He was starting a month of night work, which left her relieved. She preferred when he worked nights because it gave her more freedom to relax with Maggie.

Forty-five minutes later, she heard him come down the stairs and go into the kitchen. The coffee pot clinked and she heard the rattle of the aspirin bottle she kept in the cabinet over the sink. She looked up when he appeared in the doorway, looking much the way she expected him to look. "You didn't come home last night," he accused.

"No, I didn't. If you'll recall, you abandoned me in Queens."

"So where were you?"

She shrugged. "If you cared, you wouldn't have left me stranded."

"You are my wife," he said in a measured tone, struggling not to lose the tenuous grasp he held on his temper. "I have a right to know where you are and who you are with."

"The hell you do! I'm a person, dammit. You don't own me, and I am free to go where I want to go and see who I want to see. I don't have to report to anyone, least of all to you."

His eyes narrowed. "You spent the night with _him_, didn't you?"

"Him? Are you referring to my partner?"

"You know damn well I am."

She huffed in annoyance. "No, I did not spend the night with him."

"So where were you?"

"I stayed with friends in the city. I do have friends, you know. They put me up for the night and Dad gave me a ride home. But let me tell you this, Ricky, if you ever do that to me again, and I mean ever, then I won't come home at all."

"You don't mean that."

"Do you want to try me?"

He crossed the room and set his cup on the table, resting his hands on her shoulders. "Don't be like that, Alex," he said as he leaned over to kiss her neck.

"I mean it, Ricky. That was embarrassing and uncalled for. It won't happen again." She lifted his cup off the picture of Maggie he had set it on. "Damn it, Ricky..."

He took the cup from her and moved away, snapping, "If I didn't know better, I'd think you loved that kid more than you love me."

She closed her eyes, listening to the shattering of the cup as he threw it in the sink. She knew there would be coffee and ceramic shards all over the place when she went in there. A few minutes later, the front door slammed. "You don't know better," she whispered, looking at the little face that smiled up at her from the pictures on the table. "Because I _do_ love her more."

* * *

Waters slammed the door as he got into the patrol car with Bedford, who looked at him from the driver's seat. "What's up with you?"

"Oh, Alex is pissed about last night."

"Really? What a shock."

"I'm not in the mood for your sarcasm, Nate."

With a snort, Bedford pulled the car away from the curb. "What did you expect, Rick? You abandoned her in Queens with no way to get home. Kelly left before you decided we weren't going back to the hall. That's not Alex's squad; she didn't know anyone there. Hell, I'd be pissed, too, if you did that to me."

"Well, I didn't do it to you, so shut up."

"No, you didn't and you never will."

"I said shut up, Nate!" Agitated and infuriated, he punched the dash and growled, "You know where Goren lives. Take me there."

"Why? What's Goren got to do with any of this?"

"Maybe nothing. Maybe everything. Take me there. Now."

"Rick..."

"Now, dammit!"

With a disapproving huff, Bedford made a left at the next corner and headed toward Goren's Brooklyn apartment. Waters was on the edge, and Bedford knew of no way to yank him back. This was not going to go over well with anyone. _Son of a bitch..._

* * *

Goren was lying on the floor with Maggie when a solid knock resounded from the door, startling her. When her bottom lip pooched out and quivered, he pulled her into his arms and cradled her, comforting her with an even, quiet tone. She hugged him as he got to his feet and looked at Logan, who had been reclining in the easy chair, almost asleep. Logan shrugged and asked, "Expecting company?"

Goren shook his head and stooped to look out the peephole into the hall. He swore softly. "Take her, Mike," he said softly. "Go wait in the bedroom."

"Who is it?"

"Waters and his partner."

"What? What the hell are they doing here?"

"I don't know, but take the baby back to the bedroom and stay there. I'll deal with them."

Logan gathered Maggie into his arms and disappeared down the hall as Goren pulled the door open. His dark eyes shifted from Waters to Bedford and back. "What are you doing here?" he asked, not trying to hide his irritation.

"I came looking for information," Waters said, his voice deceptively calm. "What were you doing with my wife last night?"

Goren's expression did not change. "I didn't do a damn thing with your wife last night."

"So you admit she was here?"

"I admit nothing. I thought she went out with you. If she went somewhere else without you, you'll have to ask her where she was."

"I did. That's why I'm here. This is getting really old, Goren. Alex will never be yours. So back off!"

With that, he swung unexpectedly, connecting a solid right to Goren's left eye and sending him backwards into the apartment. Waters advanced on him, landing another two blows, one to the gut and another right to the eye, before Goren recovered enough to duck the next one. By that time, Bedford, too, had recovered from the unexpected assault and he grabbed Waters, shoving him hard in the direction of the door. Once he had Waters in the hall, he turned to grab the doorknob, shooting an apologetic look in Goren's direction. He pulled the door shut and continued to shove his partner down the hall. "What the hell is wrong with you, Rick!"

Goren collapsed into the easy chair as Logan came down the hall, peering into the room before he stepped out of the hall. "Is the coast clear?"

Goren waved a hand and Logan set Maggie on the floor. She toddled to the chair and looked up at Goren, tipping her head to the side and reaching out to him. "Ba gots owie?"

Logan shifted directions in midstride and walked to the chair. "What owie....whoa...look at that face!"

Lifting Maggie into his lap, Goren snapped, "Shut up, Mike."

"No, seriously. What happened?"

"Just get me some ice."

Logan went into the kitchen, dumping ice into a paper towel, which he brought to Goren. Maggie was kneeling in his lap, reaching out to touch the growing bruise under his eye. She leaned up and kissed him. "Bedder?"

He smiled and drew her into his arms, hugging her, glad that she had not seen her father hit him. "Much better. Thank you, baby."

Mike held out the makeshift icepack, which Maggie reached for. "Maddie do't, Mick!"

He laughed as she took the icepack in both hands and pressed it against Goren's face. "Dere. Is bedder, Ba."

"Yes," he agreed, struggling not to wince as she pressed the ice into tender, bruised skin. "Here, honey, let me hold it."

She relinquished the ice to him and he eased the pressure with a soft sigh. Maggie snuggled into his lap and sighed as well. Logan smiled, struck suddenly by the similarities in manner they shared. Chalking it up to exposure, he pushed the thought from his head. He'd brought up the subject of Maggie's paternity once, and he would not make that mistake again. Goren was adamant that there was no way Maggie could be his since he had never slept with his partner. That was when Logan realized his friend did not remember anything that had happened after they'd left the bar on his birthday two years ago. Maybe he'd had even more to drink than Logan realized or, more likely, his subconscious mind was protecting him from the mother of all guilt trips. Logan decided that, if anyone was going to fill in the blanks for his friend, that someone would have to be Eames. Of course, there was always the chance that they hadn't actually gone so far as to have sex with one another...although they sure were heading in that direction when he and Barek had ushered them back to the bedroom...

Now he watched Goren hold the ice on his eye with one hand and the little girl with the other. Goren reclined the chair and leaned back. He closed his eyes, caressing Maggie's shoulder with his thumb. The little girl yawned and rolled in his arms. She wriggled her way up his body until her head rested on his shoulder. She buried her hand in his hair and yawned again. He rubbed her back and she closed her eyes, content. From the couch, Mike quietly observed, "She's right where she always wants to be."

Goren forced his eyes open and looked wearily at Logan. "I wish she never had to leave," he said.

The corner of Logan's mouth turned up in a half-smile. "I know," he answered with sympathy. "I wish the same thing."

Goren's eyebrows dipped and he asked, "Why?"

Honestly, Logan replied, "Because when she's there, you're at peace with your life, at least for a little while. She gives you that, and it's a good thing."

With a sigh, Goren closed his eyes again and replaced the ice pack. "It is," he agreed.

"Uh, Bobby?"

"What?"

"Can we not tell Alex I knocked the shit out of you playing ball this time?"

"Why?"

"Because that's gonna be one hell of a bruise and I don't want her to hate me for damaging you like that. She already gives me those unsettling looks that make me check my bed for spiders before I get into it. I really don't want to have to check the closet for mob hit men, too."

Goren laughed softly. "Fine. What do you suggest then?"

"The truth?"

"Seriously."

"It was worth a shot. Personally, I'd love to see her rip into him and then kick him to the curb."

"And have him take Maggie for visitation twice a month to get back at Eames for leaving him? No way. If he ever harmed her..."

"Yeah, yeah...I know. I'd have to take a number. It was a suggestion."

Goren opened his eyes and looked at him. "Well?"

"Barfight?"

"With Maggie along? Oh, that will go over like a lead balloon."

Logan released an exaggerated sigh. "Fine. I'll be your patsy. But you owe me, pal."

"Okay, I owe you. It's better than the alternative, Mike."

"I guess. You do know that if she ever finds out, we're both going to be in the doghouse for a very long time."

Goren kissed the sleeping baby. "She's worth it, all of it."

Logan watched him for a moment before he grabbed the remote. "Women are nothing but trouble," he asserted. "Even at that age."

"Would you trade her?"

A smile played at his lips. "Not a chance. You?"

"Not for anything in the world."

Logan arched an eyebrow. "Not even for a shot at a life with her mother?"

Goren shook his head. "Not even for that. But thanks for bringing it up."

"Hey, I do what I can." He began flipping through the channels. "Sorry, man," he said after surfing past a few channels.

Goren didn't answer, and Logan knew he'd messed up. He looked toward the easy chair, then turned his attention back to the television, continuing to cruise through the channels, looking for something interesting that wouldn't get a book thrown at his head as a reminder that Maggie was in the room, even if she was sleeping. He heard the soft thud of the ice pack when it fell to the floor and he looked over at the chair. Goren had shifted his position in his sleep and now cradled the baby against his chest. Logan smiled and returned his attention to the television. "Good night, buddy," he said quietly, expecting no response and getting none.

Goren slept in the chair with Maggie and Logan crashed on the couch. He was dreading the next day. Eames was going to kill him.

* * *

It wasn't Eames, however, who was the first to notice the bruising on Goren's face. It was Deakins. When Eames arrived at her desk, both Goren and Logan were in with the captain. _What now?_ she wondered.

Deakins was staring at the pen in his hands, turning it over and over. "This is getting out of hand, gentlemen."

"He got lucky, captain. That's all. I wasn't expecting him to hit me," Goren protested.

"Why did he hit you, Bobby?"

"He thought that Eames spent the night with me."

"Did she?"

He shook his head. "No. I mean she was there, but he has no proof of that. She slept in the bedroom with the baby. Logan and I were in the living room. Nothing happened and he had no reason to think anything did, beyond his own paranoid jealousy."

The captain looked up and studied his detective's bruised face. "Look, Roger Kraszinski is Waters' CO. He's an old friend of mine. Let me talk to him. He can give Waters a warning and Eames will never know."

Goren and Logan looked at one another, and Logan nodded. Goren looked back at the captain. "Eames won't know?"

"Not unless her husband says something."

Logan snorted. "He's not that brave."

Deakins saw that he was going to have to take a harder line. "It's either that or I'll have to call Eames in here and let her deal with it."

Goren raised his hands. "No. Don't do that. If you have to talk to his captain, fine. As long as she doesn't find out."

"She won't find out from me, not yet."

Reluctantly, Goren nodded. "Do what you have to do," he said quietly, reluctantly.

* * *

Eames looked up when her partner took his seat at his desk, and she stared at him. Then she looked over at Logan, who at least had the sense to look guilty and apologetic. "Where was Maggie when you two were beating each other up?"

_Oh, shit..._"With Denise," he replied. He'd have to talk to her the first chance he got. Damn Waters, anyway.

She continued to look at his bruised face. "You need to stop this damn game, Goren."

He agreed with her, only the game he was thinking of was very different from the one she meant. "And then what? It relieves a lot of tension, Eames. What do you suggest we do instead?"

She gave that a moment of thought. "Can you at least be more careful?"

He sighed. "We can try."

"And don't let Maggie watch, okay? She doesn't need to see the two of you try to break each other's necks."

"All right," he consented.

She shook her head as she went back to work, muttering about stupid men acting like stupid little boys. Goren looked toward the captain's office, shifting uncomfortably when he saw the man on the phone. This wouldn't go over well, and all he could hope was that Waters would not take out his frustration on Eames. He wanted the man out of his partner's life, but he did not want to be the means by which he left.


	21. Sabotaged Proposal

Friday nights were the longest nights of the week for Goren, which was why Logan usually spent them with him. But tonight, he wanted to be alone. He turned off his cell phone and found a bar up in the Bronx where he knew no one would ever find him.

He sat at the mahogany bar alone, holding a ring in his fingers and staring at it. It was a simple ring, a plain gold band with a diamond solitaire set into it. But the significance of it was life-altering. After a long time, he set it back into its velvet box and put it in his pocket, signaling the bartender for a refill. The more he drank, the more uncertain he was about his plans, but he wasn't there to talk himself out of it. He just wanted to be alone with his thoughts, and his misery.

It was July and the city was in the grips of a wicked heat wave. The air conditioning in the bar couldn't quite keep up with the heat. His tie was off and the first few buttons of his shirt were open, but he was beyond feeling the heat. He paid no attention to the people around him until a voice disturbed his concentration. "Why so bummed, big boy?"

He turned his head to look at the woman on the stool beside his. He barely noticed her auburn hair and pouty lips. His attention was caught by her well-endowed bosom, set loose by too many open buttons. As he stared, she drew in a deep breath, thrusting them toward him. He flexed his hand and did not look away. When her hand came to rest on his thigh, he closed his eyes and she began to rub small circles, moving along his leg toward his hip. He turned fully toward her and eased his eyes open. His gaze was again drawn to her bustline, which she took as an invitation. Her hand caressed the front of his pants, and she smiled. "I live three blocks away, handsome," she hissed into his ear.

His eyes were smoldering and he finished his drink. "Let's go."

They got to her apartment building and entered the elevator. She pressed against him, continuing her stroking. By the time they got to her apartment, he was chomping at the bit. They barely made it through the door before he had her shirt off and began to work on her jeans. She pushed his shirt off his shoulders and undid his belt. By the time they got to the bedroom, their clothes were off. She giggled as he wrestled her onto the bed and she welcomed him with wild abandon.

She fell into a deep sleep when they were done and he slipped out of the bed. He gathered his clothes and quickly dressed. Leaving the apartment, he returned to the bar.

* * *

The pounding at the door echoed through his head. He rolled off the couch and staggered to the door, pulling it open. "What the hell is your problem?" he growled.

"Wow," Logan said. "What rock did you crawl from under?"

"Shut up."

"I've been calling you all damn night and this is the fourth time I've been here. Where the hell were you?"

"What are you, my wife?"

"Not exactly, but your partner is worried sick about you. She said something was eating you all day yesterday, and you took off before she could talk to you."

"Maybe I didn't want to talk."

"What did I do to deserve this?"

Goren sat on the couch and cradled his head in his hands. Logan sat near him. "Talk to me, Bobby."

The bigger man was quiet for a long time, and Logan let the quiet linger. Finally, Goren said, "How can I get myself under control?"

"What happened?"

"I had a bad day, and I just wanted some time alone. Friday nights are, uh, long. I found a bar in the Bronx and...I let a woman pick me up."

"I do that all the time. What's wrong with that?"

Goren shook his head. "Mike, I don't even know her name. I...this isn't good. But I just, I hurt all the time, and nothing I do seems to help."

"Except Maggie?"

He didn't smile. "How often do I see her? I love her more than anyone else in my life, but I don't see her enough to make much of a difference."

Logan moved closer, concerned. "Where did this come from?"

"Look at my life, Mike. What do I have? _Who_ do I have? When I take stock of the things I want and the things I need...I have the job and a couple of times a month, I have Maggie, and both of them are dependent on Eames. Beyond that, I have nothing to show for my life."

He pulled the velvet box from his pocket and handed it to Logan, who opened it. With a gleam in his eye, Logan said, "Bobby, this is so sudden."

With an unexpected laugh, Goren took back the ring. "Not you. Denise."

"What?"

He looked at the ring. "I'm going to ask Denise to marry me."

"You think she'll say yes, knowing you're settling for her? And if Eames ever does come to her senses and leaves Ricky, do you think Denise will be prepared to lose you?"

Goren glared at him. "How much of a bastard do you think I am? Fuck you, Logan."

Logan watched him storm into the kitchen, heard the refrigerator door open and slam closed. He was uncertain. He didn't know what happened, but Goren was as close to the edge as he'd seen him in a long time. He sat there for a few moments, then he got up and left the apartment.

* * *

Goren showered and dressed in a pair of jeans and a gray shirt without a tie. He looked at the time. Five-thirty. He had a half hour and she lived ten minutes away, but he didn't want to wait. Shoving his wallet and his badge into his pocket, he grabbed his phone and keys and left the apartment.

Ten minutes later, Eames showed up with Maggie. After spending the afternoon with Logan, she was deeply worried about her partner. He didn't answer the door, so she called him. His phone went to voicemail. Maggie stood by her, pounding on the door with the flat of her hand and calling, "Ba! Door!"

She looked around, and she didn't know what to do. Finally, she made up her mind, pulled out her keys and went into the apartment to wait for him.

* * *

Dinner was quiet, which was just what he needed. He wondered when Denise had learned to read him so well. He wandered from thought to thought, not keeping track of the wine consumed by either of them. His prolonged silence, unusual even for him, unsettled her, and she compensated for her discomfort with more wine. After dinner, they left the restaurant and she slid her hand into his and leaned against his arm, for comfort as much as steadiness. "Let's go for a walk."

He made up his mind to give this woman anything she wanted. She put up with so much from him, and he knew he'd hurt her more than once. Yet, she was still there, still willing to be with him. The bottom line was that she loved him.

"Denise," he began tentatively. "I...I'm so sorry for all the grief I've caused you."

"Where did that come from?"

"I've been doing a lot of thinking," he said, squeezing her hand. "I've been very unfair to you, and I want to make it right."

She laughed, a sound that lightened his mood, and he kissed her hand. She gave his side a playful poke. "Is that why you've been so quiet tonight?"

"I have a lot on my mind," he admitted. "Would you be honest with me if I asked you a question?"

"All right. What's your question?"

He hesitated, almost afraid to ask. "You once told me you loved me. Do you still?"

She looked around the quiet street, wondering where this could possibly lead. Finally, she answered, "Yes, Bobby. I still love you."

He dropped his chin to his chest. "Do you think I'm too much to deal with?"

That was a loaded question, but he wanted honesty. "Sometimes, yes, but you are always worth any aggravation you cause. I'm still here, Bobby, and I enjoy being with you."

"Would it bother you too much to be with me...every day?"

She wondered if he was asking her to move in with him, which would be a huge step for him toward finally letting his partner go. She questioned if he was ready to do that. "What are you talking about?"

He pulled his hand out of his pocket and held out the velvet box. She released his hand, took the box and opened it, gasping as she stared in disbelief at the solitaire nestled inside it. Quietly, he reached out and closed the box, folding her fingers over it. "I don't want an answer tonight. I want you to think about it. I don't want an answer until you are certain."

"You want..._me_...to _marry_ you?" she asked in disbelief.

He bit his lower lip, and he didn't answer her. The question said more than either of them could. He was afraid he had screwed up his relationship with her, and the tone of her voice confirmed that. He'd put himself out there by asking her, trusting her to let him down gently. He knew she was going to say no.

"Let's go back to your place," she said, hugging his arm.

One of two things would happen when they got there. She would either enumerate the many reasons she had for turning him down, or she would delay the inevitable by drawing him to the bedroom. He would prefer the latter, but he wasn't about to ask which it would be.

It didn't take long for him to find out. She rested her head on his shoulder as he drove, slowly rubbing her hand up and down his thigh. He parked the car after an interminable ride and came around the car, catching her in his arms to kiss her deeply. In the elevator, she pulled his shirt from his jeans, playfully nipping his tongue when he sought entry to her mouth. The elevator door opened and she broke from his embrace, laughing as she ran down the hall. More relaxed and reassured than he'd been in weeks, he chased her, grabbing her around the waist, which made her laugh. He nuzzled her neck as he pulled out his keys. Every time he tried to slip the key in the lock, she would laugh and bump his hand, knocking the keys away. He was damn near ready to take her in the hall when the apartment door opened.

Eames stared at them, frowning, while Goren looked at her, confused. "Eames...what...why...?"

Denise looked at the partners, not knowing what to make of Eames' presence in his apartment. Suddenly sobered, she decided it was not the time to make a big deal out of it. She looked at Goren but his attention was focused on Eames. Silently, she moved past him, walked toward the elevator. When he heard the elevator bell, he turned. "Denise?"

She waved her hand. "Good night, Bobby. I'll see you Monday. You'll have the answer to your question by then."

His back stiffened. "Do I...know the answer?"

She looked over her shoulder, her eyes brimming with tears. "I think so," she replied, stepping into the elevator.

He watched the doors close, drawing in a slow, defeated breath. Eames stepped out of the way when he turned back toward her. He stepped into the apartment, stopping cold when he saw Maggie sleeping on the couch. He looked at Eames. "I don't understand."

She was equally confused. "What just happened?"

"You tell me, Eames. Why are you here?"

"Mike came by to see me this afternoon. He was worried about you, so I brought Maggie to see you."

"And when I wasn't home?"

"I'm sorry, Bobby. I didn't want to disappoint her."

He tossed his hands in the air, furious and frustrated. He had enough presence of mind to keep quiet. If Eames knew him at all, she'd be able to see his anger and she would leave him alone. He turned and stormed down the hall, slamming his bedroom door behind him.


	22. Only Maggie

When he woke the next morning, he wasn't alone in the bed. A cherubic face slept near his; five little fingers were buried in his hair. He tipped his face toward her and softly kissed her. Her eyelids popped open and she smiled. "Ba!" she said with a happy giggle. "My Ba!"

"My mouse," he answered, kissing her nose.

He got up and went into the bathroom. When he came out, Maggie wasn't in the room. He found her in the living room. "Mama doe?"

Goren picked up a note from the counter. _Bobby—I am so sorry about last night. Call me if I can help. Alex._

_Help?_ he thought bitterly. No one could help him. A little hand tugged on the leg of his sweats. "Ba?"

He looked down into dark eyes full of nothing but love. Okay, maybe there was _one _person... He picked her up and she patted his cheek. "Wan' waffies, Ba."

"Okay, little miss. Waffles it is."

He carried her into the kitchen to prepare her breakfast.

* * *

Logan came by after lunch. "Mick!" Maggie squealed as she ran to him.

He picked her up and hugged her. "Hey, beautiful." He heard noises in the kitchen. "What are you doing in there?"

"It's a kitchen, Mike. What do you think I'm doing?"

He came out of the kitchen with a sippy cup. Logan set Maggie down and she toddled to Goren, reaching up as he handed her the cup. Logan dropped onto the couch and picked up the remote. "So, were you happy to see Eames last night?"

"No, I wasn't."

Logan looked at him. "Really?"

"I...had a date last night. Let's just say it ended badly."

Logan's frown deepened. "With Denise?"

"She's only so understanding, Mike. I brought her back here and finding Eames in the apartment waiting for me threw a huge bucket of cold water over the evening."

"Oh. I guess I forgot you had a date. I told her it was important for you to see Maggie."

Goren sat on the couch and watched Maggie set her cup on the coffee table. She toddled to the toybox and pulled out two trucks, which she carried to the coffee table. She pushed them along the wooden top, making little engine noises. "I don't know what to do with my life," he said.

Logan looked at him. "She said no?"

"Of course she said no! We came home last night and Eames was here as if she belonged here!"

"Doesn't she?"

A curtain fell over Goren's expression. "No, she doesn't. And as long as she's married to someone else, she never will."

He got up and walked down the hall to his room. Maggie watched him go. "Ba?" She looked at Logan. "Ba sad?"

"I don't know what he is, sweetheart."

She got off her knees and toddled back to the bedroom. She walked over to the bed, where he was lying, staring at the ceiling. She reached up and tenderly rubbed his arm. "Ba?"

He turned his head to look at her, and he was touched by the concern on her face. She was fourteen months old, and she had a better developed sense of concern for others than many adults he knew. He rolled onto his side and she touched his cheek. "'Uv oo."

He wrapped his arm around her and drew her close. "I love you, too, Maggie," he whispered.

He had never meant those words more.

* * *

It was rare that Goren got to work after Eames did. He had taken Maggie to her grandfather's the night before, declining John's invitation to stay. It turned out to be a late night for him, and he was feeling it as he lumbered into the squad room. Silently, he set a cup of coffee on Eames' desk, then he sat heavily in his chair. It was then that he saw the small blue box in the center of his desk. No note, no explanation, but he knew. Looking up at Eames, he saw that she had figured it out as well. He closed his hand over the box, staring at it. Then he stood up and left the squad room.

Eames found him late that afternoon, down by the river. She sat beside him but she didn't say anything. He didn't look at her or react to her in any way. Finally, she said, "Is this my fault?"

As desperately as he wanted to say yes, he didn't have it in him to blame her. "It's no one's fault but mine."

Every time he tried to move on, something blasted him back across the line. If she wasn't married, he would think fate wanted them together. But fate had never been kind to him, and he had no reason to expect that to change. He glanced at his watch. "It's late. Go home. You have a husband and a life. Don't waste your time with me."

"Bobby..."

He rose to his feet and walked away. She chose not to let him go. Running after him, she grabbed his arm and yanked with all her strength. He spun toward her, eyes bright with fury, but she would not be intimidated. She grabbed his tie and held fast. "Now you listen to me and you listen good. I know you don't want to hear about me and how I feel so I'm not going to waste our time. But I will tell you this—you wanted to be part of Maggie's life and so you are." Her words became more rushed, almost panicked. "She loves you more than anyone. She always asks for you, always wants to see you. As important as I am to her, sometimes I think you are more important. I'm sorry if things aren't going well for you right now, but I am thinking of Maggie."

His eyes narrowed. "Are you sure, Eames?"

He was baiting her and she knew it. "Was I supposed to leave her there alone?"

"You could have sent her with Logan."

"Would that have made a difference?"

His eyes searched her face. "Yes, Eames. It would have made a huge difference to come home and find Mike in my apartment rather than another woman."

He pulled away from her harshly and walked away.

She watched him go. She had never interfered with his life before, but she was going to make an exception this time.

* * *

The knock at her door did not surprise her. She was expecting him. She knew he would accept her refusal of his proposal without question, but he would need to iron out the other details of their relationship. She was ready for this talk. There had been too much uncertainty between them. She loved him, yes, but it would take a lot of changing before she could consent to marry him. The proposal, she knew, was sincere, bless him. She just wasn't sure he was ready for that kind of commitment to anyone—except Eames.

She took a drink from her wineglass and went to the door. But the person standing in the hallway was not the person she expected to be there. "Alex?"

"Hi, Denise. Can we talk?"

Denise looked past her, half-expecting Goren to be with her. "I'm alone," Eames assured her. "I don't think he'll be coming by tonight."

She hid her disappointment as she stepped back and let Alex into the apartment. "He told you," she said, certain that he had.

"No, actually. He didn't say anything. I kind of figured it out on my own. I'm a detective; it's what I do."

Denise ignored the bitter jab. "Can I get you something?"

"No, thanks."

Denise sat on the couch and refilled her glass; Alex sat in a nearby chair. Denise took a sip of wine, then said, "I didn't want to hurt him, believe me, Alex. I would love to say yes to him, but I can't."

"Because you don't love him?"

"That's not it at all. Actually, my feelings for him had nothing to do with my decision. It's his feelings for me that made me say no."

Eames frowned. "What do you mean? He loves you."

"No, Alex. He loves _you_. But he can't have you, so he settles for me. If I ever marry, I have to be his first choice. So, until Bobby can make me his first choice, it will never work."

_He loves you..._ "No, Denise. He can't love me."

Denise looked sad. "But he does. He can't help it. And denying it doesn't fix anything." She wiped a stray tear from her cheek. "Alex, I've known Bobby for a long time. He worked in Narcotics when I first met him. Trust me when I say he's been in love with you for a long time. I don't know if it's something you never knew or if it's something you just denied, hoping he would move on because you never loved him, but I think you've handled him very wrong, and now he is the one suffering for it. I would tell you to love him or let him go, but it's not as easy as that, for either of you."

Eames' first reaction was anger. "How dare you..." she began, but she stopped herself from verbally attacking the other woman. She looked at her hands. "I didn't know," she admitted. "Until it was too late."

"It's never too late, Alex, as long as he's here, as long as you are both willing."

"I _am_ willing," Eames snapped. She paused to gather herself. It took more effort to calm down than she expected. Were her feelings for her partner _that_ strong? There was a tether inside her that kept her feelings well in check, but suddenly it snapped and the dam burst. "Oh, God...what have I done to him?"

Denise watched her, instinctively knowing not to say anything. Eames was working though something important, and the best thing she could do was be a sympathetic ear. Although it was difficult for her to be sympathetic to this woman, she was coming to realize that maybe it wasn't intentional. Maybe Eames was as much a victim of circumstance in this whole messed-up scenario as Goren was.

Eames looked up at her, tears brimming her eyes. "Denise..." She needed to confide in someone, and Denise was there, seemingly willing. "You know how private he is. He's my partner. I wasn't looking for anything deeper than that from him. I never suspected how he felt. He never showed me anything more than a partner should. When I married Ricky...I didn't know." The tears began to escape from her eyes in spite of her efforts to keep them there. "But...it became evident. And it was too late, because I was married. Ricky hates him...but I...oh, my god...I love him."

Denise couldn't help losing track of her resentment of Eames, and she moved over to kneel by the chair. She touched Eames' shoulder, gently guiding the other woman into her arms, holding her while she cried. She had deeply mixed feelings about all of this.

Eames hugged Denise, trying to control her sobbing. When she calmed enough to talk, she said, "I was ready to leave Ricky, I swear I was. And then I got pregnant, and I had to give the marriage another chance. Now...Now I have to protect Maggie. I can't leave Ricky. I don't...I don't know what to do." She held Denise tighter before she released her and sat back. "It's not the best scenario, but I offered...I told him I was willing..." she trailed off, not sure how to put it into words.

But Denise understood. "And he can't do that. No matter how much he loves you, he won't be the other man."

Eames nodded. She wiped her eyes, embarrassed and angry at herself. "How did this happen? How did I mess up both our lives, and yours, so thoroughly?"

Denise held her hand. "You didn't do anything to my life. My relationship with Bobby has always been complicated. I never lost him to you because he was never mine to start with. I wish he was, but that's never going to happen."

"Are you saying you don't love him?"

"Not at all. I love him very much. But I won't compete with you, and that's why I turned him down. It's the situation I'm rejecting, not Bobby. If he wants to keep dating, I'm game for that. But I will never be more than his friend, and I accept that. It took a lot of years for me to come to terms with it, but I'm his fall-back girl. I give him a certain degree of stability and he needs that. But I'm not the love of his life; you are."

Eames shook her head. "No," she said with a small smile. "Maggie is."

Denise gave her a warm smile. "Only you have the ability to totally destroy him, Alex—and only you can save him. Maybe you do that through Maggie. I don't pretend to know what goes on in that beautiful mind of his. But something changed when Maggie was born. Keep her in his life."

"At least with Maggie, his love is openly reciprocated. He never has to ask if she loves him."

When Eames was finally completely calm, Denise gave her a glass of wine. Even if they would never be friends, they drank to the beginning of a truce between them, and a silent agreement to share the man they both loved...for now.

* * *

He didn't know her name. He didn't ask and she didn't offer. The nails she dug into his back gave him a welcome diversion from his thoughts and drove him toward the rough play she demanded. When she drove her teeth deeply into his shoulder, he lost control and it felt damn good.

When he came back to himself, his shoulder was covered in blood but he felt good. In the bathroom, he cleaned the wound and dressed it with antibiotic ointment and gauze he found under the sink. Returning to the bedroom, he watched her sleep. She was pretty and younger than he'd first thought, but not young enough to make him feel guilty. Her body curved in the right places and her skin was smooth and soft. She had no inhibitions, and her insistence that he use a condom told him she did this often. And he just didn't care. She had given him what he needed, and he would not see her again. He used her because she let him, because she wanted it from him as bad as he needed it from her.

He dressed in the semi-darkness, then stood by the bed. He was sober, and he knew exactly what he'd done. The long, stinging scratches down his back and the deep, bloody bite on his shoulder marked him, and he didn't care. His apathy was refreshing. Leaning down, he kissed her temple. "Thank you, sugar," he whispered, knowing she was too deep in her sleep to hear him.

He wondered vaguely what her drug of choice was, knowing she was high when he picked her up. Again, he didn't care. She'd given him something he had desperately needed, and she'd helped him find something, too. He pulled out his wallet and withdrew three twenties, knowing full well she would use it for her next fix. But he owed her that much. He wasn't paying her for sex, or for services rendered. He was thanking her for helping him find the apathy he needed to live his goddamn life. It would be much more livable if he didn't care, if he buried his feelings so deep he couldn't find them. It would give him a new lease on living. He wasn't strong enough to love Eames or Denise or anyone else. So he let go of it all, and the only one he had the energy left to care about was Maggie.


	23. Coming to Terms

**A/N: I haven't forgotten this. I'm still plucking away at it. Thanks for sticking with me!**  


* * *

Nate Bedford was furious. It was bad enough that his partner was out-of-control with his obsession over his wife, but now he'd dragged him into it. It wasn't his fault that Ricky kept stalking Goren, and it wasn't his fault that Goren let Rick use him as a punching bag. Goren was a big guy and Bedford knew he was tough. One punch and he could knock Ricky into next week. He felt no guilt at all about wishing the guy would do just that. Hell, he'd buy Goren a drink for it. But as it was, the whole situation was getting out of control.

He climbed into the patrol car, wishing that it wasn't his partner's turn to drive. Waters got behind the wheel and slammed the door. Bedford didn't wait before he laid into him. "Don't say I didn't warn you," he snapped angrily.

Waters glared through the windshield. "I never expected Goren to go running to his captain."

"Come on, Rick," Bedford replied, sick and tired of being the voice of reason for him. "You keep hitting the guy in the _face_. Maybe he keeps it from Alex that you're the one responsible, but what incentive does he have to lie to his captain? Or maybe Logan's the one who spoke up. Or that woman he was with when you nailed him in the parking garage the other week. I hear she works for the chief of detectives. In my opinion, you're damn lucky you're not pounding a beat on Staten Island."

Waters glared at his partner. "Why do you keep defending the guy?"

"Why is it that every time I try to be reasonable about this, you think I'm defending Goren? This is out of control, man. It was bad enough when it just involved you, but now you've gotten _my_ ass in a sling over it. Cap wants me to keep you on a short leash, and he doesn't get that you fucking bite. This has gotta stop, Ricky."

Waters shifted in his seat. "What's that son of a bitch ever done for you, Nate? He ever take a knife or a bullet for you? No. I did. So why are you backpeddling on me?"

"Backpeddling? You really have lost your goddam mind over this woman. I'm not deserting you, asshole. Like the fool I am, I just stand there and let you knock the crap out of a guy who could wipe the pavement with you if he wanted to, wondering why the hell he doesn't. Now I've got the captain on my ass because you're an idiot."

"Yeah—you just stand there like a fool instead of standing with me. Not once have you ever taken a jab at him."

"Why should I? That guy's never done a damn thing to me, or to you, for that matter. I don't have a problem with him, Rick. I don't hate him, and I don't approve of this vendetta you have against him. He takes damn good care of his partner, and you should appreciate that. He keeps her safe on the job. But instead of being grateful to him for doing his job so well, you try to beat the hell out of him, just because he's her partner. To his credit, he has the guts to let you do it without ever hitting you back. I couldn't do that. He's a guy worth defending when you're out of control. You are obsessed; you think you own her. No one owns a woman like Alex. She's just a cover, Rick. When all is said and done, you're going to leave her, and I'll bet my pension he's gonna end up with her anyway. Why put him through this? It's not necessary."

Waters shifted his position again, still looking out the window and seething in silence. "She's _my_ wife," he snarled. "That's all there is to it. She's _mine_."

Bedford shook his head as Waters started the engine and pulled away from the curb. "Hammond is going to eat you alive when he finds out what you've been doing."

"He won't find out, unless you say something."

"I'm not saying a word, but he has his ways. He's got feelers out all over the place. That's why he's in charge."

"I'll deal with Hammond if it comes to that."

"Why do I get the feeling you're going to drag my stupid ass down with you?"

Waters frowned and made a left turn on a red light. "Go to hell, Nate."  


* * *

Goren spent the rest of the week focusing on the case he and Eames were working. Every time she tried to initiate a conversation with him, he shut down on her. When he left for the day, he made a point not to answer the phone, and he stayed at Logan's so he wouldn't have to deal with the women in his life. He was beyond tired, and he felt no guilt for avoiding them.

Logan hadn't asked questions when Goren asked if he could crash on his couch for a few nights. He knew that pressing Goren for details before he was ready to talk wouldn't get him far. When Goren was ready, he'd tell him what was going on and not before. But Logan had also learned a couple of tricks that made Goren easier to handle when life started to get the better of him. For the first couple of nights, Logan said nothing when his friend stumbled in late, smelling of beer and cheap perfume, determined not to mother the guy. He continued to marvel at Goren's ability to pull himself together every morning like he'd gotten a full night's rest. But Logan also had an uncanny ability to read the signs and he knew Goren was not going to last long at that pace. He had a choice. He could step in and intervene, or he could wait and then pick up the pieces. Logan hated jigsaw puzzles, so he opted to intervene, hoping it wasn't going to earn him a black eye or a fat lip and that it would do some good. All he could do was try.

It was past midnight when Goren rolled in Thursday night. Logan was still up when he came in. "Mike? What are you doing up?" he asked, knowing Logan preferred to crash early during the week when he and his partner were on call.

"I had an urge to do something stupid and, like an idiot, I gave in to it."

"Oh?" Goren went into the kitchen and came out with a beer.

"Don't you think you've had enough of those this week?"

He sat on the couch, feeling good enough to ignore the question. Logan continued to watch him. _Might as well jump in with both feet_, he mused, hoping Goren would be receptive to his interference. "What was her name?"

"Who?"

"Whoever you were with tonight."

Goren shifted uncomfortably. "I, uhm, I didn't ask."

"Hooker?"

"No. I think she said she worked uptown in a boutique. I wasn't paying much attention to what she said."

"That's not like you. Come on, man. Talk to me. I haven't seen you like this since before Maggie was born. You're self-destructing again. What's going on?"

Goren leaned forward, cradling the beer bottle in his hands. "I'm trying to get a handle on it. I really am. I-I just...I don't...I'm so tired of hurting all the time. I just...I want to stop feeling for a little while, if I can."

"Does it help? I mean, have you found a way to do that?"

He rested a hand over the bite on his shoulder and rubbed it, feeling good about the burning that flared in the wound. "I think I have. I just...I had to find a way to stop...to stop feeling anything. If I can stop caring so damn much, maybe I can handle my life."

"How do you switch that off? How can you stop caring?"

He moved his hand to rub the back of his neck, realizing only then that she had left her mark there as well as on his back. He fingered the scratches and sighed deeply. "As long as I have Maggie, I'll be okay."

"Bobby..."

"I'll work it out somehow, Mike. I'll be okay. I can finally say that and actually mean it."

"So you're cutting your losses?"

"In a manner of speaking, I guess so."

"And you're gonna go back to screwing around with whatever you can dig up at whatever bar you happen to find yourself at? I've kinda liked not doing that since you've been seeing Denise...and I can't believe I actually said that."

"I don't think Denise is an option for me any more, so...I suppose so. You don't have to come with me, Mike."

"Have you talked to her since she turned you down?"

Goren's tension level shot through the roof. "What is there to say? You propose to someone and they shoot you down, that doesn't leave a whole lot to say, except goodbye."

"You don't know that, man. How long have you known her? She cares about you and I don't think she can turn it off the way you're trying to."

Goren stared at the bottle he was holding, then finished off the beer. When he moved to get up, Logan said, "You're not drunk right now, and it's the first time this week you've come in fairly sober. How about not going in to work hungover tomorrow? You can hide it from the world at large, Bobby, but I know you better than that, and so does Eames. I'm really sorry we messed up things with you and Denise. I can't tell you how bad I feel about that, but I'm only trying to help you."

Goren's temper flared quickly out of control. He got to his feet and threw the bottle across the room. "Well, cut it out," he growled. "I don't need your help or anyone else's."

Stunned by the outburst, Logan sat where he was and watched Goren leave the apartment. He didn't come back.  


* * *

Logan went into work the next morning with a knot in his gut, until he saw Goren at his desk. Eames was nowhere in sight, so he approached his friend, placing both fists on the desk. "As often as I've gotten blamed for knocking the shit out of you playing ball, I swear on a stack of Bibles that next time I'll earn the looks your partner gives me if you ever lash out at me like that again when I don't fucking deserve it."

He walked away without waiting for an answer. Goren could feel his slender grip on control of his life sliding away again, and he had no idea how to firm up that grip. Deakins had called him into the office when he got there and read him the riot act. Apparently, his ability to hide his condition the past few mornings hadn't worked with the captain, either, and he was facing a medical leave of absence pending another psychiatric evaluation if he didn't get his shit together fast.

He tried to focus his attention on the case notes in front of him, but he couldn't. His mind was flying in a dozen different directions at ninety to nothing and he couldn't grab a firm hold on anything. He was at odds now with every person in his life who meant anything to him, except Maggie, and Eames wasn't going to let him see her with his life spinning out of control.

Maybe he really did need a change of scenery. He'd thought about it more than once since her wedding. He'd even gone so far as to look into a couple of different jobs, with police departments in Chicago, Dallas and Seattle, and he'd talked to a buddy with the DEA. Maybe chasing drug runners through the South American jungle was just the change he needed. Then he realized that leaving New York meant leaving Maggie and the bottom fell out on him. He couldn't go. He just...couldn't live without that little girl in his life. He didn't even want to try.

If he thought he was fooling anyone, he was wrong. He tried to keep it together and act as though everything was fine, but Eames knew him too well. She could somehow sense he was on the edge, and she probably had an idea he was on the outs with Logan at the moment, too. But his demeanor did not invite discussion and Eames was wise enough to leave him alone.

Logan, however, wasn't as fortunate, and she cornered him near the snack machine after Goren left the squadroom at lunch time. "What's going on, Logan?"

He tried to look innocent. "What do you mean?"

She grabbed his tie and yanked. "Don't screw with me or I will tear you into bite-sized pieces and feed you to the subway rats. What's going on with Goren? He won't take my calls and he hasn't been home."

Logan couldn't resist. With a half-grin, he said, "Don't tell me you're stalking him."

She scowled and pulled harder on his tie, drawing his face closer to hers. "Look me in the eye and tell me he's not upset with you."

Logan gently pulled his tie from her grasp. "We had a disagreement last night, that's all. He'll be back on my couch tonight, so don't worry."

"He has a place of his own. Why is he staying with you?"

"He needs to do some thinking, and he can't get it done at his place."

"You're sure he's okay?"

"Positive," he lied. "Just give him some space."

"Like I have a choice," she said bitterly.

He watched her walk away, shaking his head. He got a soda and a bag of chips and returned to his desk. "The lunch of champions," he commented as he dropped the chips in the middle of his desk.

"If you're hungry, go down to the deli or something," Barek replied.

"I have too much to do here. I want to go home sometime tonight."

"Well, if you wouldn't put it off, you wouldn't have to do it all at one time."

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled, turning back to his paperwork.  


* * *

At the end of the day, Goren didn't react when Eames packed up to leave for the weekend. She hated seeing him in such a state. He didn't seem to know where he belonged in the world and he didn't want to hear what she had to say about it. There was only one way she knew to reach him. Leaning forward over her desk, she asked, "Bobby, would you like to see Maggie this weekend?"

Goren looked up, surprised. "Uhm, y-yes, of course I would."

She nodded. "When would you like me to leave her at Dad's for you?"

"Saturday morning would work."

"Is 9 okay?"

"Fine. Thank you."

As he turned back to his computer, she paused for a moment. "Are you going to keep her at Logan's?"

He looked back at her, frowning. "Why would I do that? All her stuff is at my place."

"But you haven't been at your place."

He wondered briefly how she knew that until his mind kicked forward the more important question: why did it matter? "Is that what this is about? You're offering me a weekend with Maggie to draw me back home, so you know where I am?"

"No," she lied, not sure why her motivation was suddenly an issue with him. "Why should I care where you are?"

"Unless your daughter is with me, you shouldn't."

"It don't," she said, more testily than she intended.

Grabbing her bag, she walked off toward the elevators. His suspicions were not entirely unfounded, and that irritated her. If he had Maggie, she knew he would be okay. He wouldn't be God knew where, drinking himself into oblivion and doing God knew what with God knew who. This way, Maggie would have a happy weekend with her favorite person in the world and Goren would be safe. It was the only way she knew to take care of him that he would actually allow.

He watched her go, trying to will away the pain that settled around his heart like a vice. She'd noticed his withdrawal, though he wasn't quite sure why she was angry at him. He owed her nothing. She had a husband and a life in which he had no place. Where he went and what he did while she was living that life should be of no concern to her, but they were. She cared about him too much, but he was powerless to change that, and it irritated him. He slammed the flat of his hand on the desk, then looked around the mostly empty squad room. His co-workers generally ignored him, which was fine with him. Closing his hand into a fist, he returned his attention to the interview notes in the file. They had a case to solve, and he refused to let his own personal failures interfere with his job. He pulled out the autopsy photos. This victim deserved justice, and he silently promised her she would get it.  


* * *

It was late when Goren left the squad room for his car. As he approached it, someone stepped out of the shadows. "Hi, Bobby."

She'd caught him by surprise. "Uh, hi, Denise. What are you doing here at this hour?"

"I was waiting for you. Can we talk?"

"It's late," he argued.

"And? Tomorrow is Saturday. Please. I've been trying to reach you all week."

He hesitated, clamping his hand behind his neck, not sure he wanted to talk with her, or anyone. Logan, at least, mostly left him alone. He planned to head over to Logan's to apologize, so he wouldn't have to impose on another friend's couch. Besides, he couldn't handle being at odds with both Eames and Logan. Leave it to one of the women who plagued his life to upset his plans. They had already trashed his heart. No, that wasn't fair, he chastised himself bitterly. He was the one who had let them in, who never seemed to learn the lessons life continually tried to teach him. Finally, he sighed and asked, "Have you eaten?"

She shook her head. "No, not yet."

He waved a hand toward his car, a gesture of conciliation and defeat. "Get in."

He walked to the passenger side of the car ahead of her and opened the door for her. Then he walked around and got into the driver's seat. He pulled out of the parking garage and drove around onto the Brooklyn Bridge.

He drove to a small restaurant not far from Denise's apartment. After they placed their order for dinner, and the waitress left them alone, he asked, "What do you want from me, Denise?"

She gave him a look of concern. "Where have you been all week? I've been calling, and I stopped by your apartment a couple of times. Bobby, we have to talk."

The waitress brought them a bottle of wine and two glasses. He poured the wine and feigned ignorance. "Talk? About what? There's nothing left to discuss."

She waited, watching him. "That's not true," she replied. "We have something important to discuss."

He took a drink and shook his head, refusing to look at her. "No, Denise, we don't. I...I understand..."

"No, Bobby, I don't think you do." She watched him for a moment, seeing his pain. "You think..."

He raised his hand, shaking his head. "I think..." He looked into his glass, his voice infinitely sad and filled with regret. "I-I upset the apple cart. I should have left well enough alone." His voice got softer and, if possible, sadder. "I knew what your answer would be, and I'm sorry to have put you on the spot like that. I should never have asked you..."

Her eyes welled with tears. No man had ever touched her heart the way this man had. "Oh, baby, no, no. Maybe you anticipated my response, but I'm sure you don't know my reasons for saying no." She picked up her wine glass, taking a drink. Cradling the glass in her hands, she said, "You need to understand _why_ I said no."

He shook his head slowly. "Denise...don't..."

"Please, I really need to explain. You have to give me this chance."

He bowed his head in defeat. He couldn't ever seem to get the upper hand with her or with Eames. "Fine. Go on."

"Bobby, I have known you for a long time, and I know you better than you think I do. If I thought it was a good thing for both of us, I would marry you in a heartbeat, but I know it's not. I have to be practical. If I gave in to what I wanted, without thinking it through, I would say yes without hesitation and then we would both be miserable. One of two things has to happen for you to ever find peace in your life."

He refilled his wine glass and topped off hers. "What things are those?" he asked, though he knew full well what she was going to say.

"Either Alex has to become free and available to you or you need to find some way to let her go so you can move on. Until one of those things happens, you're never going to be at peace."

"I've never known peace in my life." _And I don't expect I ever will..._

"Don't you think that maybe it's time?"

"Honestly? I just don't see that happening."

"Bobby..."

He was no longer able to keep a lid on his anger, and he growled at her, "Why are you here, Denise? Why are you bothering with me?"

She wasn't sure where his anger was coming from, or what was driving it, but she had seen it often enough to not be intimidated by him. "It seems that I have a couple of huge blind spots where you are concerned." She waited as the waitress brought their meals, then continued, "Look, Bobby, maybe you have convinced yourself that I'm waiting for you, but I'm not. I have no delusions about you. You're difficult and angry and you fight so hard to not let anyone get close to you. But you've let me get closer than most people, and I know the kind of man you really are. I've felt your warmth and your caring and some small ember of the love you hide from the world. You don't want to hear this, but I'm going to say it anyway. I love you, you pig-headed man. And if the time ever comes when you are finally able to move on with your life, bring out that ring again. In the meantime, I'm okay with the way things have been between us, if you are."

He studied her as she cut into her lasagna. Over time, she had gotten used to his intensity and it didn't unsettle her as it did some people. She put a forkful of pasta into her mouth. "Is that a problem?" she asked.

"You being okay with the way things are? Yes. You should be married, having children, not here, not with me."

"I've told you before, I have not put my life on hold. I know that we aren't exclusive, but Mr. Right just has not come my way. When he does, I'll let you know."

He poked at his chicken with his fork. "As long as you're not looking my way."

"No, Bobby. I'm not. I haven't looked your way in a long time. So put your worries about that to rest and feel free to accept what I am offering. Eyes wide open, my dear. I have no expectations from what we have between us."

He looked up. "Just what do we have, Denise?"

"Friendship, that's all."

"With benefits?"

She laughed, and he smiled. "Yes, with benefits," she confirmed. "We may not have the perfect relationship, but it works for us. And I like it. I really do. Now, please, eat your dinner."

He quietly poked at his meal for a few minutes before taking a bite. Chasing it with a swallow of wine, he looked up at her. His expression had changed to one she could not remember seeing in a long time. "Can I take you home?" he said, his voice not much more than a whisper.

"I would love that," she answered, deeply relieved by the change in him. "But you have to eat your dinner first." She drained her wineglass. "And order some more wine."

With a relaxed smile, he motioned to the waitress and ordered another bottle of wine.  


* * *

Goren lay in the bed with the sheet gathered at his waist and Denise curled into his side. Her leg was draped over his and she lightly stroked a pattern of circles around his chest. She nuzzled his ear. "What changed, Bobby?"

"Hmn? What do you mean?"

"Something happened. You haven't loved me like that in a very long time."

"I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I guess I figured out a way to...let go of some of my guilt."_ Or maybe it's because I just no longer give a damn..._

Spreading her hand flat on his chest, she lifted her head to look at him. "How did you manage that?"

He shrugged. "It just, uh, kind of happened," he answered vaguely.

"Can I help you?"

"You are," he assured her. "I don't need anything else."

He slid his arm around her and tipped his face toward hers. She kissed him and had no trouble convincing him to love her again.

Finally spent, he rolled onto his side, toward her, slowly drifting toward sleep as his body calmed.

Gently, she caressed his side. He groaned softly, drawing her closer. Mostly asleep, in an unguarded moment, he muttered, "Stay with me, baby. Keep them away."

Her brow furrowed in a frown and she stroked his cheek. "Who? Keep who away?"

"The nightmares," he murmured, drifting to sleep.

Tenderly, she caressed his forehead, smoothing back his hair. She kissed him softly. "I won't go anywhere," she answered. "I promise."


	24. Healing Wounds

Goren woke early the next morning, kissing Denise softly as she slept. He went into the kitchen, set up the coffee pot for her and left her a note.

_Went to get Maggie. Come by my place this afternoon. She'll be excited to see you._

He left the apartment and drove to John Eames' home. When he pulled into the driveway, he was unhappy to see Eames' car also there. "Sonofabitch," he whispered to himself.

He considered leaving, but the chance to see Maggie was too great to pass up. Bracing himself, he got out of the car and walked to the front door. Pressing the doorbell, he waited for John to answer, but it wasn't John who came to the door.

Eames' smile faded when she noticed that he was still wearing the same clothes he'd been wearing the day before, only a bit more unkempt. He hadn't been home again and he hadn't been to Logan's, either, or he would have changed into jeans and a t-shirt. "You didn't go home last night," she commented as she let him in the door.

"No, I didn't," he said as he walked past her.

"Bobby..."

"It's not your concern, Eames. I don't ask what you do once you leave the squad room. Give me the same respect."

"I am not in a self-destructive spiral," she accused.

He looked at her with tired eyes. "Once I leave the squad room, unless I have your daughter, my life is not your concern and vice versa. It's not the way I ever wanted it, but it's the way it has to be."

Before Eames could reply, a happy squeal interrupted what was building to become an argument. "Ba! My Ba!"

Maggie toddled toward him from the direction of the kitchen as quickly as her chubby little legs could carry her. He scooped her up into a hug and held her close. Arms wrapped around his neck, she giggled. "Ba!"

Eames watched her partner's entire demeanor change as he smiled for the little girl. As much as she worried about him, when he was with Maggie, her worries faded away completely. She got the baby's diaper bag and held it out to him, knowing he wasn't going to stay any longer than he absolutely had to stay. He looked toward the kitchen, but John didn't come out. "Tell your dad I said hello," he said.

She nodded. "I will."

Maggie waved at her. "Bye-bye, Mama!"

She leaned forward to kiss the baby, trying not to get too close to Goren, but she leaned a little too far and lost her balance. As she grabbed his side, he caught her with his free arm. "Sorry," she said, embarrassed.

"Kiss the baby good-bye," he said softly, guiding her closer so she wouldn't have to reach.

She kissed Maggie. "Be a good girl, honey."

"Tay, Mama."

She followed them to the door and stepped out onto the porch as he started down the steps. "Bobby," she called as he got to the bottom step. He turned and she moved down the steps until she was close to level with his face. Keeping her voice soft, she said, "I really am sorry...for everything."

He studied her face, and he knew she was sincere. In his arms, Maggie held onto his neck, gently patting his hair. She was a sweet little girl, and she was Eames' child. He softened. "I know," he replied.

She placed her hand on his shoulder, and when he didn't pull away, she leaned in to kiss his cheek. He accepted the kiss and the tender fingertip touch to the back of his neck. "I'll bring her back Monday morning before work," he said.

She nodded. "I figured, but I'll let Dad know for sure."

He continued down the walk toward his car. "Bobby," she called one more time. When he looked at her, she asked, "Are we okay?"

He looked at the ground for a moment, hugging the baby a little closer. "We always are," he answered, looking at her. He nodded slowly. "We're okay, Eames."

She watched him settle the baby in the car seat he always had in his back seat. He got into the driver's seat, started the car and backed out of the driveway. She watched until his car turned the corner out of sight. He'd never once looked back.  


* * *

Denise arrived as Goren was feeding the baby her lunch. He had her sitting at the coffee table with a bowl of macaroni and cheese. "C'mon in," he called out.

She came into the apartment, smiling at the sight of him sitting on the floor with the little girl in his lap. "I always love to watch you with that baby," she commented.

"Nees!" Maggie squeaked around a mouthful of food she hadn't swallowed.

Smiling, Denise leaned down to give Goren a kiss, placing a kiss on Maggie's head before she sat down on the couch. "Hi, Maggie."

Maggie clapped her hands with glee. Goren pulled the bowl closer. "Come on, honey. Finish your lunch."

She giggled and shoveled another spoonful of macaroni into her mouth. Then she began to play with the bit left in her bowl. Goren leaned in and asked, "Okay, are we done?"

She nodded. "Dun!"

He gently lifted her out of his lap and stood up to carry her bowl into the kitchen. Denise moved closer to the baby, picking up the damp face cloth from the coffee table. "Let's clean that pretty little face, shall we?"

Maggie scrunched up her face as Denise cleaned it, then she smiled. "Tank u, Nees."

Denise kissed her head. "Any time, sweetheart."

Maggie toddled across the room to the kitchen doorway. "Ba? E'mo?"

"Sure. Go ahead and pick one out."

"'Tay." She hurried over to the television and opened the doors in the entertainment center below the set. Dropping to her knees, she looked through the children's videos he kept there for her. After careful consideration, she chose the Elmo video she wanted to watch. By that time, he was waiting for her. She handed the DVD up to him. "Dis one."

"You got it," he smiled.

"Tank oo!"

She scrambled to her feet and toddled to the couch, where she climbed up beside Denise and waited for Goren to join them. He sat down next to Maggie, who snuggled into him. Stretching his arm across the back of the couch, he absently fondled Denise's hair, lightly stroking her neck.

Maggie bounced where she sat to the songs on the video, then climbed off the couch to dance with Elmo. The two adults watched her for a few minutes before turning their attention to each other. When Maggie tired, she returned to the couch and placed her hands on Goren's knees. He sat back away from Denise and helped the toddler climb into his lap. She snuggled in his arms with her head on his shoulder and slid her fingers into his hair. After a few minutes, she was sleeping. He carried her into the bedroom, laying her gently in her crib with a soft kiss. Then he returned to Denise in the living room.

* * *

Goren was lying on the couch, his head resting in Denise's lap. He wore only his jeans; she had pulled on his shirt. She toyed with his hair. "So explain this to me one more time," she said, brushing her fingers over the bruising on his face. "You let Waters knock the crap out of you...why?"

"To protect Maggie and Eames. I would rather he turn that hostility on me than on either one of them."

"You really think he would hurt Maggie?"

"I wouldn't put it past him. He resents her and he has a temper he can't control. It isn't worth the risk."

"Does he know you take her as often as you do?"

"I don't think he knows I take her at all, which is the way I want it to be. He might have a problem with me being around Maggie, just because it's me, not because he actually cares about her. For him, it's all about power. Power over anyone he can get it on. That's probably why he became a cop."

She shook her head. "He's not a detective, so his name never crosses my desk or the chief's. But as long as you stay quiet about it, he's going to remain off the radar."

A knock at the door interrupted the conversation. "Come in," he called.

Logan came into the apartment, stopping when he saw Denise. He paused for a moment. "Am I interrupting?"

"No," Goren answered. "Not at the moment."

Denise gave his arm a playful smack. "Come on in, Mike. How are you doing?"

"Better now." He looked at Goren. "I was a bit concerned when you didn't come in last night. I'm not worried any more."

"Why were you worried?" she asked.

Logan looked at Goren, who lowered his eyebrows in a scowl. "He's been crashing on my couch, but we had a disagreement the other day. Since he's been on the outs with Eames, too, I was just concerned."

She looked at Goren. "You're not getting along with Alex?"

Some women in her situation would have reacted to that news with hope, but Denise was concerned. She knew how much Eames meant to him, and being at odds with her would be very stressful to him. He remained where he was and looked up at her, his dark eyes guarded. "It's temporary," he replied. "We're better. She, uh, she feels badly about what happened last week."

Denise nodded. "I know she does."

His brow furrowed. "How do you know that?"

"She came to see me. She was concerned that it was her fault I turned you down."

"You set her straight, didn't you? That was no one's fault but mine."

She stroked his hair. "It's not your fault," she insisted. "I told her that I wasn't saying no to you, but to the circumstances. I told you the same thing, stubborn. If you could get over her and were able to put me first in your life—behind Maggie, of course—I would marry you in a second, but you're not at that place yet."

After talking to Alex and finding out how she felt, she wasn't sure he would ever get there. She was concerned for his happiness, as a true friend should be, but she couldn't deny her heart. The only way he was ever going to get over her would be if she stepped out of his life, and that wasn't going to happen. It wasn't something she would ever want, either. She hated to think what would happen if Alex took Maggie away from him. She knew that was his greatest fear.

He looked away from her before she could see the guilt in his eyes, but she caught it. Leaning down, she placed a kiss in front of his ear. "We worked this out, remember? It's okay. I've known you long enough to be able to deal with this. I honestly do like our relationship the way it is."

He sighed and caressed her knee, then he looked at Logan. "I'm sorry I snapped at you the other day, Mike."

"Forget it. The situation we were discussing..."

"I've moved past that. I'm better now."

"Glad to hear it." He started for the kitchen. "What have you got to eat?"

"Help yourself." He turned his head to look at Denise, and he smiled at her. She was thrilled to see the smile reflected in his eyes. Leaning down, she kissed him. He was a complicated man, but for all the effort it sometimes took to deal with him, she wouldn't want him any other way.


	25. Calming the Storm

Fall spread its golden mantle over a city that welcomed the cooler weather with a collective sigh of relief. Winter would soon arrive and complaints of the heat would turn to complaints of the cold. Eames took Maggie shopping for winter clothes in late September. She invited Goren to join them but he'd turned her down. Almost a month had passed since then, and she could still sense him slipping away from her. She wanted to pull him back, but she had no idea how.

* * *

Goren squared himself and turned his upper body to the left. His shoulders and back were tense, feet firmly planted, eyes scanning the near distance as he waited expectantly. He heard the soft _whump_ noise seconds before the sphere came hurtling through the air toward him. He swung the bat forward in one smooth motion. _Crack_. A solid, powerful hit, one he felt all the way into his shoulders. He took a moment to savor the feeling before he resumed his batter's stance and waited for the next ball.

He was alone, his only company the bat over his shoulder and the pitching machine down the line. _Whump. Crack._ Over the past few years, he'd generally come here with Logan after a few beers. Neither of them were very intent on hitting the ball. It was just something to do, something that took them away from the realities of their normal lives. And his normal life was something from which Goren desperately needed an occasional break. Okay, more than occasional, if he wanted to be honest, but he would take what he could get.

Four months had passed since Eames had unintentionally sabotaged his proposal to Denise. Life had calmed down for him and finally settled into a pattern he could live with. During the week, his world revolved around the victims of the crimes he and Eames investigated. He had come to a truce with her, one neither of them liked but knew was necessary. She remained as fully removed from his personal life as she could, and he did the same. It was far from ideal, but it was livable...barely. Truth be told, he didn't want to be removed from any part of her life, and he wouldn't but for his fear that her husband would turn his rage onto her or the baby, and _that_ was intolerable. So he did the best he could and tried to stay away.

At the end of the work day, she went home to her domestic life and he went home to his empty one. On the weekends, he usually saw Denise. Saturday night blended into Sunday morning and sometimes even Monday morning. He found he could relax with her and the irritations of his daily life often melted away, at least for a few days.

During the week, after leaving the office, he often hung out with Logan, which was possibly the best part of his week. It wasn't about anything they did; it was about simple companionship without complications. Friday nights, if he didn't have plans with Denise, they usually hit one of the bars, whichever one they found themselves near once they'd eaten dinner. They were able to unwind in a way neither could during the workweek. Sometimes, Friday night would extend into the weekend and Goren had no complaints about that. His friendship with Logan was simple and undemanding-no regrets and no expectations. Unless he was on call, Goren turned off his phone and left it on his nightstand. For the first time in years, he found himself looking forward to the weekends. Whether he spent them with Logan or Denise, the weekends provided the escape he needed from his everyday life.

Then, there was Maggie. Although Eames never dropped by unexpectedly again, she was generous in sharing her daughter with him. In addition to letting him see her a couple of Saturdays a month, sometimes extending for the entire weekend; she let Maggie stay with him at least one night during the week, more if Ricky was working days. Goren never gave up a chance to see Maggie.

Although his life still wasn't what he wanted it to be, it was more settled than it had been in years. He had a grip on it once again. Whatever storms raged in his soul, they had calmed for the moment and left him alone. His self-destructive behaviors, for the most part, fell to the wayside. He was once more in control of his life and his emotions.

In the back of his mind, however, a small thought emerged. It was a nagging irritation, like a tickle in the back of his throat or an itch he couldn't quite reach. Suppose this was just the calm before another storm broke against the shore of his life?

_Whump. Crack._ He adjusted his helmet and readied himself once more. _Whump. Crack._ He continued until the last ball felt the crack of his bat. After taking a minute to contemplate continuing, he decided he was done and stepped out of the batting cage.

"You have a nice form," came a voice from the bleachers, a voice he knew well.

With a scowl, he turned toward his partner. "How did you know I was here?"

He hadn't told anyone where he was going, not even Logan. He wanted to be alone, without any distractions, to bring himself to terms with the brutal case they had just wrapped up. Eames was the biggest distraction in his life, as much as he tried for her not to be. At least, she was when he didn't have something else to occupy his mind. She stepped out of the bleachers. "I was worried about you."

His scowl deepened. "So you _followed_ me?"

"Do I have any other choice? Every time I ask if you have plans, you act like I'm intruding and make me feel guilty."

"So you feel no guilt about following me?"

"I feel less guilt about following you."

He growled in frustration. He'd finally been feeling good, relaxed and ready to have dinner with Denise. Now he was tense and uptight. He looked at his watch; it was later than he thought. "What do you want, Eames?"

She hadn't missed his impatient glance at his watch. "Got a date?"

"As a matter of fact, yes, someone is waiting for me."

She frowned at his tone. "Is it wrong for me to care about you?"

"It's not that you care. It's how much you care, the way you care. You're my partner and that's all..." He looked at the ground. "That's all you can be."

His tone had changed and the volume of his voice dropped. She became annoyed. "Well, if you weren't so damn stubborn..."

He looked up sharply. "Don't go there," he warned, his tone now dark with anger.

Why was it every time they talked outside the context of their partnership, the conversation disintegrated into an argument? They got along great at work, as long as they didn't discuss their personal lives, except for Maggie. She knew better than to bring up her husband, and he never discussed anything personal.

She studied his face, not surprised to see the anger flashing in his eyes. "I don't want to upset you, Bobby, but I was worried. That was a difficult case, and I wanted to make sure you were okay."

His face softened. She was right; it had taken a lot out of him, which was why he was there, at the batting cages. He was trying to find a better way to cope with his emotions, but it was never going to work if she kept spinning him out of control. Every time she did this, he was reminded of what he didn't have and how much he wanted it...how much he wanted _her_. He didn't need any more setbacks.

Taking a chance, she moved closer to him. "Damn it," she said softly. "It hurts, Bobby. I love..."

"Please," he implored, his voice soft and full of remorse. "If you care at all, please don't say it."

They were both cursed by their deep attraction to one another, an attraction that transcended their partnership and had grown out of their friendship. She cursed herself for not seeing it before it was too late. Every time she tried to talk to him, though, he cut her off, refusing to listen. Reaching out, she rested her hand on his chest. "You keep withdrawing from me, further and further, and I don't understand. We used to be closer but over the last couple of years, I can't seem to reach you any more. It...It scares me. Dammit, Bobby, I don't want to lose you. I couldn't handle that. Please...don't leave me in the dust. Be my friend."

It was a conversation a long time in coming, one he knew they needed to have, even if he didn't want to go there. He looked down at her hand, gently moving it off his chest. "Eames, I have no place..."

She shook her head. "Do not say you have no place in my life. You have a very important place in my life and I am not willing to let you step away from it. I will fight with all I have to keep you close to me."

"Do you think for even a moment that I don't want to be close to you, that I don't..." He stopped before he said too much. "I have to go."

"Wait. I need to talk to you about something and you never give me a chance when we're on duty."

His tension became palpable. "Eames...I told you..."

"Calm down," she snapped, annoyed. "I promise I won't attack you."

His eyes narrowed and he tried not to lose his temper. She waved her hand dismissively and almost didn't ask what she wanted to ask him. "Is it that difficult for you to be with me off duty?"

He paused before answering, "I...yes, it can be very difficult, because..."

He stopped himself. Explaining would serve no purpose, and he just shook his head, his unrest increasing. When she reached out and tentatively touched his hand, he tensed, but did not withdraw. Encouraged, she squeezed his hand and stepped closer to him. "Next Friday is Halloween and it's the first one Maggie is old enough to enjoy. I want to take her around Dad's neighborhood—would you like to come along?"

As always, he jumped at the chance to spend time with Maggie. "Yes, I would."

Then her words sank in. _Would you like to come along?_ "Uh...come along...with both of you?"

"I'm not sending her out alone. Of course with both of us. I am her mother, remember?"

Try as he might, he could never forget that, and it came hand-in-hand with a stark reminder that, as much as he desperately wanted to be Maggie's father, he was not. Silently, he weighed his options until Eames tugged on his arm. The thought of Halloween and trick-or-treating with Maggie filled his heart with yearning. Hot on its heels came the thought of Ricky seeing them, and that filled him with dread.

Eames watched the emotional battle play across his face. "Want to change your answer?"

"No, uh, yes..." He looked miserable. Her father's neighborhood was not far from hers, the one she shared with her insanely jealous husband. "I, uh, I have to say no. I can't..."

"If you're worried about Ricky, don't. He's on nights and he won't be around."

But Goren knew better. Eames had no idea how often her husband lurked in the shadows, waiting for her to take one misstep with him. Walking around the neighborhood with Maggie like he belonged with them would be just the kind of misstep Ricky was looking for. It was a chance he simply could not take. "I'm sorry, Eames. I really am. Good night."

She watched him leave, now used to the sight of him walking away from her when she wanted him to stay. He was so infuriating, so frustrating...and yet, God help her, she loved him so much. What was she supposed to do with that?

* * *

Goren found himself in Canarsie without consciously intending to go there. He'd fully intended to join Denise for dinner as planned, but he'd shut down after leaving Eames and his subconscious brought him to Canarsie Pier. As a kid, he always liked going down to watch the birds flying over Jamaica Bay and the planes taking off from JFK and to just not be home. First, when he was very young, he tagged along with Frank, when it really was about watching planes and animals or fishing or playing around at the water's edge. As he entered his teens, the pier was a favorite place to bring girls, and they'd get drunk or high. Then he'd take the girl someplace out of the way before he went home. It was definitely better than being home.

He parked his car and walked to the pier, which closed at dusk. It was well past dark, but he walked out onto the pier anyway. Who would bother him and even if someone did, his badge would appease anyone who dared question him. The breeze off the bay was cool and he found it refreshing. He sat down at the end of the pier, dangling his legs off the end over the water. When Maggie was older, he would have to bring her out to the pier to fish, like Frank brought him out there so many years ago. She would have fun fishing. Hell, she'd just have fun being with him, as she always did. It never mattered what they did. It only mattered that they were together. He didn't see her enough, and that pained him, so he made the most of the time he did have with her.

He felt himself begin to finally settle down, and he laid back on the pier. Listening to the sounds of the bay, he looked at the stars that were visible and he relaxed more. His life was complicated, but out here over the bay, things seemed simpler.

He opened his eyes at the sound of someone clearing his throat. Above him stood a young man, in his late-teens or early-twenties. "Mind if I sit?" the young man asked.

"Be my guest."

"Anybody bother you about the park being closed?"

"No."

The young man slipped off his backpack, dropped it to the dock with a thud and sat down. "Would it matter if someone did?"

"Not to me."

He laughed and opened his backpack. "Name's Matt," he introduced, holding out a beer.

Goren sat up slowly, accepted the beer and answered, "Bobby. Thanks."

Matt opened his beer. "What brings you out here after dark?"

"Just looking for a quiet place to think. You?"

Matt laughed. "Just looking for a quiet place to drink."

"Home too busy?"

"Kinda. My folks don't get along these days and I get tired of the fighting. When Dad gets home, it starts until one of them leaves or gets drunk enough to pass out."

Goren took a drink and nodded. "I was there. My dad walked out on us when I was 11."

"Did it get easier?"

"What?"

"Life."

Goren shifted his position and leaned back against a pillar. "My life was complicated back then. The best I can say is that it was...different once he was gone."

"The fighting stopped?" Matt sounded hopeful.

Goren shook his head. "No. It just changed."

The young man finished his beer and pulled another from his backpack. "So what makes it better?"

"I never found anything that made it better, not for many years."

"What changed?"

"I guess I did. I still look for equilibrium."

"Really? Think you'll ever find it?"

Goren shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe, someday."

"So what do you look for out here?"

Goren finished his beer. "I'm not sure. Maybe just a few minutes of peace."

Matt handed him another beer. Goren took a pack of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket and offered one to the young man. With a grin, Matt accepted a cigarette and pulled out a lighter. After lighting both cigarettes, Matt said, "Being out here is better than being at home."

Goren nodded. "I felt like that when I was a kid."

"But not any more?"

"Not so much, no. I live alone, so there's no one to fight with. But I come out here when I need to, uh, reconnect, with my past...to...to remember that my life is...different now. Being out here is...calming for me."

Matt nodded slowly. "Because the sea is restless, but it calms as it flows into the bay, unless it's driven by a storm. Is that your problem? You're driven by a storm?"

Goren nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess so. That's part of it, anyway."

Matt pulled his backpack closer and unzipped the front pocket. He pulled out a small tin case and opened it. Laying within the case were half a dozen joints. Matt removed one.

Goren finished his cigarette and took another drink of beer, watching as the young man lit the joint. Matt took a couple of hits, then he held it out to Goren. "Calm your storm?"

Goren finished off his beer and took the joint from the boy.

* * *

When he entered his apartment, Goren was surprised to see a figure on his couch. The figure sat up and turned to look at him. "I sure wish you wouldn't turn off your damn phone."

"Which one of them called you?"

"They both did, actually. I figured it would be smarter for me to come here and wait for you rather than to traipse all over the five boroughs looking for you. It only took me two years to figure that one out."

With a sigh, Goren dropped down beside Logan and ran his hand through his hair. Logan wasn't surprised by the odor of beer and cigarettes coming off his friend, but he was very surprised by the other odor he detected. As Goren pulled out his phone and turned it on, Logan asked, "What have you been doing, man?"

Goren shrugged. "Just hanging out in the old neighborhood."

"And falling back on old coping patterns?"

Goren was quiet for a moment. "I guess so."

He dialed his voicemail and listened to the messages. His face was tense as he dialed a number, but he relaxed when Eames was the one to answer the phone. "You called?"

"Where were you?" she demanded.

He arched his brows. "I..." He stopped, reminding himself that she had no business being irritated with him for living his life beyond the job. "Excuse me?"

She was worried about him, even though he was always on guard with her in a way he'd never been before. She sensed he still blamed her for ruining his relationship with the only other woman in his life who meant something to him.

Her voice sounded defeated. "Never mind. I just wanted to make sure you're okay. You were upset when you left earlier."

"I'm still upset, but I'll be fine. Good night, Eames."

He hung up and tipped his head back, closing his eyes for a moment. He yawned, then lifted the phone and opened his eyes, dialing the other number and waiting for her to answer. "Bobby?" she said, her voice full of hope.

"Yes, it's me." He paused as he remembered he'd had dinner plans with her. "I-I'm sorry I missed dinner. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"That's okay. I was worried about you."

"Why does everyone worry about me? Don't I have the right to spend time by myself?"

"Of course you do," she soothed. "And I worry because I care about you, because I love you. You don't break plans with me without calling."

She was right, and her words gripped his heart. The words that should have made him smile gave him grief instead. "I'm sorry, Denise."

"Don't be." She knew something major must be troubling him. "I understand," she assured him because she did.

A small smile touched the corners of his mouth. "You always do."

"Do you mind...if I come over?"

He considered her offer for a moment, seeing it as his chance to make up for leaving her hanging without a call. "Of course not. I...I'd like to see you."

Her voice relaxed. "Shall I bring something for dinner or did you already eat?"

"No, I haven't eaten. You can bring whatever you want."

"Good. I'll see you in about forty-five minutes."

"I'll be here."

He ended the call and tossed the phone on the coffee table. "You okay?" Logan asked.

"You can see me. You know I am."

"It's not your physical health that concerns me."

Goren tipped his head back and looked at Logan, then he grinned. More relaxed now, he felt much better. "I'm good, Mike. Better than I've been in quite awhile."

Logan smiled back. "Go take a shower, before Denise gets here and smells what's on your clothes. Maybe she'll think your eyes are bloodshot because you haven't been sleeping." He pulled out his phone when it beeped at him and read the message that waited for him. "I've gotta make a call, so I'll get lost. Turn your damn phone back on so I don't get sent on any more wild goose chases this weekend."

"Thanks, Mike."

Logan looked him over and nodded. "Any time, buddy. Call me tomorrow or Sunday. We'll find something to do."

Goren desperately needed a friend he could count on, no matter what dumbass things he did or what kind of trouble he found himself in. Logan was happy to be that friend. Four years ago, he didn't really know a lot about Goren and his life. Now he was an integral part of it. He had to admit, his life was more interesting—and a lot more fun. He closed the door behind him as Goren got up to shower before Denise arrived.


	26. A Bad Morning

**A/N: Apologies for the long stretch between updates. My muse kind of stalled over where to go next. Many thanks to LoZDCMVGfan for her suggestion, upon which this chapter is based.**

* * *

When Denise arrived and knocked on his door, he didn't answer. She tried the knob, not surprised to find the door unlocked. Entering the apartment, she went into the kitchen and busied herself with dishing out the eggplant parm she'd brought and heating it up. When she turned from the stove, she was startled to find him in the doorway, watching her. He wore only a pair of sweatpants and she felt a warm glow deep inside. She always felt drawn to him, but sometimes the attraction was stronger than at other times.

She crossed over to him and he gathered her into a hug. Turning her face up toward his, she accepted his kiss, not surprised by the beer and cigarettes she tasted on his tongue. Stepping back with a smile, she said, "Sit down so we can eat."

She stepped away, and he watched her without moving. He wasn't sure which had done him more good, the shower he'd taken or the pot he'd smoked, not that it really mattered. He felt relaxed, at ease with life at the moment, almost giddy. Once she set the food on the table, he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her into a kiss. She relaxed against him. When he released her, she looked into his face. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

She knew he'd been drinking, but he wasn't drunk. Somewhat buzzed, but definitely not drunk. There was an underlying ease to his manner she had not seen for a very long time. "What did you do?" she whispered.

"I...found a way to, uh, relax, that's all."

"Bobby..."

"Don't worry about it," he said as he sat down. "Eat your dinner."

She let the matter drop for the moment and they ate in comfortable silence. When they were done, they cleaned up and went into the living room, where he pulled her onto the couch beside him. For the first time in a long time, he felt no guilt as he kissed her and gently worked her shirt up over her head. He felt free to admit that he loved her, to feel it, to whisper it in her ear.

She looked up into his warm eyes. "Bobby, be honest with me."

"About what?"

"About what you did tonight."

He slowly sat up, pulling her onto his lap. He lightly stroked her skin and said, "I spent a little time in the old neighborhood, out on the pier, thinking. I ran into someone, and we had a couple of beers...and a couple of joints...and I feel good right now. Better than I have in too long."

"Do you know what you're risking?"

"Baby, I haven't been called for a drug screen since I left narcotics."

"That doesn't mean you won't get called."

"It doesn't mean I will, either. Don't worry about me."

"I always worry about you."

He pressed his forehead against hers. "You get to worry when you agree to marry me. Until then, no one has that right."

"Bobby..."

"Shh. I don't want to argue. I just want to play. Please."

"You're out of control," she said.

"No, I'm not. I'm just...coping, the best way I know how." He kissed her and unfastened her bra. "I love you. Now let me show you that I do."

He had a way of overwhelming her which always led to him getting his way. She rarely argued with him, and he seemed to like that about their relationship. His relationship with her was the least volatile of any in his life, except maybe for his relationship with Logan—and Maggie, and when he was able to settle in and enjoy her, she encouraged him. "Promise me you won't do that again."

He was quiet, focusing on watching his hand stroke her skin. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because right now, I am more at peace than I have been in years. I can tell you how I feel without it tearing me apart inside. Do you know how rare it is for me to feel good, Denise? I don't know that I want to give that up entirely."

He dipped his head down to take her breast in his mouth, and she groaned. It wasn't worth an argument. "Be careful," she said, breathless.

"I will. As long as Eames doesn't find out, I'm fine."

She shook her head at his obstinacy. He was playing a dangerous game, but at the moment, she had no will to debate with him. Without saying anything more about it, she surrendered to him.

* * *

Goren shifted restlessly in his seat as Eames concentrated on driving. He was always more restless on the way to a crime scene, and she had learned to ignore him. It was Monday morning and they'd barely gotten into the office when they were called out. Other than asking how Maggie was, he hadn't said anything to her.

She was irritated and she hadn't had her coffee yet. She still felt very disconnected from the partner to whom she had once been close and she hated the distance he put between them. The problem was she didn't know how to resolve it. How could she draw him close again when all he ever did was push her away?

"She was asking for you," she said suddenly.

He became abnormally still. "When?" he finally asked.

"All weekend long."

He rubbed his forehead. "Did she...cause any problems?"

"No. Her father doesn't bother trying to understand her when she talks. Right now, he has no idea what 'Ba' means, and he doesn't care. When she starts calling you Bobby, then we might have a problem."

"We..." he mused thoughtfully. "Are you including me in the problem?"

"Do you want me to exclude you?" she asked, annoyed.

"No. I never said that."

"Bobby, you are the only one who has ever stepped away."

He was quiet until the next red light at which she stopped. "Eames..." he began, and she looked at him.

That was his undoing..._she_ was his undoing. He looked into her eyes, but only until the light changed. She drove for two more blocks, then pulled out of traffic onto a quieter street, where she stopped in a loading zone and shifted the SUV into park.

Goren cursed himself and his damned impulsivity. The woman beside him would be the death of him. As she shifted her position to face him, he drew back a little.

"This is stupid," she insisted. "We can't go on like this, Bobby. We have to find some kind of middle ground between us. I can't stand how far you have withdrawn from me, and I can't believe you like it either. Damn it, we used to be close, and now...I can't go on like this."

"Eames...I...I have to..."

"What? You have to what? Pull yourself so far away from me that I don't know you any more? That's a bunch of crap and you know it. How many years did we work together without all this tension? What the hell happened?"

"You got married," he said bitterly.

"So what? That shouldn't have changed anything between us! That has nothing to do with our relationship!"

"Doesn't it?" He studied her with a trained eye, an eye that cut through all the superficial nonsense and saw the real intent of her words. "Eames, whatever we have between us, it can't be what you want it to be. I can't go there, no matter how much I want to. I've told you that, and I am not going to change my mind."

"Why do you have to be so damn moral?"

He cast his eyes down at the console between them. She reached out and gently touched his cheek with her fingertips. He slowly looked up, leaning forward just a little, but it was enough. She accepted the veiled invitation and leaned in the rest of the way, her fingers still resting on his cheek.

He desperately wanted to give in to her, but he couldn't. She was trying to wear him down, but he couldn't let her do that. That would make him no better than the father he despised, the man he swore he would never emulate.

When he withdrew, she let him go. He leaned back in his seat, eyes closed, hands clenched to keep them from trembling. He couldn't go on like this indefinitely, but he did not know how to let her go. "We have a crime scene to get to," he said tensely.

It would take him every minute of the remaining ride to regain his composure. He was so very tempted to give in to her, but every time he thought about it, he was struck by memories of his parents, of his mother's devastation each time his father came home after a night of tomcatting around town. _I could smell them on him..._

Although he felt no affection or sympathy for Ricky Waters, and although he himself answered to no one, he refused to fool around with another man's wife. As badly as he felt about the occasional kisses he was drawn into, he would never be able to handle his conscience if he allowed them to progress any further. He loved his partner. She knew he did, and maybe that was why she continued to tempt him. He wasn't above temptation, God knew, but he was trying like hell to take the high road. He knew what Eames wanted, and he knew that she could read him well enough to know that he wanted it, too. But he could not keep from comparing himself to William Goren, and the thought that he was anything like his father made him sick to his stomach. He was trying to protect Eames, too, even if she didn't want his protection.

Above all, however, was Maggie. He could not bear the thought of her thinking of him the way he thought of his own father. He did not want her to hate him for breaking up her parents' marriage. If there was any chance Eames could make it work with Waters, then for Maggie's sake, she had to try. He would not interfere. His moral high road put him in a bad situation, but that was his own cross to bear.

When they pulled up to the curb outside the alley where their crime scene was located, Eames turned off the engine and looked at him. "Are you okay?" she asked.

He nodded curtly and got out of the car, his mind already tuned in to everything around him. As they drew nearer to the heart of the crime scene, he focused on the body and its immediate surroundings. Eames always handled the witnesses, the family and the responding officers, leaving him free to study the evidence left behind as he began to slip into the mind of whoever committed the crime. The how was easy to determine, most of the time. He spent little effort focusing on the how. It was the who and the why that interested him, and the path to those answers began with the body that now lay before him.

For a moment, Eames watched her partner get to work with the victim, then she turned and looked around for the responding officers so she could get their report. They had information she needed to get from them.

Two uniformed officers at the mouth of the alley who were there for crowd control directed her down the street a short distance. As she approached a small group of people speaking with two more uniformed officers, she recognized the officers. Quickly glancing over her shoulder, she made certain Goren was out of sight, occupied with the body and its evidence. "Alex," came a familiar, unwelcome voice.

She turned her head back around. "Hi, Ricky," she said, trying to suppress her resentment of his presence.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, casting his eyes past her in search of her six-foot-four shadow.

"We were called in on this case, so here we are."

"We?"

"Yes, we. This is a crime scene," she hissed angrily. "Not a night club."

"Where is he?"

"Doing his job. Are you and Nate the responding officers?"

"Yeah. We were nearby when the call came in."

Keeping the conversation professional, she got the information she needed from her husband, then she talked with the two men who found the body. No one else admitted to seeing anything. While she was busy with Waters, his partner made his way back to the vicinity of the body. In silence, he watched Goren examine the victim. _The guy sure is thorough_, he observed.

Once Goren was done with his examination, he expanded his circle of awareness to the immediate area, gradually working his way away from the body until he saw Bedford. He immediately tensed and looked around. Bedford approached him, nodding his head in the direction of their partners. "They're down the block, talking to the guys who found the body."

Goren relaxed a little. He had no argument with Bedford. "Is he going to go off on her for showing up with me?"

Bedford let out a soft sigh. "I have no idea. Hell, he may accuse _me_ of cheating with you if he sees me talking to you. You're a thorn in his side the size of Cleveland."

"I don't want any trouble. I just want to do my job."

Bedford nodded. "I know. And she's your partner. She's part of the job." He nodded toward the body, changing the subject. "Did you find anything relevant?"

"I won't know until I get everything together so I can see just how all the pieces fit."

"You really like doing this, don't you? I mean, it really isn't about Alex, is it? You love your job."

"I do love my job," Goren agreed. "I...I thrive on solving the puzzles," he added with a half-smile.

Bedford looked over his shoulder, then said, "And you do love her. It's not the same kind of jealous possessiveness that Rick feels. Your love comes from the heart."

Goren looked at the ground and shifted uncomfortably, but he didn't answer. Bedford said, "It's okay. You don't have to say anything. But remember what I told you, Goren. Watch out for her and the little girl, and bide your time."

"What the hell do you mean by that?"

"You'll see. Be patient."

Their conversation was interrupted by Waters, who sneered, "Did you make a new friend, Nate?"

"Grow up, Ricky," Bedford snapped back as Eames moved to stand by Goren.

Waters grabbed his partner's shoulder and gave him a shove. "Come on. We're not needed..."

Before he finished his sentence, he was cut off by a loud noise. They turned in the direction of the noise as the civilians in the area ran for cover. Four weapons cleared their holsters, and Goren shifted to the side, stepping in front of his partner. Another round of small explosions, small caliber gunfire, came from the far end of the alley.

Eames moved from behind Goren, gun at the ready, as someone stepped from the deep shadows of the buildings. Everything happened at once. The shadow figure raised his arms, firing at the exact same instance as Eames. At the same moment, Goren dove to shield her from the gunfire while Bedford and Waters also returned the gunman's fire. Only Goren's weapon remained undischarged.

As he moved to protect Eames, an image of Maggie flashed in his mind. By protecting Eames, he was saving Maggie. His side erupted in a searing blast of fire and pain. He hit the ground hard, and everything went black.

* * *

**A/N: Now that I have a direction to go, the story is flowing again. The next chapter is in the works. I wouldn't leave y'all with a cliffhanger indefinitely. Also, for those of you who archive my stories, I need to make some changes to _Forever and A Day_. The character of Nate Bedford has evolved very differently since that story was written (has it been six years already?). So the officer Goren and Logan encounter in Atlantic City will be a different officer who worked with Waters, not Bedford. I am still undecided about what to do with Bedford, but he doesn't fit that character any more. It may take a little while before I can get to changing it; I just wanted to give everyone a heads' up.**


	27. A Touch and Go Night

The uniformed officers guarding the crime scene came running at the first sound of shots. Bedford took off with them after the gunman, who vanished from sight. Waters radioed in the officer down call as Eames stared for a stunned moment at her partner's still form. Recovering quickly, she knelt beside him. A rapidly growing pool of blood mingled with the grime in the alley beneath him. She pushed his jacket open. His shirt was already soaked with his blood, which continued to flow from the gurgling wound in his side. Without hesitation, she pressed both hands against the wound to stem the flow of blood. "Did someone call for a bus?" she demanded.

"It's on the way," Waters told her, but he remained where he was, offering her no assistance.

Several more patrol cars arrived and joined in the search for the fugitive gunman. Waters was relieved when Bedford returned. His partner was much better with difficult situations than he was. That was why Bedford was always the one to deal with the victims and their families while he cuffed the suspects. Nate was good with people.

Bedford took in the scene as he approached, surprised, then immediately concerned to find Goren still on the ground. After casting a reproachful glare at his partner, he quickly retrieved the first aid bag from the trunk of their patrol car and hurried over to kneel opposite Eames. When she looked up at him, he saw something in her face he never though he would see: fear. He understood. He had seen her with her partner in enough fleeting, unguarded moments—moments he was careful to shield from Waters—to understand. He paused, holding her gaze for a moment before he pulled out the blood pressure cuff and stethoscope and took Goren's blood pressure. It was low.

Although Eames had the first aid training required of all police officers, she knew that Nate had EMT level training. "What can we do, Nate? I think the bullet hit his lung."

"What makes you say that?"

"His wound was gurgling."

That was bad news. He pressed the stethoscope against Goren's chest and listened intently. "He's okay right now, but that can change quickly. How badly was he bleeding?"

"His shirt was already soaked and blood was pooling beneath him. What else can I do?"

"Keep applying pressure and watch his breathing. If he starts having trouble before the paramedics get here, you'll have to let the air out of his chest." He checked Goren's pulse and blood pressure again. "Shit...Rick," he called, his calm tone infused with urgency. "Tell that bus to step on it. We have a critical injury on our hands here."

"What's wrong, Nate?" Eames demanded.

Bedford listened to Goren's chest again and took another blood pressure. "That injury...how big is it?"

"About the size of my palm."

He looked down the alley, quickly replaying the shooting in his mind, recalling Goren's position relative to the shooter and to Eames. "There's another wound, Alex. That's the exit wound, and it means that damn bullet ricocheted in his body before it exited there." He pulled out a pair of trauma shears and cut off Goren's shirt. He began looking for the bullet's entry wound. "There's a lot more damage than what we see, I guarantee."

Waters had immediately called for an update on the ambulance. "Two minutes," he called out.

Bedford looked at Eames, meeting her eyes. Quietly he said, "Talk to him, Alex. Keep him connected to you. He needs to know you're here."

Reassured by Bedford's calm tone and grateful for his discretion, she spoke to her partner. "Hang in there, Bobby," she said quietly, knowing he would hear her. "Come on. Stay with me."

"Good girl," Bedford muttered as he tried to get another blood pressure. They could hear sirens in the distance, growing louder as the ambulance approached.

The scene dissolved into controlled chaos when the ambulance arrived. Bedford dealt with the paramedics, reporting Goren's declining vitals and helping them try to stabilize him while Eames made two phone calls, one to Deakins and the other to Logan. They would meet them at St. Vincent's, the closest hospital.

Finished with her calls, Eames stood by, arms folded across her stomach. Waters stood beside her, watching his partner and the paramedics. He felt mixed emotions about what had happened. He was glad that Eames had not been the one who was shot, but he didn't know what he felt about Goren's condition. He wasn't sure if he wanted the guy to survive or not.

Once Goren was loaded into the rig, they took off, hell bent for leather, and Bedford approached Eames. "I asked them to take you, but his condition is too unstable. Give me the keys to the Explorer. I'll have one of the guys drop it off at 1PP. You can ride to St. Vincent's with us."

She placed the keys into his open hand. Bedford glared at his partner. "Take her to the car, muttonhead."

He walked away before Waters could retort. Waters reached out and touched his wife's back. When she didn't pull away, he guided her to the patrol car and opened the back door for her. She got in and he walked around to get behind the wheel, starting the engine and waiting for Bedford.

When Bedford slid into the car, Waters took off, lights and siren running. Bedford looked at Eames. Her clothes were ruined, stained with her partner's blood. Her hands were also bloody, and he noticed for the first time that she had not been wearing gloves. She knew Goren—or at the very least cared enough about him—that she wasn't worried about getting his blood on her. Her worried eyes were moist, and he didn't know what to say, so he said nothing, waiting for her to initiate any conversation. It wasn't long before she asked, "What...What did they say, Nate?"

He didn't want to lie to her, but he didn't want to take away any hope she might have for the survival of the partner she loved. "It's a bad injury. They'll do their best."

"What else?"

His training and his experience gave him an idea of Goren's prognosis for survival, and it wasn't good. He lost blood and his blood pressure was barely readable. He was in shock. His condition was critical. "If he makes it to the hospital, he has a chance."

She bit her lower lip, determined not to cry in front of the two men. She wouldn't let her weakness show, not even to her husband. Bedford, however, saw her struggle and he saw his partner's apathy, which infuriated him. More for Waters' benefit than for Eames', he said, "Remember this, Alex. He made one hell of a sacrifice. He did what he did to save your life. Whatever happens, that's never going to change."

He wanted to say more, to let her know what he knew, but he could never do that with Waters present. The best he could do at the moment was make damn sure Waters knew that Goren had saved her life, possibly at the cost of his own.

The emergency room was even more chaotic than the scene had been. Bedford looked around for the paramedics who'd brought Goren in, finding them after a brief search. He spoke briefly to the crew chief, then returned to Eames and Waters. "I give that crew a lot of credit. They got him here alive." He looked directly at Eames. "They had to intubate him on the way because he stopped breathing, but his heart never quit. There's a team working on him now. There's nothing we can do but wait."

Her stomach was in knots and her hands were shaking. Bedford got a set of medical scrubs for her and led her to a staff bathroom. "Get washed up and changed into these, Alex."

Taking the scrubs, she looked up at her husband's partner, gratitude in her eyes. He gave her a brief smile. As soon as the door closed, he rounded on Waters. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he demanded.

"Me? You're the one fawning all over my wife."

"Listen to me, asshole. I don't give a damn if you like Goren or not. But he's her partner and she cares about him. That bullet in his chest was meant for _her_. He put his life on the line protecting _her_. I didn't see you make any moves to do the same. If he dies, she has to live with that every day for the rest of her life. She needs support right now, and you should be the one taking care of her, not me. I'm getting damn tired of picking up your slack because you have some kind of bug up your ass about Goren. Get over it and be there for her, or she's gonna walk away before you ever have the chance to let her go."

Before Waters could react to his partner's attack, Eames came out of the bathroom. When Waters made no move toward her, Bedford looked at him with disgust and gently took Eames' arm. "Come on, Alex. We'll wait with you for a little while. Did you call anyone?"

She nodded. "I called our captain and Logan."

"Good. We'll stay until they get here."

Once in the waiting room, Bedford led her to a chair and went to the coffee machine across the room. Waters followed him. "What are you doing?" he hissed.

"Your fucking job."

"We _do_ have a job to do, and it's not here. Whoever shot Goren is still out there and we need to get out there and look for him."

"We will, as soon as Logan gets here to be with Alex."

"Why Logan?"

"Because Logan's his best friend and he'll take care of her," he answered, wisely leaving the remainder of his thought unspoken: _better than you. _"Look, Rick, I know you're not good with this supportive thing, but let's just pretend you are. Comfort your damn wife."

He shoved a cup of coffee into his hand, sloshing the hot liquid over Waters' hand. "Hey!" Waters protested, switching the cup to his other hand. "Watch what you're doing!"

Fortunately for him, he did not try to give the cup back. Crossing over to Alex, he handed her the coffee and sat beside her. Three times he started to say something, but words failed him. He had no idea how to comfort her, and it angered him that she was so upset to begin with, but he didn't let that show. Instead, he sat beside her and waited.

* * *

They saw Logan before he saw them. He rushed into the room, almost frantically looking around. Spotting them, his expression changed but he didn't hesitate to hurry over. As soon as she saw him, Eames jumped to her feet and hurried into his embrace. He glared at Waters and Bedford as they stood, bracing himself for trouble.

Waters stepped forward, but Bedford yanked him back and did the talking. "Glad you're here, Logan," he said.

Logan released Eames and she stepped back. Looking at Waters with suspicion, he said, "What the hell happened?"

Eames started to speak, but couldn't immediately find her voice, so Bedford answered, "We were working a crime scene and someone stepped out of the shadows and began taking potshots at us. Goren took one for Alex."

"How bad is he?"

Bedford met his eyes. He was not optimistic, and he shook his head. "Not good," he answered.

Logan stiffened and looked at Eames. "How are you holding up?" he asked.

She looked up and he saw the answer in her eyes. Waiting was the hardest thing to do. Bedford gave Alex a nod. "We'll do everything we can to find the guy, Alex,"he promised, shoving Waters in her general direction.

This time, Waters followed through, kissing her on the cheek. "We _will_ find him," he said, reinforcing his partner's promise.

"I'll be right back," Logan told her, squeezing her arm.

He walked with Bedford and Waters to the hall just outside the waiting room. "I swear on all that is holy," he said in a deadly tone as he looked directly at Waters. "If I ever find out you had anything to do with this, they'll never find your body."

"I may not like Goren," Waters replied. "But I'd be man enough to look him in the eye if I ever killed him, and smart enough not to do it in front of witnesses."

"I'll remember that," Logan promised.

He turned and walked off as Bedford ushered his partner toward the elevators.

* * *

The wait was long and stressful. Reports from surgery were not encouraging. Deakins arrived not long after Waters and Bedford left, and he remained with them through the long afternoon into the night.

Eames called her father and asked him to keep Maggie for her, telling him only that she wasn't going to be home all night. He heard the tears in her quiet voice and asked if something had gone wrong. "Yes, Dad. Very wrong. I'll call you tomorrow."

John let it go at that, knowing she would tell him when she was ready. She hated to worry him, but she felt unable to continue right then without falling apart. At the moment, she was holding it together, if only by a thread. She wasn't sure how she would have been had Logan not been there, and she felt no guilt in leaning on him for support. She held on with all her might to the connection he offered. It was all she had.

* * *

It wasn't until close to midnight that an exhausted, bloody surgeon came into the waiting room to talk with them. He was a trauma surgeon who had teamed with a thoracic surgeon to save Goren's life. "It was a small caliber bullet, travelling at a moderate velocity, but it clipped his rib as it entered his body and began to tumble. It bounced around before finding an exit route, so there was a lot of significant damage. He was in shock and we could not wait to stabilize him before taking him to surgery. It was very touch-and-go. We've transferred him to intensive care, and he has a dedicated nurse for now, watching him constantly. We're helping him some with his breathing so he won't have to struggle and can conserve some of his strength, and we are keeping a very close watch on his heart. His injuries are critical, but if he fights his way through and survives the next 48 hours, he should make it."

"What's wrong with his heart?" Eames asked.

"We were not able to get a good image of it in the OR, so we aren't 100 per cent certain it wasn't injured by the bullet. The trajectory we approximated brought it very close. We've ordered a scan of his heart and great vessels to make sure they are uninjured. As soon as that's done, we'll know more about his prognosis for recovery."

"Can we see him?"

The doctor hesitated before making his decision. "Just for a moment."

Despite the doctor's warning, Eames was not prepared to see him. Logan put his arm around her when she faltered, and she finally let down her guard. Her carefully composed facade crumbled, and she cried into his chest. Silently, he held her, watching Goren's chest rise and fall to the cadence set by the respirator beside his bed. Blood drained from his chest through a tube into a container hanging off the bed, and his chest was swathed in white bandages. "Hang in there, buddy," he whispered.

* * *

Deakins took Eames home to her father's after they were ushered from the ICU, but Logan didn't leave. He returned to the unit and charmed and cajoled the nurses into letting him stay. He slept in the chair beside Goren's bed. It was a rough night for both men. Logan was ushered out of the room twice when a series of alarms went off. He was also asked to leave when a machine arrived so they could do the scan of Goren's heart the doctor ordered.

He had just dozed off when the doctor came in, making rounds, waking him again. The doctor examined Goren, and then pulled up a chair to talk to Logan. "My name is Derek Gilani. I will be Robert's doctor for as long as he is here. I was told he has no family to speak of."

Logan shook his head. "He has a sick mother who is not competent to make medical decisions and a no-good junkie of a brother who doesn't care enough to make decisions."

"In his file we have two people authorized to make these decisions for him. Alexandra Eames and Mike Logan."

Logan's heart leapt into his throat and he had to talk around it. "I'm Logan. What decision are you taking about?"

"I'm talking about the decision to terminate life support, but we aren't there yet." He sighed. "The results of his scan show that all the structures around his heart escaped damage. His heart, however, was not so fortunate. There was some damage to the right ventricle, and we are trying to determine the extent of it without having to open his chest. I've ordered more tests. So far the output from his chest tube has not diminished, and that's not good news. His blood pressure is lower than I'd like, but I'm okay to watch it for the moment. That's my plan at the moment: to watch him. Does he have a living will or a do not resuscitate order?"

"No."

"Is he an organ donor?"

"Not if you're gonna pull the plug on him to expedite the process."

The doctor laughed softly, amused. "I promise you on my Hippocratic Oath that is not my intent. I will do everything in my power to save his life."

Logan looked at him skeptically. "Well, in that case, yes, he's an organ donor."

"Relax, Mr. Logan. Organ procurement is not initiated until a donor is declared brain dead. His brain is still completely functional. It's his body that worries me. An organ donor can save up to 8 lives. As a police officer, he will save many more lives than that. I will do everything I can to heal him so that he can continue to save lives. I am a healer, not a butcher."

Reassured, Logan nodded. He believed in Gilani's sincerity. "Ok, you're a healer. So heal him. That's your only option. But just so you know...if the time ever does come to make that decision, I will not make it alone or I'm going to end up in one of those beds. Whatever decisions have to be made, Eames makes them with me."

Gilani nodded and rose. "Understood. I'll talk to you again when I know more."

"Thanks, doc."

Once the doctor was gone, Logan looked at the bed. "See all the trouble you're causing, man? Hurry up and get better. I'm losing more sleep than I can afford right now."

Except for the rasp of the respirator and the beep of the heart monitor, the room was silent.


	28. Minor Improvements

Logan talked with Deakins and took some time off to stay at the hospital. He knew that Eames wanted to be there, but she couldn't. She had Maggie to take care of, and Maggie was most important, to her and to Goren. He also knew that neither of them wanted Goren to be alone. It was important to them both that someone he knew was there, and by default, that someone was Logan.

Nothing much changed over the first few days. Goren still got the staff's adrenaline pumping several times through the day and night, and Logan didn't get much sleep. Eames stopped by after work for a little while before going home to her daughter, and Goren behaved while she was there, to Logan's relief. The doctor came by three or four times during the day to evaluate Goren, and he reported minor improvements, but no change in his overall status. Further testing had reassured him that the damage to Goren's heart, while concerning, was not immediately life-threatening. It was, however, something that would have to be watched. Logan felt reassured when the doctor began talking about Goren's life in the future tense.

Four days after the shooting, after Eames had already left, Nate Bedford came by, his arm in a sling. Logan was surprised to see him, and he got up to meet him by the door, looking around for Waters. Bedford grinned. "Rick's not here. We got off duty about an hour and a half ago, and he has no idea I'm here. How is he doing?"

Logan had talked with Eames about Bedford, and they both agreed that her husband's partner did not share Waters' hatred of Goren. He had saved Goren's life and, more than once, defended him. It was clear that he disapproved of Waters' vendetta against his wife's partner. So Logan relaxed. "He's holding his own. He's tough. They're starting to think he might pull through." He nodded at Bedford's arm. "What happened to you?"

"I got winged...by the same gun that put Goren here."

"You found the guy? Good job! How'd it go down?"

Bedford nodded into the room. "Mind if we sit?"

"Yeah, sure."

They sat down by the bed and spoke quietly. Goren's nurse sat on the opposite side of the room. She recorded the respirator readings and Goren's vitals every fifteen minutes and was quick to respond to anything that concerned her. Logan lost count of how many times he was grateful she was there. Bedford leaned forward and softly said, "When we found him, he said that the devil was after him. A bunch of demons had killed his friend Petey the other morning, and they were getting ready to eat his body. Petey begged him not to let them, so he could be buried properly. The gun was Petey's and he had to kill those demons and then hide so the devil wouldn't find him."

Logan groaned. "Wonderful. Poetic, actually. Goren always advocates for the mentally ill." He shook his head. Goren had told him stories of his childhood, disturbing stories of his sick mother beating the demons out of him or locking him in a closet to protect him from them and then forgetting he was there. Once again, he was a demon to someone who was mentally ill, and this time it could cost him his life. "So this idiot will never see the inside of a courtroom."

"I can guarantee that."

"What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what would happen, Logan. He would be sent to a psych facility where they'd treat him and medicate him and then call him rehabilitated and street him. Once he was released, he would go off his meds and hurt someone else. So how many times does that have to happen before they'd commit him for life? Too damn many."

"Why are you talking about him in the past tense, Nate?"

Bedford hesitated,weighing his options. "Just between you and me?"

"I don't think Goren will say anything."

Bedford studied Logan for a minute. "He still had the gun in his possession. I'll bet a month's pay that ballistics will confirm that gun was used to kill his buddy Pete. The bullets in my shoulder and Goren's chest came from that gun as well. He died with that gun in his hand and my bullet in his head."

Logan studied him for a long moment. "Is that what really happened?"

"My job is to serve and protect, and that is what I did. Do the details matter?"

"What does your partner say?"

"He's a little pissed that I'm riding a desk until IAB clears me in the shooting. He says Goren's not worth it, but you know how he is."

"Yeah, I know...but do _you_ think Goren's worth it?"

"I would never have put myself out there if I didn't. Just between you and me, I don't think I would have done what I did for Rick. Goren's a better man than Ricky can ever hope to be, and Alex and Maggie are gonna need him."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"You'll see." He got to his feet. "I just came by to see how he was doing. See you around, Logan."

Logan watched him walk away, wondering what he meant. "I _really_ hate cryptic messages," he muttered as he leaned back in his chair.

* * *

Eames came by late the next afternoon. She stood near the bed, watching Goren breathe. Nothing had changed from the day before. "What did the doctor say today?" she asked.

Logan knew the routine. "Nothing much, but I got a little more sleep last night, so he's doing better."

"Did you hear? They got the guy who shot him?"

He nodded. "Bedford came by to tell us. He took one in the shoulder."

"I heard. Ricky is kind of pissed about that."

"Yeah. He doesn't think Bobby's worth his partner riding a desk for a week or two."

"Nate's a good man."

She didn't seem to know what really went down between Bedford and the shooter, and he wasn't going to be the one to fill in the details for her. She seemed happy with what she knew, so he left it at that.

She continued to look at her partner, hating how still he was. "Let me stay with him tonight, Mike. Dad will watch the baby for me."

"How is she doing?"

"She's fine. She keeps asking for the two of you."

"And that doesn't annoy Ricky?"

"It might if he ever took the time to pay any attention to her."

He nodded, knowing that Waters kept her in the dark about things as well, judging by Bedford's cryptic comment to him. But he was in no position to judge her marriage, so he said nothing about it. "Would you mind if I stopped by your dad's to see Maggie?"

He didn't really want to go home to his empty apartment. He needed a distraction and he couldn't think of a better one than Maggie.

She was surprised by his request, but it also pleased her. She smiled at him. "Go ahead. I think Dad would like to see you, too. I know Maggie will...but be prepared, Mike. She's going to ask for Bobby, especially when she sees you."

He nodded. "I understand that. And you need to be prepared, too, Alex. His nights have been rough."

"Rough how?" she asked tentatively, as if afraid of the answer.

Logan studied her for a long minute. This woman loved his friend, and Goren, well, he adored her. Theirs was a tortured relationship. They both wanted the same thing badly, but neither of them was in a place where they could act upon their desires. "The first two nights they chased me out of the room because he coded. The last few nights have been better, but I didn't get much more sleep."

"Better how?" she asked, looking at Goren.

"It's like he's fighting the respirator and the sedation. We're choosing to interpret it as a good sign."

She nodded slowly. "Okay. I'll try to convince him to behave. Why don't you grab a change of clothes and just stay at Dad's? He won't mind, and neither will the baby."

"Thanks, Alex," he answered, too exhausted to issue a smart comeback.

He walked to the bedside. "I'm leaving for the night, buddy, but Alex will be here with you."

He kissed her cheek. "Talk to him. Let him know you're here."

"Does he respond to you, Mike?"

"I like to think he does, but there's no way to know for certain. The nurses tell me he's a bit more unstable when I leave and he seems to settle when I come back, but that's their perception. I don't notice much change from one minute to the next, but when I look at him over the span of days, I can see he's doing better now than when he first got here." He picked up his jacket from the chair near the door and waved at the nurse. "Cindy, this is his partner, Alex. She'll be staying tonight."

Cindy nodded. "It's nice to meet you. Try to get some sleep, Mike."

"I don't think that will be a problem. Good night, girls. Good night, Bobby."

Eames walked over to the side of the bed and gently took his hand. Lightly, she stroked his forehead as she said, "I took Maggie trick-or-treating yesterday, Bobby. She was dressed as a kitten, and she was adorable. She is saving some of her candy for you over at Dad's. Don't worry; I took pictures. She misses you. So do I."

Cindy looked up at her. "You have a little girl?"

Eames smiled. "Yes. She's 17 months old."

"Did you bring a picture of her?"

Releasing his hand, Eames walked around to show the nurse pictures of Maggie. "Oh..." Cindy said. "She's beautiful. What a little cutie. She looks just like her father."

Eames looked confused. "You know her father?"

It was Cindy's turn to be confused. "You mean...he's not her father?"

Sadly, Eames shook her head. "No, he's not. He's my partner, but I don't have a relationship with him, not one that would make a child."

"I'm sorry. It's just...she looks so much like him. Genetics can be a funny thing."

She nodded. "Yes, it can."

Nature could be cruel, and Maggie's resemblance to a man she adored but could not possibly be related to had to be the cruelest joke of all.


	29. A Major Turn

Logan left the hospital and walked down the street to the parking garage, where his car had been for the past few days. His mind spun in different directions as he walked, and he suddenly thought of Denise. The week before the shooting, Goren had told him she took some time off to visit her brother upstate, and he confessed with some confusion that he missed her. When Logan pressed him for an explanation, after more hesitation than usual, Goren admitted that he missed _her_, not just the sex she provided for him. She had somehow become more to him than that, and he really didn't know what to do with it. Logan had simply listened to him, which is what Goren had been looking for from him. Whatever he was going to do, he had to be the one to decide what that would be. Logan would offer no opinion to avoid deeply upsetting Goren, which is what had happened the last time he'd told Goren what he thought about the situation.

Denise was due back that night and she had a date with Goren. She didn't know he'd been injured. ___Oh, hell_, Logan chastised himself for not thinking to call her sooner. Goren would have objected, though, and been unwilling to interrupt her time with the younger brother she loved. He pulled out his phone and called her.

"Hi, Mike," she answered, sounding honestly happy to hear from him.

He liked her very much, and he wished that Goren could find it in himself to be happy with her. She was a genuinely good-hearted woman who would do anything to make him happy. If he just gave himself a chance, Goren would be happy with Denise. Whether he liked it or not, she loved him. Even Logan could see it. He knew that Goren loved her as well, though he refused to acknowledge it. He was an emotional wreck, and Logan had no idea how to help him get through it. All he could do was be there, and he'd gotten very good at that.

"Hey, honey. How was your visit with Steven?"

"We had a great time. I just got home about an hour ago, and I'm getting ready to see Bobby. He's not answering his phone, so I'll just go over and surprise him."

"Yeah, about that...there's been a change in plans. Something happened, and he can't make it."

"Oh." He could hear the disappointment in her tone. "That's why he didn't answer when I called."

"It's not what you think."

"No? What am I thinking, Mike? The entire time I was away, every time I had a moment to myself, I thought of him. Just like at home, every night I climbed into bed and I missed him, and I wished he could miss me, too. If there was something I could do to free his heart and let him love me back, I would do it, but I have to come to terms with the fact that it's just not meant to be. _We_ are just not meant to be. And yet...God help me, I just can't let him go."

He wanted to tell her that Goren did love her, in his own messed-up way, but he had a feeling she already knew it. He also found himself wishing he could tell her that Eames had nothing to do with Goren's current condition, but he couldn't because she had everything to do with it. So he decided it best just to be direct. "Denise, he's in intensive care at St. Vincent's."

He heard a small gasp over the line, then silence. After a pause, she asked in a shaky voice, "Wh-What happened?"

"Old story—a routine call that went wrong. Some psycho with a gun started shooting...and he took a bullet in the chest for his partner."

"Oh, my God..." She was quiet for a long moment. "Wasn't he vested?"

"No. It was a routine call, no reason for anyone to be vested."

More silence, then a tentative, "How bad is he?"

"His injury is critical, and he's still on a respirator. The bullet bounced around before it exited, damaging a lung and his heart."

She drew in a sharp breath. "Will he be all right?"

He had no problem hearing the distress in her voice, and he struggled to sound reassuring, hopeful. "They still don't know. I'm sorry I didn't call you earlier. I've been preoccupied and he'd knock the crap out of me if I'd interrupted your visit with Steve."

"Do you think they'd let me see him?"

He hesitated for a moment. "Tell you what. Meet me in the main lobby at St. Vincent's and I'll take you up to see him. Then you and I can take Little Miss Maggie to dinner and I'll drop you off at home."

"Thank you, Mike. I'll call a cab right now."

"See you shortly."

He felt bad for not calling her sooner, but he hadn't been lying that Goren would be upset at him for interrupting her visit. He wasn't sure that Eames would be okay with letting Denise in to see him, knowing how jealous she was that Denise had the freedom to be with Goren and she did not. Maybe she would get mad at him for bringing her up there, but she really had no say in it, and he knew that Goren would want Denise to be allowed in to see him. He would risk incurring the wrath of Eames to see that his friend's wishes were carried out. He owed him that.

* * *

Denise arrived at the hospital about a half hour later, and she stepped into Logan's embrace. Taking her hand in his, he led her to the closest bank of elevators. "Prepare yourself, sweetheart. He doesn't look good."

She nodded. "This isn't the first time this has happened, Mike. I've been through this with him before."

"He needs to be more careful," he muttered.

"Being careful has nothing to do with it. This happens because he takes his job so seriously."

He nodded. "Yeah, I know. He cares too damn much."

When they arrived at the ICU, Logan talked with the charge nurse then told Denise, "Okay, sweetheart. You have ten minutes. Alex and I will get a cup of coffee."

"Thank you, Mike."

Eames looked at them with surprise when they came into the room, then her expression darkened. Logan gently grasped her shoulder. "Come on, Alex. I'll buy you a coffee."

She hesitated for a moment, watching Denise, before she left the room with him. "How did she find out?" she asked as they left the unit.

"I called her. It was only right, Alex. She's his girlfriend and she has a right to know what happened. She's been out of town and she had a date with him tonight. She would have noticed when he didn't show up." He paused, then added, "She loves him, too."

He wasn't trying to be mean, but he wanted to be fair. He knew she begrudged Denise her long-time relationship with Goren, but he wasn't going to let her be petty about it now.

Finally, she nodded. "You're right," she admitted reluctantly. "But that doesn't mean I have to like it."

"He'd get really upset if you didn't let her in."

"I know. You're springing for a sandwich, too."

He grinned. "Okay. It's a deal. Uh, you don't mind if Denise and I take Maggie out for dinner or ice cream after this, do you?"

She hesitated. "I guess that's okay. Maggie likes her, doesn't she?"

He nodded. "She likes her a lot."

"Just don't keep her out too late."

"I won't."

They went down to the cafeteria where he got them each coffee and Eames a sandwich while Denise visited with Goren.

* * *

Denise approached the bed, her eyes bright with tears. "Oh, Bobby," she whispered. "Not again."

She held his hand, lightly stroking his arm. "Steve is doing good," she said, trying to sound conversational. "He said to tell you hi. Maybe you can go with me the next time I go to see him. I would really like that, and so would he."

For a long time, she studied him, the breathing tube taped in place, his face pale. Reaching out, she caressed the side of his face, wondering how aware he was. Leaning down, she kissed his cheek. "Please," she whispered into his ear. "Please..." She couldn't voice what she wanted to say. Tears streamed freely down her face. "Please, Bobby...just wake up, and I promise, I'll say yes. Please..."

Logan and Eames were back by then. "I have to go now, but I'll be back," she managed, her throat tight.

She gave him another soft kiss and moved away from the bed. She nodded congenially to Eames, who nodded back, then she joined Logan at the door. Looking back one more time, she let him lead her out of the room and they headed for Queens to see the sweet little girl who Goren loved.

* * *

It was very late when Eames closed her eyes and allowed herself to drift to sleep. Her dreams took her back in time just over two years, to the August night that Maggie was conceived. She had been blissfully happy that night, a feeling of joy she had not experienced since, something she shared only with him...and he didn't even know it.

She woke suddenly to an alarm. Disoriented, she searched blearily for the offending clock. The sound of hushed voices speaking in urgent tones jerked her awake. A hand gripped her arm lightly and Goren's night nurse, a sweet young man named Matt, softly said, "Come with me, Alex, honey."

"But..."

"Now, sweetie. They need room to work."

She let him lead her from the room, her heart in her throat, pounding its panic. "What's wrong?" she asked as soon as they were out of the room.

"He started to wake up. He was disoriented and he started to panic. He pulled out his breathing tube before I could get to him. They're going to calm him down and evaluate his breathing to see if they need to put the tube back in. This could be a good thing. We just have to wait and see."

Agitated and worried, she began to pace, hugging her stomach. While she was pacing, her phone rang in her pocket. Pulling it out, she looked at the caller ID. _Ricky_. Bracing herself, she moved away to a semi-secluded corner and answered the call. "Hi, Ricky."

"Hi yourself. Why aren't you home?"

She looked at the time. 3:47. He was working an odd shift all month, starting at 7 in the evening and getting off at 3 in the morning. She knew from his voice that he was irritated. "I stayed at the hospital tonight because it's Friday. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Damn it, Alex..."

"Don't start with me, Ricky, or I won't come home at all."

There was a pause, then he asked, "How is he doing?"

"He's holding his own."

Another, briefer pause, then he conceded, "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow."

She closed the phone, relieved that he didn't argue. Only then did she also realize that he hadn't asked about the baby. It was too much for her. His neglect of the baby, though nothing new, sent her emotions over the edge. She walked to the nearest chair, said down and began to cry.

* * *

Nearly an hour passed, with doctors, nurses and technicians coming and going, before anyone stopped to talk with her. The doctor introduced himself as Carter Ellison, Goren's primary physician. He sat beside her and spoke softly. "We sedated him just enough to reduce his agitation so he would stop fighting us but not enough to further compromise his breathing. It's a very delicate balance. He seems to be breathing well on his own, but pain control is an issue since narcotics can cause respiratory depression and his breathing is already compromised by his lung injury. We have to watch him closely and balance the risk of adverse effects with the benefit of pain control. For now, we will leave him off the respirator, as long as he is breathing spontaneously on his own. We will only sedate him if absolutely necessary, but if we must intubate him again and put him back on the respirator, we will have to keep him under, as we've been doing."

"What are the chances of that?"

"Right now, he can go either way. I would have preferred to keep him intubated for another day or so, to give that lung more time to heal so he wouldn't have to struggle so much, but he kind of changed my plans, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and we'll try it."

"Is there anything else I need to know?"

"Just watch him for any difficulty breathing. That's our biggest concern at the moment."

"How is his heart?"

"Healing. As for any long-term problems, we'll just have to wait and see."

"So...there's a chance he won't be able to return to work?"

"That's always a possibility with injuries like his. We'll just have to wait and see. That's the best I can say at this point."

"Thank you, Dr. Ellison."

He reached out and squeezed her hand. "We'll do everything we can for him," he promised.

She nodded, unable to speak any more. He rose, then said, "You can go in whenever you're ready."

Another nod, then he was gone. She folded her arms around her middle again, closing her eyes and willing herself to bring her emotions back under control. She had a lot of experience with that after Joe died, and it didn't take her too long to finally master herself.

She opened the door slowly and closed it quietly. Matt was quietly talking to him as he finished pushing medication into his IV line. Goren's reply was brief, very softly spoken. Matt smiled at whatever he said.

When she came into his line of vision, Goren's expression changed. "Eames..." he said, his voice hoarse and barely above a whisper.

She tried to smile, willing her eyes not to tear up. "Mike has been here since the shooting, but he took the night off," she explained. "We didn't want you to be alone, so here I am."

His eyes were unfocused under the effects of his medication, and he wasn't strong enough to fight it for long, but he was still fighting. He wanted to stay with her for as long as he could. His hand moved closer to hers as the medicine he'd just been given hit him. He fought harder to stay awake, but he had nothing left to erect the barriers he hid behind when he was with her. He grasped her hand and repeated, "Eames..."

She gripped his hand tightly, so he would not doubt she was holding it, and she kept her eyes on his face. "It's okay. I'm here."

He was losing his battle against the medicine; it was harder and harder for him to keep his eyes open. He moistened his lips and tried to speak, but it took too much effort to form the words. With her free hand, she brushed his hair back off his forehead. "It's okay," she said softly. "Let go."

He struggled for another minute, gathering the strength to say something to her. Only two words made it past his lips before he did finally give in to the medicine and drifted off to sleep.

She stood there silently, watching him rest easily under the effect of the sedative and the painkiller. His chest rose and fell regularly, and he did not seem to be in pain. She leaned down and placed a soft kiss on his mouth. She knew that once his strength returned, so would the barriers he kept strong between them, but for the moment, she hung on those two words, spoken without reserve, without censure, in a moment of total vulnerability...words he would never say under normal circumstances. _Love you._


	30. Missing Her Ba

Logan scooted his chair closer to the high chair at the end of the table and tried to find a spot on Maggie's chubby face that wasn't coated with spaghetti sauce. Maggie reached out and laid a little, sauce-covered hand on his cheek before he could pull back. Denise laughed, which made Maggie's face light up. She stretched to splay her other hand on his other cheek, and he made a face, which made Denise laugh more. Maggie giggled.

Logan gave up with a smile. Their laughter was music to his ears. Denise, he knew, shared his worries for Bobby's life, but Maggie had no idea that the man who lived at the center of her universe was injured. Every few minutes, the little girl looked around, as if expecting him to join them. Logan didn't blame her. He had never spent time with Maggie that Goren wasn't there. No wonder she was confused.

As he wiped the little saucy handprints off his face, he watched her look around again. She cocked her little head to the left, and his heart lurched. In the back of his mind, he remembered the night Goren had spent with Eames in his bed. He could do basic math, and he knew there had to be at least a chance, however small, that Waters was not Maggie's father. Eames, however, was convinced he was, and the one time Logan had dared mention it to her, she shut him down fast. Maggie's paternity was a sore spot for her, something with which she seemed to struggle. Logan thought it was worth the effort to find out for certain, one way or another, but Eames obviously didn't, so he left her alone about it. He never pretended to understand her.

Shifting his thoughts to Denise, he wondered if she had noticed the same things he had. He might never have another chance to discuss it with her. At least, with her, he didn't have to pussyfoot around. He could be direct.

"Hey," he said. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Have you ever noticed any similarities between Maggie and Bobby?"

She looked at him for a long moment. "I thought I was imagining it."

"Nope, you're not."

She laughed softly. "It's not possible, though. He's never slept with her."

"He told you that?"

"Yes." She gave him an odd look. "He's not lying about it, Mike. If he thought for even a second that Maggie could possibly be his, he'd find out for certain."

"Unless it would make things harder on Eames."

She gave him a look. "Do you know something I don't?"

He was quiet for a few minutes as he cleaned the sauce from Maggie's face. "I know something _he_ doesn't know," he said.

She looked puzzled. "I don't understand."

"Two years ago, we went out for his birthday. Sometimes, it's hard to tell how drunk he is, but he got really trashed that night. We went back to my place, and he spent the night in my bedroom with Eames. He doesn't remember it, and she insists that Maggie isn't his. Maybe they just slept, but that's not where they were heading when they went down the hall."

"Don't you think you should say something?"

"Honey, he's blocking it out for a reason. Maybe he did drink enough to forget, or maybe his mind is protecting him, but whatever it is, he doesn't remember. If he's gonna find out what happened that night, it's gotta come from her."

She considered his words and nodded her agreement. "You're right. But, Mike...suppose...suppose Ricky isn't her father. I mean, look at her. She's so smart, and her mannerisms are so much like his. Look at her hair and those dark eyes..."

"Don't think it hasn't occurred to me a hundred times, but I just bite my tongue. It's not my place to say anything, not this time. He struggles with his relationship with her enough. I don't want to upset him. So let's just keep it our little secret, and if it someday does turn out to be true, we can high-five each other and _not_ say 'I told you so.'"

"That's a deal," she answered with a smile.

He patted her hand, and Maggie reached out to pat her other hand. With a laugh, he leaned over and kissed the toddler's now-clean cheek. Maggie clapped her hands and giggled. She leaned up toward him and he bent over so she could kiss his cheek. "Ub oo, Mick," she said.

"I love you, too, little sweetheart."

"Ba come?"

Logan sighed. "Not today, honey."

"Why?"

"He's sick, Maggie."

"Oh," she replied, deflating a little.

Logan kissed her again. "How about some ice cream?"

She perked up. "'Kay! Ba, too?"

"We can get him some, too, and you can give it to him when he feels better."

"'Kay, Mick!"

He lifted her from her high chair and looked at Denise. Her expression was sad. Maggie and Goren were connected at a very deep level, and neither one was complete without the other. Logan was anxious to get back to the hospital, to tell his friend that Maggie was waiting for him to get better. That might be just the medicine he needed to pull through.

* * *

As dawn approached, Goren became restless. Matt got up from his chair and approached the bed. Goren groaned softly, shifting against the pain. Matt looked at the monitor and pressed a button to print out an EKG run. Goren opened his eyes and Matt grinned. "You do have nice eyes," he said lightly.

Goren's brow furrowed, and the nurse explained, "Your partner over there...she said she wanted to see your pretty eyes."

The corners of his mouth raised in a small smile. Matt curled a cool hand around his wrist and watched the rise and fall of his patient's chest. "So far, so good. Let me get you a dose of pain medicine, and that will help you to relax."

Awakened by the soft voices, Eames rose from her chair and walked to the bedside as Matt left the room. She gently took his hand and whispered, "Hi."

He watched her, struggling to bring her into focus. His mind was as fuzzy as his vision, and he didn't have the strength to speak, so he watched her. Upset by the tears he saw in her eyes, he fought harder against the drugs, increasing his agitation. Matt returned with a syringe, hurrying over to the bed as the monitor over it began to alarm. He injected the medicine into one of the two IV lines in Goren's right arm. "There," he said as he watched his patient visibly relax. The monitor alarm fell silent and Matt relaxed as well. "That's better."

Goren gave him a brief nod, shifting his eyes back to Eames. Although he struggled to stay awake, in his weakened state he was no match for the powerful drugs in his system. He moved his hand toward her, but it dropped back to the bed before moving very far and his eyes closed.

She looked at Matt. "What just happened?"

"He was agitated and his heart rate ran a little higher than they want to see it get right now. He settled down nicely, though, so it's nothing to worry about."

Clasping Goren's hand in hers, she watched him sleep, making no effort to hold back the tears that ran freely down her cheeks.

* * *

Logan thought he would be glad to be back in his own bed, but he didn't get much sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Maggie's little face after he told her that she couldn't see her Ba. When he opened them, his mind churned through endless scenarios about what might be happening at the hospital. By the time the pre-dawn glow began to warm the sky, he had convinced himself that Eames wouldn't call him if something went wrong, so he returned to the hospital.

As he passed the Intensive Care Unit waiting area, he was surprised to see Nate Bedford sitting alone in the room. He looked around for Waters, but didn't see him, so he approached Bedford, who stood up when he spotted Logan. "What are you doing here?" Logan asked.

"I only stopped by to see how he's doing. They wouldn't give me any information, so I decided to wait for visiting hours before I went home."

"Did you notice the time? Visiting hours aren't until 8."

Bedford shrugged. "What else do I have to do? After we got off, Rick went home and I grabbed something to eat and came over here. How is he?"

Logan relaxed, reminding himself that Bedford had done nothing wrong. He'd taken vital steps to keep Goren alive after he'd been shot. "He's holding his own. He keeps the staff hopping."

"What are they saying about his prognosis?"

"It's guarded. His heart was damaged by the bullet."

"I was afraid of that."

"Why?"

"I saw where the bullet went in and where it came out. It had to have bounced around but there was no way for us to assess the damage out in the field."

"Alex told me you played a hand in saving his life. Thanks for that."

"I have the training. I couldn't just stand by and watch him die."

"Like Waters would have?"

Bedford shook his head. "I've already told you I don't approve of the things he does. Even on a good day, Rick's not so good with people. Under duress, he just gets worse. That's why he works the scene and I take care of the witnesses and victims." He paused. "Look, Logan, I have nothing against you and Goren, and I like Alex and her little girl. Everything will work out for the best in the end."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't say anything more than that. I do everything I can to watch out for Alex. You do what you can to watch out for Goren."

"Want to trade? You have the easy job."

Bedford laughed softly. "I know you don't really like me, Logan. I'm asking a lot of you, but please, trust me."

Turning, Bedford left. Confused, Logan watched him until he turned the corner at the end of the hall. He hated riddles. Irritated, he went into the ICU, to Goren's room. He was surprised by how quiet things were. Sliding open the door, he stepped into the room. The first thing he noticed was the absence of the respirator, then he saw Alex standing by the bed, her face moist with tears.

"What's wrong? What happened?" he asked, trying not to panic.

She looked up. "What are you doing back so early? Where's Maggie?"

"I'm not as comfortable as he is with her so I took her back to your dad's after we got ice cream. I hardly slept, so I finally gave up and came back here. Your turn."

"He woke up suddenly, and he panicked and pulled out his breathing tube. So they're leaving it out to see how he does. So far so good, but they're keeping him drugged."

He crossed to her side and looked down at his friend. "He seems to be resting easy."

She nodded. "He does until the drugs start wearing off."

He looked at Matt. "What's your input?"

Matt smiled. "Hello to you, too, Mike. He's improving, but we're still not leaping to any conclusions. We're just watching to see what he does."

With a grin, Logan said, "Well, watch him closely. You never know what he's gonna do."

Laughing softly, Eames agreed. "Isn't that the truth?"

She left the bedside and sat down in the chair in which she had been sleeping. "How was your date?"

"Since it was with two of my favorite women in the world, I'd say it was the best one I've had in years. First we took a bath in spaghetti sauce, then we used soap and we finished it all up with ice cream. She was sticky and sleeping when I dropped her off. Sorry 'bout that."

She shook her head. "I guess I'll head over to Dad's and give her a bath."

"Thanks for letting me see her. We had fun."

"I'm sure you did."

She gathered her things and returned to the bed. "I'll be back when I can," she said softly to her partner. Leaning over, she placed a soft kiss on his temple and whispered into his ear, "I love you."

She turned to give Logan a quick hug and waved to Matt, then she left the room. Logan watched her leave, and, for the first time, he felt his heart break for her the way it always did for Goren. He wished he could help them, but there was nothing he could do.


	31. Good For Each Other

Eames opened the front door to her father's home and walked into the house. She was surprised to find Maggie sitting on the couch, her little arms crossed and a look of determination on her chubby little face. A lock of dark hair curled onto her forehead while the rest of her curls stuck out all over her head. She was priceless. Eames struggled to keep a straight face. "What are you doing up so early, Maggie?"

"Maddie wan' Ba," she said with a pout.

Of course. "Uncle Bobby is sick, honey. He's in the hospital and you have to wait to see him."

Maggie shook her head adamantly. "No, Mama. No wait. Maddie wanna see Ba."

"You can't see him. Not right now."

Maggie didn't want to be told she couldn't see her favorite person. She missed him and she wanted him now. Later just wasn't going to work for her. The glare she gave her mother was so familiar in its intensity that her knees went weak. _Bobby..._

"Maddie wan' Ba, Mama!"

A noise from deeper in the house drew Eames' attention from the battle of wills she was waging with her little girl. John came down the hall from the bedrooms and gave her a tired smile. "She's been sitting there all night," he said. "I couldn't convince her to come to bed. I even offered to let her sleep with me in my bed. She just wants Bobby, and she's not going to settle for less."

"Dad, he's in intensive care. He was shot in the chest. I can't take her to see him."

"Can't, honey, or won't? Who would it hurt?"

Eames deflated. She looked at Maggie, who was just as determined despite the big tears that rolled down her cheeks. Her shoulders heaved as she tried hard not to cry. "Oh, baby," Eames whispered. "I wish you could understand."

But the only thing Maggie's young mind understood was that her big people would not let her see her beloved Ba. Maggie got most of the things she asked for, mainly because she didn't ask for much. She was also very good at knowing exactly to whom her requests should be directed for the best results, even at her young age. Not yet two, she was already a master at figuring people out. This time, however, she was going to throw her request at everyone who would listen. Eventually, someone would listen to her. Eventually, she would get to see her Ba, and she was not going to be happy until she did.

"All right," Eames said with a deep sigh of resignation. "Let's give you a bath and get you dressed. Then we'll go to the hospital."

"Maddie see Ba?"

Eames didn't have it in her to dash the baby's hopes. "Yes. We'll go to see Bobby."

Maggie wasted no time sliding off the couch and scurrying down the hall toward the bathroom.

* * *

When the door to Goren's room opened, Logan looked up from the book he was reading. Across the room, the daytime nurse, Carole, also looked up. Eames entered the room, holding Maggie's hand. Logan got to his feet and walked to them. Maggie's somber expression changed when she saw him. "Hi, Mick!"

"Hi, little sweetheart," he replied, lifting her in his arms for a hug. He looked at Eames. "What's up?"

"She wants to see him and she refused to take no for an answer. She was so sad, I had to bring her up. Dad said she sat on the couch, pouting, all night long."

"Stubborn little monkey. Just like your mother."

As she hugged him, her eyes wandered around the room until they came to rest on Goren in the bed. "Ba," she said softly. Sitting up in Logan's arms, she looked at him and her mother. "Mick, Mama," she pointed over Logan's shoulder. "Shhh, Ba s'eeping."

Logan looked at Eames, who nodded. He carried the little girl over to the bed. "Ba was hurt, honey," he said softly, pointing to the bandages on his chest.

Maggie looked at the bandages, then at Goren's face. "Ba gots owie?"

"Yes. A bad owie."

Eames stood beside Logan, her hand resting on her partner's knee. Maggie wriggled and Logan set her lightly on the bed beside Goren. The little girl sat on her knees for a moment, looking from Goren's face to his chest and back. Moving slowly, she leaned over and kissed his bandages. Then she moved toward his head, kissing his cheek, then his nose. She laid down beside him, resting her head on his shoulder and burying her hand in his hair. "Ub u, Ba," she whispered.

Eames and Logan looked at each other and in the span of just a few minutes, Maggie was asleep.

* * *

Maggie had been asleep for a couple of hours when Goren began to stir. Carole rose from her seat and prepared a syringe of medication for him. He shifted against the pain as he became aware of it, and when he coughed, Maggie woke up. "Ba?"

His eyelids flickered, and Eames motioned for the nurse to wait for a minute before giving him the medication. He groaned and shifted again. Maggie sat up and touched his cheek. "My Ba," she whispered.

He opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was her baby face. The nurse watched the monitor above his bed and pressed a button to run an EKG printout. His face relaxed into a soft smile. "Hi, baby," he said, his voice quiet and hoarse.

She laughed a happy little laugh. "My Ba," she repeated, crawling into his embrace. She snuggled against him, returning her hand to his hair, and yawned. "Maddie's Ba," she said with certainty.

He folded his arm around her small body and looked at his partner and his best friend, questions in his eyes. Eames patted his hand, then lightly stroked his arm. "She sat up all night, pouting because we wouldn't bring her to see you. She's never done that before. I had to bring her in to see you."

He looked at the little body curled against his. "You did...the right thing."

"I see that."

He coughed again, followed by a deep groan of pain, and the nurse injected the medicine into his IV line. He turned his head to lightly nuzzle Maggie's hair. He kissed her curly head before he drifted off again.

Carole dropped the syringe into the sharps container on the wall and returned to the bed to face Eames and Logan. "She does something for him," she said. "She calms him, but there's more to it than just that. The EKG I just ran is the best run I have seen since he's been here. She helps him to heal, and she's only been here for a couple of hours."

Quietly, Logan said, "She's his savior. I've always said that."

"Obviously, she can't stay here with him, but if you would be willing to bring her to see him, it can only do him good."

"It'll do her good, too," Logan agreed, looking at Eames. "That kid lives for her Bobby."

Eames looked down at her sleeping child and smiled tenderly. "I'll make sure someone brings her up to see him every day or every other day."

Carole nodded. "I'll make sure it gets into his orders that she be allowed to visit him."

Eames sighed. "I don't want to disturb her. She didn't sleep last night."

"And he is resting well," Carole added.

Eames pulled out her phone and frowned. She had two missed calls and four text messages from Ricky. He was getting irate and she knew she had to go home to appease him. "I need to go home for a few hours..."

Logan rested his hand on her back. "I'll take care of Miss Maggie," he promised. "If it's okay with the nurses, you can leave her here and I can bring her to your dad's tonight."

"Maybe I can get Dad to come up and get her. I'll give you a call." She hugged him and whispered in his ear, "Thank you, Mike."

"What are friends for?" he replied. "There's nothing I wouldn't do for him."

He met her eyes, making it clear he was not doing any of it for her. His resentment was firmly rooted in the pain she caused Goren and he wasn't going to let her off the hook. He never did. She frowned and turned away from him, facing Carole. "Is it okay if I leave her here?"

Carole nodded. "I'll sell it to the doctors with this EKG run. I'm sure they'll be okay with it when they see what she does for him."

"Call me if you need me to come to get her."

After kissing Maggie again, she gave Logan another look and left.


	32. Recovering

Logan studied the chessboard on the tray table between him and Goren. After three false starts, he finally moved his bishop. Goren shifted his queen four spaces and said, "Checkmate."

Logan studied the board for another minute before he laid his king on its side, shaking his head. "I hate playing chess with you."

"So why do you do it?"

"Because you love the game and no one else will play with you. You need to find someone who can at least give you a run for your money."

"You're getting better. At least I don't corner you in six moves any more."

"Ha, ha. You're hilarious."

As he put the chess pieces away, Logan looked sideways at his friend. Three-and-a-half weeks had passed since the shooting and, although he was quickly recovering his strength, Goren still looked pale and Logan still worried. After all, his heart had been damaged by the bullet and that was an injury that could end his career. Then what would he have?

He slid the chess set into its case and opened the drawer in the stand beside the bed. He pulled out an envelope. "What's this?" he asked.

Goren glanced at it. "Pictures."

"Of?"

"Maggie. From Halloween. She, uh, she gave it to me the last time she visited."

"Mind if I look?"

"No. Go ahead."

Silently, Logan looked through the pictures. "She was a little lion, huh?"

"Yeah. And Jake was a lion tamer. Eames said they had a lot of fun together. Maggie adores Jake."

Logan hesitated before he asked, "Have you given any thought to what you're gonna do for Thanksgiving?"

"No."

Goren's quick, curt answer told him to let well enough alone, but Logan never listened to that little voice of reason. "Have they said anything about letting you out of here by then?"

"I haven't asked."

Logan didn't believe him. Goren hated hospitals and more than once in the past, he'd signed himself out before the doctors were ready to discharge him. "So...they're not talking about discharge yet?" he asked skeptically.

Goren's eyes narrowed as he took the envelope back from Logan and put it away. His scowl deepened. "Don't screw with me," he warned.

Logan sighed and rubbed his chin. "That could go both ways, you know. Eames wanted me to tell you that you're invited to her dad's for Thanksgiving. So am I."

The truth of the matter was that, although the doctors were being overly cautious, they were extremely pleased with Goren's progress. Not only were they planning to release him the following week, just in time for the holiday, but they were saying he could be back on the job by Christmas. He was allowing himself to be cautiously optimistic.

He shifted in his chair, trying to ignore the pain in his chest. "What are you going to do?" he asked, some of his irritation slipping away.

Logan pulled out a deck of cards and began to shuffle them. "That depends on you. If you're going to John's, then I'll go with you. If not, then I'll stay home and have a turkey sandwich."

Goren watched him, trying to decide if that was a challenge. "What do you want to do?"

Logan set the deck on the table for Goren to cut, which he did. Gathering the two halves of the deck, he placed them together and began to deal. "I don't know," he answered in what he hoped was a casual manner. "I thought it might be kinda fun to watch the parade with little Miss Maggie."

Goren studied his cards. Five, seven, nine, queen, ace...all hearts. He set the cards face down on the table, got up from his chair and walked to the window. It was a dreary day, overcast and drizzly. "Are we playing or not?" Logan asked.

"No. Not now."

Logan picked up the cards his friend had discarded and looked at them. With a sigh, he stuck them into the deck, shuffled it again and placed it back in the drawer by the chess set. "So, when are they letting you out?" Logan asked directly, unwilling to continue playing guessing games.

Goren couldn't fool him, not any more. Logan knew they had been discussing his discharge with him, and he knew that Goren wanted out of the hospital. Logan refused to buy the bullshit answer Goren had given him moments ago. With a deep sigh, Goren admitted, "Maybe Tuesday."

"Is there any reason you can't go to John's? What's Denise doing?"

"She's going upstate with her brother to see her folks. She wanted me to go with her, but I know I won't be up to the car ride."

"So...? Are we watching the parade with Maggie or chowing down on beer and sandwiches in your living room?"

"If I was smart, I'd opt for the beer and sandwiches."

"But?"

"But...I lost what smarts I used to have when I fell in love with my partner."

"If it helps, she told me that Ricky pulled the day shift that day. I think Deakins might have had a hand in that. I overheard him talking to Ricky's captain the other day."

"It had to be a coincidence."

"Whatever you say. So we're having Thanksgiving dinner with Maggie?"

Goren watched a drop of rainwater slide an uneven path down the window face. "I guess so. I don't want to disappoint her...or John. He's been good to me."

"I talked to him when he came up here with the baby to see you last week. He thinks highly of you, you know."

"I have no idea why."

"Really? Maybe it's because you're his daughter's partner and you took a bullet for her. Or maybe it's because his littlest granddaughter adores you so much. Or just maybe, it's because you're a good guy trying to make the best of a bad situation with as much dignity as you can manage."

Goren looked out past the droplets on the window to the gray city beyond. "What's your excuse?"

"I don't have one. Don't need one. Don't look for one. And don't ask me that again or I'll deck you. I'm a loyal guy, and no one says a bad word to me about my best friend and walks away. Got it?"

Goren was silent for a long time, but he felt a little of his depression lift. "Got it. Thanks, Mike."

"When you get out of here, you're buying the pizza."

"Deal."

Goren smiled a little, and he felt better. It was a small step in the right direction.

* * *

Maggie sat in her car seat, swinging her legs and singing a song that Goren had taught her in German. Eames smiled. She didn't know the words, but they were adorable coming from her 18-month-old daughter. She had to ask Goren what the song meant.

She found a place to park just a block from the hospital. Maggie held onto her hand as they walked from the car. Ricky was at work, fortunately, and she had sent Logan to the store with a grocery list, hoping it wasn't too daunting a task, asking him to go through Goren's refrigerator and get rid of any spoiled food. She didn't want her partner not to have anything to eat when he got home.

Logan had told her he might be released on Tuesday, but here it was, Sunday, and Logan had called her that morning. He knew that Goren would be furious with him for calling her, but perhaps Maggie's presence would mitigate his anger.

Goren was dressed when they entered his room. He was standing by the window, looking out into the crisp fall afternoon with longing when he heard the door open. "It's about damn time," he muttered as he turned, expecting Logan.

He froze in place, staring at his partner and her little girl. "Ba!" Maggie squealed, unable to contain herself any longer.

She ran to him and he lifted her into his arms, hugging her, as he gave Eames a questioning look. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

She shrugged, trying to act nonchalant. "It's Sunday afternoon and I had nothing else to do. Maggie wanted to see you, and so did I." She raised her finger in warning. "Not a word about that, Goren. You're my partner and I've missed you. I am part of the reason you're here and I have come to take you home. Deal with it."

Still holding Maggie against his shoulder, he looked at Eames. Finally, he said, "I, uh, I have a prescription to fill."

"We'll stop on the way."

"Then let's go."

"Don't you have to tell someone you're leaving?"

He gave her a look that dared her to challenge him. "No one tells me what to do," he replied.

Gently setting Maggie down, he walked to the bed and grabbed his bag. Eames reached for it, but the look he gave her made her think twice and she let him carry the bag. Maggie reached up and took his hand, then she grabbed her mother's hand. They expected her to walk between them, but she caught them both by surprise by pulling their hands together. She didn't release them until he was holding her mother's hand. Then she trotted to Eames' other side and grabbed her other hand, pleased with herself. Eames relaxed her hand, giving him leave to release it, but he didn't. She looked up at him, catching a look in his eyes that caused her heart to lurch. She looked away before he could see the moisture that gathered in her eyes. Neither said a word as they walked to the car, but Maggie chattered away happily.

Eames put Maggie in her car seat as Goren climbed into the passenger seat. After sliding behind the wheel and sticking the key in the ignition, she looked at her partner. Despite the coolness of the day, a thin sheen of sweat coated his face. "You okay?"

He nodded. "I just want to go home."

"Maybe...maybe you shouldn't be alone for the first day or two."

He turned his head to look at her, and he wished it was an option for her to stay with him. Annoyed with himself, he chased away his longing. "I'm sure Mike will stay, if I ask him," he said to appease her.

He had no intention of asking, though. He didn't want another argument with her. He was out of sorts, as he'd been since the shooting, and he really didn't want to take out his temper on her. She hadn't done anything to deserve it.

He turned his attention back to the city outside the car. Eames sighed and started the engine. In the backseat, Maggie called to him. "Ba?"

"What is it, baby?" he asked, turning in his seat so he could see her.

"Maddie wan' pizza!"

He felt himself relax and his mood lifted a little. His face relaxed into a smile for her. "Then we'll have to order a pizza when we get to my place."

Her face lit up into a bright smile and she clapped happily. She began to sing a song about pizza, and Goren softly laughed. Eames smiled at them. "What song is she singing?"

"I have no idea. I guess she made it up."

"What about the songs you teach her?"

"What about them?"

"Are you going to translate them for me?"

"Uh, no. Not now, anyway."

"Why not?"

He shrugged. "They're just songs, Eames."

A couple of the songs he'd taught her were children's songs. A woman he dated while he was stationed in Germany had two children, so he'd learned a number of children's songs. Most of the songs he knew, though, were for a rougher crowd, and he didn't want to tell his partner that some of the songs her daughter sang, the ones she seemed to favor, were actually German drinking songs.

"Uhm, thanks for the ride home," he said to change the subject.

She gave him a suspicious look, but she finally let him get away with it. "If I find out she's swearing in German, I swear I'll beat you with a bratwurst."

He laughed, the first genuine laugh he'd shared with her in far too long. "She's not," he promised.

She smiled, and the tension between them fell away. She stopped at the pharmacy and waited in the car with Maggie while he got his prescription filled. He returned to the car with a bag of Skittles for her and a chocolate bar for Maggie. By the time they got to his building, about six blocks away, the little girl was coated in chocolate.

Eames hesitated when she leaned in to get Maggie from her seat. "Did you get any of it in your mouth?" she asked.

Maggie smiled. "Maddie gots choklit, Mama!"

"I see that. And Uncle Bobby is going to clean you up," Eames answered, gingerly pulling Maggie from the car as she tried not to get chocolate on her white shirt.

"You did this intentionally, Goren," she accused, sending the chocolate-coated toddler to him.

Taking the baby's sticky hand in his while holding his bag in his other hand, Goren just smiled.

* * *

When he opened the door to his apartment, Goren was surprised to find Logan sitting on the couch with a beer. "Mick!" Maggie squeaked with delight, running to him.

"Hey, little sweetheart—whoa, hey, chocolate monster!"

Giggling, Maggie gave him a big hug. Logan looked at the two adults by the door. "Who's responsible for the mess?"

"Guess," Eames challenged as she walked toward the kitchen.

"How many guesses do I get?"

"How many do you need?" she asked as she opened the refrigerator.

He looked at Goren and laughed. Smiling, Goren waved his hand at Maggie. "Come on, princess. Let's get you cleaned up while Uncle Mike orders the pizza."

"'Kay, Ba."

She followed him down the hall to the bedroom, and Eames returned to the living room. "Aside from the beer, you did pretty well at the store."

"Gee, thanks. I do know how to shop for groceries."

"I've been in your kitchen. Do you blame me for doubting?"

He grinned. "Maybe not. How is he?"

She shrugged. "About the same."

"Once they make a return to duty determination, he'll perk up."

"What are the chances they won't let him return to duty?"

"I don't know. Last I heard, they were talking about letting him back on the job around Christmas."

"Let's hope they stick to it. In the meantime, he's going to be impossible."

"You're not kidding."

He picked up the phone and ordered the pizza. Maggie came trotting down the hall, dressed in clean clothes with her hair damp and no trace of chocolate anywhere. "All clean!" she announced.

"Much better," Eames said with a smile.

When Goren didn't come out to join them by the time the pizza arrived, Eames went down the hall to check on him. He was laying on his bed, sleeping. She picked up the pill bottle and read the label. They still had him on strong painkillers. Sighing, she set the bottle down and gently covered him. She would make sure Logan would stay with him, at least for a couple of days. Leaning down, she pressed a kiss to his forehead and she left the room.


	33. Family Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving had been a nice peaceful day. After Logan picked Goren up at his apartment and drove out to John's home, they watched the parade with Maggie and Jake, before the other cousins arrived. Goren offered to help in the kitchen, but John, Reggie and Eames chased him out of the kitchen. Once he was settled on the couch with Maggie in his lap and Jake tucked away between him and Logan, Eames leaned over the back of the couch and spoke softly into his ear. "You just got out of the hospital. We have everything under control, so just relax and enjoy Maggie."

He tried to follow her advice, but he couldn't let go of all his unrest. So he handled it as best he could.

* * *

Dinner was over and the table had been cleared. The children had settled in the living room to watch Laurel and Hardy's _March of the Wooden Soldiers_, an Eames family Thanksgiving tradition. The adults had drifted apart into two gender-specific groups, common at family gatherings of any sort. The men migrated into the den to watch the evening football games while the women gathered at the now-cleaned dining table with their wine glasses to swap stories about the children's antics since the last time they had gathered.

Eames rose from the table to get another bottle of wine from the kitchen, stopping in the doorway of the den. Logan had settled in nicely among her father, brothers and brother-in-law. A couple of her older nephews had joined in to watch the game, preparing for the time they would be welcomed by their fathers, their uncles and Grandpa as one of the guys. She continued to search the room, but Goren wasn't there.

Logan noticed her and he jumped up, using the excuse of a beer run to the kitchen. He stopped at her side. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

"Where is Bobby?"

He looked back into the room. "He was here a little while ago. Maybe he went to lie down. It's been a busy day."

She nodded. "Did he seem okay?"

"Yeah. A little tired, maybe, but he was okay."

He continued to the kitchen and she went on to the living room to check on the children. She wasn't surprised to find her daughter missing. Turning, she went down the hall to the bedroom she and Maggie shared when they spent the night. Quietly, she pushed open the door.

The room was dark and quiet, except for the sound of soft breathing. She slipped inside, closing the door behind her. The light cast by the streetlamp bathed the far side of the room in a yellow glow that barely reached the bed. Once her eyes adjusted to the low light conditions, she approached the bed.

Goren lay on his stomach, sleeping soundly. Sprawled across the pillow beside his head, with her little hand buried in his dark curls, Maggie also slept. Reaching out, Eames turned on the bedside lamp. Sitting on the table beside a glass half-filled with water was a pill bottle. She picked it up and read the label. He was still taking strong painkillers and she wondered how much longer it would be until he was back to work. Logan had told her they said maybe Christmas, but Goren hadn't said anything, even when she asked him directly. He was very good at distracting her and changing the subject.

Setting the bottle back on the table, she reached out and gently stroked his hair. "Sleep well, Bobby," she whispered.

Placing a kiss on her fingers, she reached over and laid them on Maggie's chubby little cheek. As she withdrew her hand, she let those fingers lightly graze his cheek as well. With a soft, wistful sigh, she turned off the lamp and left the room.

As she came down the hall, she heard a familiar voice from the living room, demanding, "Where is she?"

"She's around here somewhere," John replied. "Maybe she's putting the baby to bed."

Eames remained in the hall as she heard Waters move through the living room to the doorway of the den. After a moment, he snapped, "What's _he_ doing here?"

She knew he could only be talking about Logan, and she heard the anger in her father's voice as he replied, "This is my house, Rick, and I will have anyone here that I choose. Mike is very welcome, and I advise you to keep in mind that the only reason that you are welcome here is because you married my daughter. But be warned...I will not tolerate the mistreatment of any guest in my home. So you will be polite and act like a proper gentleman, or you will leave, by force if necessary. The choice is yours."

"Where's Goren?" he demanded without acknowledging John.

Eames remained at the end of the hallway, holding her breath. "Did you hear a word I said?" John asked in a tone his children knew well.

"Yeah, I heard. I'm not going to cause a problem, unless Goren is here."

All laughter and conversation among the men in the den ceased. Logan and Kevin both got to their feet, ready to back John should he need them. In a quiet tone that belied his rapidly thinning patience, John did something he rarely ever did. He repeated himself. "I am not a man inclined to repeat myself, Rick, so listen and listen well. This is _my_ home and you will follow _my_ rules. I will have any visitor I choose, and if Bobby is here, he is more than welcome. Anytime that man turns up on my doorstep, he has a place within my home. That is something he has earned. You were there the day of the shooting, yet he was the one who took that bullet for my daughter, not you. He almost died. So don't you dare ever question his right to be here if he wants to be. I love my daughter dearly, but that love extends only so far outside the sphere of this family. As her partner, Bobby has earned his place in my family. Through your behavior, you are jeopardizing yours. Consider yourself warned."

Ricky looked around the room at the men who glared at him. He saw that Kevin and Logan were ready to enforce any edict John issued. The other men, his brothers-in-law, watched warily, the dislike of him evident on each face. He knew that he was allowed in the door with a spirit of tolerance only because he was Alex's husband, not because anyone under that roof particularly liked him. Goren was welcomed with love and open arms while he was merely tolerated. Even Logan enjoyed the warmth of his wife's family, something he was denied. He continued to accumulate reasons to fuel his dislike for his wife's partner, an angry feeling that was rapidly turning to hatred.

"Is he here?" he demanded as if he had some right to know.

"Do you see him?" Logan growled.

Ignoring Logan, Waters continued to address his comments to his father-in-law. "If he's not here, there's no problem. Happy Thanksgiving, John."

Kevin shifted half a step toward the end of the couch and looked at his father. "Dad?"

John waved his hand in a gesture of dismissal. Reluctantly, Kevin and Logan sat back down. Eames stepped out of the hallway and moved to stand by her father. Waters stepped to her side and kissed her cheek, sliding his arm around her in a very visible gesture of possession that she did not appreciate. She was sick and tired of his possessive posturing and she stepped out from under his arm. Deliberately, she rounded the couch and sat down between Kevin and Logan. "What's the score?" she asked casually.

Neither man missed the angry tremor in her voice. "35-13, Philly," Kevin answered.

Waters glared at the back of his wife's head, angry that she'd left his side to sit by Logan. Well, he knew just how to get a rise out of her. "Where's the kid, Alex?" he demanded.

"What do you care?" Eames replied. Every man in the room knew that Waters didn't care any more about Maggie than he did about Goren.

"She's my kid. I want to say hello."

"Well, you're too late. She's asleep."

"So I'll wake her up. It's only seven o'clock."

John had not returned to his recliner, choosing to remain near the couch, just inside the doorway. This den was his favorite room in the house, a space he had worked to make his own. Paneled in rich wood with comfortable overstuffed furniture, it was masculine but cozy. The walls were adorned with pictures of his children and his very-much-beloved grandchildren. His eye caught a picture of Maggie and he bristled at Waters' demand to see her. He knew she'd left the living room, which was no surprise. She was too young to enjoy the movie her cousins were watching, and he'd seen her wander down the hall to her room, where he knew Bobby had gone to lay down. He worried about his daughter's partner. Facing Waters, he firmly stated, "You will not disturb that child. My grandchildren will not be harassed in my house; I don't care who you think you are."

"Why don't you just sit down and watch the game, Ricky?" Kevin suggested.

"Or go the hell home," Logan muttered a little more loudly than he intended.

"No one asked you, Logan."

"We're trying to watch the game, Ricky," Eames said impatiently. "So do as they say and sit down or leave. You're not going to wake Maggie and I really wish you wouldn't ruin the day for my family."

Waters was in a belligerent mood, but he wasn't totally lacking in sense. He knew he was close to the limit of his father-in-law's tolerance and he wasn't prepared to totally alienate himself from the elder man's good graces. Since he was being allowed to stay, he decided to be somewhat gracious and drop the matter of seeing Maggie. It wasn't that he wanted to see her; he didn't even like the little brat. It was more that his wife didn't want him to see her. That counted for more than anything else. She was always hiding things from him, and he was going to put a stop to it.

"I want to talk to you, Alex," he demanded.

She waited for a moment before getting up from the couch and following Ricky into the kitchen. "What is it?" she asked.

"Let's go home."

"What?"

"You heard me. Come on. Just you and me."

She paused, taking time to gather herself and to fight down her anger at his lack of consideration for her father. "I am not ready to leave," she said, her voice tense. "You can go on home and I will be there later, after I spend time with my family and help my father to clean up."

"_I_ am your family," he growled angrily.

"We _could_ be a family, Ricky, but you don't want our child around. I've told you before: Don't make me choose because you won't be happy with my decision. Go on and go home. I'll be there later."

She turned and walked away. He made a move to grab her, but changed his mind at the last moment and withdrew. Without saying another word to anyone, including John, he left the house. His tires squealed on the asphalt as he pulled away from the house.

Eames returned to the den and sat back down between her favorite brother and her partner's best friend. Kevin slipped his arm around her shoulders and Logan grasped her hand and squeezed. She was grateful to them both for not saying anything.

John had returned to his recliner once Waters left and now he studied his favorite child. His heart broke for her, trapped in a difficult marriage for the safety of the child she adored, forever to be separated, it seemed, from the man she truly loved. He wished he could do something, anything, to help her, but no one could bring about changes in her life except her.

* * *

It was past ten by the time everyone had left for home. Only Eames remained, helping her father with the final clean-up. She finished drying the dishes and putting them away, then folded the dish towel and set it on the counter. "I should probably go," she said reluctantly. "Is it okay if Maggie stays? I'll be back first thing in the morning."

"It's always okay for Maggie to stay, honey. She's in with Bobby. She'll be fine."

"So you don't mind Bobby staying?"

"Of course not. I would prefer it. He's been home from the hospital for what? Two days? He shouldn't be home alone."

"Mike was with him Tuesday and yesterday."

"Then Mike can have a break. Bobby can stay here. I'll keep an eye on him."

She smiled and walked out of the kitchen, down the hall to the bedroom where her partner slept. She slipped quietly into the room and turned on the light as she had three hours earlier. This time, he stirred. Turning just enough to look up at her, he opened his eyes. He professed to be well; he wanted to be well. But she could see in his eyes that he wasn't well. Leaning down, she placed a kiss on his temple. "I'm going home, but I'll be back in the morning. Are you okay with Maggie?"

"I'm always okay with Maggie," he answered with a sleepy smile.

She returned his smile and gently fingered his curls before laying her hand on Maggie's chubby little one, still buried in his hair. "Sweet dreams," she whispered to them both, letting her fingers hesitate for just a moment on his cheek.

"Good night, Eames," he said softly.

"Let Dad know if you need anything. Good night, Bobby."

Turning off the light, she listened to his movements as she walked to the door. He settled himself and then was still. She closed the door and walked into the living room where her father waited. Stepping into a warm hug, she kissed his cheek. "Thanks, Dad."

"Promise you'll call if Ricky steps out of line."

"I'll be fine."

"Promise..."

She smiled. "Okay. I promise. I'll see you in the morning."

"Drive safe."

He watched sadly as she gathered her purse, keys and jacket. Stopping at the door, she waved and then she was gone.


	34. Checkmate

As soon as Ricky left for work the next morning, Eames returned to her father's house. John was already up, reading the paper at the table by the back door. She came into the house, hung up her coat and walked to him. Leaning over to kiss him, she asked, "Where's the baby?"

"Still sleeping."

"Really? Is she okay? She's usually up with the sun."

"She was fine when I checked on her fifteen minutes ago, and she gets up with the sun when she's looking for Bobby. When he's nearby, she's in no hurry to go far."

Eames squeezed her father's shoulder and went to the bedroom to check on her daughter and her partner.

Quietly, she opened the door, peeking into the room. Bobby lay on his stomach, sleeping soundly. From behind him, a little head popped up, curls sticking out in every direction. Maggie smiled at her, then placed a finger to her mouth and whispered, "Shh, Mama. Ba s'eeping."

"I see that. And what are you doing?"

A confused look crossed her round little face. "Maddie wif Ba," she answered in a tone that told her mother she should know that.

Eames laughed quietly. "Why don't you come and have some breakfast with Grandpa and me?"

After giving it some thought, Maggie finally conceded. "'Tay, Mama."

Eames approached the bed and lifted the baby over Goren. "Bobby still needs to rest."

"Ba still dots owie?"

"Yes, he does. He'll come out when he wakes up."

"'Tay, Mama," the little girl repeated, resting her chin on her mother's shoulder so she could watch her beloved Ba. She waved a little hand. "Mama, Ba," she whispered.

Eames hugged her as she carried her from the room, and she whispered, "I know, honey. I'm not allowed to worry about him, but I do."

* * *

Goren emerged from the bedroom later in the morning. He moved stiffly, obviously uncomfortable. John got up as soon as he saw him, retrieving a cup of coffee for him as Maggie slid off the couch and ran to him. "Mo'nin', Ba!"

Goren smiled. "Good morning, baby," he replied as he sat down and helped her climb up into his lap.

John set the coffee in front of him. "See if this doesn't perk you up, my boy."

"Thank you, Mr. Eames."

"Are you hungry?" Eames asked. "I can fix you whatever you want."

Goren's stomach clenched at the thought of food. "Uh, n-no. Thank you, but I'm not hungry."

"How do you feel?"

He curled his hands around his coffee cup, securing Maggie comfortably in his lap. "I still feel...I don't know...off. I don't like it."

"It's going to take time for you to recover, Bobby. I know you're impatient, but there's no way to hurry your recovery."

He scowled and looked into his coffee. He knew she was right, but he didn't want to hear it. He just wanted to be better, to be back on the job and to stop hurting. Well, two out of three wasn't too much to hope for because he didn't think the pain was ever going to go away.

* * *

Logan sat on the floor, studying the chess board on the coffee table. Seated on the couch across from him, Goren studied his friend rather than the chess board. He was already three moves ahead of Logan. Without looking up from the board, Logan raised a finger and said, "Quit staring at me, man. You should know by now that shit doesn't work on me." Goren laughed as Logan moved his bishop. "Your move."

Goren glanced at the chess board, quickly assessing Logan's move and moving his rook. His mind was getting sharper as his body continued to heal. He was feeling better and his pain was fading with each passing day. He expected to be cleared for work soon, which was good because he was bored and restless.

Logan got to his feet when someone knocked at the door. He waggled a finger at his friend. "Don't touch the board until I get back."

Goren laughed. "On my worst day, I don't have to cheat to beat you at chess, Mike."

Logan snorted but it was true. Still, he enjoyed playing chess with Goren because they had fun. A few beers and chess became even more entertaining for them both. He pulled the door open and smiled. "Well, look who's here."

He stepped back to let Denise into the apartment. She gave him a hug and let him take her coat. Her smile widened as she walked to the couch. Goren stood, kissed her and folded his arms around her. When he released her, she stepped back and looked at him. "You look a lot better," she said with a smile. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to come by this week. We had a couple of audits to complete and I worked late every night."

"Was Major Case one of them?"

"Not this week." She looked down at the chess board. "Who's winning?"

Goren sat down and gently pulled her down beside him as Logan dropped onto the floor across from them. Goren lightly kissed her temple. "No one wins until someone gets checkmate."

"Don't let him fool you," Logan said. "I have yet to get a checkmate on him."

"You're getting better," Goren insisted. "I don't beat you in half a dozen moves any more."

"Only because you don't want me to get frustrated and quit playing."

"You are getting better, Mike."

Logan waved a hand and said, "It's your move, Einstein."

Goren grinned at him before turning his attention to the chess board. With a smile, Denise rested her head against his shoulder and slipped her hand under his shirt to lightly stroke his back. He closed his eyes for a moment. Although the doctors had cleared him to resume most activities, he hadn't resumed his bedroom activities yet. Denise had been out of town and busy with work, and he didn't feel up to trolling the bars for a string of one night stands. So he'd waited, not realizing how much he'd missed her until now.

Opening his eyes, he moved his bishop, which Logan captured in his next move. Denise slowly unbuttoned his shirt, running her fingers over his chest which completely distracted his mind from the game. He didn't ask her to stop.

She had remained celibate as long as he had, and she found herself eager to be with him. Leaning up, she kissed his ear, gently nipping his earlobe. He knocked over his rook. Across from him, Logan watched them, amused by the mistakes Goren was making on the playing field. "Can you come over more often when we play chess?" he asked.

Goren tried to regroup but ultimately, Logan was able to claim his first victory. When Logan declared checkmate, Goren toppled his king and turned to the woman beside him. Logan went into the kitchen for a victory beer and returned to an empty living room. He heard the bedroom door close and he smiled, raising his beer in salute. "Here's to you, buddy," he said. "Welcome back."

* * *

Christmas was only a few days away and Logan was helping Goren wrap Christmas gifts. After a couple of beers, the task became less of a chore for the men and they began enjoying the evening. The more beers they downed, the more the gifts Logan wrapped looked like something with which Maggie had helped. Goren, on the other hand, took twice as much time as he sought to make certain each gift was perfect.

When they finally finished, all the gifts were placed beneath the small tree Eames had put up on an end table near the television. Goren was not inclined to decorate for Christmas at all, so Eames had gotten him a little tree. He'd allowed her to put it up only because she insisted it was for Maggie. She didn't want to bring Maggie over to find his place devoid of anything Christmasy. He would do anything for Maggie, and he didn't want to fight with his partner any more, so he'd allowed the tree.

Goren had also respectfully declined John's invitation for him to join the family again on Christmas Eve, as he had the year before. John made certain Goren knew that, as his daughter's partner, he was considered part of the family. Goren expressed his gratitude, but still declined the invitation. Eames tried to gently pressure him to accept the Christmas Eve invitation, but when he began to get upset, then angry, she eased off. Although she very much wanted him to join them, she ultimately respected his decision to decline. When Ricky told her he had Christmas Eve and Christmas off, since he'd worked on Thanksgiving and Black Friday, she stopped mentioning it to Goren at all. If he wanted to join them, he was welcome and he knew it, but she couldn't deny that his presence would complicate things with Ricky there as well.

Denise had gone out of town again to spend the holidays with her parents and her brother. She'd invited him to join her, but he'd declined. He was no more inclined to spend Christmas with her family than he was to spend it with Eames and her family. Christmas was a time for family, and he would spend part of the day with his mother, but he'd made up his mind that the holiday was far more difficult for him when he spent it with an intact family than it was if he spent it alone. Alone, it was much easier for him to delude himself into believing it was just another day, which, for him, it was.

* * *

Christmas morning, Goren made the drive out to Carmel Ridge, where he gave his mother the gifts he'd gotten for her, three books and a nice sweater. She was kind enough to point out that Frank would have known to get the sweater in yellow, her favorite color, instead of green, which had always been her favorite color—until that morning. He let the criticism slide, as he always did, and he stayed for lunch. After lunch, she took a nap and he left. All in all, it was a good visit. She was lucid and remained so for the duration of his visit. He couldn't ask for a better Christmas present.

Snow had been lightly falling during his drive to Carmel Ridge, and by the time he left, it was snowing heavily. A driving wind had joined the heavy snowfall, making the drive home hazardous. By the time he made it home, he was tense and uptight. Instead of going inside to face a lonely afternoon in an empty apartment, he went for a walk. The walk did nothing to settle him or to ease his growing depression, so he stopped in at the bar two blocks from his building, and he stayed there for the rest of the afternoon.


	35. Backfire

The sun had set when Logan entered the pub. Relief loosened the knot in his stomach when he saw his friend at the end of the bar. He approached and slid onto the empty bar stool beside Goren. "Merry Christmas," he said, waving off the bartender when he approached.

Goren's only response was a soft grunt. Logan laid his hand on Goren's shoulder. "Come on, buddy. It's not doing you any good to sit here alone. Why not spend what's left of the day with someone who cares about you?"

"I'm okay here," Goren insisted. "It's warm and...comfortable."

"Yeah? So's your apartment when you turn the heat on."

"Mike..."

"Humor me, okay? Please."

Goren looked into his glass, which was still full. After a moment, he downed the scotch, dropped a few bills on the bar and accompanied Logan out of the pub. In silence, they shuffled through the snow that had accumulated on the sidewalk as the large flakes continued to fall heavily from the sky. A strong wind was just starting to blow out of the north. It was going to be a wicked storm.

They entered the apartment building and stomped the snow from their shoes, choosing to take the stairs instead of the elevator. When the weather was anything but clear, Goren tended to avoid the elevator. His claustrophobia made him reluctant to take a chance on the power failing in the old building while he was in the elevator.

Goren pulled out his keys and opened the door, letting them into the cool apartment. With a shiver, Logan switched on a light and turned the heat up a little. Goren hung up his coat and disappeared into the kitchen, returning with two beers. He handed one to Logan.

Logan took it and said, "Eames came by this evening."

Agitated, Goren rubbed the back of his neck. "I thought she wasn't going to stop by unannounced any more."

"She stopped by to see how you were doing because you weren't answering your phone."

Sitting heavily on the couch, Goren scrubbed his face with both hands. "She really needs to stop surprising me."

"Complaining?"

"No...yes...I don't know. I just...it's her way of...trying to control me, to get me to stop...living my life. Besides, I hate surprises."

Logan was quiet for a moment. "Bobby, she's not trying to control you, and she doesn't want you to stop living. She wants you to stop self-destructing."

Goren opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it silently. He clamped his hand to the back of his neck and looked at the floor. Logan sat beside him and rested his elbow on his knee, studying Goren carefully. "Bobby," he said softly. "She worries about you, and I can't blame her. Forget that she's married. That has absolutely nothing to do with any of this. You have been her partner for years and she's very close to you. Like it or not, she loves you. You can't make her stop loving you or stop caring or stop worrying...and you shouldn't try. Just accept how she feels and move on. It doesn't mean she's going to step away from her vows, you know."

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Goren said, "She would, Mike. If I let her, she would."

Logan had Goren exactly where he wanted him to be: at that rare place where he'd had enough to drink to loosen his tongue without having so much that he quit thinking. He would be receptive to this conversation. Logan had been waiting for this opening for a long time and he jumped on it. "So what's stopping you?"

With a frown, Goren looked at him. "What?"

"You heard me. What's stopping you? Tell me you don't love her."

"She's _married_. That's what's stopping me. How I feel has nothing to do with it."

Logan knew he had to tread carefully or Goren would shut down on him. "Having moral standards is a good thing, buddy, but sometimes, it's not practical to be inflexible. Sometimes, you have to bend the rules. Sometimes you have to break them. There's no such thing as an absolute. All you're doing is making both of you miserable."

"You see how Waters is and I haven't done a damn thing. If I crossed that line..."

"What would change? Waters already thinks you're sleeping with her. If you actually did, then at least you'd deserve the shit he dishes out. Right now, you're getting punished for nothing. If he's gonna go after you whether you're guilty or not, why not do something to at least deserve the blood you shed?"

He had to admit, Logan had a point, and he hesitated, giving it some thought. Waters didn't deserve her fidelity. He already didn't trust her, and if she couldn't earn his trust... He shook his head slowly. "She's better than that."

"Bullshit. She's not perfect. No one is. But she _is_ miserable, and she doesn't have to be. Neither do you. If she feels she needs to stay with him, fine, but she has alternatives. She wants you; you want her. Waters already thinks you're getting her. So give him the satisfaction of being right and give her the satisfaction of loving the man she wants to be with."

Goren seemed to waver, but then he shook his head. "I can't."

Logan looked at the coffee table and scratched his temple. "So where does this moral high road get you? Neither of you is happy, and you can change that. Who's it gonna hurt, Bobby? And if you say Waters—so what? He doesn't deserve, well, anything."

"I'm not doing it for him. I'm doing it for her."

"Really? Does she have a say in it? Because I really don't see her as the type to thrive on misery and torment. Unless you're punishing her for marrying him..."

"No! I'm not. I would never..."

Logan rested his hand on Goren's leg. "Okay, calm down. I didn't think you were."

"So why did you say it?"

"To see your reaction. To make you think about what you're doing and why you're doing it because I sure don't understand it."

"And there's no way I can make you understand."

"I think that if she pushed it, and I mean really pushed it, you would cave. And it would be in spectacular fashion. You never do anything by halves."

Goren knew that Logan was right, but he also trusted his partner. "She won't."

"Won't what?"

"Push it. She won't push it. She knows better."

"Oh? She knows better about what?"

"She knows that if she pushed it, even if I caved, it would damage our relationship. She...respects my position."

"Bull."

"What?"

Logan finally decided it was time to play hard ball, to try to convince Goren that he was being a fool. "Close your eyes."

Goren looked at him with suspicion. "Why? What are you going to do?"

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm not going to _do_ anything. I just want you to listen to me. Listen and let your thoughts go where they're gonna go. Don't try to direct them."

Goren still looked suspicious. Logan smacked his arm. "C'mon. Humor me."

After another minute, Goren reluctantly closed his eyes. Logan shifted closer and spoke softly. "Suppose the power went out. Tell me what you would do."

Goren frowned. "I'd get a flashlight."

"How about candles? You got candles?"

"In the kitchen, I think. What's wrong with the flashlight?"

_Think fast..._ "Warm. Candles are warm. Remember, the heat goes out with the power."

"Okay, fine. Candles. Then we won't freeze."

"Who's we?"

Goren opened an eye and looked at him. "You and me, stupid."

Logan laughed. "Right. Okay...but suppose someone came to the door?"

"The elevator would be out."

"And? You and I hoof it up the stairs every time it rains, or snows, or fogs over..."

Goren closed his eyes again. "Okay. There's someone at the door."

"When you open the door, Eames is there. What do you do?"

Goren looked confused. "Before or after I ask her why she's there?"

"After. She says she needs to talk."

Goren hesitated, not quite sure of his answer. Logan nudged him. "Don't think about it. Just tell me what you'd do."

More hesitation. "Come on," Logan urged. "Do you let her in or not?"

"Uh, I...I...yeah, okay, I let her in."

"She comes in and sits on the couch, and she asks you to sit beside her."

He hesitated again. "I...I guess I sit beside her."

"Don't guess. What do you do?"

Goren huffed impatiently. "Fine. I sit down."

Reaching out, Logan laid his hand on Goren's arm. He spoke, his voice soft and low. "Before she says a word, she reaches out and touches your arm."

Logan saw the reaction in his friend before Goren said anything. "What was that?" Logan demanded. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"Mike..."

"Come on. It's just me. This stays right here. Tell me what's in your head."

Goren shook his head fiercely and got up. "That wasn't fair," he growled, waving his hand at Logan. "You had no business doing that!"

"It's there, man! Deny it all you want, but it's _there_. You feel it every time she's close. You want her so bad _I_ can feel it."

The anguish on Goren's face was painful. Logan was right, but there was nothing that could be done. Only Eames could change the way things were and she obviously had no intention of doing that. "Let it go, Mike. Just...let it go."

He walked away, stopping on the other side of the room. Turning, he looked at Logan, his expression a mixture of anger, regret and heat. "And if you ever do that to me again, I'll knock the crap out of you. Do you understand?"

Logan nodded. "Sorry, man."

Goren turned and went to his room. Logan leaned back on the couch and sighed. Well, that hadn't gone well. He knew at the start he was risking Goren's anger by doing what he did, but he was just trying to help. He hoped that by making Goren realize the true extent of his desire for Eames, he might help him to realize that her marriage was not a sacred pact. It was a tragic mistake.

The only thing left to him was to point out to Goren that he'd already slept with her once, but no good would come of that because the guy simply didn't remember it. There really wasn't anything more he could do to help them. Like it or not, the ball was in their court...deflated and useless.

Frustrated, he grabbed the remote and flicked on the television. No sense trying to make his way home in the snowstorm that now raged across the city beyond the now-warm and dry apartment. He made himself comfortable and looked for a movie to watch.


	36. Rescue

Goren dropped onto his bed and folded his arms beneath his head, staring at the ceiling. Beyond the apartment, he heard the wind howling. It had turned into a wicked storm. More than a foot of snow had already fallen and the wind created deep drifts. It was a good night to stay in by a warm fire with a bottle of wine and a soft body. He chased away the longing created by the images his mind concocted, somewhat relieved that Denise was the woman his mind chose to place in front of the cozy fire it imagined. After the discussion he'd just had with Logan, however, his imagination did nothing to improve his mood. He was lonely and angry and horny and out of sorts on many levels. His visit to his mother hadn't helped his mood and Logan had made it worse, too. Why hadn't he just left him in the bar to cope with Christmas in his own way?

He felt a vibration in his pocket and pulled out his phone. He'd forgotten that he'd silenced the ringer when he was at Carmel Ridge. He'd almost turned it off, but he hoped Eames would call to let him talk to Maggie. He hadn't heard from her at all, and he wasn't sure how much that contributed to his overall bad mood.

Intending to ignore the call, he glanced at the caller ID. _John Eames_. Why would John Eames be calling him? He answered the call. "Hello."

"Bobby, this is John Eames. I'm sorry to bother you, but may I please speak with Alex? She didn't answer her phone."

"Alex isn't here, Mr. Eames."

"She's not? She told me she was going to see you when she left this morning. I assumed she decided to stay because of the storm."

"I, uh, I haven't been home all day, sir. Maybe she went somewhere else? Could she be at Reggie's?"

"I was just talking to Reggie. She's not there. Do you know where else she might have gone?"

"I can make some calls. I'm sure she's fine."

"I'm sure you're right, son. I'm sorry I disrupted your Christmas..."

"You didn't disrupt anything, Mr. Eames."

Reassured, John laughed softly. "That baby wouldn't give her a moment's peace until she agreed to take her to see you."

"Maggie was with her?"

"Yes. It had only just started to snow when they left. This storm got bad quickly."

"It sure did. I, uh, I'll call you back when I find her."

He ended the call. Where would she have gone with the baby? Why wouldn't she have come back and stayed at his apartment when the weather got so bad? She knew Denise was out of town. There was no risk of interrupting another date. Or maybe that was exactly what she was afraid of doing—interrupting a date with someone she didn't know, especially with Maggie there. She had no idea what he did with his downtime these days, and if he wasn't home, she wasn't likely to take a chance of being there if he brought home someone else. But where else would she have gone?

He tried her phone, but it went directly to voice mail. He called Barek, the only other person in town she would have gone to see with Maggie. She had been there earlier, but she decided to leave when the storm began to worsen, about six hours earlier. Finally, against his better judgment, he called Waters, hoping she'd just gone home.

"Alex isn't here," Waters snapped after Goren asked to speak to his partner. "She said she was going to her father's."

"Thanks. I'll call there."

He really was not in the mood to get into it with Waters, and he ended the call. Sitting up on the edge of the bed, he studied his phone, turning it over and over in his hands. Unable to quell the feeling of dread that had cropped up in his gut, he got up and went out into the living room.

Logan watched him from the couch as he grabbed his coat. "Where the hell do you think you're going in this storm?" he asked.

"Eames didn't make it home."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure, Mike. I just talked to her dad. She's not at home or with her sister and she isn't at Barek's. Her phone goes right to voice mail."

"So what do you think you're going to do?"

"I'm going to look for her. Her father will call me if she shows up."

"Bobby..."

"Call me if you hear from her."

"Whoa, hold on a minute. You don't need to be going out alone in this storm. I'll go with you."

"You don't have to..."

Logan got up and grabbed his jacket. "Yeah, I know. Let's go."

Goren felt a little better having Logan with him. He had more healing to do and he knew it. He might very well need his friend, but that was nothing new.

* * *

They almost missed it. The rear lights of the vehicle were barely glowing and almost completely hidden by the snow. "Stop!" Goren demanded, opening the door and jumping out before Logan brought the car to a complete stop.

The Honda had skidded off the road into a ditch and was mostly covered by deep snow that had drifted over it. The driving wind dropped the ambient temperature into the negative temperature range. Neither man was dressed for the bitter cold.

Goren slid recklessly into the ditch, disappearing under the snow. More prudent, Logan stopped at the edge of the road and tried to get a bearing on the vehicle. The car had gone off the road a dozen feet before the guardrail began, its tracks long since erased. He was amazed that Goren had even seen it through the storm that raged about them. Unable to figure out another way to get to the car, he followed Goren's lead and slid down the embankment into the deep ditch, hoping like hell that there wasn't a stream at the bottom of the ditch. He'd really be unhappy if he ended up with wet feet and pants on top of everything else.

Coming up beside his friend, he helped him tunnel through the snow to uncover the driver's door. Together, they wrenched it open. Maggie was cradled in her mother's arms, covered with a couple of blankets and wrapped in her mother's warm coat. She looked up when the door opened, frowning at the cold. Her expression changed dramatically when she saw the two men out in the snow. "Ba! Mick!"

Goren held his arms out to her and she scrambled into them with a happy laugh. He hugged her tightly before passing her over to Logan. "Can you get back up to the car?" he asked.

"Nice time to think about that," Logan replied as he turned and looked up the embankment. "I'll let you know. Hold on, Maggie, honey. Hold on tight."

"'Kay, Mick!"

Goren returned his attention to Eames, who groaned and moved in response to the biting cold. Goren touched her cheek with his cold hand and she protested, opening her eyes. She looked at him with a frown. "Wh-what are y-you d-d-doing here?" she asked, shivering violently.

"I've come to take you home," he answered.

"N-No," she replied. "D-Don't w-w-ant to g-go home."

"Would you go home with me?" he asked gently, pulling off his coat to wrap it around her.

She slid her arms around his neck as he gently moved his hands over her, quickly checking for any serious injury. She had a laceration on her forehead that had bled quite a bit, but he couldn't find any other injury and she didn't cry out in pain when he pressed on her ribs or her hips. "Y-yes," she whispered when his ear was close to her mouth.

His body trembled, and he told himself it was from the cold. "I'm going to take you out of the car," he said as he unbuckled her seatbelt. "Let me know if anything hurts."

She tightened her arms around him and buried her face in his neck. She was still shivering, but his skin was warm against hers and she was happy to see him. Lifting her out of the car, he was assaulted by the cold as he turned toward the embankment. Slowly, he climbed up to the roadway, slipping and sliding as he went. As he got closer to the top, Logan reached down and grabbed his shirt in a fist, helping him the rest of the way up to the road. Once clear of the protection the ditch had offered, they were buffeted by the strengthening wind and bitter cold. Without turning him loose, Logan guided Goren to the car, lending his support when the bigger man faltered.

They got Eames into the car and Goren climbed in beside her. Logan yanked off his coat, pressed it into the car with Goren and closed the door. He hurried around to the driver's side and slammed the door shut, shivering and rubbing his hands together. The heater was already blasting on high, but it took a few minutes to warm him up.

He turned on the dome light and looked into the back seat. Maggie smiled at him from her car seat. "Go home, Mick?"

"Do you want to go home?" he asked her.

She shook her head. "Wanna go wif Ba," she declared. "Peez?"

"You want to go to Bobby's home?"

She nodded, giggling happily. Logan looked at Goren. "Well?"

"Well what? Get going. Go wherever's closest."

"We're about midway between your place and John's, but I know how the roads are heading back to Brooklyn. I'm not sure I trust the roads out this way."

"Then take us back to my place."

"Hold on to your hats. It's gonna be a hairy ride."

"Just drive, Logan."

Logan attributed the tremor he heard in Goren's voice to the cold. Turning off the dome light, he carefully made a u-turn in the middle of the road and headed back toward Brooklyn. Eames was a very good driver, and if the storm had forced her off the road, he knew he had to be extra cautious.

Goren ran his shaking hands over his partner's arms, hoping to warm her. Still shivering, she moved closer to him. He pulled his coat more snugly around her, wrapped her in Logan's coat as well and held her against him. He rubbed his aching chest. Breathing in the bitterly cold air hadn't done him any good and the pain didn't subside. Eames buried her face in the crook of his neck, pressing her cold nose and cheeks against him. Her hands slid under his shirt and he gasped when her cold hands hit his warm skin.

"You okay?" Logan asked when he heard the gasp.

"Just drive," Goren growled back.

In his arms, Eames began to shiver less as she drew warmth from his body into hers and retained it inside the two warm, down jackets in which she was wrapped. Her fingers twitched against his side and she snuggled closer to him. Her lips brushed over the pulse point at his throat. His breathing hitched and he moved his head against hers. "Eames," he whispered softly, intending to coax her into not moving quite so much.

She turned her face up toward his, breathing through slightly parted lips. "Bobby," she said on a breath.

He could barely make out her face in the light reflected by the swirling snow, but his mouth instinctively knew exactly where hers was. She reveled in the warmth he breathed into her, sliding her fingers, no longer half-frozen, along his side to his back and up toward his shoulders. He didn't notice the draft of cold air that assaulted his back as his shirt rode up along her arms until she withdrew, breaking their intimate contact. She wasn't shivering nearly as much, and she yawned, resting her head against his chest.

Leaning back in the seat, he pulled her closer, snugging the jackets around her, and tried to control his own shivering. She'd sapped a lot of warmth from him, and he was slow to recover. She had also rerouted some of his blood away from his core, and he struggled with that as well. It was a long, slow drive home.

* * *

By the time he pulled into the still-open spot he'd left hours earlier, Logan was exhausted. Battling the winds and the icy road conditions had taken a lot out of him. With reluctance, he got out of the warm car to brave the cold storm outside. Opening the back door, he leaned in. "Let me carry Alex into the building. You get little Miss Maggie."

Without arguing, Goren slid out of the car, letting Logan pull Eames out and lift her in his arms. She slid her arms around his neck and let her head drop against his shoulder. Goren closed the door and walked to the other side of the car so he could get Maggie out of her seat. The sleeping baby buried her face in the crook of his neck, hiding it from the cold and the wind.

Once in the apartment, Logan laid Eames on the couch while Goren changed Maggie into a clean diaper and a blanket sleeper. He settled her into her crib and tucked a warm blanket around her. He turned the thermostat up and closed the window.

While Goren was tending to the baby, Logan had retrieved the first aid supplies from the bathroom along with a warm, wet washcloth. He unwrapped her from the two jackets and the blankets and proceeded to clean her face and her wound. Mostly out of it, she didn't protest.

When Goren sat beside him on the coffee table, Logan looked at him. "You okay?" he asked.

"Fine," he answered, lowering himself to his knees beside the couch.

Logan withdrew, watching as Goren gently eased off her blood-covered turtleneck, replacing it with one of his most comfortable sweatshirts. Draping a blanket over her legs, he pulled off her boots and eased off her pants while Logan continued to clean her face. Goren sat on the end of the couch and gathered her feet into his lap. They were ice cold, and he took them in his hands to warm them.

She softly groaned and shifted her hips, moving her head from side to side. He gently rubbed her feet and she settled down. Logan applied a couple of butterfly closures to her wound and bandaged it. "There," he said when he was done.

With a tender touch, Goren examined her for injury, relieved when he didn't find anything more than a few bruises. "She must have hit her head on the steering wheel when the car hit the bottom of the ditch," Goren said. "She has bruises across her hips and her shoulder from the seat belt, but that's about the extent of her injuries. She doesn't seem to be hurting badly."

"What about Maggie?"

"Not a mark on her."

Logan put away the first aid supplies and stowed them under the bathroom sink where they belonged. Returning to the living room, he said, "So...is she staying there for the night?"

Goren shook his head. "I'll put her in my bed."

"Maybe I should carry her," Logan offered.

Goren hesitated, then nodded. Logan frowned. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You haven't done anything even close to this strenuous since the shooting, and you look pretty pale."

"I just need some sleep."

"Okay, but if I think there's something really wrong with either of you, I'm gonna call an ambulance. There's no way in hell I'm going back out in that storm."

He leaned over and gathered Eames into his arms, lifting her from the couch. He carried her into the bedroom and waited while Goren turned back the sheet and blankets. Laying her in the bed, Logan straightened, clapped his hand on Goren's shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze. "Let me know if you need anything."

"Thanks, Mike. I...I needed you tonight."

"I know. Good night."

Goren pulled the covers over her and retrieved another, heavier blanket that he tucked around her. He sat on the edge of the bed and watched her sleep, gently brushing her hair back from her face. If he and Logan hadn't gone out looking for her, she would have frozen to death in her car and so would Maggie. He stroked her face lightly, studying her features. She made a soft sighing sound and moved toward him in her sleep.

He rubbed his chest, annoyed by the dull ache that had settled there. After awhile, he walked around the bed and laid down beside her, on top of the blankets. Turning onto his side, he lightly scratched his healing wound and watched her sleep until he drifted off himself.

* * *

Eames turned over in her sleep, pulling the blankets with her as she snuggled into the body that lay beside her in the bed. The strong arms that encircled her tightened around her and she sighed softly as she rested her head against a broad chest. Drawing in a deep breath, she slowly woke. The arms that held her close were not her husband's arms. The scent of him was familiar...she closed her eyes and relished the warmth of being in his arms. She felt weary, in body and in soul, and, nestling deeper into his embrace, she went back to sleep.


	37. A Quiet Morning

Goren stirred in his sleep, drawing his arms more snugly around the warm, responsive body beside him. She nestled against him, her hand lightly stroking his side as she moved. He made a quiet noise deep in his chest and settled back into a comfortable sleep.

* * *

He drifted slowly out of a deep sleep. He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept so well without the help of medication or alcohol. In his arms, Eames shifted, snuggling against him, and his body reacted to hers. He softly groaned. Somehow, during the night, he'd found his way beneath the blankets, though he'd kept his clothes on, for which he was grateful. He was covered with a thin sheen of sweat—he never slept under so many blankets or with his window closed—but she was warm now and she slept comfortably, and that was more important than his comfort. He moved his hand, holding it about six inches from her left breast. All he had to do was move his hand just six inches and bring his mouth into contact with her neck, her ear, her mouth. She would respond. He knew she would. But he couldn't do it. He'd never be able to live with himself if he interfered in any way with her marriage, such that it was. The choice was hers to remain with Waters and he had to respect her decision. He also had to hold her to it. She was with Waters or she was with him; she couldn't have it both ways. His hand trembled as he struggled with himself, until he heard a soft noise elsewhere in the room. "Ba," she whispered.

He moved his hand away from her chest as Maggie whispered his name again. Saved, once again, by the baby girl he adored. He slid out of the bed and crossed the room to Maggie's crib. "Good morning, angel," he said as he lifted her from the crib. "Let's get you some breakfast."

"'Kay, Ba," she said happily as she threw her chubby little arms around his neck and squeezed.

He nuzzled her neck and she giggled. Her baby laughter drove out some of his unsettled restlessness and he relaxed a little. He set her on the floor and followed her from the room.

* * *

The last thing Eames remembered was bone-numbing cold...and Maggie...wrapping the baby in all the blankets she had in the car and then in her coat. The baby snuggled in her arms, seemingly comfortable, all bundled up. But Eames was cold, so very cold...

She woke slowly, surprised to find herself in a warm, comfortable bed, surrounded by the scent of masculine soap and aftershave, the same scent Goren usually wore. Her mind was still foggy. Someone must have found them. She shifted under the weight of the blankets over her and looked around the room. It was fairly spartan. A bed, a dresser, and a night stand, a baby crib, a rocking chair and a reading lamp comprised the furnishings of the room. There were no pictures on the walls except a print of Disney characters on the wall above the crib, much like the one her partner had...wait, it was _just_ like the one he had over Maggie's crib. She sat up and looked around the room. _Goren..._

She got out of the bed and looked down at her body. Someone had changed her clothes and she was dressed in a warm, soft sweatshirt several sizes too big for her. Barefoot, she padded out of the bedroom. She heard masculine voices and quiet laughter, punctuated by the familiar sound of Maggie's voice and giggles. She smiled. She knew this apartment. She was in her partner's home.

The two men were seated on the floor by the coffee table with Maggie. A neat stack of used wrapping paper sat on the floor to Goren's left and they were doing something at the table. Maggie saw her first. "Mama!" she squealed, scrambling out of Goren's lap and running to her.

She lifted Maggie in a hug and carried her back to the two men. Goren started to get up, still moving slowly which reminded her of his physical state. "Don't get up," she insisted as she handed Maggie back to him. She lowered herself to the floor beside him. "What are you doing?"

"Folding paper," Goren answered. "How do you feel?"

"Okay," she replied, picking up a colorful piece of folded wrapping paper. She smiled. "It's a bird."

"A crane, actually. Are you hungry?"

"Yes. Is this origami?"

"My attempt at it, yes. What do you want to eat?"

"Something hot. And coffee."

"I'll get it," Logan insisted, jumping up and holding his arms out for Maggie. "C'mon and help me, little sweetheart."

She reached up to him and he lifted her into his arms as she said, "'Kay, Mick."

Goren gave him an annoyed look, but he just grinned and carried Maggie into the kitchen. Eames shifted closer to Goren, reaching out to pick up another piece of folded paper. "A dog?"

"Maybe I'm better than I thought."

She smiled and set down the paper. Placing her hand on his arm, she asked, "What happened? How did we end up here?"

"First, tell me how you ended up in that ditch."

"I got run off the road. It's my guess the bastard never even stopped."

"Logan owes me fifty. I told him there was no way you ended up in that ditch without help."

"I appreciate your faith in my driving skills. Now, how did we end up here?" She picked up another paper creature. "Is this a monkey?"

"Uh huh. I'm working on a tree right now. Your dad called looking for you. He said you were coming to see me and didn't make it back there before the storm got bad."

"So you went looking for me? Suppose I'd been home?"

"I checked there first."

"How did Ricky react to that?"

"The same way he always does. I let him think I hadn't checked at your father's. He hasn't showed up here, demanding that I turn you over to him, so he either didn't bother checking or just assumed you were there."

He stood the tree, which was made from heavier paper, on the table and set the monkey beside it. Eames picked up a green and red animal. "Frog?"

He nodded. "If it was made from heavier paper, it would jump."

"When did you learn origami?"

"I started when I was a kid. As a teenager, I used to entertain my mother with it when she was in the hospital. The kids on the pediatric floor got a kick out of it, too. I've learned different things here and there over the years."

"I'm impressed."

"Maggie likes them, too." He picked up a ball of wadded paper. "This was my first trick, and I think it's my most popular."

Eames laughed. She let her hand drop down onto his leg. He looked at it and gently touched her fingers. "You came looking for us," she said without question.

"Of course I did. Uh, we. We did."

"You and Mike."

"Yes."

"You called Dad?"

"To tell him you were safe? Of course. I wouldn't want him to worry."

"Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You're still recovering from that shooting."

"I'm fine." He hadn't been fine when he'd laid down last night, but a good night's rest had done him some good. After a pause, he added, "I couldn't not go out after you, Eames, especially when I found out the baby was with you. I mean, I would have gone either way. I had to know...that you were okay."

She noticed that he kept his attention focused on her hand as he traced each finger with his index finger. She leaned closer. "I can always count on you," she said softly. "I'm glad Dad called you."

He looked up. "Do you think Ricky would have gone out looking?"

"No. He would have called Nate and sent him."

He set his jaw and scratched his ear. "Nate would have gone out. He, uh, he's a good guy. I can't figure out why he hangs out with Ricky...uh, sorry..."

"Don't apologize. Ricky can be an ass. I know that," she said, reaching out to rest her hand on his chest. She focused on feeling the beat of his heart, his wonderful, loving but damaged heart. He didn't move away. Impulsively, she leaned closer and pressed her mouth against his.

The room lost its sound when her lips touched his. He gave in to the moment and returned her kiss. They were safe where they were, with only Logan and Maggie as witnesses. He rested his hand on her side and the kiss lingered until she pulled back as Maggie came running from the kitchen.

"Hey!" Logan called after her, and she giggled. "Sorry," he apologized as the little girl stepped between the two adults, insisting upon a kiss from each of them.

She then placed a chubby little hand on Goren's cheek and the other hand on her mother's. She gently pushed them together, insisting they give each other a kiss as well. When they did, she clapped her hands and trotted back into the kitchen to collect a kiss from her Mick.

Goren looked into his partner's eyes, swallowed and got to his feet. Restless and unsettled, he trolled about the room, looking for something to do that didn't involve sitting on the floor with her. Her eyes grew moist because she knew that she was responsible for his unrest. She had committed a grave mistake. In seeking a forever love to fill her empty life, she had completely overlooked the one man who would always be there, who would always love her. She had made the wrong choice, a decision she would always regret.

He took a wrapped box from under his little tree and handed it to her. "I, uhm, I got that for you."

She watched him sit on the couch, then get up and walk around the room again before he sat in the recliner. "Would you stay still for a second?" she insisted. "I swear I'm going to get a tranquilizer gun and dart you."

He rested his arms on his knees and watched her, lightly scratching his chest through his t-shirt. "You okay?" she asked.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. It itches."

"Well, don't scratch it." She carefully unwrapped the present, adding the paper to the small stack he had obviously accumulated from the pile of toys that Maggie had unwrapped earlier. "You spoil her, you know?"

"I know."

"And you..."

She fell silent when she opened the box. Nestled within was a figurine of an angel that was the spitting image of her daughter. She took it out of the box. "Where did you...I mean...I...It's beautiful. It...It's Maggie."

"I thought so, too," he agreed. "You like it?"

"Bobby, I love it."

Logan came into the room with a cup of hot coffee, followed by Maggie, who carefully carried a plate of eggs, bacon and toast. "Here, Mama," she announced.

Eames took the plate and the coffee. "Thank you. You're a big helper, honey."

Maggie trotted over to the recliner and climbed into Goren's lap. "Bee durl," she announced as she settled happily in his lap.

He kissed her head. "Yes," he said as he hugged her. "Big girl."

She pushed on his chest until he reclined the chair, then she snuggled against him. She stuck her thumb in her mouth and buried the fingers of her other hand in his hair. Although he was unsettled, he relaxed with Maggie in his arms. He was worn out from a full morning of playing with her. He had yet to recover his energy and he struggled to keep up with her. His eyes grew heavy as he watched Logan snatch a piece of bacon from Eames' plate. She swatted at him and chastised, "Get your own."

With a laugh, Logan dropped onto the couch. He picked up a little toy bear and tossed it at her. She threw it back, challenging him to grow up. That was the last thing Goren saw before he drifted to sleep in the chair with Maggie napping on his chest.


End file.
